Musings from Brian J. Noggle
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Brat Favor
Brian's favored resolutions to the 2008 Brett Favre Crisis:
  • Trade him to New Orleans for Mike McKenzie.
  • Trade him to Atlanta for a couple of Michael Vick's rescued dogs. They'll be more loyal and less fickle.
  • Send him to a CFL team, an outdoor one if there's one available, and let him play in the cold all the time.
Ever since he didn't file his retirement papers, I thought he wanted a trade. How quickly can I turn on a favorite player? Less quickly than he can turn on his fans. You can go somewhere else, Favre, but you won't be the Brett Favre you were in Green Bay. You'll be a rented journeyman quarterback.

Excuse me while I go order my Kampman jersey.

Bizarro World, Redux
St. Charles County cuts spending:
    Less-than-expected sales tax receipts spurred County Executive Steve Ehlmann today to order county agencies to reduce spending by 8 percent and to eliminate discretionary travel.
Whoa. Must be a stop gap measure until they can figure out how to raise taxes, but still. It's the sound of fiscal responsibility, if not the practice (but possibly the beginning of the practice).

Cruising bill hits a brick wall:
    "I am all too aware of the problems facing the areas targeted by cruising. The cruisers, many of whom are not from St. Louis, are terrorizing our neighborhoods," Reed said in a statement. "Something needs to be done, but pushing through flawed legislation, which in this bill only continues to erode civil liberties, is not the answer."
Not passing a poor law just because they can? What sanity-flavored Kool Aid are those alderman drinking? I'd think $4 a gallon gas will curb cruising better than making it illegal, but I'm just thinking back to my young cruising days and shuddering at the thought of putting the whole week's pay into the gas tank on Friday and Saturday nights, before the Kalt's burgers and Jolt Cola.

Maybe there is room for some slight optimism in the country and its governance today.

By today, I mean "this morning." Give me a couple hours and I'll work myself out of it.

Thursday, July 10, 2008
Husband Has Shotgun, Third of a Bottle of Jack Daniels
Publicist: Ethan Hawke has married girlfriend

I'm not sure I'd have my publicist release this if I were Ethan Hawke.

The Miniature Dachshund Threat
Well, now that many municipalities have eliminated the pit bull and rottweiler threats, perhaps they need to turn their attention to another nemesis of mankind, the miniature dachshund:
    A dog chewed off an Alton woman’s big toe while she napped earlier this week.
How many innocent toes have to die before we remove the scourge of this dog breed from our cities? If it saves one toe, it's worth any cost.

They were bred to bite toes and feet; look at them! They serve no other purpose. City fathers, I demand you round them up and gas them.

A License In Time Saves Nine
Some people think the power of licensing can prevent the deaths of children or tragedies of all sorts. What sort of license could have prevented this?
    Adin was already dead, beaten by the defendant at a Motel 6 near the airport because he had wet his pants and was crying, Gabler admitted the next day to police and in court Wednesday.

    Gabler wrapped the body in sheets, stuffed the corpse into a suitcase, and drove to Clyde Hamrick Elementary School, just west of Highway 21, near House Springs, where Gabler grew up.

    Adin was the son of Min Choi of Maryland Heights. She was visiting relatives in New York and left Adin in Gabler's care. The couple had been going together for about two years.

    Larner said Gabler went on a heroin binge that week and took the drug both before and after Adin's death.
  • A license before dating a heroin user.

  • A license before traveling to New York without your children.

  • A license for dumping bodies.

Add your own tasteless comments if you need to. Point is, though, that people lie at the heart of many tragedies, whether accidental or willful, and any license regime will not prevent them.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008
A Simple Mistake That Could Have Happened To Anyone
Because of a mistake by an intern in the wardrobe department, the oldies station today featured Judy in disguise with diamonds and Lucy in the sky with glasses.

(That's a joke for you, Charles, since you're the only one who reads this blog who would get it. Not necessarily find it funny, mind you, but understand the attempt.)

July 9 Celebration
Let's look at today's calendar:
The Calendar
Click for full size
Is today a national holiday or something?
It's Wyland's birthday!
Click for full size
It is! It's Wyland's birthday! Happy birthday to that great, erm, American, I assume. Who is Wyland, you ask?

Wyland's signature
Click for full size
Why, it's the artist behind the calendar. If you've been living under a rock or, well, anywhere where you've got a life, you probably don't know that Wyland is one of the more popular artists in America now and the official artist of the US Olympic team. To be honest, I had no idea until I googled him and reached his corporation's site.

But the company puts his birthday on its calendars, and I'll be honest, I have to respect that. If my company made calendars, I'd do something similar, except that I'd have them mark my wife and kids' birthdays and my anniversary. Just so I'd be unable to forget to put them on the calendar.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008
My Kind Of Hardware Store
I just got my first Ace Rewards gift card, which means I've spent too much enough at Ace Hardware to warrant them giving me five dollars in merchandise because they know I'll buy thirty dollars worth of stuff when I come in.

The restrictions on the back make me wonder if I'm going to the wrong Ace, though.

My Ace doesn't stock liquor, tobacco, or firearms.

Prohibiting me from using this towards alcohol, tobacco, or firearms at Ace would seem to indicate that somewhere there's an Ace Hardware that stocks these things. I'd like to know which one(s) because I'd like to shop there instead of my boring old hardware store.

Monday, July 07, 2008
Doing It Wrong In The 21st Century
It's not often you see redevelopment plans like this in the 21st century:
    The Stevens family, owners of Sterling Pen Company based in Webster Groves, plan a major renovation to the 1936 "Quonset hut" building that has been unoccupied for more than 15 years. The building would be turned into office space.

    The exterior of the former brick warehouse, 8193 Big Bend, was modernized by the Stevens in the early 1990s, but the interior was never completed. The two-story building also has a basement.

    The development proposal does not call for any new construction, but would create parking for the newly-renovated building by demolishing the building currently occupied by Earth Designs. That property is also owned by the Stevens family, as is the building and property leased by the adjoining Roger's Produce, 625 E. Lockwood.

    Jeff De Pew, owner of Earth Designs, said he has been working with the Stevens family who has "made sure I have a viable and comfortable option" for relocation of his business.

    De Pew said he will move Earth Designs into a residential property at 624 Fair Oaks Ave., located directly behind his current location. The house is owned by the Stevens family, who plan a major renovation to the structure for use as a business. The home's backyard will be converted into additional parking. All access to the new development will be off of Big Bend, and not the residential neighborhood to the north.
What, the development company owns all the properties itself and doesn't need tax money to do the work?

Kudos to the Stevens family and Sterling Pen. I hope the city of Webster Groves doesn't veto the plan simply because it doesn't call for the government to exert undue influence.

Sunday, July 06, 2008
How To Barbecue Your Tofurkey
Clayton company says it has built a better grill:
    A Clayton entrepreneur is offering a solution for cooks who love to barbecue but find charcoal grills physically or environmentally distasteful. Bryce Rutter, founder and chief executive of Metaphase Design Group Inc., set up a company to produce a novel grill — one that takes up less space and uses up to 75 percent fewer charcoal briquettes than traditional models. Then Rutter went an environmental step further last month by acquiring the exclusive North American rights to import an all-natural charcoal made in the Philippines from coconut shells.
Guys, there's this thing called knowing your target audience, and the people who worry about charcoal grills being environmentally distasteful don't, you know, eat meat much less cook it over a flame. Their total food preparation experience involves leaving their lofts to go for sushi or Thai or Indian food.

But know that you've designed it, you'll discover the flawed business premise.

To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."