Brian Gets His Second Perfect Score

Well, friends, I have gotten my second perfect score on a philosophy test. My beautiful wife led me to a test that rather simplistically asks a dozen questions to determine how your thinking relates to those of profound thinkers from ages past. And I got 100!

1. Ayn Rand (100%)
2. John Stuart Mill (86%)
3. Jean-Paul Sartre (74%)
4. Aristotle (65%)
5. Kant (64%)

I would have to explain my seeming embrace of utilitarianism as a recognition of the tension between assuming rational people will follow the rules and the embrace of the rule of law to ensure that everyone minds a handful of codified manners. Which also explains why I won't vote Libertarian for an executive branch position, sort of. While I'm sure that you, a reasonable person, will understand that theft is wrong, I'd rather have the pooled power of the State to enforce it in case you forget.

Also, there's the problem with shoehorning my thought into a radio button answer, and the interpretation of the questions. However, let us recognize that the greatest good for the individual is also the greatest good for the greatest number. Some will fall through the cracks willfully or not, but that's the nature of the statistics. All the children cannot be above average.

What about my other perfect score? Funny you should ask. My only perfect score on a college exam was my sophomore year in my Philosophy 104: Ethics. Man, I wonder how well I would have done in that class if I had bought the textbook? (Ask me sometime about paying your way as you go through a prestigious private university, and I will tell you how to get around niceties like textbooks.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:25 PM   0 comments

 
META Group Recommends Mind Wipes At Exit Interview

The META Group, a bunch of people marketing themselves as people you can pay to think for you, alerts us to this great danger - Camera-Enabled Phones Pose Significant Liability for Most Enterprises, Warns META Group:

STAMFORD, Conn. (December 9, 2003) — With the cost of adding cameras to mobile phones becoming marginal ($2-$5 per phone), META Group, Inc. (Nasdaq: METG), expects the majority of phones to include this capability within two to three years. However, for many organizations, cameras represent a significant liability or security risk — such as inappropriate candid shots of employees, pictures of production lines.

While the quality of most cameras in current phones is poor, it nonetheless represents a potential channel for leaks of sensitive data or other images that can produce unintended consequences. META Group recommends setting up a clear policy of no camera-enabled phones.

While META Group invites any of you with change in your pockets to visit its Web site for a vigorous upturning and shaking called its "high-value" approach to generating quotable blather, META Group does not address the similar dangers of disposable cameras, regular cameras, or human memory that can also capture and transmit proprietary information to your world-class, best-in-class, best-of-breed enterprise caliber solution's competition. But none of these buzzwords would yield hits in a current search for "relevant" news. Which is what META Group's really trying to do, to get you, a key decision maker in your organization, to look at them like a precocious child who can recite poetry it doesn't understand.

Look in wonder, friends. I wonder who pays these guys, and if I can get in on the grift.

(Link seen on Hans's site.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:48 PM   0 comments

 
Geeks Reflecting

Trey Givens, Deuce's older brother, leads me to the following self-awareness:


You are an Intrepid-class Scout, Starfleet's
frontline sentry. You're a bit of an enigma.
Your grace and intelligence may go unnoticed,
but people rely on you for your insight and
ability.

Which Class of Federation Starship are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I feel pretty.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:41 PM   0 comments

 
Drastic Flu Vaccine Shortage! Everyone Panic NOW!

And a special tip of the hat to the media, who've apparently discovered that the national health industry does not routinely order two doses of flu vaccines for every man, woman, child, cat, and dog in the country. So when the media whips the populace into a frenzy because of the dangers of influenza, and then hits them with the headlines

Flu Vaccines Running Out:

You People Gonna Die

it creates a run on the flu vaccines. A run by able-bodies and healthy adults who aren't risk. Good work, fellows. So then elderly and exteremely unelderly (children) people don't get a flu shot because Joe Athletic Yuppie got it instead and those at-risk members of the population start dying, the media can run the headlines

Flu Killing People:

Current Administration, Capitalism Accomplices

Oh, the humanity!

Not that I want to plant a seed in your heads, dear journalistic activists, but did you know that the local branch of the bank down the road from you doesn't have enough money to give to all its depositors if they all came at once? That's right. Why don't you run a headline like

Banks Short of Cash:

They Don't Have Your Money

It's your duty to bring this to the attention of the public. They have a right to know about scarcity and allocation without understanding the reason why so they can decide to panic mindlessly as needed.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this oversight.
- posted by Brian J. @ 12:10 PM   0 comments

 
Words By Which To Live

Neil Steinberg relates wisdom in his latest column:

Elias wrote an excruciating book about surviving Auschwitz. I heard her five years ago, so can't quote her, directly, but she ended her speech by saying something like this:

I have this dream. I dream I am walking up to my family's home in Czechoslovakia. The windows are all lit up, and I know that everybody is well, and there, home, waiting for me. And then I awaken, and it's so sweet, because they were all there, clearly, and so sad, because it was only a dream. And that is what I'd like to tell you today -- if you are lucky enough to be going home later, and the lights of your house are bright, and your family is all there, waiting, you should stop and savor it as the precious gift it is, because someday it too will be just a dream.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:43 PM   0 comments

 
Reality Check

OpinionJournal.com reports:

ALL THAT JAZZ: In the film "Erin Brockovich," Julia Roberts played a working-class mom with a penchant for short skirts who, despite being constantly underestimated by men, ultimately manages to secure the largest class-action settlement in American history. But according to the Wellesley News, an all-female jazz band hired locally during the filming of Ms. Roberts's latest film has filed a gender discrimination complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission against the actress and her production company, saying that they were paid half what an all-male band was getting in the same film. As band member Jeanne Daly told the paper: "I find it amusing that we have to 'Erin Brockovitch' Erin Brockovitch for [the] hypocrisy of gender discrimination."

I find it amusing that the band member confuses Julia Roberts, the actress who portrayed a real litiguous activist in the movie Erin Brockovitch, with the title character and real person Erin Brockovitch. Since Jeanne Daly also confused proper noun 'Erin Brockovitch' with a verb, I'd say she's probably a confused individual.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:40 PM   0 comments

 
Where's the Racial Sensitivity?

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports on the Ricky Clemons scandal at University of Missouri, and relates this anecdote about Ed Stewart, an assistant athletic supporter or something:

"Ed come home, every time he come home, he be like, 'Them crackers shaking. They going crazy. They don't know what to do. They shaking. They can't talk to Ricky. They're like some crackheads running around there.'"

How sweet. He lets out some racial epithets, and the johnking St. Louis Post-Democrat publishes it.

Heaven forbid a white person say any six letter word that begins with n, ends with r, and has a double consonant in it. Were I to say I like Nutter Butters, certain segments of the population think I am deni-oppressing not only members of a different race, but the women therein.

Where's the sensitivity for my easily-bruised feelings? Why are cracker, gaijin, bleach blood, and haole allowed and nigger isn't?

Rhetorical question. It's because we're crackers and deserve the abuse. I matriculated with a degree in English. I learned these things in college.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:09 PM   0 comments

 
Book Review: Black Alley by Mickey Spillane (1996)

Wow. 1996 this book was published. A Mike Hammer novel. A two-fisted, hard-boiled detective novel, something straight out of the pulps. Right before the dot-com bubble. This isn't a Perry Mason novel from the 1960s, which you can lose yourself in because it's timeless and only when you concentrate do you notice they're not using computers. Mike Hammer knows of all these things and ignores them because he's a throwback.

Mike Hammer's older, but he wouldn't admit it. He's also been shot up and is recovering, although not as fast as he would with strict, or even any, bed rest. A dying war buddy lets Mike know he's hidden billions in stolen mob money and challenges Mike to find it. It was bad enough that the mob shot Mike up, but once they think he knows where the stolen billions are, they squeeze. So does the IRS. And Mike can't hold a gun, so he's got to go on his reputation and his balls. And those of his secretary Velda, whom Mike realizes he ought to marry.

Wow. 1996.

The style's definitely a throwback, but the character also recognizes his age and that the world's changed around him. Outstanding. Of course, Ayn Rand liked Mickey Spillane, so who would I be to argue. It's a little weird to have a hardback Mike Hammer, though. This book definitely belongs in a dimestore format, in the mass market paperback. After all, Mike Hammer's a product of the 1960s, same as Mike Shayne, Shell Scott, and Parker. They just didn't have Stacy Keach to lend them credibility with a television character in the 1980s and 1990s (well, Parker did, but they changed the name and the focus of the character in the Mel Gibson movie).

I liked the book, and I read it relatively quickly. I don't want to spoil it for you, but the good guy wins. Thank genre fiction.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:53 PM   0 comments

 
Words of Whizdom

Source: Forbes:

John Doerr of Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers mused that no significant company in the Web era would be created "east of Reno."

When's that earthquake due to put Reno on the new west coast?
- posted by Brian J. @ 4:57 PM   0 comments

 
Introducing Johnk

All right, I can't leave it alone.

However, I am introducing a new placeholder for that most unwordly of unwordlies, the dreaded f-word which appears on this blog slightly less than The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. All three of my regular readers know I prefer schnuck as a stand-in, based upon an essay I wrote some time ago about the need for better, more creative cursing. That essay's lost to antiquity, but the message lives on.

And so in honor of John F. Kerry, indistinguished (some politicial office holder or another) of (some tiny, self-important coastal state), I introduce johnk, a single syllable which can capture every sort of meaning the f-word can, and with less shock among women and children and definitely more mockery of the Democrat party.

Plus, let's savor the word itself. A single syllable word with a nice, hard terminal consonant rox. Try it: Johnk!. Ooh yeah. And if you slur the first syllable, it can be haughty and French-sounding. Zzzzhonc! That's a twofer you don't get with an unvoiced labiodental fricative.

As an addendum, I wish to say to the driver of that red Aztek that ran a red light on Hanley to cut across three lanes of traffic to make a left turn from the right lane this afternoon, Johnk you, you johnking heinzingjohnker. I hope the Jaws of Life bite into your candy-apple vehicle and find half a worm.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:47 PM   0 comments

 
Oops, I Am Revealed

So I am reading this piece in the Implement change to overcome workplace anarchy", mainly because I transposed the verbs when I read the headline, and it says:

I'd seen it before with other teams. It was another "Lord of the Flies" situation. The leadership vacuum had created a breakdown in moral behavior. Like in William Golding's famous book, "The Lord of the Flies," the group had deteriorated into anarchy, with some members resorting to cruel control tactics to assure their own dominance and survival. Newcomers were mistreated, positive acts were sneered at, rude and cruel treatment of teammates prevailed, management's directions were ignored or challenged, and customers were barely served.

The circumstances leading up to this situation, were predictable: a weak leader, or a series of many leaders over a short period of time; a hardened, cynical group of workers; a few positive employees; a band of negative employees, who filled the power void with intimidation and retaliation as their weapons; and some fence-sitters, who kept their heads down and their mouths shut.

The new leadership team had to take back control and restore order and civilized behavior. But where to start? First, we needed to get a clear picture of what we were dealing with. I lead the management team through a process to determine where each member of the team fit: positive leaders, negative leaders and fence sitters. As we stood back and took a look at the finished product, the picture emerged -- most of the employees were either fence-sitters or positive, with only a handful of negative, bitter leaders at the other end.

and I thought, "Great, a bunch of MBAs hired from outside the company with no real knowledge of the way the software works but has so damn fine book and spreadsheet theories, so they hire a hotshot consultant to troubleshoot our attitude. I hope I'm in charge of the trust fall when this nutbar goes down so I can catch him by his necktie."

The new management's probably just preparing for layoffs anyway.

So now you know what sort of co-worker I am. As I explained to El Guapo, maybe Cagey, and certainly my other co-workers, I am the worst case scenario guy. Whatever the company-wide e-mail says, you come to me and I'll augur the worst possible scenario from it. Worse than you could think of, werd.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:10 PM   0 comments

 
Roeper Ruins Another Day

Johnk you, Robert Roeper. You've ruined my day again by asserting in your Chicago Sun-Times column that:

Actress Joey Lauren Adams, the squeaky-voiced girlfriend in "Big Daddy" and the Amy of "Chasing Amy," was arrested Friday in San Diego on suspicion of drunken driving after she allegedly kept running into a curb in a gas station. She's 38, and how did Joey Lauren Adams get to be 38?

It's a lie. It must be a lie. How can the women I lusted for in my age group be nearing forty?
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:06 PM   0 comments

 
Book Review: Eat the Rich by P.J. O'Rourke (1998)

If you read one economics book this millenium, this should be it.

O'Rourke redoes his Holidays in Hell schtick by visiting, and examining the economies of, a number of disparate nations. Sweden, Hong Kong, Tanzania, Russia, Albania, America (well, Wall Street), and Cuba. He rates them as good capitalist, bad capitalism, good (in 1998) socialism, or bad socialism. Each location gets its own chapter, and he visits each. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't go to Albania to discover how it's doing in capitalism, but O'Rourke's nuts. And a good writer.

I don't have any bones to pick with it. Read it. An amusing composite of research and travel with commentary that I agree with. Hey, I paid $8.00 for the book in a used book store. That should tell you how much I appreciate O'Rourke.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:51 PM   0 comments

 
A Bit of Perspective

For those of you lamenting your workplace positions and the drudgery you face, bear in mind that somewhere in Michigan, Curtis Joseph didn't play hockey, but he got paid $48,000 for his day's nonlabor anyway.

Pleasant dreams.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:24 PM   0 comments

 
Good Google Hitz

Wow, I am number six on Google for john kerry fuck. Sweet. But you know what's better?

In a couple days, I will be the only Google hit for "hot john kerry naked pix".

Kooky, baby.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:43 PM   0 comments

 
On the AM Radio

On Sunday, while frantically scanning the AM band for the Packers game, I uncovered Real Oldies 1430. Ahhhh.

Friends, the FM band in the St. Louis area has consolidated into a half dozen "Greatest Hits of the 70s, 80s, 90s, and Now!" station, each of which distinguishes itself by playing the eighteen song nationalized playlist in a different order! The Great Oldies Shift has stripped fifties and early sixties music from the dial, instead focusing on the decade popularized by That 70s Show and the "retro" Reagan era.

So I'm happy to see a station still playing the older stuff, and on AM radio. That's how this was supposed to sound, with a hint of static. Man, I hear it and I hearken back to my youth, back in 1964, cruising for girls with Bob Greene. No, wait, that's a little before I was born, but rest assured, you damn kids, AM radio was not.

So pardon me while I dabble in some of my own nostalgia and some borrowed. You kids wouldn't appreciate the subtle hiss of a groove either. Get offa my lawn, or I'll beat you with the frozen hose.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:39 PM   0 comments

 
That Movie Would Make A Great Book

In the Washington Times op-ed piece entitled U.N. troop fantasies, F. Andy Messing and Elizabeth M. Stafford argue that the U.N. can't be trusted with keeping any peace worth keeping.

However, this sticks me in the craw:

In addition, the Pakistani contingent in Somalia looked at the Somalis with contempt and committed various human rights violations, including beating the Somalis with sticks. These actions led to Mohammed Farrah Aideed's group ambushing and killing 24 Pakistani soldiers. As a result, U.N. authorized UNSCOM to take all necessary measures against those responsible for the armed attacks. This later contributed to the deaths of American soldiers in the tragic incident recalled in the film "Blackhawk Down." [sic, and emphasis mine]

What, is Mark Bowden Alan Dean Foster, coming along and writing novelizations of screenplays? Or do the authors of this piece think the only way to connect with their thoughtful readers is to tie the incident to a Josh Hartnett or Orlando Bloom movie? Pah!
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:15 PM   0 comments

 
Firing the F-Bomb Cruise Missile

So Senator John Kerry has launched the f-bomb:

"I voted for what I thought was best for the country. Did I expect Howard Dean to go off to the left and say, 'I'm against everything'? Sure. Did I expect George Bush to f - - - it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did," Kerry told the youth-oriented magazine.

Oooh. He's young, hip, and aggrieved, and has used this word undoubtedly only after his advisors told him it was okay. Some people might disagree with the leader of the free world using the f-word, but I got no problem with it; I'm from the North Side, wherein the f-word was a part of my vocabulary in the third grade and in frequent rotation therein (much to the disgust of Danny H, my sophisticated fourth grade friend).

No, what bothers me is that Kerry deploys it against a sitting president. I expect that's how he would be as a president, too, a stretch just inside the limit of my vast and fertile imagination. He'd save his wrath for internal opponents, and people who disagreed with his policies. Not against external threats or the pompous politicos and despots who would like to lay low our very civilization.

So if a leader's going to display controlled psychopathy with the f-word, I'd rather he use it in appropriate places. In the imperative tense, such as to the United Nations, to Little Kim, to Jack Chirac. Or as an alternate pronunciation for the unvoiced labiodental fricative in the names of Arafat or Kofi. These uses of the f-word I could support.

But for JFK the lesser, I would offer the word in its imperative reflexive, but he prompts me to a North Side Stream of Cussingness, which is a stream of common swear words, grouped and repeated, not in a particularly clever fashion, but with feeling.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:51 PM   0 comments

 
Spike 'Em

Boeing's trying to flex its corporate extortion privileges. If the government spikes the ill-conceived contract to "lease" tanker aircraft, Boeing will lay off 500 voters.

Blow it out your exhaust vent, Boeing. I grow weary of the influence you peddle over taxpayer dollars with the threat or offer of jobs. Sorry to the 500 who'll have to find other jobs (which they will; it's time they learned you ain't the only fish in the sea, just the biggest plankinton-and-krill sucking sea denizen of the blue). But Boeing, you've been taking tax abatements to come into a community and then being a "good corporate citizen" by throwing some crumbs to good local causes and supporting other local corporations--particularly sports teams (Heaven forbid we are deprived of your glowing logo during the national anthem at hockey games).

Me, I pay my taxes to be a good citizen. And then I go to hockey games. You just have to go to hockey games.

What's my point? Oh, yeah. Big corporations sux, and so do the governmental playas who coddle them and who then hump big corporate legs. 500 jobs for $200 billion tax dollars. A pox on the politicos who thought this was a good idea.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:28 PM   0 comments

 
Can't I Read It Anymore?

Over at Opinion Journal, Michael Judge reflects upon the articles in Playboy, given that magazine's fiftieth anniversary celebration:

Playboy's editors take a bow for being at the forefront of every liberal cause of the past half-century, including civil rights, equal rights, gay rights, birth control, gun control and abortion. Call me naïve, but somehow I think these social movements would have taken place with or without a magazine that was nearly named Stag Party.

Worse yet, Mr. Kaminsky has rounded up the usual suspects to decry the brown shirts currently running the country: "America's leading literary light," Norman Mailer, says with a straight face that the Bush administration went to war in Iraq because "an escape was needed from our problems at home." Not to be outdone, Hunter S. Thompson claims that he's "personally embarrassed by the fascist sink these [expletive]-eating greedheads from Texas have plunged us into." With Manson-like flair, he goes on to say, "Those pigs deserve to be boiled in their own oil."

Forgive me, Ms. Wolf, but perhaps the least offensive thing in this issue is the centerfold of Playboy's 50th Anniversary Playmate, Colleen Shannon, whose turn-ons include "vinyl, positivity, supportiveness, artistic abilities, and a good sense of humor."

Geez, do you mean it's like Harper's, a magazine I can no longer read? Why, I shall become enraged, shall write a piece to the editor, and shall take up my righteous anger and.....

Wowza, check her out!

I'm sorry, you were saying?
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:14 PM   0 comments

 
Just in Time for the Holiday

Neil Steinberg, in his Friday column, examines how nations review their own histories and concludes that the United States owes no apology for dropping the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of World War II.

He begins:

There is a museum in Tokyo dedicated to Japan's ample history of warfare. But if you visit the plainly named Military Museum, you will find no reference to the grotesque medical experiments the Japanese army conducted in World War II or the sex slaves it kidnapped. The Rape of Nanking, when rampaging Japanese troops raped and murdered hundreds of thousands of Chinese, is airbrushed into the "Nanking Incident'' and the facts are said to be uncertain. Civilian deaths aren't mentioned at all until the Americans begin firebombing Tokyo in 1944.

This is par for the course. In Japanese textbooks the relentless quest of military domination that so marked that nation's conduct in the 20th century gently morphs into a brave struggle for independence against a hostile world.

Nor is the museum a relic of the equivocating past. It opened just last year. "The museum's jingoism begins in the very first room,'' wrote Howard French in the New York Times. "There, a saber adorned with gold braid, an ancient relic from the Imperial Palace guard, hangs, dramatically lit, above a block of text glorifying 2,600 years of independence, secured by valiant warriors against unnamed invaders.''

Click the link and consume the entire column.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:07 PM   0 comments

 
A Hole in the Magnetic Layer

Drudge links to a story that Cracks in Earth's Defenses Let Space Storms In.

Time to start a pool: what industry will the environmentalists target for this one?

The obvious answer, all, is not allowed, since that represents kind of a metaopponent for environmentalists. No fair choosing civilization, either.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:03 AM   0 comments

 
That's My Kitty!

Kelley at Suburban Blight has a kitty cat. It looks a lot like my kitty Dominique.

It takes a lot of investment in time and effort to make a cat that mean. It's good that someone's been recognized.

Oh no, I am cat blogging, aren't I?
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:50 AM   0 comments

 
Introspection

The Meatriarchy Guy leads me to question my relationship to my fellow man, whereupon I discover:


You are Gambit!

You are a fierce fighter and a good friend to have.
Your preference for solitude and your
attractiveness make you very intriguing to
those you meet. Unfortunately, close
relationships are few and far between for you
because you often have trouble opening up to
others.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

---

The Volokh Conspirators and Pejman made me question my fitness to rule, wherein I discovered:


Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Fools! I shall exact retribution!
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:39 AM   0 comments

 
Now That I Will See

Now playing at Cold Fury:

Dirty Harry Potter: Who needs magic when you carry a magnum?
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:17 AM   0 comments

 
Make Your Nomination!

Michele at A Small Victory is taking nominations for Video Hall of Fame, Category 1: Coin-Op Games.

Go there and vote for the games I own.

Thank you, that is all.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:11 AM   0 comments

 
Donating to the Unattended Kettle

The holidays present a quick and convenient way to donate to charitable causes, particularly the Salvation Army. Outside every retail outlet, it seems, a volunteer has set up shop with a bell and a kettle. I usually pitch the change from my transaction into the kettle (as if you didn't know I use cash!) when I encounter one of these bell ringers. I know it's a little bit, but cumulatively a lot of little bits add up.

However, I don't care to put the money in an unattended kettle. I don't know where the bell ringers go, but I find a lot of kettles that had previously featured the melody of unenthusiastic and sometimes almost-frostbitten bellringing accompanied by a rousing rendition of John Cage's 4'33". I don't know what NLRB regulations dictate for professional bell ringers, or what union benefits they enjoy, but they get a lot of warm-up, cigarette, coffee, and/or lunch breaks.

Now, it's not that I want to be any less a nice guy when this happens, but I don't want to throw change into an unguarded repository. Partly, it's because I don't want it to get stolen. Also, partly it's because I don't want to just be a Pavlovian dog. I refuse to respond to the stimulus of the red kettle unless I hear the bell ringing.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:33 PM   0 comments

 
Audiobook Review: Don't Know Much About History by Kenneth C. Davis (2003)

As you might know, I spent a lot of time on the road this weekend, and I like to take a couple of audiobooks on the road with me. This time, I chose a piece of nonfiction and a piece of fiction. This audiobook was the nonfiction. The title and premise seems to lend itself to a rather conservatarian premise--that public schools suck--so I thought this would be a nice round-up of history to pass the time. Something with which I could build my stock of trivia and with which I could comfortably agree about the way public schools are failing our students. However, to quote a famous military strategist and analyst who frequently appears at the news site Fark.com, "It's a trap!"

Davis, read by Jeff Woodman with Jonathan Davis, starts out by saying that students overlook history because the classes are boring, and that the narratives don't display the historical figures as men and sometimes women with foibles. Personally, I disagree with that. I think kids don't get into history because modern textbooks have been boiled down to a bland lowest common denominator with the highest possible message woven into the narrative, even if coloring had to be added to make the pattern fit. That, and kids are kids and don't want to read books anyway. So I subtly disagreed with Davis from about two minutes into the drive. I can agree to disagree.

I should mention that this particular version is an abridgement, so it's possible the wrath I am about to recount should strike the abridger and not the author--but the author approved the abridgement, so he's as responsible for the bastardization of history as much as the, uh, mother? Okay, this metaphor broke down early, but there's what passes for a disclaimer.

The audiobook is 3 CDs. About three hours. The first vignettes--it's a set of brief stories from history, relayed in a question and answer format--dealt with settling the continent and the revolution, so its on track for a good pacing of history. Hey, passable narratives and foibles for everyone--a lot of our founding fathers were womanizers and alcoholics. Kinda like contemporary citizens. And I got my dose of trivia--Remember "One if by land, two if by sea"? Know which one it was? I do.

However, by the middle of the second CD, halfway through the piece, the damn thing was already past World War II--the part of history with which the author had direct experience and hatchets to directly grind, so he got to rubbing the whetstone. Civil rights! Camelot! The Saint Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior--no foibles like those promised in the introduction, just angelism.

And for the last CD, let's recap the post Kennedy world: Vietnam was BAD! Republican President Nixon, Liar. Nothing about Carter except that he beat Ford. In the years between 1980-1988, Republican President Reagan, or the people covering for his incapacitation, do Iran-Contra. In 1991, Republican President George Bush leads the nation to war for oiiiiiil. In the years 1992-2000, the media and the evil Republicans attack Bill Clinton. In 2000 (it's a revised and expanded edition, don't you know?) a damn Republican steals the election.

The CDs run three hours. It took me almost six hours of interstate to finish them. Once I got to the last CD, I had to rinse every couple of seconds with some country music. Fortunately, the middle of Illinois has three things: corn, classic rock, and country. I was hoarse soon after the Wisconsin border from fusking the text. But I listened to the whole damn thing because I am a glutton for punishment. Or stupid. I prefer to think I am a glutton because (1) it's a deadly sin and (2) because it sounds cool when pronounced, accusingly, with a faux French accent.

I cannot attribute the general population's lack of knowledge of history to the condescension inherent in these "educational" books which warp the facts of history--call it spin, call it whatever you want, but textbooks and even popular bits like this contain more "narrative" and inferred meaning than are really necessary to convey the facts. In many cases, these "special features" can turn readers and students off to the content or to the actual history behind the content. Don't know much about history? You'll only know a little more after you finish this book, but you'll certainly get a particular story that--the author hopes--will make you think and vote "intelligently" and "appropriately," citizen.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:23 PM   0 comments

 
WWKW?

Angie Everhart's going to be the captain of one of the teams in the first annual Lingerie Bowl that will be played during the Superbowl.

Well, Would Kim Watch?

Vegas says 12 to 1 he will.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:25 PM   0 comments

 
Fisking Robert Cohen

I was going to fisk Robert Cohen's latest column, but it's too time consuming to refute this bad Santa's columns for no pay. However, I do want to snark about this bit:

The use of George W. Bush as a role model for a Democratic presidential aspirant is both novel and troubling. Bush, after all, is Mr. Secrecy. His White House -- actually, it's ours -- is virtually hermetically sealed. We still do not know who Vice President Cheney consulted in drawing up the administration's leave-no-energy-company-behind energy bill, and there is the little matter of our still not knowing why the administration went to war to rid Saddam Hussein of weapons he did not have. It is -- shhh -- a secret.

My snarkage:

• Leave-no-energy-company-behind energy bill? Come on, Dicky, this administration left their oil buddies at Enron behind, didn't they? Oh, never mind. I cannot talk sense into you. I better just call you Dicky again to elevate this conversation to its proper depth.
  
  
• not knowing why the administration went to war to rid Saddam Hussein of weapons he did not have? Come on, that's so cliché, and a lying cliché at that. Are you (a) really that simplistic in your analysis of foreign policy, or (b) dumbing it down because you think your readers are that simplistic about foreign policy? Which is worse?
  
  Actually, I'd like to point out that "administration" and "weapons" still have more than one syllable. Just in case you think the American public disagrees with you and yours because they just don't understand! You can still make it dumberer for them.

I keep asking myself why I bother to try to read things with which I disagree since they make me so angry. Life's too short. I should stick to pulp fiction.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:06 PM   0 comments

 
Reasons I am a Paul Bettany Fan

Let me count the reasons:

1. He is the second most sexy man in the universe. Just look at the man.
   
   
2. He lives with Jennifer Connelly, and while she's not the sexiest woman in the world, she's quite up there.
   
   
3. As Blackfive reports, Bettany knows how to handle French reporters.
   
   

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:53 PM   0 comments

 
What's Wrong with That?

I think Die Hard is a perfectly good answer to the question What is your favorite Christmas movie?
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:58 AM   0 comments

 
Yes, Ms. Postrel, There Is a Santa Claus

Virginia Postrel, commenting on David Brooks' recent New York Times column (registration required), asks and then answers her own question:

The column, which deserves reading in full, leaves unanswered a rather important question: What's the point of Republican political power? Nothing more than job security for a different clique?

Well, yes.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:07 PM   0 comments

 
Glad I Got It For Free

In his latest six-columns-for-the-price-of-one, which would also seem to be six-columns-with-the-forethought-of-one, Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times spends a little time between the asterisks to ding Bush for not attending soldier funerals:

In the meantime, our current president Punk'd the world with his stealth visit to Baghdad last week -- proving that even in this day and age, it's possible for POTUS to make a safe, quick visit to almost any event in the world.

Sure would like to see President Bush try a similar mission and show up at a memorial service for one of those American soldiers who keep getting killed in Iraq, even though the war is over.

Hey, Rick. You pick one. The single soldier to be so honored. The one who's more important than the others.

Pretty easy for a newspaper columnist, wot?
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:01 PM   0 comments

 
Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee! My Ears!

Roger Freeman, gossip reporter, does the previously unthinkable and always the unpalatable:

He suggests a Billy Joel duet with Dido.

Noooooooo! The Piano Man with the....the founder of Carthage? Whatever will this trollop be known as in thirty years other than the Trivial Pursuit answer to the question about Stan?
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:56 PM   0 comments

 
Helping the Brother Move

This weekend, I didn't get to post because I went home (Wisconsin, that beautiful northern state that's also home to Harvey, Owen, and DC) to help my brother move from Milwaukee to LaCrosse. It's the other side of the state, but fortunately the short way.

It was good to be home. It's easy to forget the experience of being in Milwaukee during winter football season, wherein a full fifteen percent of the population wears apparel bearing the Green Bay Packers logo. I am not kidding. It's one thing to remember it abstractly, but to see it firsthand is always somewhat shocking.

And they think they have football fans in St. Louis.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:45 PM   0 comments

 
Outside, on Monday Morning, in LaCrosse

I saw children standing on the corner waiting for the bus. By themselves. In 20 degree weather.

Here in tropical Casinoport, Missouri, children don't wait on the corner for the bus. They wait in running SUVs that crowd about the corner. When it's sixty degrees.

Must be the small town life, or hardy Northern stock.


- posted by Brian J. @ 7:33 PM   0 comments

 
Passing Through Madison

On the way home from LaCrosse, I passed through Madison, Wisconsin, and I had the urge to stop to Ann Packer's house. It would be the proper way to express my appreciation for her book, and if she had her Christmas lights up already, it might lend a spooky ethereal effect if they blinked through streamers of Charmin.

Silly me! I remembered then that she lives in Northern California and only writes "authentic" novels about Wisconsinites who only come alive when they leave Wisconsin for cosmopolitan locales. Maybe I could have thrown a perfect Brett Favre spiral and one-hopped a roll to northern California if I bounced it just right in Colorado, but odds were it'd hit the eastern side of the Rockies and flutter hopelessly down, leaving her home unscathed.

It was a long drive home. I had a lot of time to think.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:33 PM   0 comments

 
And the Next Day

My brother moves to LaCrosse, and the God-fearing people begin their flight.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:18 PM   0 comments

 
Jeepers Creepers

Oh, yeah, secure your gear. Office creepers aren't something from a horror movie crossed with Dilbert. They're thieves who prowl office buildings, often during work hours, who hoover up unsecured wallets, purses, and electronics. I have warned you time and again.

(Link seen on Techdirt.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:04 PM   0 comments

 
Today's Object Lessons

Courtesy of the Everquest players who killed Kerafyrm, The Sleeper, an "unkillable" monster designed to be the end of the EverQuest world or something. Players should not have been able to kill it, you see. Seems that the Sony development team gave the beast 10 billion hit points, a bunch of invulnerabilities, and an unbelieveable regeneration rate, and 200 players teamed up to do the impossible. Much to Sony's chagrin.

Lessons to be learned:

• Developers:
  Don't even tell me about "Functions As Designed." Just because you think that no user would do what you believe is improbable doesn't mean he or she will not. If you need something to be impossible to kill, make it impossible to kill. If I tell you it's possible to enter bad data into the database, don't tell me that a user wouldn't enter bad data. He or she will, and your faulty application allowed it.
  
  
• Everyone:
  Out there on the Internet, there are a lot of patient people with lots of time that they can spend probing, prodding, and investigating vulnerabilities. They have more infinity than you do. Close your ports, and good luck to you.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:01 PM   0 comments

 
You Say Neh-Vaa-Dah, I Say Nay-Vah-Dah

A non-story: Bush mispronounces Nevada in first presidential visit. But thanks for trying, guys.

Let's face it, most Americans pronounce their place names incorrectly. I live in a suburb of St. Louis. Since the canonized Louis was French, we should pronounce it St. Louie. And who knows how one should authentically pronounce Missouri. Residents get into fist fights over it yet, but generations-long blood feuds over long I versus schwa are petering out.

Back to the point: Nevada, from el Español, should be pronounced nayVAHdah. Not:

To properly pronounce Nevada, the middle syllable should rhyme with gamble.

(Does anyone beat the reporter about the head and shoulders for the whole middle syllable should rhyme thing? Rhyme means all syllables sound similar but for initial consonants. Don't you damn kid free versers start up with me.)

So Bush's pronunciation was a little closer to the original than the current bastardization favored by both native Nevada residents. In two hundred years, after the next great vowel shift, Bush will read like Shakespeare reads to us, no matter how stoopid his critics try to make him sound. You know what the real twist of the box cutter is? People will read Bush's speeches in 200 years. No one will read his opponents' press releases.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:22 AM   0 comments

 
Book Review: The Joy of Work by Scott Adams (1998)

This is a Dilbert book, but not a collection of cartoons. Not exclusively, anyway; Adams manages to illustrate his Dilbertal points with some cartoons, though.

The book is schizophrenic. The majority of the book is the kind of humor you would expect from Adams, a wry look at working in the white collar world. It details how you can derive joy from your daily drudgery in pranking your co-workers, avoiding real work, and gaming the discordant system. It features chapters on managing your boss, reverse telecommuting, annoying your co-workers, and surviving meetings. Pretty standard Dilbert stuff.

However, about sixty percent of the way through the book, it veers more into personal. Sort of self-helping. Adams describes creativity, as filtered through how a cartoonist works. He describes where creativity comes from, how to manage creativity, and how to be funny. He then talks a bit about criticism, works in an unrelated (but amusing) story about the time he pranked exectuives by pretending to be a corporate image consultant. He finishes the book up with a short peek into his daily writing life and then a short memorial piece to his (or his girlfriend's) cat.

The book probably would have been better as two books. Still, it's a quick read. Worth a couple bucks. It affirms and reinforces all my personal bad habits, which is all a "working" man needs sometimes.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:52 AM   0 comments

 
The Amazon Wish List

Due to popular demand (my blog, so to win the popularity contest, a candidate only needs one vote), I have created an Amazon Wish List so all three of my readers can shower me with material goods.

Remember, it's better to give than to receive.

To make it convenient, I have added a comment link to the template. Any time I move you enough to want to comment, it's a sign that I have done well, and should be rewarded; hence, it takes you directly to the wish list. The best way to comment. With your wallet.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:00 AM   0 comments

 
Mark of the Beast?

Applied Digital has announced a new service to allow consumers to pay for merchandise using microchips implanted under their skins. Shidoshi, you might ask, should I worry about the implications of this for my own personal paranoia?

No, student, this is a false alarm. Applied Digital is a corporation in its last throes of death, but it yet retains a marketing department or a piece of software that generates press releases on a regular basis. Because the company features a chip that goes under the skin, its press releases receive a lot of play in the trades when they want to shock or titilate the public.

Implanting payment methods or identification will never become prevalent.

You should worry, instead, about the reasons why the powers that want to be won't need you to undergo elective surgery to track you.

Meditate on't, child.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:09 PM   0 comments

 
Join In

Even James Earl Jones and all the All-Star sales pitching in the world won't help when you come up with business decisions like this: Verizon will charge double expected fees over new rules.

Punish previous customers' disloyalty by destroying goodwill among current customers. Buy that man an MBA!
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:20 PM   0 comments

 
Richard Roeper Pushes My Buttons

Richard Roeper, accused of living in the Midwest by one of his coastal friends, invents the Middle Coast to refute that fatal accusation:

Not long ago, I was at dinner with a group of entertainment industry professionals, including a Los Angeles native and resident. Nice woman. After talking movies, we got into the "Where do you live?" and "Where did you grow up?" stuff -- and when she learned I had spent practically my whole life in the Chicago area, she talked about how much she loves our great city. We have the Cubs (does anyone from out of town ever say the White Sox?), the architecture, the food, the lake, the blues, the shopping, the Oprah, etc., etc.

Not to mention the wonderful people of Chicago -- the "down-to-earth" types with "good solid values," as we're often labeled.

And then this nice woman used the term that almost always makes me cringe. The label is favored by East and West Coast types who use it like a pat on the head to tell us how quaint we are, how charming we are -- and what rubes we are.

"I just love that whole Midwestern thing," she said.

I can't precisely recall the specific wording of what she said next, but there were a few more "down-to-earth" references, and something about how we're so much more "real" than Los Angelenos and New Yorkers, and how it's so refreshing that we're not embarrassed about our love for Wal-Mart and Celine Dion and Krispy Kreme.

Then, she mentioned that her husband attended school in the Midwest, and he has family in the Midwest, and she knows a lot of other people from the Midwest, including her college roommate who was from the Midwest -- and at that point I had to cut her off and explain something.

Chicago ain't the Midwest.

He pushes one of my buttons and then keeps pushing it to make the elevator come faster.

Dude, just move to LA so you can hang out with your movie sophisticates or move to New York so you can hang out with your Esquire cosmopolitans.

Is it Friday yet? When's the next Neil Steinberg column due?
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:42 PM   0 comments

 
Share the Love

Another one falls to commentitis! The Meatriarchy guy now features comments on his blog. Go tell him what you really think about him.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:23 PM   0 comments

 
Supplemental Reading

Read Roger Simon. He's a blogger. He writes mystery novels. He wears a hat.

There's nothing about this man not to like!
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:28 PM   0 comments

 
Apology In Advance

Honey, I just want to apologize in advance for the coming time when the Department of Homeland Security kicks in our doors with drawn weapons, when they put a couple of nine millimeter slugs into our nine pound tabby because they feared for their safety, they haul off our myriad computers, and interrogate us for hours on end to prompt us to admit our non-existent guilt or plead guilty to unspecified charges because of what I did today. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way.

You see, honey, I went to the opthamologist's office today, and when they called me by my name, I followed the technician into an examination room. She hit me with the requisite salvo of eye drops that rendered me a nocturnal creature in the middle of the afternoon, and then she input my information directly into a workstation. Wow! What an advanced place! A workstation in every exam room! Then the technician told me that the doctor would be in shortly, and then she left the room. Without locking the workstation.

After the doctor saw me and assured me I would not need an eyepatch just yet, he asked if there was anything else. So of course I told him the lax security his enterprise offered, leaving patients alone with access to his computer network and his patient records was a very bad thing. He said that restarting the computer would take too long, and he'd have to cut the number of patients he saw in half--not explicitly stating his perceived dilemma of patient information security versus his bank account. He also said that sooner or later you have to trust people, and he trusts his patients wouldn't do anything like that. Hell, I trust people, but we lock the doors here in la casa Noggle even when we're home.

So I am sorry, baby. Because when some hacker, cracker, or whatever the bad man terms himself finds himself sitting in that chair while the doctor politely answers all of another patient's questions, this bad man will see what he can do. And if the bad man's not careful, someone will know that someone's been hacking the good doctor's computers, and the good doctor will remember one name was concerned with his security: Noggle.

So this will be the thanks I get for trying to spread a little cheerful-but-relevant paranoia into the non-technology fields. Maybe I'll get the lucky double whammy of having my personal information stolen, too. Of course, it's not clear what a bad man would do with my cornea thickness, and I surely didn't share my SSN with anyone unless I'm getting money from them.

Honey, I hope you can forgive me. And remember to do some off-site backup of your critical documents because we won't see those PCs again.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:18 PM   0 comments

 
Christmas Ruined Already

104.1 WMLL "The Mall" in St. Louis has become the first all-Christmas carol radio station. They're touting it, of course, as the first, which should imply the best, but really just means the station whose regular format (greatest hits of the 1980s and 1990s) is most expendable (least profitable) in the stable and spectrums of radio stations owned by the megabroadcaster in this market. Regardless of the bigger implications, I have listened to it somewhat this weekend.

I was a little disappointed. They ran more "contemporary" Christmas carols, with electric guitars screeching out "Walking in a Winter Wonderland". Annie Lennox doing Christmas songs? Christmas carols are not the contemporary, they're timeless. They're more croon than synth. Bing Crosby, not Natalie Merchant.

I could tolerate the McKenzie Brothers' "Twelve Days of Christmas". It's a light-hearted diversion, and since it's almost thirty years old, I guess it's almost a classic in its own right.

I don't quite understand why they played Jewel's "Angel Standing By". I guess it mentions angels, but it's not a Christmas song. At all.

But I have banished it from my radio dial not for these lapses, which are really flaws and not transgressions. But banished it I have; I was looking to jumpstart my Christmas spirit through musical transfusion, to enjoy the sounds of the seasons since I am not likely to see snow for Christmas again. But this station's more involved in having its management wink-wink-nudge-nudge that Christmas doesn't have to be traditional, that it can be hip and smirky. That's not why I listen to Christmas music when I bother to listen to Christmas music. So enough already.

The transgression? I could have happily gone through my entire life without learning Cheech and Chong did a Christmas song.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:11 AM   0 comments

 
Media To Try, Try Again

It's not Vietnam....it's Somalia!

The frenzy recalled the October 1993 scene in Somalia, when locals dragged the bodies of Marines killed in fighting with warlords through the streets.

Perhaps they just need to change the pitch of their klaxon to get it through to the tone deaf American citizens that Americans. Are. Dying. in a war zone.

We know. But we're resolute.

I hope.

(Link seen on Drudge Report, a little-known news aggregator. Click through, he can use the exposure.)

Update: No, on second though, tell us it's just like Somalia. Which was a debacle because the United States cut and ran too early. That should stiffen our upper lips.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:14 PM   0 comments

 
A Sentiment I Share

At the Volokh Conspiracy, David Bernstein calls this mantra aummed from the mouth of a London attorney the "quote of the day":

You will never change the hearts and minds of terrorists by bombing them.

I disagree. I prefer Bernsteins rejoinder:

That's OK, I'll settle for their death. I don't think we changed the hearts and minds of too many Nazis during World War II, either.

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:16 PM   0 comments

 
Today's Simile Paradox

Courtesy of Foreigner:

Feels like the first time
Like it never did before

Mull that over a while, and try to determine if Foreigner really meant to warp reality, or if they were just looking for a good end rhyme for door.
- posted by Brian J. @ 4:02 PM   0 comments

 
Google Search of the Day

This blog is the 130th result for the search stash safes.

A tip of the forty to the nutbar who is so interested in hiding drugs that he or she went through 13 pages of results to find this site.

And an extra tip, gratis. Tommy Chong has shown the error of selling drug paraphernelia on the Internet. You're barking up the wrong trees, moondog.
- posted by Brian J. @ 12:28 PM   0 comments

 
Dual Book Review:
Book of Top Ten Lists David Letterman (1990)
American Spectator's Enemies List compiled by P.J. O'Rourke (1996)

I bought both of these books in the used bookstore orgy that was the last two weekends, and since they're similar in nature, I thought I would review them together.

Not only they both humorous books of lists, but both came out in the late 80s and early 90s. The contents of the The Enemies List stem from columns written in 1989 and 1990; the later chapters delve into the early Clinton years (and have this naive optimism that Clinton will be a single term president). The Top Ten lists were compiled when David Letterman followed Johnny Carson, for crying out loud. In addition to being humorous, both of them are time capsules of a sort. Time capsules that indicate, very clearly, some things don't change, but some things do (sorry--I have to pound that movie out of my brain).

The thrust of The Late Night With David Letterman Book of Top Ten Lists is obvious. The Enemies List compiles a list of people and organizations that P.J. thought should be included when we revived the traditions of Tailgunner Joe. The original essay, from the July 1989 American Spectator, proved popular; readers wrote in with their own suggestions, so the magazine published them and revisted the topic several years running. Hence, much of the book lists people who the magazine or its readers think impair the proper functioning of the nation and who should be hounded.

The same politicians from almost fifteen years ago are the same punchlines in some cases. Al Sharpton, for instance, is a common motif in Letterman's collection. In O'Rourke's more serious obra, we see the same names we curse today. Diane Feinstein. John Kerry (who would almost seem to have served in Vietnam longer than in Congress based on the way he talks about it--as though the former determined his behavior and honor more than the latter--it's almost like M*A*S*H in a way, wot?). Lt. Governor Gray Davis. O'Rourke exempts Arnold Schwarzenegger. This was 14 years ago.

Both books are quick reads (obviously). The Letterman book is much more topical humor, so it's probably the better of the two for pure humor value. However, the O'Rourke book contains a very good essay, "Why I Am a Conservative in the First Place", which is worth the price alone (well, it's worth the four dollars I spent anyway). Unfortunately, O'Rourke's compiling for most of the book, so the writing is done by American Spectator readers, but those comments or paragraphs that O'Rourke writes demonstrate his wit. It's not Holidays in Hell or Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut, or Give War a Chance, but I still want to be P.J. O'Rourke when I grow up.

Finally! I review some books I like, even though I don't necessarily agree with the implications. Cripes, fourteen years. I hate the implication that I have watched that much history as an adult.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:46 PM   0 comments

 
The Walk Off Home Run

We just saw The MetaMatrix Revolutions, and it was a good movie. The ending was a ground rule double. They just missed the homer by a couple feet.

What would the home run ending have been, you ask?

If Neo had woken up at his computer as he had at the beginning of the first movie.

The story would have turned on itself a final time, leaving the viewer to wonder the meaning of that twist.

Of course, the Far Coe Wachoviaski brothers gave up the paranoia speculative fiction after the first movie and wanted to do a messianic piece instead. Good for them.

I said good movie, but I better stop thinking about it before I change my mind. Regardless, I am glad to have seen it, if merely so I can stop talking about it and inadvertently using the name of my former employer.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:06 PM   0 comments

 
Cleaning Out The Link Box

Here are some things to which I have meant to bring to your attention, but haven't:

• Man tries to buy $7,000,000 in lottery tickets.
  This guy tries to buy seven million lottery tickets, which would give him a one in two chance of winning the $38,000,000 jackpot. Lottery officials decline. Not because it's against the rules, but because it's against the "spirit" of the lottery. That's right, they arbitrarily change the rules on the fly to suit their own agenda. Keep that in mind if you ever win; take the cash. Just because the lottery promises to pay out that money over twenty or thirty years, does not mean they will. The minute the state legislature needs it to give poor children LeBron sneakers, your winnings are seized. (Link seen on Fark.)
  
  
• There's too much extraneous crap overlaid on television.
  Gail Pennington of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch agrees. Hey, Fox Sports Net, covering a quarter of the screen with an advertisement for Master and Commander while the Blues are breaking up ice does not endear me to you. I am not going to watch your "extreme" sports show or your fantasy football program. I want to watch the damn hockey game.
  
  
• Regulation by punchline.
  Radley Balko joins the party late in recognizing that reductio ad absurdum helps those who sue or legistlate brainstorm for fresh outrages. Recognizing a slippery slope doesn't mean you're not sliding down it.
  
  
• FBI can't use your OnStar against you....yet.
  A court has ruled that the FBI cannot just take your vehicular remote assistance product off the hook and listen to what you're saying in your car. Yet.
  
  Of course, you all know I would never buy a product where a radio signal can open your car doors or that the FBI could track your stolen vehicle. I don't even have a cell phone where a signal could take it off hook, either. You think I am mad? Listen to how carefully I planned it out! (Link seen on Tech Dirt.)
  
  
• Rigorous debate in comments is good.
  I don't have comments because I don't like trolls. So check this link out. It's a story about how Australian Prime Minister shared an elevator with some footy fans. But the trolls are all on John Howard for his politics, and the owner of the blog responds appropriately.

There, now the bloggable notes are out of my inbox. I can now start answering some six month old e-mail.
- posted by Brian J. @ 12:56 PM   0 comments

 
A Good Use for a Mexican Beer

Clubbing an armed robber over the head with a Modelo Especial.


- posted by Brian J. @ 9:04 AM   0 comments

 
Lileks Fusks Salam Pax

There it is.

Hey, Salam? Fuck you. I know you’re the famous giggly blogger who gave us all a riveting view of the inner circle before the war, and thus know more about the situation than I do. Granted. But there’s a picture on the front page of my local paper today: third Minnesotan killed in Iraq. He died doing what you never had the stones to do: pick up a rifle and face the Ba’athists. You owe him.

Man, do I understand the urge. Sometimes there's nothing more you can say to some of the incoherence than to answer in strict terms that you assume your opponents can understand, and to let them know that there words are not only wrong, but also risable and subject to consequences.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:27 AM   0 comments

 
Thanks for the Sentiment, Pinhead

Perhaps I am being too harsh, but I get a little riled when a Hollywooder loves the Midwest, like when director of The Day After Nicholas Meyer says:

"I have an enormous soft spot for the Midwest and the hospitality, the generosity and the openness of a lot of the people who live there," says Meyer, a graduate of the University of Iowa.

Smeg off. There, you feel more at home, pinhead?

Maybe I am just a tad sensitive whenever a coastal type talks about Midwesterners. Typically, though, they like to ruffle their fingers through our hair and tell us we're good kids.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:13 PM   0 comments

 
You Can't Hang A Picture on AWOL

I am surprised that that one Bears fan hasn't written about this Fox news story:

The U.S. Army declared medic Spec. Simone Holcomb AWOL for refusing to return to her duties in Iraq because of a family emergency, threatening her with a dishonorable discharge or even a court martial.

Holcomb, whose husband is also in the military as a tank commander, had to rush home to care for their seven children. Her mother-in-law had been taking care of the family, but had to leave Colorado suddenly when her father-in-law fell ill with cancer.

But the Army wasn't too sympathetic, slapping Holcomb with the AWOL label and later deactivating her and reassigning her to the Colorado National Guard (search). She is considering taking legal action to be reinstated as a full-time soldier.

Let's see, she went absent without leave, and she's upset for being disciplined for going AWOL? And now she's going to sue to get back into the army? Goodness gracious, that's improper.

I understand she had extenuating circumstances, but she broke the rules.

And if she does try some nutbar legal maneuver, heaven forfend if some civilian court gets its dominion over the military. Forget liquor and guns. I will have to change my investment strategy to burkas and guns to prepare for the eventual destruction of our way of life.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:02 PM   0 comments

 
The Unwhispered Question

So I was reading this profile of Philip K. Dick and his sudden appeal to moviemakers in Wired, when it occurred to me.

Why do They want us to watch paranoid fiction?

You see, that's why I am the Shidoshi, and you are the student.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:07 PM   0 comments

 
A Helpful Reminder

John Kass of the Chicago Tribune reminds us that regular zoos are not petting zoos (registration required).
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:42 PM   0 comments

 
I Am Registered

Want to know what to get me for Christmas? Any of the stuff at Napping.com, of course.

(Link seen on some poor Caps fan's site.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:40 PM   0 comments

 
When Is Not Breaking The Law Illegal?

When the man wants to charge you with something! Yes, it's more money laundering madness, this time with Rush Limbaugh in the sights of prosecutors.

You see, financial institutions have to report if you make transactions of $10,000 or more because you're automatically suspected of dealing drugs if you have that kind of money. So Rush took out money in $9,900 amounts--and now he might be on the hook for money laundering.

Avoiding the law is breaking the law! You only oppose the inconsistency if you have something to hide, Citizen. Your papers, please?
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:52 PM   0 comments

 
Just Like An Old Friend, Kick Him When He's Down

Poor form, Richard Roeper. Rush Limbaugh makes the most personal broadcast of his life, and you feel the need to belittle it.


- posted by Brian J. @ 5:37 PM   0 comments

 
What He Said

Kim du Toit has a point.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:34 PM   0 comments

 
Unleashing the Inner Animal (I)

The Patriette prompted my own introspection, through which I concluded:


What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Probably more like it.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:25 PM   0 comments

 
Unleashing the Inner Animal (II)

The Meatriarchy Guy leads me on a voyage of self-discovery, which tells me instead I am:


Your soul is bound to the Fifth Totem, Homid:
The Monkey. Homid appears as a viridian monkey. He embodies
intelligence, potential, understanding, and
skill. He is associated with the color
viridian, the season of spring, and the element
of fire. His downfall is pretentiousness. You are most compatible with Owls and Tortoises.

Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Probably more like it.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:23 PM   0 comments

 
Today's Exercise in Irony

1. Using Internet Explorer, open and read this story, "The end is near for pop-up ads".
   
   
2. Close the browser window.
   
   
3. Examine the CNN Money pop under ad that displays when you close the window.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:26 PM   0 comments

 
A Little Pat of Butter and Some Cherry Syrup On Top

So Suffolk County, New York, finally got their woman. According to this New York Post story, the alleged madam ran a chain of massage parlors, and now they're throwing the encyclepedias at her. In addition to two counts of promoting prostitution, she got:

Clifford said Kim, who had herself been busted twice for prostitution, was charged with money laundering because she would invest her ill-gotten gains back into her massage parlors.

What, nothing else? Didn't she stub out a cigarette on the sidewalk and get some hazardous waste or attempted arson charge?

Quick, someone call a legislator who needs to get tough on crime! We need someone brave enough to realize that if spending illicit proceeds on illegal activity is good to tack onto other charges, our prosecutors need more pancakes to stack on top, such as the following"

• Getting money through illegal activity.
• Spending money made through illegal activity.
• Laying waste your powers with illegal activity.
• Having stuff bought with money made illegally.
• Using stuff bought with money made illegally.
• Eating food bought with money made illegally.
• Having money that was once earned illegally.

Because remember, the prosecution engineers DAs will only use these creative railroading charging techniques to hound the bad people.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:13 PM   0 comments

 
Oxymoron of the Day

Courtesy of FoxNews.Com, we have this description of Paris Hilton:

"I feel embarrassed and humiliated, especially because my parents and the people who love me have been hurt," the socialite and reality TV actress said Monday in a statement to The Associated Press.

Reality TV Actress. It's not just a job, it's a paradox.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:03 PM   0 comments

 
Thought for the Day

Andy Rooney:

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I've bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich and Underwood is out of business.

Shut up. I like Andy Rooney.

(Link seen on TechDirt.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:24 PM   0 comments

 
Not Anymore

If this story was true about the United States putting its troops under international command in Iraq (which I really want to doubt entirely), I hope it became untrue when the EU apparatchiks started flapping their gums:

The United States accepts that to avoid humiliating failure in Iraq it needs to bring its forces quickly under international control and speed the handover of power, Javier Solana, the European Union foreign policy chief, has said.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:26 AM   0 comments