Musings from Brian J. Noggle
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Saturday, April 24, 2004
Taranto's Tattler Not to brag or anything, but look who's in the Thanks To section of Best of the Web for Thursday, April 22, 2004:
So you better all straighten up, or I am telling Taranto. Our Understanding Is Right, Yours Is Wrong After a Chuck-A-Rama-(But-Not-That-Mucha) restaurant manager threw out a low-carb eating couple for eating too much roast beef at a buffet restaurant, district manager Jack Johnson proved that not all PR is good PR when he said:
Smile, Mr. Johnson; you've just made a politician of yourself before the whole Internet. (Link seen on Fark.) Friday, April 23, 2004
"Sqwak!" The Anti Gun Crowd Says By now, we've all heard the story about the freighter seized in Italy with a bunch of AK assault rifles hidden aboard, destined for the United States. Here's the lead for the New York Post story:
The AK-47s were apparently bound for Vermont. Officials have linked Century International Arms Inc. in Boca Raton to the discovery of a cache of 7,500 AK-47s hidden beneath piles of properly labeled arms in several cargo containers confiscated in the port of Gioia Tauro in southern Italy several days ago.
"We know al Qaeda training manuals have encouraged terrorists to obtain assault weapons in the United States," she said. Thank goodness Al Qaeda training videos don't involve attack dogs, or we'd be stripped of our Chiahuahuas, too. No Irony Intended With no sense of irony, I am sure, StLToday.com posted these stories atop each other in the Business section today: St. John's workers oust union:
The union has until next week to protest the conduct of the election. If it does not, the National Labor Relations board will authorize the decertification. A plumbers-union official did not return a phone call Thursday. The maintenance workers' contract expired Dec. 31, 2002.
But the union movement hopes its 130-year-old message to buy products with the union label and more recent calls to buy American are reinvigorated amid the growing debate about overseas outsourcing of service jobs and the steady loss of manufacturing jobs in the United States. "First of all, union-made in the USA is No. 1. If you can't find union-made, at least buy American-made," said Charles E. Mercer, president of the AFL-CIO's Union Label and Service Trades Department. "We say it in the same breath, the same sentence." Why Stop at Swimsuits? Of course, every four years or so, the media examines the technology used by Olympians to better compete. So here's the obligatory FoxNews.com story. I want to know, when will these cutting edge technologies filter down to consumer use? Come on, that Fastskin stuff looks like it would make some mighty yummy lingerie. Who's Your English Major? Say It! From Freakin Jen we have this bit of frivolity:
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart Agee, James - A Death in the Family Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March Bront?, Charlotte - Jane Eyre Bront?, Emily - Wuthering Heights Camus, Albert - The Stranger Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard Chopin, Kate - The Awakening Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage Dante - Inferno de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust Golding, William - Lord of the Flies Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter Heller, Joseph - Catch 22 Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms Homer - The Iliad Homer - The Odyssey Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt London, Jack - The Call of the Wild Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain Marquez, Gabriel Garc?a - One Hundred Years of Solitude Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener Melville, Herman - Moby Dick Miller, Arthur - The Crucible Morrison, Toni - Beloved O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night Orwell, George - Animal Farm Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49 Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye Shakespeare, William - Hamlet Shakespeare, William - Macbeth Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich Sophocles - Antigone Sophocles - Oedipus Rex Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair Thoreau, Henry David - Walden Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Voltaire - Candide Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five Walker, Alice - The Color Purple Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse Wright, Richard - Native Son So you might just think I'm another run-of-the-mill blogger, slobbering libertarianism and spilling Guinness on the keyboard, but I sound awfully smart as I do. Cat Blogging The Threepenny Review offers a moving poem entitled "A Cat's Last Summer" by Michael Hamburger. Read it and pet your own cat(s) if you have them. Thursday, April 22, 2004
World Exclusive! It's common knowledge that John Kerry communes with dolphins:
Almost on cue, a dolphin slipped through the water. "There he is over there," Kerry said. "He says, 'help, help, help."' Put Your Back Into It Some phishers don't even seem to be trying. Here's one such e-mail I got today:
To: stlbrianj@hotmail.com Subject: Citionline |E-Mail| Verification - stlbrianj@hotmail.com Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2004 19:42:58 +0000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: from cdm-66-76-235-89.tyrd.cox-internet.com ([66.76.235.89]) by mc3-f40.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Thu, 22 Apr 2004 12:35:09 -0700 X-Message-Info: 6sSXyD95QpXLoZz646LSJ7Ue2E0865la Return-Path: BarbMartincich@ihaveahugecrotch.com Message-ID: X-OriginalArrivalTime: 22 Apr 2004 19:35:10.0582 (UTC) FILETIME=[ECCAF960:01C428A0] To_veerification_of _your_ [Email] address click on_the_link : and enter in the |ittle window_ _your_ Citi ATM/Debit full_Card_number and Pin that you use in local Atm_Machine.. 8QkooH8y8N eg4f36 5f7l0ly3v2e3h3x3f6c 7d022oda n9dh 7vz1h020z kNoph86 Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Pop-Up Mocker Updated! I've updated the Pop-Up Mocker site. Go look at it at least once. Someone's gotta. Punct'ed Harvey at Bad Money speaks
It is a servant, not a master, so use it any way you wish, as long as it helps you get your point across. A Government of the People, By the People, and For the People in Government I was going to comment upon the unequal-before-the-eyes-of-the-law treatment received by Representative John Hostettler of Indiana, who mistakenly brought a gun to the airport as he was getting ready to fly back to Washington, but someone's beaten me to it. Did the TSA throw him down, surround him, rough him up a bit, and then whisk him to jail for a quick trial and felony sentence? Of course not, he's not a citizen, he's a legislator. They took his gun to hold for him and put him on a later flight. Owen at Boots and Sabers has a complete compare and contrast for you. Donnie Darko Director's Cut As some of you might remember, I was not too impressed with the movie Donnie Darko. Now, I see that the director's cut is coming:
Tired of a Little Shrimp? Want a GIANT??? Long John Silvers is giving it away for free on May 10, 2004. Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Pardon Me, But You Wouldn't Happen To Have Six Fingers On Your Left Hand? After some reflection inspired by Trey Givens, I discovered that I am akin to: Which Princess Bride Character are You? this quiz was made by mysti (Funny, Jared, Jim, and Trey were all different. What diversity! Someone apply for a federal grant!) Easter Egg Spoons has come clean and has admitted:
I'm not sure why this really matters,, but since it apparently does to some people, I feel I owe my readers a confession. I'm not actually a 32-year-old cranky male lawyer in central Illinois. I'm actually a 65-year-old widow and retired plus-size lingerie model from Butte, Montana. And my supposed wife "Laura" is actually just a raccoon that I sometimes see in my backyard. I think she's trying to steal the birdseed I put out. This blog generated by Documatic 3000 Libertarian Blog Plug-In. Last 20 Books You Have Read The Gleeful Extremist thinks that the last 20 books you have read say a lot about you. TGE then tries to list the last he's read. Come on. You readers know the last 20 books I have read; I find a minute or two to scratch out a paragraph or two about each for you, gentle readers. Let's recap, shall we, since you skip over the reviews to get to the snarky stuff:
Are my fifty minutes up already, Doctor? (Link seen on this week's Bonfire of the Vanities.) You Down with DDT? Virginia Postrel comments on a Tina Rosenberg NYT Magazine article:
Anti-DDT taboos undoubtedly kill even more than that, since the debilitation caused by malaria helps keep Africa desperately poor. But, hey, they're Africans. We got rid of malaria here, so we don't give a damn. I bet the NYT Mag gets letters from people outraged at Rosenberg's audacity in pointing out the problem.
put away the DDT i dont care about spots on my apples [and, apparently, two million dead people on a continent far away --ed.] leave me the birds and the bees please! Three Little Words Blackfive reports on U.S. citizenship granted to Laotian Hmong refugees:
"I can't believe we'll be Americans," said Sui Yang, 60, who fought with CIA-backed Hmong guerrillas against the communist Pathet Lao in the mountains of Laos. "We heard rumors for years this was going to happen, but they were always only rumors. Most of us gave up hoping. I thought we were going nowhere." Bring 'em on. Monday, April 19, 2004
Not Drinking My Own Weight Fark led me to the story of this tragedy:
The plant which has made the stout for nearly 70 years is to close. Bosses blame over-capacity. Make of This What You Will From today's StLToday.com:
"It's a littering of the mental landscape," MacFarlane said. "We live in a culture that pushes the fear of not succeeding, getting sick, of being alone. ... Advertisers sidle up to us and say: 'Hi, we love you. We understand. But isn't there something wrong with your life?'" Something of this smacks of poserism. The dude spouts antimaterialism, but is a successful advertising guy with an office in Downtown St. Louis and who lives in West County. Spare me the bobo. Perhaps the title tag of the StLToday page says it all: HelpIs That The Best You Could Do? CNN reports that the Hamlet first edition that I asked for didn't make the reserve price and was not sold. Gentle readers, could you not have come up with the extra couple hundred thousand among you needed to add this to my library? I applaud whatever effort you used to generate just over a million dollars in cash, but isn't MfBJN worth the extra effort? I implore you to continue in your efforts. Perhaps, once you kind souls have amassed enough money--heaven knows you have not been spending it on my tip jar--the owner of the Hamlet will consider a private offer. Thank you, and good luck. Lileks Agrees With Me Lileks on that coastal elite, nanny-statist Andrew Sullivan in today's Bleat:
But. Here I disagree. Low gas prices are bad for the economy and bad for drivers, he says - the sort of statement that makes you read everything that follows with wry detached amusement, the same way you'd regard an article on canine training that began "dogs respond remarkably well to feng shui." You read on because it can only get better. He refers to gas as “woefully undertaxed.” If one uses the phrase “woefully undertaxed” one may be correct, but one should not be surprised when one’s conservative bona fides are called into question. You could make the argument that cable TV is woefully undertaxed. Peanut butter is woefully undertaxed. Once you’ve identified a good that can be cured by additional taxation, well, everything is woefully undertaxed. There aren’t any pro-war movies being made! We could fund them with a movie tax! Popcornn is woefully undertaxed! He says: The truly needy tend to consume less gas than their middle-class compatriots. Others say it penalizes those in remote and rural areas. So what? Some conservatives say it's antithetical to the American Dream. Hooey. Bollucks on Sullivan, again. Sunday, April 18, 2004
Book Review: The Gallery of Regrettable Food by James Lileks (2001) Well, I have done my part to help maintain Jasperwood and to keep Lileks in Hummels and cigars. I read The Bleat, his Back Fence column with the Star-Tribune, and even his weekly Newhouse News column. That's all free, though, and does little for Lileks' bottom line, which is probably higher than many peoples' top lines, but still. By reading off the Web, I was not empowering Lileks. Much like you freeloading readers are doing by not sendng me cash or visiting my Amazon wish list and sending me goodies. Not that I am trying to put a guilt trip on you; I know you're all heartless socialistopaths who think we should be just doing this because we can, and you want it. But I digress, gentle skinflint reader. So I went out and bought The Gallery of Regrettable Food, at full price no less, to send a couple pennies' worth of royalties to Minnesota (the poor man's Wisconsin). Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the work. As you might know from viewing Lileks' Web site, the Gallery represents photos and some snarky wit about recipes collected in books released in the years when Baby Boomers' parents were cooking. Lileks started the project based on a cookbook he found among his mother's effects. The book's wit might be spot-on (Heather liked the pages she browsed), but unfortunately, it didn't rub me the right way for a couple reasons:
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To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
"I will." Heather L. Igert, angelweave.mu.nu "Genuis." Neil Steinberg, Chicago Sun-Times "Some wanker." Kim du Toit, on the Noggle Library. "Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out." Robb Allen, Sharp as a Marble. "I'm weeping openly right now. Thanks for hurting my feelings, pinhead." Bob Rybarcyzk, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Instapundit Protein Wisdom Ace of Spades HQ Wizbang! Outside the Beltway Robert B. Parker Dustbury Damn Interesting Michelle Malkin Radley Balko's The Agitator Exultate Justi Yippie-Ky-Yay! 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