Musings from Brian J. Noggle
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Saturday, May 15, 2004
It's Not a Flip Flop If You Neither Flip Nor Flop Best of the Web Today pointed to a New York Post story wherein John F'n Kerry says he'll support Bush's proposal for more spending on Iraq:
"The situation in Iraq has deteriorated far beyond what the [Bush] administration anticipated. This money is urgently needed and it is completely focused on the needs of our troops," Kerry said in a statement. Book Review: The Official Darwin Awards 3 by Wendy Northcutt (2003) I got this book, in hardback, from the Quality Paperback Club for like a buck. I've been a fan of the Darwin Awards since I joined the IT industry and realized that I had an Internet browser right on my computer desktop and learned all the amusing little sites with which I could amuse myself when I needed a break from breaking the software (even when I was a mere technical writer, I was hell on code, werd). So I'm already familiar with the concept of the Darwin Award. A Darwin Award goes to people who make spectacularly poor decisions that lead to their own deaths. Not just bad decisions; having a few beers and then driving up the Pacific Coast Highway while calling your ex-girlfriend and then going off the road and into the surf, that's a bad decision, but not spectacularly bad. Spectacularly bad is drinking a couple of beers, climbing a telephone pole, and peeing onto electric wires. Macabre, no doubt, but amusing from a distance. Because the book comes from a Web site, one has to wonder what the book format brings that the Web site does not. For example, I've read F'd Companies as well as and urban legend encyclopedia that resemble printed versions of Snopes, and in many cases, the answer is not much. As it is with this volume. The book, as a value-added nod to the print medium, also contains an essay that begins each chapter. Unfortunately, the essays are rather short--600 words or less, I reckon--that lightly touches upon a topic unrelated to the chapter. These essays are light overviews of topics such as how the entries are picked, flame wars on the Web site, and transgenic animals, and they offer the depth one might find in a syndicated newspaper feature. A short one. But they're unrelated Each actual Darwin Award vignette is properly sized for a screen of text, so each is about a page or so in print. They're quick and easy to read. That's the plus for the book, but it's also what's on the Web site. So now that've said something nice about the book, I'll sum up. This volume doesn't add much to the Web site, so it's worth the money if "the money" is only a buck and/or you like to read this stuff offline or cannot type www.darwinawards.com into a Web browser. Do They Really Understand Why There Are Prices? /. links to a story on the BBC which says Microsoft might have to raise prices to pay for its exorbitant legal fees and fines. From the BBC story:
Microsoft told a California court that consumers could suffer if it has to pay the full $258m ('/£146.7m) bill. The legal costs are part of Microsoft's settlement for over-charging consumers buying its software in California. "I wouldn't have put it in if I didn't think we earned it," said Eugene Crew, the lead attorney against Microsoft. "Somebody ends up paying for this," said Microsoft attorney Robert Rosenfeld. "These large fee awards get passed on to consumers."
Information wants to be free, quoth some developers making upper five or lower six figures, who don't work for enough soup to sustain themselves and a simple pallet in the corner upon which to sleep. We Got Your Shadow Government Right Here How presumptuous that John FU Kerry is conducting United States foreign policy on behalf of the flocked-up
"There are senators and … diplomats who have had conversations with other folks that I think indicate that — given the right equation, given the right statesmanship and leadership — it is possible to have a very different level of participation," Kerry said Friday at his Washington campaign headquarters. (Link seen on Wizbang!) Friday, May 14, 2004
Pop-Up Mocker Updated A link to a story about a spyware maker whose pop-ups were previously mocked and a new pop-up reviewed. Why don't you just click this link now: Pop-Up Mocker "So-Called" Watch Day 2 Shame on the editorial staff at The Wall Street Journal:
Jonesing for a Quiz? Microsoft Encarta's got a short one that tests your abilities to fill in the blanks for proverbs. I scored 10 of 10 immediately. Perhaps it's harder for people who rely on Microsoft Encarta for any portion of their educations. Slight Amusement Visit Slightly Amusing, the Web site of Brad Simanek. He's a contributor to Top 5 stuff and is worthy of a chuckle or two. Some People See a Whale Tail; I See A Loophole Looks like Louisiana's about to extend its nanny state to picking clothes for its children by outlawing low-riding pants:
Sounds Like a Hostile Workplace To Me Hidden in the ombudsman column of the Boston Globe wherein said ombudsperson explains the chain of events that led to the Globe printing a story about a rabble-rousing city selectman or whatever anachronism those staid New Englanders have in lieu of alderpeople who pee in trashcans during a filibuster who waved around a bunch of photographs depicting American soldiers raping Iraqi women--photographs long debunked here in the blogosphere as having come from topical pornography--we find this interesting admission from the ombudsperson:
(For more information, see Media Log by Dan Kennedy for May 14, 2004.) Comic Relief It's good to remember that some absurdity remains in the world:
The Cuban leader led a sea of Cubans past the U.S. diplomatic mission here on the oceanfront Malecon Boulevard in a demonstration organized by the communist government against new U.S. measures aimed at squeezing the island's economy and pushing out Castro. The crowd chanted "Free Cuba! Fascist Bush!" Thursday, May 13, 2004
STOP THE MADNESS! "So-Called" Watch: Linda Feldmann, The Christian Science Monitor:
Major Media as Reality Television Let me see if I get the attribution straight: An Instapundit post refers to something on Roger Simon's blog which resulted, ultimately, in an essay on The American Thinker. Read that essay. The lead:
Those who pride themselves on their ability to spin chains of logical reasoning, and sometimes arrive at a counter-intuitive conclusion, instinctively recoil from the obvious lesson, especially when it validates the positions of their political opponents. For them, the battle against the hated Bush is more important than the battle against Islamicist terror. Theories which blame the West as the source of all evil take precedence over actual evil, stariung them in the face. Major news media are the same as reality television.Face it, they're not just people who point cameras and shoot stuff. They're content providers who need to sell a story. They don't just dish out facts and events. They start with a story, and then they cut the video and stage it as needed to have a narrative arc, complete with villians who are just people trying to do the best they can, but whose actions the "narrators" cast in unflattering lights and out of context--but within the narrative arc.Major news media are nothing but entertainment, folks, and the pictures they paint and the artistry they employ might be actually, you know, entertaining or compelling. If they weren't talking about something vitally important, and if they weren't trying to base it as a true story. Perhaps "Inspired by Actual Events" would better describe it. "So-Called" Watch This damn cheap verbal construction sticks in my craw and wiggles and twists. I don't care to hear this abomination spoken (and I have one friend who applies it to his conversations like barbecue sauce on over-cooked hamburgers), and I find it disreputable when professional writers use it in things for which they were paid. Current offenders:
I'm almost tempted to start a "So-Called Watch" blog, but given the underwhelming popularity of Pop-Up Mocker, I think not. Richard Roeper Scores a Twofer In his column today, Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times endears himself to the other half:
Alberta Dabrowsky, Lake Zurich The entire world should be condemning that horrific, cowardly murder. As for press coverage: the beheading of the American civilian is a huge story and was treated as such. Conservative commentators who seized on this tragedy to complain that the so-called liberal media was more interested in abused Iraqi prisoners than a murdered American civilian are either lying or stupid. Mr. Roeper can be reached for comment at rroeper@suntimes.com. Dear Mama Gena I, too, have a crush on my best friend! Should I tell her? Signed, Are You A Psychic, Too, Because Your Columnist Name Sounds Like What A Psychic Would Call Herself -Notice How I Subtly Slipped A Second Question Into My Letter For Free Why Do They Hate Us? At OpinionJournal.com, Peggy Noonan examines the terrorist threat to Newark. Her analysis:
And prevent Peggy Noonan from being cloned, ever. For her sake, and for the sake of generations of future Americans who read conservative commentators. Steve Chapman Speaks Word to Power Steve Chapman, in today's Chicago Tribune says (registration required):
You'd think Genghis Khan was riding in our direction, with his marauding hordes in tow. In fact, the would-be migrants are from Wal-Mart, whose chief crime is to become one of the most successful companies in American history. All the giant retailer is threatening to bring is a few hundred jobs and a lot of inexpensive products. But critics want the City Council to block the project. Just don't let the local government throw people out of their homes or provide tax breaks. (Originally seen on Daniel Drezner because I must be slow today getting to my Chicagoland papers.) Reminder Modern Drunkard's first annual Alcoholics Unanimous convention is this weekend in Vegas. Remember, pilots, you are our designated fliers. Not even a little tippling for you. Wednesday, May 12, 2004
The Worst Part About 13 Going on 30 The worst part of the movie 13 Going on 30, which I only attended because I love my beautiful wife very much and she's a great Jennifer Garner fan, is that they got 1987 so very wrong. For those of you who don't know, which I pray is most of you, the main character is 13 in 1987 who wishes she were 30. The plot is bang! She is 30, and it's 2004, and she doesn't remember anything between now and then. Now that we have that pesky plot out of the way, I can lay into what was really wrong. Take, for example, the three musical touchstones from the 1980s that reappear throughout the movie:
Please, spare me the constant Rick Springfield crush notes. In 1987, a girl would more likely have a crush on Jon Bon Jovi or George Michael or Prince. Even the subtleties of this faux 1987 grate. The love interest shows up in a Trans Am, with long hair over his ears. Teased long hair, okay; mullet, possible. Short, gelled spikes? That was cool in 1987. But the heartthrob wears hair about five years out of style. I wouldn't be so agitated by it if they had not specifically set it, within the first minutes of the movie, in 1987. Sure, as we get older, time periods expand so that what's hip in a particular year is not as important as whether we like the artist or not. Quick, Matchbox 20 had their first hit....Oh, sometime in the mid-to-late 1990s, wot? But when you're 13 (or 15, as I was in 1987), each individual year and the particulars of fashion are very important, and their impressed into our psyches. Which is why the authenticity of this movie really did not impress me. It's obvious that some older writers reached into the grab-bag of the i980s and came out with a couple handfuls of things they might have remembered. Hey, it's all good retro stuff, huh? Unfortunately, they risked offending, yes, offending a major set of Generation X who lived those years at that age. Or maybe just me. Brian and the Argotnots Today, friends and readers, I coin for your amusement a term in the testers' cant, a secret language spoken to confound developers. Just as developers confound us with talk of materialized views, mainClasses, and environmental PATH variables (all of which we testers know to be fictional), we testers have devised our own secret language with words and terms we can use to explain problems and then, with exaggerated patience and a healthy eye-rolling, define those terms for the silly developers who really don't know anything about testing. Today's term: a zool. Zool: a row in a database, added via an INSERT command, or rendered in the presentation layer (client application or Web interface) that is expected to contain information, but because of defective behavior of the software does not.Used in context: "There is no data, only zool." Try to use it in a sentence today. Extra credit goes to those who use it but don't actually work in IT. Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Book Review: Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck (1935) As some of you know, I've been reading Steinbeck on and off for the last couple of years (Of Mice and Men review); what I said then holds true. Steinbeck's as accessible and as easy to read as Hemingway, which means I've read a bunch of him, and the Faulkner I was supposed to read in college remains on my to-read shelves. This book deals with a group of Mexican-Americans who live in Tortilla Flat, a small, er, suburb of Monterey populated by Mexican Americans. It's set immediately after the first world war. The main characters are layabouts. It's not so much a novel as a collection of anecdotes or loosely-related stories, a la Winesburg, Ohio. Actually, considering that the pastime of the main characters is stealing or trading for gallons of wine, perhaps this book should be called Winesburg, California. But it's not. To keep with the spirit of the book, I drank much red wine while reading it. The level in my bottle went down, down, and perhaps I enjoyed the book more for it. Still, I couldn't apply too many lessons of the book to my life, since none of my neighbors have chickens I can steal, and because I like to think my life has more meaning than acquiring money for wine. I'm a Guinness man, don't you know? Still, the ultimate point of this book might be that there's more to life than laying about and drinking. However, the thin characterization and even the thin narration don't really compel the reader to make those conclusions. It's sort of like an epidode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. We were lazing about, stealing for wine, and an incident occurred. Unlike Star Trek: The Next Generation, though, you can sound a bit snooty when you say, "This reminds me of Steinbeck's Tortilla Flat...." So if you like quick reads in Great American Literature, pick it up. Especially if you can score it as part of a Steinbeck set at $1 each like I did. Werd. Book Review: The Far Side Gallery by Gary Larsen (1984) This book is 20 years old. You like the Far Side? That's yesterday's newspaper. The Far Side has been out of business for so long, most young people today--indeed, most in that coveted 18-34 demographic--won't remember it. Sort of like if you talk about Opus, or Bloom County, or Calvin and Hobbes in five years, or Dilbert in ten or fifteen (although perhaps Dilbert, like Hagar the Horrible, will remain in the funny pages longer than in the culture). So I'm ashamed that this book is now one of those cultural artifacts I'm fond of reading--especially since I remember it in its pre-artifact days. The wry, outlandish humor remains, but I wonder how much of it would fly in today's world. Particularly the gags with the mushroom clouds. Of course, in the early eighties, we had a Republican president that contemporary conventional wisdom thought was bringing humanity to the brink of its extinction. Looking back, the sepia-toned memories are less frightening since the bigger story turned out well. But I digress. Mushroom clouds? Not so funny. Office politics and corporate shenanigans? Funny and relevant, for a couple years yet. Still, the book's amusing enough in itself. One typically encounters Far Side cartoons individually, tacked on cubicle walls from Far Side calendars (or at least that's how I encounter them on my beautiful wife's cubicle wall). En masse, such as a great book like this, one encounters a greater number of cartoons of varied punchlines, which means the end result is average--wherein the cubicle wall is very selective, choosing one or two cartoons from a year's worth of cartoons reprinted from several years' worth of cartoons. Perhaps I just read this book too quickly (a single night). But I didn't spend too much on it (4 books for 4 bucks plus shipping and handling from Quality Paperback Club), so I'm pleased with it. If you're a Far Side fan, it's worth it. If you're not, it's like a collection of Andy Capp's greatest hits. Well, no, probably a bit better than that since most of us can identify with cattle on the moon better than English ruggers, but you get my point. Escalating the Level of Discourse to Violence Check out John Kerry's bravado here:
Who Are They Kidding? Important insight from WebMD Health News:
Sound familiar? It is, but this time it's the men's turn to feel insecure. So pardon me when I am skeptical when a woman psychologist from Central Florida University intones, seriously:
Now, Lift It Up Slowly Over at A Small Victory, Michele has posted another photograph that's certain to drive all the boys wild. Some of us like the tall, dark, sexy ones. Monday, May 10, 2004
Iraqi Prisoner Abuse I have not posted on this topic much, gentle readers, because the zone has been quite flooded with floor-to-ceiling coverage of the topic. It's a bad thing, but not as bad a thing as it's been made out. The coverage certainly outweighs the offense. I don't have anything to add. Read what this guy says about it. He covers it. (Link seen on Instapundit.) Are You Appositive? Pardon me while I mock the editing of the ABCNews.com piece entitled Aisles of Fraud? Faked Slip-and-Fall Accidents Cost Customers, wherein we find this gem:
Global Obesity Not America's Fault Thank goodness experts have acknowledged that global obesity is not solely the fault of the United States. However, we should be act unilaterally and institute the world-wide famine, as previously planned, to reduce the weight of people who currently are getting too much to eat. Do it for the Children! Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others Charles Schmucker, senator from a tiny little state called New York, posits more Federal tax money, contributed by people in Mississippi and Wyoming, should go to New York:
She Turned Me Into A Newt Newt Gingrich, on OpinionJournal.com, explains a double standard at work:
To be clear, a very small number of Americans did a terrible thing at Abu Ghraib. And because we live under the rule of law, and we take protecting the Constitution seriously, the accused will be investigated and, when guilty, punished. The incidents themselves are to be condemned. Some have called for Donald Rumsfeld to resign. However, he has led the process of exposing the wrongdoing and investigating the charges. Moreover, he will see to it that the accused get a fair and honest trial, in which there is a presumption of innocence until guilt is proved and the guilty are punished. That due process is something we as Americans should be proud of, and unequivocal about. In view of Mr. Rumsfeld's significant contribution to our security, this incident will be but a footnote. Explaining our anger at these misdeeds and our determination to punish the wrongdoers is appropriate. Appearing overly contrite or overly apologetic, however, will be a big mistake. Sunday, May 09, 2004
Bare and....What's the Other One? On the front page of its NewsWatch section, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch offers pro and con, emphasis on the con, of whether another casino would be good for the St. Louis area:
The 'Hard Emotions' of Conservation The St. Louis Post-Dispatch profiles the president of the St. Louis Zoo. The lead: How he fired up his wife to think about conservation:
"Farmers in Botswana are shooting cheetahs because they eat their livestock," Noel said. "It's going to take some creative solutions and some time to work through the problem." Noel has no background in biology, but she is married to St. Louis Zoo president Jeffrey Bonner. And anyone who lives in Bonner's world - whether for two decades, like Noel, or two years, like the Zoo's 1,000 employees - invariably adopts his passions. "I am a perfect example of a convert," said Noel, who practices domestic law. "These are not things I thought about before, but he knows how to get people fired up." But what's the point of the anecdote? The great Mesmero can convince people who would marry him to join him in an inchoate collection of beliefs about the circle of life as it exists outside of Disney cartoons. So what makes him different from any other professor?
"What we have failed to do is really show people the world around us. In Africa, the loggers are putting in the roads, and the hunters go in with their AK-47s and slaughter every animal they see. How daft is he?
"The environment is never the problem. It's the people that are the problem - always the people," he said.
In Bonner's case, he drives a sport utility vehicle, eats meat and wears leather shoes.
"He is always two or three steps ahead but he brings people along," Borin said. "That's important in the zoo community. We are not that large of an industry, and by nature we have to cooperate." Update: What does a mountain lion or cheetah think of a zookeeper who's not afraid to admit he wears leather? Atkins-friendly. Sorry, I couldn't help it. I am also toying with a global outreach program called "Bullets for Botswana," but that takes more effort than making jokes. |
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
"I will." Heather L. Igert, angelweave.mu.nu "Genuis." Neil Steinberg, Chicago Sun-Times "Some wanker." Kim du Toit, on the Noggle Library. "Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out." Robb Allen, Sharp as a Marble. "I'm weeping openly right now. Thanks for hurting my feelings, pinhead." Bob Rybarcyzk, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Instapundit Protein Wisdom Ace of Spades HQ Wizbang! Outside the Beltway Robert B. Parker Dustbury Damn Interesting Michelle Malkin Radley Balko's The Agitator Exultate Justi Yippie-Ky-Yay! 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