Musings from Brian J. Noggle
Saturday, November 01, 2003
Wisconsin Law Enforcement Officials Speak

Here's what Wisconsin's law officials have to say about the concealed carry law winding through that state's legislature:
    "I don't like it," Ozaukee County Sheriff Maury Straub said Wednesday. "Proponents say it's for citizen safety. As sheriff, I know of very few people who have had to protect their lives or the lives of others by deadly force.

    How many people who were unarmed do you know of who died when someone attacked them? I don't remember Ozaukee County being that safe. Straub's words could quite easily indicate that he doesn't know of any because those people have not had the right to defend themselves outside of their homes. Also, keep in mind deadly force implied that the goblins got killed instead of just winged. Maybe the Ozaukee residents are good at shooting out kneecaps.

    "It will give people a lot of false securities. Even though people can shoot at a paper target and take a class to learn gun safety, the bad guys are going to assume their victim has a gun and will be more aggressive and more violent," said [Hartford Police Lt. Tom] Horvath, saying he was speaking only for himself and not the department.

    What's good for Britain is good for us, hey, loot? Of course, maybe if the goblins feared for their own lives, they'd perhaps think of another line of work.

    Said Cedarburg Police Chief Tom Frank: "My initial reaction is, I'm not in favor of it because of the many situations in which police officers have contact with angry citizens.

    "In many of those cases, citizens who have been arrested for various offenses have acted in a violent manner toward a police officer," Frank said.

    "I'm just fearful that with some people now carrying concealed weapons, the violence toward police officers could become a greater problem," he said.

    Frank has a valid concern. However, he's weighing the safety of a few citizens (the police) against the majority of the citizens. Police would be safer, too, if they kept the general population sedated. Quick, someone legislate manditory downers for all!
Go read Boots and Sabers. Owen's in Milwaukee, so he's got a pony in this fight and he's keeping us up to date.

The Winner Strikes Back

I posted last Saturday about the guy who was selling the Beanie Babies for tools and beer. Well, it's turned into a he-said, she-said, wherein he might have been selling counterfeits. The winning bidder has taken action on Trader List which is apparently some sort of Internet enclave of people who buy and sell a lot of meaningless stuff through the Internet.

But while perusing this complaint, I couldn't help note:
    I wrote the seller, through eBay, using my primary ID, alerting him to the fact that it was rather unlikely that the five hard-to-find beanies would turn out to be genuine and suggesting that he should pull the auction, relist the common ones, and send the others for authentication.

    There is no need to explain my message further because he printed the message, without the "disclaimer" and "counterfeit" eBay rules I had included , and INCLUDED MY ID. He posted also that he had blocked me from bidding. I had also alerted eBay that the auction should be pulled because it was fraught with disclaimers. eBay paid no attention to its own rule and did nothing. I also alerted eBay that he had posted my ID, which is against eBay rules, and again, nothing was done. From the tenor of the listing, I believed the seller to be an angry person, upset by his wife leaving him, but did question that if she was such an avid collector why she would leave behind the rare and valuable beanies. I checked his feedback with over 500 positives and no negatives, his "ME" posting, and later his name and address which checked out. Based on this I bid using my glorybeeto ID. I learned later that two friends asked him questions about the beanies and he did not respond. I did not question him with my bidding ID because I felt, in light of his obvious anger, he would block that ID as well. (Emphasis mine)
Man, what drama unfolds. Counterfeit beanies! Multiple eBay IDs! Cabals of Beanie Believers! The FBI!

We all want to be heroes in some sweeping epic, but some people settle for children's books.

(Link seen on Best of the Web Today.)

A Herd, Not A Pack

The most important things to remember about this story about the attorney gunned down outside the courthouse:

    Dramatic television footage showed Curry, 53, of Simi Valley, trying to hide behind a tree as the man police identified as Strier fired several times.

    Strier, a heavyset man with graying hair and glasses, calmly walked by stunned reporters before an off-duty sheriff's reserve officer tackled him.
The media, defenders of Truth but not, apparently, an individual physically threatened man, filmed and watched this happen without coming to the poor shootee's aid and then let the shooter walk by them before being tackled, not shot, by an off-duty sheriff's reserve officer, someone who was not a full-time law enforcement officer.

So keep that in mind, when the media picture the mass of Americans as defenseless sheep, they're projecting.

(Link seen on Ravenwood's Universe.)

Friday, October 31, 2003
Be Like Kate

Like Kate at Electric Venom, I have discovered:

You damn kids playing like you know the 80s when the 80s are as near to you as the damn 60s were to me in the 80s. I'm telling you for the last freaking time, Sade and Slade are DIFFERENT. They're not even pronounced the same. Get offa my lawn before I turn the hose on you!

Remember the Pretzels

Reason's Hit and Run covers the goofball study that says diversity prevents binge drinking, but it also helpfully defines binge drinking:
    BTW, binge drinking is defined as more than 5 drinks in succession for guys and 4 for gals.
So remember, two pretzels, judiciously applied during consumption of your twelve pack, will prevent you from being a "binge drinker."

Christine, Call The Meatriarchy Guy

He has a capital idea for you:

The Girls of Afghanistan

At Least They're Not the BBC

Ananova reports that Sky, an independent network in Britain, has decided to shelve its reality show Find Me a Man, wherein a number of male contestants vied for the affection of a woman who, like Joe Millionaire, was not what she seemed to be. As a matter of fact, it was a pre op transexual.

Please play it. It's not that I want to see it, even for the schadenfraülein; instead, I want the pool of idiots who sign on for these shows to dry up. And nothing will do it better than watching men unknowingly kissing another man. Who would sign up thinking, "I could be that guy!"

Come to think of it, it probably wouldn't diminsh the pool of attention starved nutbars who sign up for these things anyway. I take it back. Don't show it and inspire one of the diminishing-returns US networks to pick it up, too.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003
More On Box Cutters on Planes

Addendum to my box cutters post: You know all the box cutters found individually on planes throughout the country? Your paranoia shidoshi has a surprisingly simple explanation. Call it Occam's Boxcutter if you will. Is it terrorists doing dry runs to see what they can successfully smuggle? Is it an underground of students out to humiliate the TSA?

Or is it simply honest Americans that suddenly discover that they have put their boxcutters in their pockets and suddenly find themselves committing a felony at 42,000 feet?

Believe you me, I would wipe my fingerprints off of it and put it in the seat beside me, too.

Halloween Decorating Tips

Courtesy Right We Are. Caution: Might not be safe for work.

I just said that to make you click the link.

You Can Hire 5 Off Shore Developers for the Price Of 1 American

Just remember to keep an eye on the extradition treaties, or else you might find your software available for download on the Internet.

(Link seen on Fucked Company. I read it every single day, which explains why the first line of John Donnelly's Gold is "Robert Davies tried to log onto, and he could not, and he knew he was fucked." Werd.)

The Second Amendment Says Nothing About Toy Arms

9-year-old arrested for waving toy gun. Cop's gun on him. Taken down and cuffed. His mother busted for trying to point out to the cop that it's a toy gun.

Sometimes I get the feeling that the cops think they have to shoot the elephant to keep we natives in line.

(Link seen on Drudge.)

Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Our Guest Paranoia Sensei Speaks

Go see what Michele from A Small Victory has to say.

I assume she's not kidding, and she knows.

Remember, B. Holden Wants Not To Close Loopholes, But To Determine Who Passes Through Them

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, oddly enough, entitles this story "Small firms will pay piper if big companies get tax break".

Stop the O'Learying presses, wouldja? So someone has to make up the difference when the state passes out millions of dollars to Ford, Chrysler, Boeing, or any of the other dozen or so companies that employ a couple of thousand people whenever one of those companies rattles its cup among the various states when contemplating whether to move or not?

Lord, love a duck, I know I am an English major, but this sort of thing just seems obvious to me. It's about time a journalist catches up.

Of course, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch will forget this concern the next time that one of these companies decides it can get a better handout from Kentucky and will run breathless stories about the negotiating and the threats of layoffs, and you, taxpayer, will be forgotten.

Quote of the Day

From a Tech Central Station article about the rather forward CEO of Ryanair, Mike O'Leary, we have this nugget of wisdom about portfolio allocation:
    I don't want to get stuck like those dot com f----ing goons that lost everything because they failed to realize their paper wealth.
Diversify from those options, kiddies. Not that I'll have that trouble, of course, since I've put all my money in liquor, canned goods, can openers, and firearms. That's all the portfolio diversification you need.

Monday, October 27, 2003
Putting Their Money Where Their Mouths Are

In Milwaukee, a group of aldermen are deferring or turning down salary increases to maintain other public services.

Thank you, gentlemen. I used to use that library you're saving.

Tap a Vein

Give a pint, get a pint.

No telling how they would reduce the BAC of the donor blood.

(Link seen on Drudge.)

Sportswriter Blames Schwarzenegger for California Wildfires

Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch writes in his Tipsheet column:

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger got a warm reception when he presented medals at the 39th annual Mr. Olympia contest. He's huge with the flex-and-pose crowd.

"Finally, I feel at home again," he told a crowd of 6,000 in Las Vegas. "This is a terrific sport, and if it wouldn't have been for bodybuilding, I wouldn't have any of this. It's a great foundation."

Added Mr. Olympia founder Joe Weider, "Finally it's beginning to dawn on the world that bodybuilders are smart. They develop determination. They don't give up. They don't lose. If they ever apply that to any profession . . . they can be a great success."

Meanwhile, back in California, the southern half of the state was ablaze with brush fires.
Gordo, Non Sequitur does not play third line center for the Montreal Canadiens. You cannot even blame Schwarzenegger, or say he hasn't done enough to stop the fires because he's not even office yet.

I understand you media types, even you sportswriters, want to blame current Republican officeholders for unrelated problems that preceded their terms of office, but come on. Maybe you should go back to your normal job, which is blaming the current state of the Blues on the Brendan Shanahan tampering charge from 1991. Damn that Larry Pleau! How could he?

Sunday, October 26, 2003
Hotel Fire Alarms with Instapundit

His Glenness relates a story about his recent trip wherein he and his family were in a hotel when the fire alarm sounded. InstaFamily escaped quickly, and the hotel sprinklers quickly doused the fire.

At least it was a real fire.

Last time I was in Milwaukee, staying in the Hyatt Regency, the fire alarm went off twice. Once on Saturday afternoon, when I was taking my pre-drinking nap and once at 3 am Sunday morning during my post-drinking-pre-driving-home slumber, someone tripped the fire alarm. Your paranoia shidoshi leapt into his trousers, shirt, and shoes quickly and stumbled, quite groggily in the second case, made his way down the narrow concrete steps.

If all the hotel's denizens had been trying to make their ways down the stairs at the time, we would have had trouble. The stairs were only two people wide, and I was on the ninth floor. That would have made for some trampling if shidoshi had to sacrifice their lives to preserve his....

Oh, but no. The staircase was empty. All other patrons in the hotel waited in their rooms for the announcement that it was a false alarm.

Interesting strategy, guaranteed to only fail once.

My students, when that fire alarm rings, buzzes, or beeps, you leave the building. Perhaps Ashton Kutcher, wearing a fireman's helmet, will meet you at on the street to tell you you've been punked. But maybe he won't..

Or, if you'd rather not give up cable until you have to, feel free to make Brian J. Noggle the beneficiary of your traveler's insurance as you go (e-mail me for my SSN, which you'll need for the forms).

And do not ask your shidoshi about the "coincidence" that he never accepts employment in an office above the fifth floor, nor look in his lower left drawer and seek explanation for the fifty feet of nylon clothesline you might find.

Thank you, that is all.

To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."