Musings from Brian J. Noggle
Monday, June 30, 2003
 
Sullivaning Forth

As you can see, I have redone my blog blue, blue, and more blue. All the more to emulate Andrew Sullivan.

As an added bonus to the new colors, we have server-side processing problems, which leads to things like throwing a posting under yesterday's dateline and occasionally throwing in a server-side tag. I'll get around to getting around those things one of these nights.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:58 PM   0 comments
 
Whitney Sings Norquist's Praises

Whitney Gould, the architectural critic of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, lauds the accomplishments of John Norquist, the soon-to-be-former mayor of Milwaukee.

In particular, she discusses the impact of Norquist's New Urbanist policies on the aesthetic value of the city of Milwaukee, and she identifies some of the mayoral influence on the building and architecture.

New Urbanism, or at least Norquism, have made Milwaukee look more fresh and vibrant than when he came into office. This New Urbanism seems to be a positive counterpart or corrolary of the Broken Window Theory of law enforcement. If any area looks inviting, active, and vibrant in its architecture and maintenance, people will want to come, work, and live there.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:24 AM   0 comments
Sunday, June 29, 2003
 
Public Service Announcement Regarding Beer

As some of you know, my esteemed spouse has become something of a fitness/nutrition, er, expert (I was going to say "nut" but Heather has educated me that nuts contain a lot of fat, and she does not, so "expert" it is).

Since she's gotten into this "way of life" (insanity), we've started visiting the local Whole Foods Market, which sells wheat and fiber; wheat, tofu and fiber; wheat and soy; wheat, fiber and soy; wheat, fiber, tofu and soy; soy, fiber, tofu and soy; soy, wheat, soy, soy, fiber and soy; soy, tofu, soy, soy, soy, fiber, soy, tomato and soy; soy, soy, soy, wheat and soy; soy, soy, soy, soy, soy, soy, baked beans, soy, soy, soy and soy.

When we hit the antique food aisle (you know, expensive, authentic junk food), I found King Lager, a product of Australia, and certainly something of which our Australian friends cannot be too proud. Of course, I did not know that then, so I bought a six pack of it. I figured, of course, since it was in a health food store, it must be good for me.

I should have known you cannot brew granola.

Now, I have been known to enjoy some darker, heavier beers (Guinness Draught, London Porter, and some others), but this King Lager is like drinking wheat soup.

Sorry, guys, I have not slipped into the home brewing hell, so when the texture varies between sips, I have to wonder about the sanitary conditions of the brewery. Do the organic and natural designation cut-off point come before or after Louis Pasteur? Is that prime Australian hopps, or could it be wallaby tail?

On the bright side, my bones are stonger and I have a nice, shiny coat on my head (what remains).

Regardless, I am sticking to Guinness Draught. There are no snakes in Ireland!

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:39 PM   0 comments
 
Quotes for the Day

As one of the finishing touches of preparing my home office, I am replacing the little scrips of paper and index cards with inspirational quotes upon them to their rightful positions around my desk. For lack of a better topic this afternoon, I shall publish the quotes here, so you can be inspired, too, perhaps even to "ride a century," which contrary to what it sounds, is not sitting in the passenger seat of a Buick on a beer run.

    "Caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare current." (Those who cross an ocean change their sky, but not their soul.)
    Horace

    "It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out where the strong man stumbled, or where a doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, and who comes up short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause. The man who at best knows the triumph of high achievement and who at worst, if he fails, fails while daring greatly, so that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who never knew victory or defeat."
    Teddy Roosevelt (thanks to dropbears.com for the cut-and-paste opportunity

    "Fortune knows
    We scorn her most when most she offers blows
    William Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra Act III, Scene XI

    Power is only Pain--
    Stranded, thro' Discipline
    Emily Dickinson, "252"

    "love to wyde y-blowe
    Yelt bittre fruyt, though swete seed be sowe." (Love too widely blown yields bitter fruit, though sweet seed was sown)
    Geoffrey Chaucer, Troilus and Criseyde (384-385)

    "An error made on your own is safer than ten truths accepted on faith."
    Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

    "Unlucky the hero born
    In this province of the stuck record"
    Syliva Plath, "The Times Are Tidy"
My goodness, I feel inspired and motivated to get up out of this chair and go get another beer!

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:23 PM   0 comments
Friday, June 27, 2003
 
Now, For the Irony of Flood Plain Development

The formerly blue-haired guy links to a story about how our illustrious leaders in the varied municipalities in the St. Louis area are rushing to build megavelopments on areas that were under ten feet of water ten years ago this month.

I've shopped at the Sam's Club out in Atlantis Valley myself, so I cannot claim too much superiority.

However, the farmers out there have every right to sell to stoopid developers who would buy that land, and I cannot blame those farmers. After all, if they didn't sell, the municipality of Atlantis Valley would eminent domain the land anyway, since St. Louis area municipalities think that it's perfectly acceptable to strip a person of his or her property rights if the municipality could get buckets of sales tax from the eventual beneficiaries of the confiscation. Buit that's another of my stock rants.

The ultimate irony, of course, is that Atlantis Valley will probably spend its newly-minted tax revenues on amenities for its remaining residents (both of the families whose houses were not in the way of Progress).

Amenities like water parks.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:01 PM   0 comments
 
Vacation Ideas

Business 2.0 lists some interesting industrialist and capitalist tours available.

The piece lists some cool factories that offer public tours, but don't expect free samples like you get in brewery tours from companies like Boeing.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:47 PM   0 comments
 
Poor Form, Peter

Slate today featured a round-up of previous stories about Strom Thurmond, who died last night.

The link that led to this index page off of the Slate home page read Good Riddance to Strom:



Poor form, fellows. I would say "I hope the writers of your obituary show greater respect whether they agree with your principles and politics." I would say that, but I am not that high-minded. I hope someone urinates on your grave, or worse, that no one notices you're not around anymore.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:26 PM   0 comments
 
I Am A Prime Mover In The Blogomockracy

Tim Blair is crediting me with the idea of the Jake Ryan Beer Fund.

I had no idea I was so influential.

I'm also a contributor, too, so I recommend you stop by Tim's site, see what the fund's about, and contribute.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:38 AM   0 comments
Thursday, June 26, 2003
 
Making the Personal Songs Political

On Tuesday, over on Politiblog, Jared M. enumerated the ways Fred "Wimp Biscuit" Durst (whose personal site is not ihatefreddurst.com as you might expect) and Johnny "Boy Named Goo" Rzeznik schnucked up the Pink Floyd classic "Wish You Were Here" (scroll down--I linked to the lyrics for the whole album Wish You Were Here so you could get the feel for the whole album) for a tribute concert of some sort.

Here's what I said in the comments for the post on Politblog:
    The easiest way to wreck a good Pink Floyd song, or any song, is to make the personal political.

    The best Pink Floyd songs conveyed personal experience. Think Dark Side of the Moon, Wish You Were Here (which, of course, contains "Wish You Were Here", and The Wall.

    Other, more self-consciously Save-The-World-By-Espousing-My-Whack-Job-Ideology work, notably The Final Cut, didn't resonate because those works preached.

    You can follow the trend in Roger Waters' own work, where The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking tells a personal story of love loss and redemption, but Radio KAOS is some unlistenable parable and Amused to Death explains why the West, particularly America and Great Britain, are militaristic punks (don't get me started on the contradictions in its messages).

    David Gilmour, on the other hand, has his moments of protest, but his solo work and his Momentary Lapse of Reason and beyond Pink Floyd show that he knows that people connect best to personal messages within the music, not politics and preaching, and especially not hectoring.

    So Durst and Goo have shown their tone-deafness to the reason "Wish You Were Here" resonated with listeners in the first place: it was a song from a narrator to a friend, not a manifesto.

    Their update pays homage to a recognized and revered old song, but they've entirely missed why it's recognized and reverered. They've tried to ride the coattails of the song, and the song just shrugged the jacket off, leaving them standing there with neither recognition nor reverence.
I just wanted to repost it here because:
  1. It's a long post, almost an essay.
  2. I am too lazy to write essays on my own site tonight.
  3. I figured some of my fans (one or two of the three or four) might have listened to Pink Floyd once or twice.
Consider it a manifesto to songwriters and poets everywhere. Get your message across by singing individual experiences to individuals, not by thumping your bleedin-heart-containin' chest.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:39 PM   0 comments
 
New Streams of Revenue

The New York Daily News rounds up the ways that New York's finest are enforcing all the laws on the books and citing everything to make up for the city's revenue shortfall through fines.

My favorite: The driver who got into a car accident and then got a ticket for having a broken headlight three days in a row. The law in question states:
    The law says it is illegal to operate, drive or park a vehicle not equipped with headlamps that are in good working conditions.
You cannot drive it. You cannot park it. The only answer is to destroy the car immediately when a headlight goes out. I would expect that sort of law in Detroit, not New York.

Sharpen your outrage, friends. I know this is confined to New York now, but rest assured your municipal officials are watching and learning. Soon, you'll be paying for the upkeep of water parks and other flotsam from rich revenues with fines for grass that's too tall for your particular suburb.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:14 PM   0 comments
 
How Cute!

To highlight the fact that St. Louis now features several consecutive blocks of buildings in its downtown that are not crumbling, it's throwing a "Summerfest" on Washington Avenue. How cute!

That's not a summerfest. This is a Summerfest.

(signed)

The Milwaukee Chauvinist Club.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:11 AM   0 comments
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
 
Now They've Gone Too Far

Editorial in today's Washington Post shows exactly how bad things have gotten in Pakistan:
    Over the past few years, extremist Islamic groups in Pakistan have mounted a unilateral terror campaign. But Americans and Christians have not been the only victims. Women, secular advocates and even Muslims -- Ahmadis, dissenting Sunni Muslims and Shiite Muslims -- have also come under attack. [Emphasis mine.]
Oh, my. So it's not just Americans and Christians dying, which is okay; now it's other minority groups, which is somehow worse than just Americans and Christians.

Now that protected groups are getting it, perhaps we should start protecting them. Am I reading this op-ed piece right?

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:44 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
 
Buy the Guy a Beer

A survivor of the Bali terrorist bombing recently expressed the sentiments we all share when the admitted terrorist shouted "Allah Ackbar!" in the courtroom.

Jake Ryan, a survivor of the bombing who had bone shrapnel of other victims removed from his body, arose and loudly explained:
    "You're a f . . king dog, mate, you are going to die, you f . . k."
Tim Blair has started a fund to buy Mr. Ryan some beer to toast his eloquence. I have contributed. You should, too.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:19 PM   0 comments
 
Il Dick

So Representative Gephardt, in his Look at me! campaign for the Democrat nomination for president, briefly made his voice heard above the dim din of the other candidates by saying:
    "When I'm president, we'll do executive orders to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme Court does tomorrow or any other day," Gephardt said.
Rachel Lucas was the first to go off on him, followed later by Professor Volokh, Andrew Sullivan, Professor Reynolds, and even ScrappleFace, leading to the normal blogomockratic firestorm.

Okay, so Il Dick would knock out at least one competing branch of government if he were elected president. I have good news, though, he won't! He's such a longshot candidate that he's firing all of his guns at once and imploding in his space, or something along those lines.

Unlike Ms. Lucas, Prof. Volokh, Mr. Sullivan, Prof. Reynolds, and Mr. Face, I have had the privilege of voting against Dick Gephardt. When I lived in Attempted Casinoport, Missouri, that unincorporated area known colloquially as "Lemay," I was in his district. Every two years, I got to vote for whatever Don QuiGOP candidate tilted at the Speaker of the House. The best protest votes I ever cast.

But I digress. When prompted to explain the statement by ABC's The Note, Gephardt's office said:
    We asked the Gephardt campaign for a response. "The fact that this question comes from libertarian law professors should speak for itself," spokesman Erik Smith wrote in an e-mail. "Dick Gephardt knows the law. The president can not overturn a Supreme Court decision. That's not what he said. He was simply expressing his commitment to diversity and his willingness to use the tools of his office to promote affirmative action programs to the fullest extent possible. It's important to remember that Harry Truman used an executive order to integrate the military." [Emphasis mine]
So the response is that libertarians are whack jobs! Ad homenim! Of course, they'd hate to practice the politics of personal destruction, but since some people have begun taking the representative at his word, there will be hell to pay!

Fortunately, Dick Gephardt will return to citizen life soon, and by "citizen life" I mean "highly paid lobbyist life."

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:49 PM   0 comments
 
Okay, Hijinks Now A Felony

Back in May, I wrote about a young man here in Missouri who got caught videotaping the girls locker room. Lucky thing for him, he didn't do it in New York, where Gov Pattycakes just signed a law making video voyeurism a felony.

Not only that, but if you record a someone unclothed in a bedroom against her (let's be honest, it's always gonna be a her) will, you get added to the state's registry of sex offenders as though you were a serial molester of Webelos.

Ask me sometime and I will go on at length about the legislative insanity that assigns felony to minor offenses that cause no physical harm or threat. It's easy to do something! about a perceived problem by getting tough, but it's another thing entirely to continue to warehouse non-violent offenders for years on end.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:12 PM   0 comments
Monday, June 23, 2003
 
Five Out of Five Cats Agree

Researchers once again provide a handy rationalization for me: napping is good for you.

My crack feline team, particularly Dominique and Aurora, has often acted as an experiment group by sleeping upon my lap as I spend an hour in the afternoon reclined and, er, working on my astral projection abilities. Typically, I close my eyes and project myself an hour into the future, refreshed and ready for a night of chores or blogging.

Now that napping, too, has proven good for me, I am proud to add it to my daily regimen of healthy vices. Two cups of coffee, two drinks of alcohol, and a nap, and I will live forever.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:11 PM   0 comments
 
How Many Can You Name?

According to a recent survey (alluded to by Fark), two thirds of Americans cannot name a single Supreme Court Justice.

I could, off the top of my head (and without using the Internet) could name 6: Rehnquist, O'Connor, Ginsberg, Scalia, Kennedy, and Thomas. Smarter-than-thou colleague Adam could name seven, but he missed Stevens and Kennedy. Neener neener neener!

Which reminded me of a set of questions with which I would strike out at coworkers and associates back when I was a young man. The one that particularly flummoxed fellow English majors who attended the same Jesuit university I did was Name six morals.. Crikey, the biblical book of Exodus quite famously contains ten. I wasn't even asking for moral to which the answerer adhered. Just give me six. Many could not.

The other great fun one was "When was the Civil War fought?" Ikes, the years I received as an answer. 1910 was the best (worse) answer I got. Seven years before World War I. Of course, the respondent wouldn't have known that, either.

Undoubtedly you, gentle blog reader, are better steeped in civics than printers (those who run printing presses), so I expect you could name at least six Supreme Court Justices (because this very entry names seven). However, feel free to challenge your pub mates, and to name their senators and congressional representative, as well as governor, state assembly rep, state senator, mayor, and alderman.

Perhaps if we can shame them through pub bets it will increase their civics knowledge. Or at least get us free delicious Guinness Draughts when we win the bet.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:08 PM   0 comments
 
V: The Next Generation

Mapchic likes V and V: The Final Battle.

This news, about a new movie that carries on where the others, and presumably V: The Series, left off, should cheer her.

Robert Englund recently said that he'd be remembered forever as Freddy, but we'll always remember you as Willie, the vegetarian visitor, Robert. You're a geek icon.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:51 PM   0 comments
 
Fame, Fortune, and Chicks with Geek Speak

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch is reprinting a Knight Ridder Newspapers syndication about how to enter the IT world by learning a little geek speak.

Words like PEBKAC? Nagware? OS? LAN? Intranet? Firewall?

Drop those in your job interview, you little punk, and we'll know your certs were vaporware. Get back to AOL where it's safe. Before you do, please confirm your credit card number below.

- posted by Brian J. @ 3:37 PM   0 comments
 
Norquist Bows Out of Milwaukee

He might have been a Democrat. He worked a little too closely with a female member of his staff. But Mayor John Norquist did wonders for the city of Milwaukee, singlehandedly revitalizing the downtown with his New Urbanist zeal. His time in office is ending.

I remember Milwaukee being pretty dead downtown when I started college in 1990, about two years into his first term as mayor. Now, when I go back, people live downtown, and not just the homeless. The city's nightlife has spread southward from the East Side so that nightclubs are open in the heart of downtown. Condos are going up by the lake. Apartment complexes have sprouted on Wisconsin Avenue. And there are people.

Kind of a shame that St. Louis, a city whose metropolitan area boasts a larger population than Milwaukee, continues its corrupt morass and stunted revitalization efforts. If Norquist wanted to come down and run for mayor of St. Louis, I'd vote for him.

What, you say, but Brian J., you live in Casinoport. How can you vote for the mayor of St. Louis?

Well, being a living, breathing resident of St. Louis is not exactly required to vote in St. Louis.

- posted by Brian J. @ 3:32 PM   0 comments
 
Kaplan Weighs In With His Aeronautics Experience

Fred Kaplan, of Slate, elucidates on the MDA's recent missile test. He says it's laughable that the interceptor could have missed and the test succeeded. His ignorance shows, but professional writers, and by professional writers I mean "all other professional writers except me," don't have to know much about the real world to pund.

I've gone on about this missile test before, and I am too bored to go over it again. I'll let John J. Miller handle Kaplan.

- posted by Brian J. @ 3:24 PM   0 comments
 
Florida Law Enforcement Officials Punish Preventive Detention

Less than a week after a Florida boy is killed by an alligator, a Florida man is fined for possession of an alligator because he lassoed it and detained it as it approached a woman and two small children.

The guy, who was driving, stopped and lassoed the reptile as it approached the potential victims. He then dragged it away from the wimmen and chillen and waited for the authorities to show up. When they did, they promptly wrote him a citation, made him cut the rope, and then called a trapper to come catch the animal.

Jeb, what is going on in your state?

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:02 AM   0 comments
Sunday, June 22, 2003
 
Jewel and Firearms

Since I know I am The Formerly Blue Haired Guy's source for Jewel information, I must point him to a revealing admission about her affinity for the long guns on Instapundit.

Easy, honey! I am doing it for Hans!

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:06 PM   0 comments
 
Stop That Racoon!

Quick! Someone stop that racoon, it's stolen Cyndi Lauper's song "I Drove All Night"!

Wait a minute! That's not a racoon! It's Celine Dion in her Vegas eye makeup!

Unfortunately, she doesn't realize that song belongs to Cyndi Lauper.

Put down the song, Celine, and raise your five-octave voice out of the range of human hearing.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:02 PM   0 comments
Saturday, June 21, 2003
 
Jewel 0304: The Review

As some of you might know, I purchased the new album from Jewel Kilcher, 0304, when it came out three weeks ago. A member of my adoring public (which means if it ain't you, it's the other one) asked for a full review of it since I, after listening to it once or twice, gushed enough to convince him to buy it. He hasn't spoken to me since. Let this be my apology.

Jewel's got a new sound, as you have read elsewhere. Her other albums have been folksy, with her voice and subtle acoustic guitar giving her a subtle, breathy sexiness in her love songs (think "Morning Song"). When I first heard 0304, with its dance beats and a more confident sexuality in songs like "Leave the Light On", "Sweet Temptation", or "2 Become 1", I thought, wow! It was something akin to seeing the little sister of your bestest buddy blossom from a cute kid into a woman.

Unfortunately, after a couple more listens, the song "Yes You Can" sticks in my head. The song's a celebration of dance club/rave culture casual sex. Suddenly, it's akin to seeing the little sister of your bestest buddy blossom from a cute kid into a woman who happens to be a prostitute. Ick.

Maybe prostitution's a good analogy. After all, she's changed her music and her image to target a demographic instead of trying to please her core audience with some expansion (Dr. Thomas to emergency, please; Dr. Thomas to emergency).

She's sacrificed some of her other, more thoughtful songs about things aside from chasing members of the opposite sex. No "Hands", no "Down So Long", no "Who Will Save Your Soul" (her best song, period). The album changes pace (allowing listeners to recuperate for a minute and slam some ginseng and saw palmetto) with "America", but I saw the same Songwrite-By-Numbers kit in K-Mart.

So I'm disappointed with the album, but it's not all bad. Jewel can carry a playful dance number when she uses her manic voice. You know the one I am talking about. The less breathy (although still breathy), with clear, aggressive notes ("Who Will Save Your Soul" and "Hands"). When she tries to mesh her plaintive voice ("Adrian") into the bubbles of notes and backbeat, it fails. Fortunately, she stays away from the bleats. After all, the albums all about coming together for a night, not breaking up badly.

I give it a two of four whatevers, and I am disappointed because I expect a little more from Jewel. I listened to Pieces of You over and over again, for crying out loud. I hope it's only a departure, as do many of the reviewers on Amazon. I guess it will depend upon whether her new audience is bigger than her old audience.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:21 PM   0 comments
 
On Second Thought, Nat....

Maybe it's not a good gamble to demand renegotiation on your recording contract, threaten to return to Australian serials, and hold your breath for more money since you're a big star based on your 1998 album Left of the Middle and your two hits, "Torn" and "Wishing I Was There."

It might be more of a bluff than you think, and if they call you on it, your career might be in real trouble.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:44 PM   0 comments
 
Since They've Won The War On Terror

Obviously the FBI has some time to get music swappers.

After all, when smart constraints remain on federal law enforcement of civil offenses, the terrorists will have won!

(Pointer from Techdirt.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:25 AM   0 comments
 
High School PoilitiAngst

Brian's plog--paper log, aka "journal" (because boys don't keep diaries)--entry for January 5, 1989:
    I just heard on the radio that it's two weeks until Reagan leaves office. I have been an admirer of his and true to Dean (Theologian's) [a BBS friend, you damn Internet era whippersnappers] prediction, I have a Reagan-[George H.W.] Bush picture over my mirror. I sincerely hope Bush can handle the country, especially with the new Libyan pressures--the two jets downed yesterday and all [story].

    I wrote my secret pal yesterday & she ought to get it today. That's only my third for the year. The Honor Society Hit Squad oughta get me.

    Up to 50 degrees today! Gawd! It's only January! We need some snow for snowdays.

    Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!
Yessir, I am easily influenced by what I read, and the Henry Reed series of books (read much earlier than my junior year in high school, thank you very much--as I recall, my tastes around then were fairly heavy into mystery, as my essay "Meeting Robert B. Parker" attests). I started journaling several times in high school, and this particular stretch (my junior year) captures some political thoughts. The remainder is daily life in high school.

Which is why I appreciated my visit to Jared Myers' PolitiBlog. It's got a conservative political bent, but exposed in the life of a high school student. It's the journal entries I would write today, were I short of a score of years.

Oh, yeah, and Wednesday is Hot Conservative Chick Day.

Except he's forgotten the hot Libertarian-esque babes Heather, Rachel Lucas, and Virginia Postrel. Or maybe he just hasn't gotten to them yet.

(Link seen on InstaPundit.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:11 AM   0 comments
Friday, June 20, 2003
 
Kerry's Boolean Criteria for a Fillibuster?

Oh, and check out the Boolean construction in his criteria for a fillibuster. It's not really clear. He'll fillibuster a candidate who
    ((would turn back the clock on a woman's right to choose OR would turn back the clock the constitutional right to privacy OR (would turn back the clock on civil rights AND individual liberties)) AND would turn back the clock on the laws protecting workers) AND would turn back the clock on the environment
That's a pretty convoluted criteria, and a pretty tough one to meet. I reckon no candidate would, which means Kerry's algorithmic condition will never be met. No fillibuster(String supremeCourtNominee) method call at all!

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:29 PM   0 comments
 
Senator Kerry Threatens to Deploy Evil Kerrybot

Drudge has pointed to a story in which Senator John Kerry, in which the Vietnam veteran claims:
    "I am prepared to filibuster, if necessary, any Supreme Court nominee who would turn back the clock on a woman's right to choose or the constitutional right to privacy, on civil rights and individual liberties and on the laws protecting workers and the environment," Kerry said in remarks via satellite at a meeting of Democratic party officials in St. Paul, Minn.
As you know, Senator Kerry's full-time job these days is running for the Democratic Party's presidential nominee. This requires nationwide, or at lease extra-DC, schmoozing, gladhanding, speechifying, and fundraising--all things you cannot do while not yielding the Senate floor.

Hence, I can only infer that he is planning to unleash an android replica of himself to do one or the other since he cannot be in all those places at the same time.

I just threw in the evil part because it makes the copy snappier. We all know Senator Kerry is not truly evil, just misguided.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:26 PM   0 comments
 
Schoolchildren Learn About Suburban Pettiness

Another suburb of Milwaukee is suffering from a shortage of Paxil. Residents in Cerdarburg have created a petition complaining that the colors of playground equipment are too colorful.

If it's not the color of a duck blind, suburban Milwaukee communities don't want it. Heaven forbid their property values not rise as quickly as the next drab suburb over.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:12 PM   0 comments
 
Future Brave Man Washes Out of Training

In Florida, a group of kids were swimming in a river even though they could see alligators nearby all day. Of course, when they saw the alligators, they got out of the water. Except for the toughest of the bunch, who might have been trying to prove his bravery. It didn't work out for him.

Do you think we'll get a summer of Alligator Attack! hype from this?

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:22 AM   0 comments
Thursday, June 19, 2003
 
Scandal: Defects Uncovered During Testing!

Headline on CNN: Missile misses target, officials call it a success. Implication seems to be that the officials (military-techno-industrial complex!) are, um, Mooring the truth a little, too say the least.

After all, the lead intones:
    The Missile Defense Agency conducted a missile defense test over Hawaii Wednesday, and while the warhead did not strike the target, officials said they still considered the exercise a success.

    "I wouldn't call it a failed test, because the intercept was not the primary objective," said Chris Taylor, a spokesman for the MDA. "It's still considered a success in that we gained great engineering data. We just don't know why it didn't hit."
Well, the missile test also did not:
  • Fix the economy.
  • Prevent the Oracle hostile takeover of PeopleSoft.
  • Repair France's image problem with American tourist money.
  • Vote for my slogan at IMAO.
However, none of these was the objective of the test, and hence none represents criteria for success. The engineers, who are working on the project, probably have a reasonable idea of where they are in the development cycle. As a matter of fact, the officials indicate (but are not quoted in their own words) as saying:
    Three previous flight tests were successful, Taylor said, but they used an earlier version of a system to control the warhead's aim and maneuvering. Information from the earlier tests was used for a new design of the system, which was used in Wednesday's test, the Defense Department said. [Emphasis mine]
So the MDA or its engineers redesigned a part of the system and are testing it out for the first time? Note how CNN uses a "but" conjunction in the quote above. I wonder if the second clause, or whatever source from which it came, opposed the first clause. I doubt it. I suspect criteria for the test might have included things like the operations of the independent systems within the interceptor.

No matter the criteria in this individual test, I am glad to see the flaws shaken out before the system's deployed. If the MDA hadn't caught this flaw now, it would have made living in Los Angeles or Seattle much more dangerous a couple years from now. Permanent shadows don't log defects.

Maybe the media should understand the goals and process of testing before they start pontificating.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:45 PM   0 comments
 
J. Bradord DeLong: Fellow Minion of Sid

In this column in Wired, DeLong admits his problem:
    In the spring of 1994, I wiped the game Civilization off my office computer. I wiped it off my home PC. I wiped it off my laptop. I threw away the original disks on which it had come. It was clear to me that I had a choice: I could either have Civilization on my computers, or I could be a deputy assistant secretary of the US Treasury. I could not do both. It wasn't that my boss ordered me to - she herself played a mean game of computer solitaire. In this, I was the boss, and I had decided that with Civilization on DeLong's hard disk, DeLong's productivity would be unacceptably low.
I, too, have struggled against Civilization since my esteemed spouse convinced me to install it on my old 486. And then Civilization II. And now the accursed Civilization III.

There have been times when I have removed it so I could better discipline myself to spend more time writing than manipulating little civilizations into conquest or other policy. When I have had to rebuild my computers from software or hardware disaster, I have often delayed putting it back on, but the la belle game sans merci hath me in thrall (sorry, Johnny).

I think he says something else in the piece, but I only saw the name of the game before feeling the compulsion to start a game. The CD's already in the drive, don't you know?

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:45 PM   0 comments
 
Shareware's Triumphant Return

A CNN article describes how shareware is making a comeback. Well, duh!

The shareware distribution model makes a lot of sense. Smaller applications, many of which are home grown at first, have lower development, marketing, and distribution costs, and the author of the software can pass the savings on. Best of all, you get stripped down versions to evaluate at your leisure for free and for an unlimited time.

It's hard not to appreciate it. Hey, I have been a fan of shareware for over a decade. I still have the original Duke Nukem and Cosmo's Great Adventure loaded on my Windows 2000 box, running in all their two dimensional scrolling glories. Not only do they it run as well on my Athlon 1000+ as on my 286-10, but the replayabilty remains. Todd Replogle, where have you gone?

Hopefully not off somewhere to write the interchangeable first person shooters, like Duke Nukem 3D. I hope you retired off of your old Apogee earnings before sinking to that level.

(Link seen on /..)

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:17 PM   0 comments
 
Moore's New Tautology Thriller

In defense of his comedy Bowling for Columbine, which critics have pointed out sometimes reflects reality kinda like Silly Putty does, Michael Moore has been quoted as saying "The facts in the movie are correct."

With that in mind, I would like to add:
  • Michael Moore won an Oscar for his work.
  • Michael Moore is a gnork.
  • Morpolians from the third planet of the Ponolia system have begun controlling the thoughts of auditors who count voting results for the Academy.
I assure you, the facts in this posting are correct. The ad hominems and outright fictions, on the other hand.....

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:52 AM   0 comments
 
Thought for the Day

Courtesy of the Chicago Sun-Times' Richard Roeper:

"The true definition of multi-tasking is to do several things half-assed, all at once."

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:42 AM   0 comments
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
 
J.K. Rowling Closes Gap to $1 Billion The Easy Way

Authoress J.K. Rowling, whose prowess with fascinating people with 11-year-old boys rivals Catholic seminaries, is closing in on becoming the first billionaire author and has discovered the fast track to wealth. It's not the book royalties or the merchandising rights after all. It's $100 million dollar litigation.

She's suing a newspaper for leaking details about the latest Harry Potter novel for $100 million dollars. Give me a schnucking break.

Oh, and Scholastic's gonna punish retailers who break the rules:
    Retailers signed agreements not to put the book on sale early, with Scholastic threatening to punish violators by withholding timely shipments of future Potter books.
Pah! I always like Tab book club better. Neener neener neener.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:26 PM   0 comments
 
Rainwater: Bad or Bad?

Compare and contrast our flood with the Rybarcyzk flood.

We're keeping up with the neighbors, all right. Except Bob doesn't have an Arkanoid or a Heavy Barrel, and he cannot do an Agent Gollum, so I remain King Geek of Casinoport, Missouri!

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:38 PM   0 comments
 
Thought for the Day

Thinking outside the box is not so good when you're a house cat.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:05 PM   0 comments
 
Support Heather's Modeling Dream

Go over to IMAO right now and vote for my slogan entry. If I win the tee-shirt, Heather will get it and will model it in a tasteful and suitably tasty manner. So you see, it's not for me, it's for Heather. All for Heather.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:44 AM   0 comments
 
Gangsta Kitsch

St. Louis Magazine has a story in its June issue (not yet online) about St. Louis gangs in the 1920s and their wacky whackings. Written in sepia-prose and laid on a parchmentesque watermark, this piece romanticizes a bloody bunch of men and their battles to control crime, which included mail truck robberies and control of the illegal drug market, which meant alcohol trafficking.

Contrast that with gangs today. Rap music, particularly gangsta rap, idealizes the lifestyle, and I suspect most people who turn to St. Louis Magazine to find dining plans or interior design ideas don't care for gangsta rap and probably hate and fear the thought of current gangland violence.

Is the difference in gang perception based on race? That is, does middle America prefer its gangs Irish instead of another, differently-colored minority?

Maybe a little bit, but I reckon it's more the long, long ago in galaxy far, far away aspect of it. Egan's Rats and the Cuckoos, whose the survivors have died of old age by now, aren't a current threat to law abiding, SUV-driving folk, but today's gangs are.

Someday, I imagine our descendants will read about drive-by shootings with the same amused interest, thinking "Shooting from a car with a nine millimeter pistol! How quaint!"

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:26 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
 
Meanwhile, Back on the Twisted Elephant Ranch

Congresswoman Mary Bono, who is almost the Jean Carnahan of California, is going to start a congressional caucus on property rights and music piracy even though she's rumored as under consideration as head of the RIAA.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:44 PM   0 comments
 
Orrin Hatch Crosses All Lines

It's not clear which portions of the Bill of Rights or Constiturion Orrin Hatch considers sacred, but given his interest in allowing RIAAvens to destroy the computer of someone who downloads copyright songs illegally, I could only answer for certain "Article I, Section 3."

Choice quotes from the linked article:
    During a discussion on methods to frustrate computer users who illegally exchange music and movie files over the Internet, Hatch asked technology executives about ways to damage computers involved in such file trading. Legal experts have said any such attack would violate federal anti-hacking laws.

    "No one is interested in destroying anyone's computer," replied Randy Saaf of MediaDefender Inc., a secretive Los Angeles company that builds technology to disrupt music downloads. One technique deliberately downloads pirated material very slowly so other users can't.

    "I'm interested," Hatch interrupted. He said damaging someone's computer "may be the only way you can teach somebody about copyrights."

    The senator acknowledged Congress would have to enact an exemption for copyright owners from liability for damaging computers. He endorsed technology that would twice warn a computer user about illegal online behavior, "then destroy their computer."

    "If we can find some way to do this without destroying their machines, we'd be interested in hearing about that," Hatch said. "If that's the only way, then I'm all for destroying their machines. If you have a few hundred thousand of those, I think people would realize" the seriousness of their actions, he said.
So Senator Hatch, a legislator, wants to cede law enforcement, the duty of the executive branch of the government to private industry. Further more, he wants that private industry to punish a civil offense with damage to personal property (I cannot fight the bold font any longer) without due process and without a warrant (illegal search and seizure).

He wants this to protect an industry that's doing its best to hang itself with mediocre music, boy bands, American Idol, and targetting an audience with no disposable income but with Kazaa.

I wish I lived in Utah so I could vote against him.

    "There's no excuse for anyone violating copyright laws," Hatch said.
Hang 'em high, Judge Roy Bean. Make it a capital strict liablitly offense then.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:58 PM   0 comments
Monday, June 16, 2003
 
Excessive Fairness

Aristotle said, "Everything in moderation," and the bureaucrats at the forthcoming People's Democratic Republic of Europe know that since a little moderation is good, a great deal of coerced moderation must be better. Hence, they want to moderate every type of Internet site to ensure that both sides of any issue get equal time to express their viewpoints. CNet's Declan McCullagh has the details.

As I have said before, some think that the linchpin of democracy was the unlegislated mandate called the Fairness Doctrine.

Of course, the same people tend to think that your property, whether it's your radio station or your Web hosting, does not belong to you, it belongs to the hoi polloi, and they get to administer the application of your limited rights to your own property. You're not qualified to decide who gets to speak on your time and your dime.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:08 PM   0 comments
Sunday, June 15, 2003
 
Hear, Hear

The only gift I could think to give would be another long, long day fishing, maybe 13 years ago.

It was Father's Day. Love them if you've got them. Tomorrow, too.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:39 PM   0 comments
 
Has It Been Seven Years Already?

Wow, it's been seven years since G.J. Meyer published his book Executive Blues: Down and Out In Corporate America and detailed how much it sucks to be laid off from a six figure salary and how he couldn't find a job.

Now Fortune is reporting it's still tough when you're white-color unemployed. Especially if you're white-collar and formerly of high title and high salary.

Once, when I was a young man in college, sitting in the lobby of one of the halls that house classes on the campus of Marquette Univeristy, peddling doughnuts to support a fledgling literary magazine, and undoubtedly trying to win the affection of one of the interchangeable English-major blondes, a security guard imitation cop stopped at the imitation doughnut shop and gave me a bit of advice for which my upbringing and general outlook had prepared me: always have more than one potential source of income. Actually, he probably said "Have more than one pot on the fire," or some other cliche, but as a recovering English major, I hate to repeat it verbatim.

I can, however. summarize the lesson. The gentleman related his life story, or at least his C.V., while eating a doughnut. He hadn't gone to college, but he'd joined the National Guard. Throughout his tumultous employment career, he'd had the one-weekend-a-month-two-weeks-in-summer pay as well as a variety of part-time positions in addition to whatever full-time job he held at the time. Although his life, to that point, comprised the period from the 1960s to the early 1990s, he'd seen enough ups and downs to know that the world didn't owe him something since he was present.

Of course, he didn't have the $40,000 parchment, so one could easily dismiss the ramblings of an overweight rentacop in a grey parka. But when a security guard talks about security, and not just in the physical sense, perhaps one should heed. As both Meyer and the heroes of the Fortune piece could attest, parchments and titles don't offer true security in a turbulent, evolving world.

Personally, I have held innumerable positions in numerous fields, including printing, shipping/receiving, grocery stores, IT, and magazines. I have a handy mix of blue collar skills and mad money skills. Whatever the job market, I will find something, even if it means something less than what I have now. I have also dodged the bullet of getting an superdooper title. Many cash-strapped companies will give you an esteem-building title instead of giving you a raise. Becoming Vice-Mechanic of Doc-U-Matics would make it much more difficult to simply be a Doc-U-Matic somewhere else, and I have deked when appropriate.

So I doubt I'll ever have time to write a book or talk to another writer about being out of work and suffering without my ludicrous paychecks coming twice a month. I'll be too busy working.

(And as my esteemed spouse has indicated, she has some mad 733t skillz at transcription and biscuit making, so no matter how the economy turns, we'll have a hovel to call home.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:27 PM   0 comments
 
What Does The Singular Iranian Mind Want?

According to the BBC, to whom I was pointed by Instapundit, it wants US intervention in its uprising against the ruling theocracy.

According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, which I get delivered on weekends because, well.... hmm, I'll get back to you on that, the Iranian people does not want US intervention in its uprising against the ruling theocracy.

Which is it? The answer is Yes.

Because The People of Iran is not an It, they're a They. Because the individuals within any group of people, especially a group narrowly defined based on ethnicity, location, or nation, hold different and often contradictory positions on any number of issues, you can probably attribute any sentiment to The People and not be wrong.

However, it's an interesting way of flushing out a "journalist" and his or her own personal biases. Whenever reading one of these pieces, you can determine the point of view closest to the heart of the "journalist" (not counting limited omniscient, which is the Point Of View many journalists think they have). The "journalist" projects this sentiment to the People.

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:19 PM   0 comments
 
Mark Sanford in 2008

I wish our governor was as frugal as South Carolina's Mark Sanford.

Our governor keeps wasting red stamp ink on the budget cuts he keeps vetoing.

- posted by Brian J. @ 12:15 AM   0 comments
Saturday, June 14, 2003
 
Just Depends On What Your County Trips On

Michele Alliot-Marie, defense minister of France, shares "Whoa, dude, and like one time when I was dropping acid...." type stories in the Washington Post:
    "The American Defense Secretary (Donald Rumsfeld) believes the United States is the only military, economic and financial power in the world. We do not share this vision," Alliot-Marie told Le Monde newspaper in the interview published on Saturday.
Of course not. They, and by they I am not sure whether I mean Alliot-Marie and her friends and associates or the whole of France, see different things when they eat the wrong types of mushrooms with their snails, which is most of the time. In these weird moments when the walls breathe and sweat, they oten have visions of a relevant and powerful France, just like in their picturebook history texts. A free, fraternal France, where workers have to punch in at 10:30 in the morning and get to punch out at 10:42 and the economy continues to grow. Hated tourists realize they mess up the beautiful landscape and just mail money directly, without trompling through the vineyards. And then suddenly the grapes grow very large, develop eyes and a nose but no mouth, and talk through their nostrils.

Perhaps that's the vision they would like to share with us.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:02 PM   0 comments
Friday, June 13, 2003
 
Law Of Averages Leaving Some Students Behind

The pièce de résistance of a piece de commentary in the Sacramento Bee is:
    "I don't doubt that Jim Sweeney loves children and had dedicated his life's career to improving education," she said. "The school district has done some wonderful things ... but (on state tests) half the students are still below the 50th percentile. That's a problem."
Sacramento City Councilwoman Lauren Hammond apparently wants all students to be above average. And she's right. For two long, the law of averages has been a TOOL OF OPPRESSION designed to WRECK THE SELF-ESTEEM of otherwise talented adolescents of all ages. To be a truly effective school administrator, you must ensure that all students achieve the same level of suckcess, which probably means lowering the double bars of the equals sign until the only standard applied is "better than nothing."

(Link seen on Best of the Web Today.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:36 PM   0 comments
 
And George W. Bush Makes Two

Word. I have a buddy who fell off of Ray Lane's own Segway once, and Ray Lane said he'd never seen that before.

Well, now my friend has company. Yahoo! has a picture of George W. Bush falling off of one, with greater style and form than he did.

(Link seen on Fark.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:21 PM   0 comments
 
James Lileks on Mortality

James Lileks, known to bloggers for his daily Internet column The Bleat, wrote a long piece in 1996 about his mother's death from cancer. Go forth and read "October at Home".

And if you want a shorter take on losing a parent to cancer, read my doggerel "But through fifth floor hospital panes...." in an old PDF edition of Prolog. It's no One True Thing, but it got published.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:34 AM   0 comments
Thursday, June 12, 2003
 
Whenever I Feel Like a Paranoid Whack Job

Whenever I am feeling like a paranoid whack job, I can get some perspective by going down to Border's and picking up the latest copy of Paranoia: The Conspiracy Reader.

One quick read, and I realize I am okay. THEY are not all out to get me.

Some of THEM are out to get others, too.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:10 PM   0 comments
 
New from Ralph Lauren: Evan Essence

Draw the attention of women just like Joe Millionaire with this manly scent.

No, really evanescence means "To dissipate or disappear like vapor." A cool name for a Christian technoalternapop band, but one wonders how they came up with the name. Did a member of the band hear the word and decide, "That would be a great name for a band," and learn to play a synthesizer so he or she could found the band? Or did they consult a thesaurus to find a cool, sibilant word that captures individual human existence in the greater fabric of eternity?

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:23 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
 
The Chicago Printers Row Book Fair, Reviewed

While in Chicago, Heather and I spent a morning at the Printers [sic, and the Chicago Tribune, sponsor of the event, should know better!] Row Book Fair on, well, Printers' Row, in Chicago. You can find the Chicago Tribune's review here if you hurry.

You want to hear my review? Here it is: What idiot would go used book shopping with 10,000 friends? (Please exclude current blogger and his esteemed spouse from your answer.) You cannot adequately peruse and handle interesting books while actively and purposefully jostling nearby extras, guarding the wallet, and annoying Howard Dean pamphleteers by telling them, "I will vote only for a candidate who frequently affirms he served in Viet Nam" (which works best if you can somehow pronounce it as two words).

However, when you're in Chicago, do visit Printers' Row on Dearborn. You will find a most exquisite shop of rare and fine editions. If you're like me, you won't afford them, but they're nice to see. You'll enjoy it much more if you think of it as a zoo instead of a book store.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:32 PM   0 comments
 
Warning: Your Middle Class Assumptions Are Exposed

As I was reading a nice hefty copy of the printed Chicago Tribune last Sunday (since I was in Chicago, donchaknow), I came across a story entitled "Critics: Is broadcast TV worth saving?" with "Some question its relevance" as the subhead (if you're quick, you can see an online copy of the article here but be advised it goes to the pay archive on the 15th).

Here's what those critics say:

    Yet some critics say the system is irreparably broken and growing more irrelevant in the face of competition from cable and satellite services, even as the federal government has moved to prop up the broadcast industry.
Yessiree, free broadcast television is irrelevant because we middle class writers and critics can instead spend $50 or more a month of our extensive writin' and criticizin' salaries on the licensed luxury of paying some company to pipe entertainment into our homes. Of course, when projecting our own experience of life onto the whole wide country, perhaps we ought to take into consideration those people who cannot afford digital-quality audio and sound (except when technical difficulties interrupt service, sorry, no prorated refund). Don't the Critics normally champion the underprivileged?

Let me see if I can sum up the reasons the Critics want broadcast television to die:
  • Selling the rights to those portions of the electromagnetic spectrum would raise money that the government could then fritter away as it normally fritters away money, typically in ways the Critics like.
  • Broadcast viewers are disenfranchised because broadcasters target programs to the audiences advertisers want. That is, the broadcasters have some greedy commerce considerations.
  • Broadcasters don't act in the public interest, or in a public way that can be measured, at least by the arbitrary standards assigned according to the Critics' preferences. Acting in a public way is hard to measure, I would guess, unless of course by in a public way they mean like NPR and PBS, who properly use government money to promote a proper-thinking point of view.

    Because "accessible to anyone in the nation owning a rooftop antenna and a TV" and "Even today, most Americans get their news from broadcast TV" are not enough.
  • The Fairness Doctrine, which allowed advocacy groups to provide a counterpoint to station management (FREE AIR TIME! GET YOUR FREE NUTBAR AIR TIME HERE!), was eliminated. This probably isolated the Critics and their fellows, relegating them (but not regulating them) to unwatched, public interest minded outlets (see also NPR, PBS).

    How did the article put it at the very end, the pièce de résistance?
      "Where there is no fighting or opposition in viewpoints," said Herbert Chao Gunther, chief executive of the nonprofit Public Media Center, "there is no democracy."
    Got that? The linchpin of democracy was the unlegislated mandate called the Fairness Doctrine.
I think that about sums up this article. The FCC, an appointed body, not an elected body (as George Carlin often points out), should replace the current system, which allows any yahoo with a receiver to pick up entertainment and news broadcast for free, with a license-fee-based system that the industry loves, where that yahoo has to buy or rent the receiver (a television set) and then pay a monthly license fee of some sort to the cable company or dish company to keep the signal coming to the receiver. Apparently everyone the Critics know has a subscription system, and the Critics cannot imagine differently.

This same middle-class myopia allows policy squawkers to banshee the very thought (blasphemy!) of taxing Internet sales, not realizing (or caring, perhaps) that the duty-free world of Internet commerce unfairly burdens those who do not have a secure Internet connection and/or a credit or debit card with an artificially inflated percentage of sales taxes. But that's a rant for another day.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:30 PM   0 comments
 
Headline: Sisters of Mercy plans to sell health center in Texas

Caught this headline on the St. Louis Post-Dispatch's Web site. Of course the article clarifies that the Sisters of Mercy Health System St. Louis, a nonprofit health conglomerate (can nonprofits be conglomerates, or is that word reserved for the greedy corporations?).

Not the, you know, Sisters of Mercy. Although it would have made the article much more interesting indeed.

- posted by Brian J. @ 1:50 PM   0 comments
 
I Get Spam. Can I Have Sweeping Federal Police Powers?

Seems that attentive folks, all six of us, are up in arms, legs, and, in some cases, tentacles about the new powers that the FTC wants to combat spam. That's right, to combat a nuisance, federal officials (read: federal bureaucrats) want sweeping new powers, including (as I quote from the CNet news article):
    • Let the FTC send a confidential demand to an ISP as part of an investigation and requiring the recipient to "keep such process confidential." Without it, the FTC argues, "when fraud targets are given notice of FTC investigations they often destroy documents." The target of the investigation may not be notified for up to half a year, according to this proposal.
    • Permit foreign police to obtain subscriber records and customer information from ISPs as part of an FTC investigation that is already under way.
    • Grant the FTC the power to cooperate closely with foreign police who are investigating "fraudulent, deceptive, misleading or unfair commercial conduct."
    • Immunize part of the FTC from the Freedom of Information Act by saying the FTC may choose not to disclose certain "material obtained from a foreign law enforcement agency."
    • Open the FBI's massive National Crime Information Center computer to FTC investigators. That computer came under fire in March after the Justice Department said it would no longer strive to maintain the database's accuracy and integrity.
Suh-weet, but why pull up short? Why not add these things:
  • Ability to bulldoze houses and offices of suspected spam e-mail senders.
  • Ability to stun, by electrical or blunt object means, people who open spam messages and/or fall for the "click here to remove" trick.
  • Federal prison sentences for pinheads who order pills that purport to improve their golf games.
  • All other duties and powers as desired.
After all, in the post 9/11 world, if we cannot create new powers for government agencies to abuse, the terrorists and spammers will have won.

- posted by Brian J. @ 1:43 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
 
Close The Loopholes So They Can Open New Ones

Missouri legislators (Republicans) are battling the Missouri governor (Democrat) over the current state budget. He's vetoed the budget bills they've sent him because those bills cut spending to match the incoming revenue. Instead, the governor wants them to increase taxes to meet the required outlay. If you've read this blog for any length of time (i.e., you're not just here because Google spit it out when you looked for EVA MENDEZ or MONICA BELLUCCI HOT PIX), you know whom I favor in this battle.

One thing worth noting in this particular bout of sensibility versus deliver-the-goods-so-I-can-get-elected-Senator-ability is that a "non-partisan" group called something like Committee for State Education Security has "coincidentally" released a report that some of the largest corporations in the state are paying nothing in corporate tax every year. No Sputnik, Sherlokov.

After all, whenever one of those large corporations ponders a move to the unspoiled wild tax breaks of Illinois for its production facilities, what's a poor bunch of legislators to do but promise tax credits, no corporate taxes, a free stadium, and free car washes for corporate executives? These same tax breaks mean that the corporations pay less taxes? Say it ain't so! Apparently it's good enough that these corporations employ workers who will pay taxes, enough so to unfairly burden those workers with the tax load until such time that the workers cannot provide statewide Meat on Streets programs to ensure every stray dog can eat New York Strip steak. When one puppy goes hungry, it's time to soak the greedy corporations.

The state government, through its successive crises, robs Peter to pay Paul, and then burglarizes Paul's house when he's out spending the money. Further proof that Keynes' balancing wheel is a little wobbly.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:06 PM   0 comments
 
Regular Schedule, Defined

Hello, everyone. By regular blogging schedule, of course I meant as much blogging as I would regularly do were I to repaint my home office, which means disconnecting all computer equipment, moving all furniture, and covering the remainder with plastic sheeting and/or blue paint.

Maybe when I go back to work next week and can get used to coming home tired and unambitious, I can get back to my regular ranting. Until then....

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:12 PM   0 comments
Sunday, June 08, 2003
 
Back from Chicago

Ah, after a much needed vacation (from the Spanish for vaca tiempo, literally "cow time"), the beautiful wife and I have returned from three days in Chicago. You'll certainly be hearing about it.

At any rate, we should get back to a regular blogging schedule soon.

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:35 PM   0 comments
Thursday, June 05, 2003
 
Count Your Syllables, Honey

My dear esteemed spouse asserts that Jewel rhymes with fool and drool. Of course, she's referring to my NOE (near obsession experience) with the newly techno-confected songstress Jewel Kilcher.

However, I must point out (in a "I am superior, but I am not acting superior" tone of writing) that jewel has two syllables. It rhymes with crewel and, well, cruel, but not fool or drool, or for that matter, joule.

Of course (:: sniff!::), as a former practitioner of "free verse" poetry, you're not as aware of these subtle distinctions as a writer of real poetry.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:25 AM   0 comments
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
 
The Perfect Charge For Hoaxes!

Fark provides a link to a story in the Washington Post about some artists who, metaphorically, paraded around looking like nutjobs in front of the U.S. Capitol.

Buried in the story is this nugget:
    Although the objects under the duct tape turned out to be harmless, Olaniyi and Patel have been charged with interstate transportation of an explosive device, a charge that can be used in a hoax.
And, apparently, in situations where no explosive devices exist. Unless, of course, the explosive device in question is their van.

Luckily for the kids in Casinoport, they didn't cross any lines with their chickens-in-a-box devices.

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:33 PM   0 comments
 
Parks Are Not For the People, Parks Are For the Park Officials

/. points to a story about how Minnesota parks are cracking down on the esoteric hobby of geocaching. Buried within the article, we get this nugget:
    They worry that hundreds of people tramping through their woods will damage plants and habitat.
Dang! I thought parks were to give people the opportunity to tramp through plants and habitat. This quote would seem to assert that parks are really designed to keep park officials employed or to maintain habitats for flora and fauna.

Until such time as the flora, fauna, and park officials pay to preserve these parks, instead of gigging my paycheck for it, I say, "Honey, have you seen my tramping shoes?"

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:45 AM   0 comments
 
Hijinks Not Yet A Felony

Here in Casinoport, four high school students are getting the pamphlet thrown at them for a senior prank. Ill-advised youngsters ran into their high school cafeteria while wearing masks and carrying boxes with chickens in them to release said chickens. They're getting misdemeanor disturbing the peace (or maybe "Disturbing the 10-Piece Bucket") charges. What an outrage!

You mean it's not yet a felony to wear masks in public or carry chickens in boxes? Legislators, take note! We need to make an example of these young men, assuring that they're stigmatized for life and that they forever have to tell this particular story when checking that little "Yes, I have been convicted" box on job applications. And if they're convicted felons, they can't vote against you! Win/win!

Remember, when have senses of humor are outlawed, only outlaws will have a sense of humor. And in case it's a law exempt from ex post facto, allow me to assert "I am serious."

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:38 AM   0 comments
 
You Can Quote Me On That

Thought for the day:
    "Being a marionette is worse, because at least a puppet gets the warm personal contact of a hand up its, ah, bum."

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:29 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
 
I Won't Scream For Newcastle Brown Ale Ice Cream

It's old news by now, but a UK firm has started making beer-flavored ice cream.

All of the calories, none of the buzz? Do they think I like the stationary bike, or what?

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:23 PM   0 comments
 
Kirk Built a Gun From Sulphur, a Tube, and His, uh, Urine and Vinegar

Fark (and other sources) are reporting about the New Zealand guy who's building a cruise missile in his garage from parts he bought, essentially, in electronics catalogs from around the world, and get this, New Zealand Customs didn't stop the legal parts trafficking!

Let the uproar begin. So this yahoo fancies himself Tom Swift or the modern equivalent, who instead of building a time machine or rocket to get to Saturn, builds a cruise missile or a Ptomekin-class nuclear submarine. It ain't easy to do on one's own, and if he can do it, more power to him. However, the Hysterics-That-Be will undoubtedly want to clamp down on mail order now and maybe even curiosity among the civilian populace.

Remember, Captain James T. Kirk once built a gun out of the surrounding environment (while nearly shirtless, no less). But in the end he didn't kill the guy in the awkward lizard costume out of civilized behavior.

Perhaps society and its emissaries (of which government is but one, and a subserviant one at that) should work on promoting civilization and not worry so much about taking away our individual pointy objects. Civilized people don't use them on one another without good reason. Or reason, anyway.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:18 PM   0 comments
 
"More Than Words" Is Different From "More Than Words Can Say"

All right, for the last time, let's get this straight. Although it's easy to confuse them, Extreme did the song "More Than Words", which does, in fact, differ from the Alias song "More Than Words Can Say".

Of course, anyone can confuse two sweet-sounding power ballads from late 80s hair bands. And Alias and Extreme, or was it Extreme and Alias? But remember, although Alias was truly a one-hit wonder, Extreme was a two-hit wonder. They also charted with "Hole Hearted" off of the same album (Extreme II: Pornograffitti) and made a valiant attempt to follow that album up with III Sides to Every Story (how clever!), but to no avail. "Hole Hearted" is the better of their two hits, in my opinion.

So keep it straight from now on. I don't want to have to discuss this with you again.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:37 AM   0 comments
Monday, June 02, 2003
 
Tomorrow Bejeweled

The new album, 0304, from Jewel comes out tomorrow, June 3, 2003. I have a wallet with $16 in it all ready.

The first single, "Intuition", sports a more techno sound than her previous works, but it's still her sweet, breathy vocals. Innocent, playful, and yet suh-exy.

I have been a fan since Pieces Of You, which I gained after leading a friend on a trip to numerous record stores to find it on a winter evening. Finally, we found it, and we listened to it several times consecutively. I ordained myself Paladin of Jewel and have had to defend her honor, or at least her vocal talent, on many occasions. Of course, since she's no Sarah Brightman (or Sarah McLachlan, for that matter), so it's been easier to resort to righteous violence than to offer evidence to her vocal prowess, so I have had to smite many a man, woman, and schoolchild to preserve her rightful head of the pantheon of pop.

Here's CNN's take on her album: "Jewel: Sexy dance diva?" I hope I can sleep tonight, and that the anticipation will not keep me tossing, turning, and upsetting nestling cats.

And for those of you wondering, Jewel's official score is MOT-MCBDFHM (Much of That, Minus a Couple Bags of Doritos For Her Munchies).

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:39 PM   0 comments
 
The Educated Wine Palate vs John Kass and Me

John Kass (registration required) and I don't drink el vino but we do drink the brews. So we can only wonder at people who improve their brains and their palates to tell the difference between wines.

The Brian Wine Chart includes these continua:
  • Taste: From sweet (1) to not sweet (10).
  • Buzz: From good (1) to very good (10).
  • Price: From cheep (1) to "I'll never taste it" and beyond (10).
For instance, I give St. James Velvet Red scores a 3.5.3. Les Bourgeois Riverboat Red scores a 1.6.3.

Only Guinness Draught scores better, 1.1.1. What, you say, it's not wine? Well, it's not cheap either, but it's the contender to beat!

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:13 AM   0 comments
 
Didn't Get the Rent-A-Negro Point?

Didn't get the point of the Rent-A-Negro.com Web site that I mentioned? In the Chicago Tribune, Clarence Page explains it (registration required).

He makes some points about blackness-as-phenomenon I am not sure I would agree with, though.

Of course, I am not <insert thing I am not here>, so I couldn't understand.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:56 AM   0 comments
 
Someone Stop Heather Before Tragedy Strikes

Looks like Madonna has fallen from her bicycle.

Heather, it could happen to you!

Well, not exactly, since you don't drink coffee while riding. I guess you're safe.

(I saw it on Fark first.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:47 AM   0 comments
Sunday, June 01, 2003
 
Musings on the Matrix, Part XXIV

It had to be done. What Matrix Persona Are You?

Me?

You are Morpheus-
You are Morpheus, from "The Matrix." You
have strong faith in yourself and those around
you. A true leader, you are relentless in your
persuit.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Link from Suburban Blight.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:30 PM   0 comments
 
One Impression To Rule Them

I AM THE KING GEEK!

Some geeks can do an impression of Agent Smith from The Matrix.

Some geeks can do an impression of Gollum from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

But I have perfected my impression of Agent Gollum. Ask me sometime, and I shall do it for you. You might be asked to provide a token Guinness Draught or two beforehand, and please do not ask me to do it in front of my esteemed spouse.

I am the king geek, and I will creep out any challenger for the title!

(P.S. It's probably almost as good as the "Dying Tauntaun.")

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:08 PM   0 comments
 
Unemployment Does Not Count Many, Say Experts Who Want Funding

According to the Sunday edition of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, unemployment is undercounted because:
    It does not count the substantial number of Americans who have gone back to school because they can't find a job or those who have taken a part-time job for much less pay. It does not include people who, unable to find work, have set themselves up in businesses, many as home-based consultants.
That's right, the official unemployment numbers do not include students or people who are employed.

Also not represented in the numbers, experts (in technical writing, and by "experts" I mean I) also point out that official unemployment does not include homemakers who know raising children is a full-time job, thousands of registered and active Chicago voters who happen to be deceased, dozens of fetuses, dogs and cats who have obtained credit cards, illegal migrant farm workers who have returned to their points of origin, and Canadians.

By the time you add it up, the number actually exceeds the population of the United States. That's right, unemployment has skyrocketed to 135%. We need block grants, stat! Please send the government checks to Brian J. Noggle, care of this Web site.

- posted by Brian J. @ 1:28 PM   0 comments
 
Surprise Larry Ellison This Christmas

What do you get the billionaire who has everything, including a fighter jet and a special disposition to land planes at his rural airport at night? How about his own aircraft carrier?

He'll probably drop the $4.5 million on this WWII-era (but in use until recently by the Brazillian Navy) carrier. He'll expense it, of course, as part of his long term rearming so that Oracle can retake its rightful position as database market leader, by force if necessary, from IBM.

(Thanks to /. for the pointer.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:04 AM   0 comments
 
My Jaw's Better, Thanks

Now that I am well on the way to recovery from the bruises on my chin suffered when I was astonished by Harley Soandso's column about Chris Hedges on SFGate.com (seven prepositional phrases in a clause! A new blog personal best!), I can reason out what bothered me about this assertion:
    Yet the Rockford incident had a chilling aspect to it. As described in the press, it could well have been a scene out of the recent miniseries on the rise of Hitler to power in Nazi Germany.

    The difference between the many incidents at Berkeley and the Rockford incident is that, at Berkeley, it's usually the rabble against an Establishment spokesperson. At Rockford, it was just the opposite; the incident had the feel of a government protest against an outsider.
America has been called the Republic of Many Mansions (based on the biblical quote from John 14:2). The Carmody text (The Republic of Many Mansions) posits that America has a lot of (mostly Christian) strains in its religious thought. Different denominations and whatnot. The paragraph represents a long, albeit annotated, description of how I decided to frame my thesis for this posting, which is:

America is a republic of many establishments, and hence a lot of wide-eyed innocent strugglers against the oppressive established regime (or jackbooted hooligans, if you're in the establishment being assailed at the immediate time of assailing).

For instance, from Sorensen's perspective, Chris Hedges and his points of view, shared by his colleagues at many established dailies and chic alternative weeklies, represent the Wide-Eyed Innocent (or perhaps slightly jaundiced and worldly) Struggler Against the Oppressive Regime (WEISAOR for not-very-short). The Rockford College graduates and their families represent Tools of The Man (ToTM). Because, you see, Hedges was speaking against an Establishment, namely the 3-year-old presidential administration and the recent Republican-controlled Congress, a decisive foreign policy, and whatever handy straw men he could set up regarding these. (Certainly, he was not speaking against the republican form of government itself, where the hoi polloi pick the leaders whom the rabble think will best represent it.)

However, to some with a different point of view, Chris Hedges represents an Establishment of a different sort. The Established Coastal Media, which postures to represent the People and wants to dictate how The People thinks. Not by force, of course, but because ECM thinking is right and dissenters will be mocked and looked down upon. However, to some, ECM represents the Oppressive Established Regime (OER), or at least a bunch of out-of-touch twits. So sometimes, the local (or imported) WEISAOR makes a little noise.

America offers a good number of institutions against which anyone can play David. The Church (which cam be any of a handful of small Christian denominations or the Catholics), The Military Industrial Complex, the Gummint, Congress, the Republican Party, the Democratic Party, Corporations, Big Tobacco, Big Oil, the Automakers, the Unions, and so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee.

So dividing the country into Establishment/Rebel fails because Establishments and their Oppressive Regimes are too prevalent to be noteworthy, and so is rebellion. Rebellion has always been a part of growing up. The adolescent differentiates from the parents through rebellion. Pop culture latched onto this particular part of growing up and has idolized it, super-sized it, and apothesized it (probably because teething is such an individual agony, and not good cinema). Once the new rebels got the parents out of the way, they decided to take on The Man, and they keep finding another The Man to take on. Even I define myself in opposition to some things, rebelling against the oppressive regime who thinks I should mow my back lawn before it goes to seed. Join me this afternoon for a protest against it.

So Sorensen's gone off into victimics when shrilling about his WEISAORs representing "the rabble against an Establishment spokesperson" while the opposing WEISORs represent "a government protest against an outsider." We're all outsiders in the establishment.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:20 AM   0 comments
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."