Musings from Brian J. Noggle
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Not to brag or anything, but look who's in the Thanks To section of Best of the Web for Thursday, April 22, 2004:
So you better all straighten up, or I am telling Taranto.
Ten Dollars on the Over/Under
Michael Williams predicts a November headline.
Our Understanding Is Right, Yours Is Wrong
After a Chuck-A-Rama-(But-Not-That-Mucha) restaurant manager threw out a low-carb eating couple for eating too much roast beef at a buffet restaurant, district manager Jack Johnson proved that not all PR is good PR when he said:
Smile, Mr. Johnson; you've just made a politician of yourself before the whole Internet.
(Link seen on Fark.)
Friday, April 23, 2004
"Sqwak!" The Anti Gun Crowd Says
By now, we've all heard the story about the freighter seized in Italy with a bunch of AK assault rifles hidden aboard, destined for the United States.
Here's the lead for the New York Post story:
The AK-47s were apparently bound for Vermont.
Officials have linked Century International Arms Inc. in Boca Raton to the discovery of a cache of 7,500 AK-47s hidden beneath piles of properly labeled arms in several cargo containers confiscated in the port of Gioia Tauro in southern Italy several days ago.
"We know al Qaeda training manuals have encouraged terrorists to obtain assault weapons in the United States," she said.
Thank goodness Al Qaeda training videos don't involve attack dogs, or we'd be stripped of our Chiahuahuas, too.
No Irony Intended
With no sense of irony, I am sure, StLToday.com posted these stories atop each other in the Business section today:
St. John's workers oust union:
The union has until next week to protest the conduct of the election. If it does not, the National Labor Relations board will authorize the decertification. A plumbers-union official did not return a phone call Thursday. The maintenance workers' contract expired Dec. 31, 2002.
But the union movement hopes its 130-year-old message to buy products with the union label and more recent calls to buy American are reinvigorated amid the growing debate about overseas outsourcing of service jobs and the steady loss of manufacturing jobs in the United States.
"First of all, union-made in the USA is No. 1. If you can't find union-made, at least buy American-made," said Charles E. Mercer, president of the AFL-CIO's Union Label and Service Trades Department. "We say it in the same breath, the same sentence."
Why Stop at Swimsuits?
Of course, every four years or so, the media examines the technology used by Olympians to better compete. So here's the obligatory FoxNews.com story.
I want to know, when will these cutting edge technologies filter down to consumer use? Come on, that Fastskin stuff looks like it would make some mighty yummy lingerie.
Who's Your English Major? Say It!
From Freakin Jen we have this bit of frivolity:
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Bront?, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Bront?, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
Dante - Inferno
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch 22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel Garc?a - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse
Wright, Richard - Native Son
So you might just think I'm another run-of-the-mill blogger, slobbering libertarianism and spilling Guinness on the keyboard, but I sound awfully smart as I do.
The Threepenny Review offers a moving poem entitled "A Cat's Last Summer" by Michael Hamburger.
Read it and pet your own cat(s) if you have them.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
It's common knowledge that John Kerry communes with dolphins:
Almost on cue, a dolphin slipped through the water. "There he is over there," Kerry said. "He says, 'help, help, help."'
Put Your Back Into It
Some phishers don't even seem to be trying. Here's one such e-mail I got today:
Subject: Citionline |E-Mail| Verification - firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2004 19:42:58 +0000
Received: from cdm-66-76-235-89.tyrd.cox-internet.com ([18.104.22.168]) by
mc3-f40.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Thu, 22 Apr 2004
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 22 Apr 2004 19:35:10.0582 (UTC)
To_veerification_of _your_ [Email] address click on_the_link :
and enter in the |ittle window_ _your_ Citi ATM/Debit full_Card_number and
that you use in local Atm_Machine..
8QkooH8y8N eg4f36 5f7l0ly3v2e3h3x3f6c 7d022oda n9dh 7vz1h020z kNoph86
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Pop-Up Mocker Updated!
I've updated the Pop-Up Mocker site.
Go look at it at least once. Someone's gotta.
Harvey at Bad Money speaks
It is a servant, not a master, so use it any way you wish, as long as it helps you get your point across.
A Government of the People, By the People, and For the People in Government
I was going to comment upon the unequal-before-the-eyes-of-the-law treatment received by Representative John Hostettler of Indiana, who mistakenly brought a gun to the airport as he was getting ready to fly back to Washington, but someone's beaten me to it.
Did the TSA throw him down, surround him, rough him up a bit, and then whisk him to jail for a quick trial and felony sentence? Of course not, he's not a citizen, he's a legislator. They took his gun to hold for him and put him on a later flight.
Owen at Boots and Sabers has a complete compare and contrast for you.
Neil Steinberg? In Reason?
Donnie Darko Director's Cut
As some of you might remember, I was not too impressed with the movie Donnie Darko.
Now, I see that the director's cut is coming:
Tired of a Little Shrimp? Want a GIANT???
Long John Silvers is giving it away for free on May 10, 2004.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Pardon Me, But You Wouldn't Happen To Have Six Fingers On Your Left Hand?
After some reflection inspired by Trey Givens, I discovered that I am akin to:
Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti
(Funny, Jared, Jim, and Trey were all different. What diversity! Someone apply for a federal grant!)
Spoons has come clean and has admitted:
I'm not sure why this really matters,, but since it apparently does to some people, I feel I owe my readers a confession. I'm not actually a 32-year-old cranky male lawyer in central Illinois. I'm actually a 65-year-old widow and retired plus-size lingerie model from Butte, Montana.
And my supposed wife "Laura" is actually just a raccoon that I sometimes see in my backyard. I think she's trying to steal the birdseed I put out.
Last 20 Books You Have Read
The Gleeful Extremist thinks that the last 20 books you have read say a lot about you. TGE then tries to list the last he's read.
Come on. You readers know the last 20 books I have read; I find a minute or two to scratch out a paragraph or two about each for you, gentle readers. Let's recap, shall we, since you skip over the reviews to get to the snarky stuff:
Are my fifty minutes up already, Doctor?
(Link seen on this week's Bonfire of the Vanities.)
You Down with DDT?
Virginia Postrel comments on a Tina Rosenberg NYT Magazine article:
Anti-DDT taboos undoubtedly kill even more than that, since the debilitation caused by malaria helps keep Africa desperately poor. But, hey, they're Africans. We got rid of malaria here, so we don't give a damn. I bet the NYT Mag gets letters from people outraged at Rosenberg's audacity in pointing out the problem.
put away the DDT
i dont care about spots on my apples [and, apparently, two million dead people on a continent far away --ed.]
leave me the birds and the bees
Three Little Words
Blackfive reports on U.S. citizenship granted to Laotian Hmong refugees:
"I can't believe we'll be Americans," said Sui Yang, 60, who fought with CIA-backed Hmong guerrillas against the communist Pathet Lao in the mountains of Laos. "We heard rumors for years this was going to happen, but they were always only rumors. Most of us gave up hoping. I thought we were going nowhere."
Bring 'em on.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Not Drinking My Own Weight
Fark led me to the story of this tragedy:
The plant which has made the stout for nearly 70 years is to close. Bosses blame over-capacity.
Make of This What You Will
From today's StLToday.com:
"It's a littering of the mental landscape," MacFarlane said. "We live in a culture that pushes the fear of not succeeding, getting sick, of being alone. ... Advertisers sidle up to us and say: 'Hi, we love you. We understand. But isn't there something wrong with your life?'"
Something of this smacks of poserism. The dude spouts antimaterialism, but is a successful advertising guy with an office in Downtown St. Louis and who lives in West County. Spare me the bobo.
Is That The Best You Could Do?
CNN reports that the Hamlet first edition that I asked for didn't make the reserve price and was not sold.
Gentle readers, could you not have come up with the extra couple hundred thousand among you needed to add this to my library? I applaud whatever effort you used to generate just over a million dollars in cash, but isn't MfBJN worth the extra effort?
I implore you to continue in your efforts. Perhaps, once you kind souls have amassed enough money--heaven knows you have not been spending it on my tip jar--the owner of the Hamlet will consider a private offer.
Thank you, and good luck.
Lileks Agrees With Me
Lileks on that coastal elite, nanny-statist Andrew Sullivan in today's Bleat:
Here I disagree. Low gas prices are bad for the economy and bad for drivers, he says - the sort of statement that makes you read everything that follows with wry detached amusement, the same way you'd regard an article on canine training that began "dogs respond remarkably well to feng shui." You read on because it can only get better.
He refers to gas as “woefully undertaxed.” If one uses the phrase “woefully undertaxed” one may be correct, but one should not be surprised when one’s conservative bona fides are called into question. You could make the argument that cable TV is woefully undertaxed. Peanut butter is woefully undertaxed. Once you’ve identified a good that can be cured by additional taxation, well, everything is woefully undertaxed. There aren’t any pro-war movies being made! We could fund them with a movie tax! Popcornn is woefully undertaxed! He says:
The truly needy tend to consume less gas than their middle-class compatriots. Others say it penalizes those in remote and rural areas. So what?
Some conservatives say it's antithetical to the American Dream. Hooey.
Bollucks on Sullivan, again.
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Book Review: The Gallery of Regrettable Food by James Lileks (2001)
Well, I have done my part to help maintain Jasperwood and to keep Lileks in Hummels and cigars. I read The Bleat, his Back Fence column with the Star-Tribune, and even his weekly Newhouse News column. That's all free, though, and does little for Lileks' bottom line, which is probably higher than many peoples' top lines, but still. By reading off the Web, I was not empowering Lileks. Much like you freeloading readers are doing by not sendng me cash or visiting my Amazon wish list and sending me goodies. Not that I am trying to put a guilt trip on you; I know you're all heartless socialistopaths who think we should be just doing this because we can, and you want it. But I digress, gentle skinflint reader.
So I went out and bought The Gallery of Regrettable Food, at full price no less, to send a couple pennies' worth of royalties to Minnesota (the poor man's Wisconsin). Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the work.
As you might know from viewing Lileks' Web site, the Gallery represents photos and some snarky wit about recipes collected in books released in the years when Baby Boomers' parents were cooking. Lileks started the project based on a cookbook he found among his mother's effects. The book's wit might be spot-on (Heather liked the pages she browsed), but unfortunately, it didn't rub me the right way for a couple reasons:
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
Heather L. Igert,
Kim du Toit,
on the Noggle Library.
"Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out."
Sharp as a Marble.
"I'm weeping openly right now. Thanks for hurting my feelings, pinhead."
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
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Robert B. Parker
Radley Balko's The Agitator
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Internet Movie Database
Complete Works of Shakespeare
Blooberry HTML Reference
Visualize World Hegemony
Cog in the Machine
Humor not displayed
Beware of Conservative
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