This may not be the crime of the century, but this may be the team of the century and, by gosh, people ought to have a right to see them.

Internal Server Error

The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Please contact the server administrator, blogger@trakken.com and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.

More information about this error may be available in the server error log.

They're young and they're cute, and they're amazingly unaware of the outside world. They spend their days shopping and lunching and sunbathing topless, and they spend their nights at clubs and private parties. They're always, always talking on their cell phones. And they wear red-string Kabbalah bracelets, because, like, it shows how, like, spiritual they are.

There's Lindsay Lohan, who just a few short years ago was starring in "The Parent Trap." Now Lohan's a freshly minted 18, and she's busy clubbing, chain-smoking, feuding with Hilary Duff, hooking up with her boyfriend -- Wilmer Valderrama, the 24-year-old fifth banana on "That 70s Show" -- and denying rumors that her breasts have been surgically enhanced. It's a wonder the girl has time to make movies!

There's Christina Aguilera, a pretty good singer who often looks like she's posing for Skank Monthly. Aguilera, who's been pierced more frequently than a porn star at a biker rally, now says she's going minimalist -- keeping just one special piercing.

There's the little Hilton knockoff sister, Nicky, 20, who married her 33-year-old boyfriend in Vegas. Big sister Paris and fellow party girl Bijou Phillips were in attendance at the classy affair.

There's Nicole Richie, she of the pierced nippled ring that triggers metal detectors everywhere.

Why, there's even Barbara and Jenna Bush -- fine and decent young women, to be sure, but also way more into the party scene than, say, Chelsea Clinton.

There's Jessica Simpson, with her giant blond head and her giant bronze chest and her giant capacity for playing the ditz.

There's the rapidly aging Tara Reid, who looks like the third runner-up in the 1997 Miss Hawaiian Tropic Pageant.

There's Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher, the spoiled-brat princesses featured on MTV's "Rich Girls."

There's Mischa Barton. Seems like only yesterday she was the little ghost girl under the bed in "The Sixth Sense." Now she's all about string bikinis and the oil heir boyfriend and Fashion Week.

• Lili Damita is way hotter than Helen Hayes, and I can even forgive the French accent since she wisened up and moved to America. Also, at 5' 3", she seems to have a couple of inches on Ms. Hayes, using the relative Cooper scale for comparison.
  
  
• Like the cantankerous scout Bill Jackson, I too have grown quite fond of a Kickapoo girl.

You ignorant person...

Dear Brian,
Read your post "Colorado is not the heartland" (linked from Exultate
Justi). I would suggest that you watch too much television if you think
rather small, insignificant places like Aspen and Vail as typical of my
state. Boulder? Show me a major college town that is not infested by
leftist wierdoes. Athens? Lawrence? Chapel Hill? Not!

Skiing? Actually, that 'sport' was developed by us as a tourist trap to
sucker Texans and Chicagoans into spending their money. They also often
spend time in our hospitals after this activity, further spending money.
Sadly, many of these people stayed.

Not the heartland, indeed! I am sick of all of you lowlanders thinking
that this is some kind of snow-covered wonderland (we really ought to
re-name sme of our sports franchises that reflect this misconception).

Denver? typical nasty yuppie-infested big city. Colorado Springs?
Imagine Birmingham, Alabama without the humidity. We are just as normal
as any other place in the USA.

Coors beer isn't very good either.

• Man, Helen Hayes was kinda cute, but she's like, what, 4 foot tall?
  
  
• Good to see Gary Cooper was as cross-eyed as I am.
  
  
• You want to know a secret about the quality of DVDs you get when you buy a classic double feature for $10? Man, it's authentic. I got every pop and his in the soundtrack in surround sound, baby. If only I had HDTV, undoubtedly it would be as pixelated as playing Doom on an Atari 2600. Which I think was called Gunfight, by the way, but that's neither here nor there.
  
  
• Some people, particularly academics (especially those attending Colorado universities) would say that one could not truncate or chop up a Hemingway novel, but this movie indicates that you can. It's not a bad movie, but it's just a shell of what the book was.
  
  Of course, some would continue to cast aspersions on Hemingway's novels, instead preferring the continental confuance of James Joyce. When I encounter these people, I prefer to engage them in a rigorous drunken brawl. I know that's what Papa would have wanted.

• I miss my wife.
  
  
• I should lower my caffeine intake.
  
  
• As shidoshi said, practice the upward strike by dropping rear leg and pivoting 45 degrees, blocking with left hand and jamming pen into craw with right hand.

The new $50s soon will be showing up at banks, cash registers and wallets.

• Wear black jeans and cowboy boots, and remember to take your cowboy hat off indoors.
  
  
• Work to extend government benefits to people who aren't currently accepting government benefits, like Republicans.

Why all the showcasing of blacks by the GOP? "The goal," according to University of Chicago political science professor Melissa Harris-Lacewell, "is not to increase the [Republicans'] share of African-American votes, but to signal moderate voters that the party is not racist. ... Individuals such as Alan Keyes, Colin Powell and [education secretary] Ron Paige have the effect of reassuring 'soccer moms' and 'NASCAR dads' that they can support the Republican Party without signaling they are racially biased." In other words, another GOP scam.

Hours after "60 Minutes" aired what it said were memos written in 1972 and 1973 by Bush's squadron leader, Lt. Col. Jerry B. Killian, a man using the name Buckhead posted a comment on Free Republic (http://powerlineblog.com), a right-wing bulletin board.

Stepped-up screening procedures at Los Angeles International Airport that were designed to make flying safer have created another potential vulnerability: long lines that are a "tempting target for terrorists," security experts said Friday.

Rand Corp. researchers recommended in a 47-page report that airlines and federal officials spend $4 million a year to add skycaps, ticket agents and screeners to speed travelers through lines in terminal lobbies and on sidewalks and into the secure gate area — where they would be less vulnerable to attack.

This fall's presidential debates will pit George W. Bush's folksy manner and big-picture brand of policymaking against John Kerry's more cerebral outlook and nuanced world view.

On paper, Kerry would seem to have just the right resume to thwack the president in this type of setting. A high school and college debate champ with two decades of Senate repartee under his belt, Kerry knows intimately the details of policymaking and how to argue any side of an issue.

The president, by contrast, is rarely accused of offering too much information. He is militantly "on message," often repeating a few set points over and over.

"Bush debates the way Chris Evert plays tennis - no unforced errors," says Democrat Paul Begala, who played the part of the president in rehearsals with Al Gore for the 2000 debates. "He doesn't get out of his game. He won't try to get into philosophy and nuance and deep thinking."

Kerry, by contrast, "really has no facial expression," says Lakoff. "He just talks. ... I think Kerry's long sentences and lack of intonation and facial expression say, 'Yes, I'm very smart but I'm kind of phoning it in.'"

Jurgen Streeck, a communications professor at the University of Texas at Austin, said that while Kerry is not a very lively communicator, the debates may provide a good setting to showcase him as "a thoughtful speaker."

Bush, meanwhile, must guard against smugness.

"He has that kind of smirk," says John Fritch, head of the communications department at the University of Northern Iowa and director of the National Debate Tournament. "Given the issues that we're dealing with, the casualties in Iraq, an inappropriate smile will not go over well."

Says Begala, "If I were prepping Bush, I would warn him about crossing the line from self-confident to cocky. People like his self-confidence but there are moments, particularly when he's jacked up on adrenaline, when he crosses that line."