Musings from Brian J. Noggle
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Saturday, May 29, 2004
Turning the Irony to the Wool Setting Congratulations once again to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. In today's print edition, the story entitled Hosts of sports-talk shows should follow a few basics contains rule number one for radio sports talk show hosts:
Note to the unhockey-savvy, including the sports photo caption writers for the Post-Dispatch:Tony Twist was a winger, a forward, not a defenseman. IT Words to Power Over at Q and O, Dale Franks responds to a Java supremicist who calls Microsoft technologies the dark side and all klunky, user-unfriendly-but-geek-titilating technologies "goodness and light". What Dale said. Sending a Message This story in the Denver Post sends an interesting message to citizens following DOJ instructions to BOLO for terrorist suspects:
The FBI office in Denver has received "numerous" calls about the seven people believed to be associated with al-Qaeda pictured Wednesday in newspapers. Monique Kelso, spokeswoman for the Denver office, wouldn't characterize the calls as "sightings," but at least one was reported as such. Samuel Mac, manager of the Denny's in Avon, isn't happy with the response he got from the FBI when he reported that two of them ate at his restaurant Wednesday.
Swell. Thursday, May 27, 2004
Hockey Has Made Me Multi-Cultural Dudes, I don't know how to explain it. I pronounce Martin marTAN, and when I see a name like Branko Radivojevic in print, I know how it's pronounced (which might differ from how it's pronounced on the radio, werd). Of course, I'll cross the final Radivobicon into worldly when I can spell Radivojevic from hearing it pronounced. But that will be a couple years. Perhaps One Should Learn Slang Before Hiring the Band More kudos to the fools who took a perfectly good Masonicesque Veiled Prophet celebration (seriously) and made it into a family-friendly (called sometimes "public-avoided") event. The people who bring to you Fair St. Louis, which is an apt description of the city and metropolitan area itself, have rescinded their booking of main attraction Smash Mouth:
Fair St. Louis executive director Rich Meyers said that he received a call from Pete Wyatt, a former entertainment chairman for the fair and an employee of Enterprise, who said that "the performance was the most vile, profane thing he had ever seen." Meyers said, "We can't take that sort of risk that there will be that sort of behavior in front of families, especially on the evening of the Fourth."
Looks like the public/private partnership titans in charge of Fair St. Louis hired the wrong six-figure consultants to tell them what's cool. So-Called Watch In an otherwise good, Spoons-approved column for the Chicago Tribune, Steve Chapman identifies the slippery slope that gun banners are encouraging with the Assault Weapons Ban. Unfortunately, he deploys a stink bomb of clich (pronounced, yes, clitch):
Second Opinion You all know what I had to say about Robert B. Parker's Bad Business. Well, some of you do, anyway. I like to think someone reads the book reviews I post. Those of you who do can now read what Professor Bainbridge thought of the book. Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Back to the Future So I read in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel that Marquette University might return to the Warriors as its mascot:
Wayne Sanders, the vice chairman of the university's Board of Trustees, said at the end of the commencement address to Marquette graduates Sunday that he and another, unnamed trustee each would give $1 million to Marquette for the switch from Golden Eagles to Warriors. School officials declined the money Monday, but they said that in coming weeks, the board will consider formally revisiting the decade-long debate.
In the interest of saving the university some money, I would like to make my contribution to the "Name the Mascot" competition. There's no need for them to go throwing away money to a private consultant, even though I realize they just stuck us for ten percent more for just such academic emergencies. Let that much-needed cash go to making some dean's office more competitively decorated like that of other schools. Okay, the Native Americans got a little bent out of shape that the university used an image of a Native American for a while there. I know what great strain and emotional upset some of them must have gone through attending basketball games and seeing the mascot, even if it was a descendent of the original Native Americans. This great debate is not limited strictly to the campus. All over the country, groups of Native American are protesting the use of their heritage on athletic teams. I mean, I can understand. I abhor the New York Yankees. How dare they? So now the university needs a new, non-offensive mascot. Something that can be identified with the Warrior. I humbly submit the following. How about a white man dressed in skins carrying a club? Think about it, a nice barbarian figure for our sporting events. No, wait. That might be deemed too something-ist for our school if we featured a White European Male mascot like that. Besides, it is not a sort of figure easily identifiable with a Warrior. We'd hate to be mistaken for the Marquette Neanderthals. Okay, idea two. A nice knight figure. In armor. A chivalrous warrior. No, wait. That's still a European figure. Besides, some Arabic or Islamic groups might get angry because every few years a bunch of these guys would get together and try to take over the Middle East, or select parts thereof. Okay, check this out. An African tribesman. With a spear and paint. No, can't do that. The African Americans would have the same objections as the Native Americans. Well, how about a samurai in his battle robe and armor, helmet adorned with ox horns, quiver, gold-studded sword, his ancestral crest, the whole bit? Maybe a neat little pseudo-seppuku when the sports team is down? Oh, there's that blasted heritage argument again. How about that lone American warrior, the cowboy? Why not, Rick Fields classifies that historical figure as a warrior in his book The Code of the Warrior. Since I'm running low on ideas, why not? A six-gun and ten gallon hat, idealizing the American spirit of independence and swift justice. Uh-oh, wait a minute. Cowboys tended to shoot Native Americans, didn't they? Maybe this version of our mascot wouldn't placate them so well.... I have to admit, I'm getting a little frustrated here. When I think of a Warrior from history, I tend to think in terms of different heritages like that, and that's already proven to be taboo. Either the Warrior was the member of a distinct ethnic group that can and will be offended, and/or they killed people of an offendable group. I mean, that's the way I see it. Of course, that is ignoring the common denominator among all Warriors, which is some sort of hardiness and bravery, a willingness to risk their very lives in pursuit of what they thought was right, the skills of life and death intertwined into a person who would kill or die for honor and justice. The Native American Warrior did this. Maybe having a brave as our mascot is not so much a way of spitting on a race of man and saying "Nyah nyah, you injun," as it is a way of showing respect for a gallant breed of our species and the finest their culture produced. Or, I guess we could have Patty Smythe mousse up her hair and paint her face up and start singing, "Shooting out the walls of heartache, bang-bang..." But that might get a bit expensive. The Wheels of Justice Crush at Ex's Direction Check this out, gentlemen:
The boy was severely burned as a result, authorities said. Walter McKelvie Jr., 43, of Vineland, was indicted Tuesday and charged with one count of child abuse and neglect in the July 20 incident, in which he took his mentally disabled son to the beach in Wildwood. Granted, this child is "mentally disabled". but its meaning is not clarified in the article and can be nebulous to say the least. Dyslexic? Incapable of speech? "Mentally disabled" is all we have, so I will assume the worst for the father, which is "not very." Because:
Perspective: Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps the old man was flirting with the beach bunnies, impervious to their disinterest to the mid-life-crisised, pierced, and balding man with the child with Down's syndrome and said child boiled during this several hour beerspan. But the article doesn't give me that. I reserve the right to judge this a case of ex-wife seeks revenge through the criminal courts. (Link seen on Drudge.) Add It Up I ask you, is it coincidence that the movie The Tomorrow after Day or something tells about the impudent meddling of man awakens Godzilla and he fights El Niño is opening, Al Gore is ranting about, well, whatever the voices tell him to, and here in St. Louis we had hail the size of small frogs yesterday, power outages, and tornado warnings tonight? You know it as well as I do. Democrats are playing politics with the weather reports.It has nothing to do with Doppler radar chatter, the information gathered and projected by trained professionals, and the world conditions as they exist--it's all about unseating George W. Bush in the presidential election!I Need a Shower. A Hot Shower, With Lots of Soap You gentle readers who do not pay much attention to the chatterings of the blogosphere or the might have missed the story of Wankette and Wankienne, two taste-challenged, promiscuious women based in Washington, D.C. One posts semi-obscene, semi-profane gossip nuggets and the other has sex with married men for money and then talks about it. The whole thing turns my stomach, so I've tried not to think of it. So for the uninitiated, read what Michelle Malkin has to say about it to get an inkling of how much the Washington Post and those coastal connected types laud the duo, and keep in mind that when one of these coastal-take-all-comers types claims that people from the middle of the country are overrepresented in the government, whether through Senate representation or the Electoral College system, these women are among those who are purportedly underrepresented. (Link seen on Nealz Nuze.) His Picture Is in the Thesaurus for Class (Antonym of) Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Man Who Would Have Been President (If Only He Had Won):
He promised to "restore honor and integrity to the White House." Instead, he has brought deep dishonor to our country and built a durable reputation as the most dishonest President since Richard Nixon. Jeez, Gore, you don't hear statesmen talking that way. Did you hear George H.W. Bush or Dan Quayle barking like that after Clinton? Can you imagine George W. Bush, former governor of Texas and presidential candidate, laying into a Gore presidency like that? No? And I bet you don't even understand why not. Timidity? Fear of your righteousness? Just face it, you're losing that type of class warfare. (Link seen on Drudge.) Tuesday, May 25, 2004
But He's Not A Scientist Mike Nichols of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel provides a little perspective on the cataclysmically-worsening climate:
That's definitely bad - though not nearly as bad as the "500-year storm" that reportedly hit the exact same area the very next year. Not nearly as cursed, either, as what transpired in the late-1990s in New Berlin. Here's a real paragraph from a story about New Berlin that ran in this paper three years ago: "Storm water management efforts were under way in New Berlin long before 100-year storms hit the city in 1997, 1998 and 2000..." That's right. The only year between 1996 and 2001 that there was not a so-called 100-year storm in New Berlin was 1999. Monday, May 24, 2004
Got Nothin I got nothing today. Go see what's new at Pop-Up Mocker, now endorsed by the Marshall (Minnesota) Adult Education program, sorta. Sunday, May 23, 2004
Book Review: The Little Book of Stupid Questions by David Borgenicht Whenever Heather and I travel, I like to pick up one of these silly little quiz books to help us pass the time. I picked up the Barnes and Noble edition of this book, for a number of dollars no less, because I knew we would be on the road this year. Unfortunately, although this book bills itself as a way to "Get your friends to reveal their inner selves with The Little Book of Stupid Questions". Unfortunately, the book serves more to let you get to know David Borgenicht as much as to get to know each other. Face it, quiz books of this sort should proffer brain teasers to elicit chuckles, amusing stories, or wry revelations on the part of those answering the question. Unfortunately, Borgenicht cannot help intruding with follow-up questions that presume the question will be answered a certain way, such as
However, Borgenicht does lead to hours of amusing speculation with this question:
Wondering about that answer could eat up some drive time in the middle of Illinois, werd. Steve Chapman, Visiting Professor to the Noggle School of Economics In his column in last Thursday's Chicago Tribune, Steve Chapman explains High gas prices are no cause for panic. Lead:
The experiment was a disaster, and it cured most politicians of the urge to meddle in such matters. They learned they weren't qualified to decide the correct price of any commodity. Except one: gasoline. They Must Have Just Gotten Back from Massachusetts Misplaced modifier of the week, from John Kass's column in last Thursday's Chicago Tribune:
Go read the column. It's about how a single man, who confronts a suspicious character, is being persecuted by the authorities who know that prosecution and trial are but one "tool" in their toolbox to breaking someone. We Had To Break the Constitution in Order to Fix It The Congressional Accountability for Judicial Activism Act of 2004, wherein our intrepid Congressmen decide that the balance of powers is outdated:
SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.
SEC. 2. CONGRESSIONAL REVERSAL OF SUPREME COURT JUDGMENTS.
SEC. 3. PROCEDURE.
SEC. 4. BASIS FOR ENACTMENT.
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To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
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