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Musings from Brian J. Noggle
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Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Unleashing the Inner Animal (I) The Patriette prompted my own introspection, through which I concluded: ![]() What Is Your Animal Personality? brought to you by Quizilla Probably more like it. Unleashing the Inner Animal (II) The Meatriarchy Guy leads me on a voyage of self-discovery, which tells me instead I am: Your soul is bound to the Fifth Totem, Homid: The Monkey. Homid appears as a viridian monkey. He embodies intelligence, potential, understanding, and skill. He is associated with the color viridian, the season of spring, and the element of fire. His downfall is pretentiousness. You are most compatible with Owls and Tortoises. Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Probably more like it. Today's Exercise in Irony
A Little Pat of Butter and Some Cherry Syrup On Top So Suffolk County, New York, finally got their woman. According to this New York Post story, the alleged madam ran a chain of massage parlors, and now they're throwing the encyclepedias at her. In addition to two counts of promoting prostitution, she got:
Quick, someone call a legislator who needs to get tough on crime! We need someone brave enough to realize that if spending illicit proceeds on illegal activity is good to tack onto other charges, our prosecutors need more pancakes to stack on top, such as the following"
Oxymoron of the Day Courtesy of FoxNews.Com, we have this description of Paris Hilton:
Monday, November 17, 2003
Thought for the Day Andy Rooney:
(Link seen on TechDirt.) Not Anymore If this story was true about the United States putting its troops under international command in Iraq (which I really want to doubt entirely), I hope it became untrue when the EU apparatchiks started flapping their gums:
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Compare/Contrast Paper Assignment Class, compare and contrast the following essays/columns:
Memo to Kerry Campaign: Fire Riverfront Media/GMMB & SDD Andrew Sullivan links to a gushing review of a John Kerry ad that attempts to turn George W. Bush's carrier landing into a slam against the president. Here's how the blank Slaters describe the ad and infer its meaning:
The National Guard is not the real military?A damn fine sentiment to express when National Guardsmen are dying the same as "real" military men in Iraq.I blame the yahoos at Slate (Jacob Weisberg wrote the particular assertion) first, but damn Senator Kerry, too, and anyone, active military or not, for casting aspertions on anyone who served. Thursday, November 13, 2003
You're Forgetting One Thing, Goldraker MGM's releasing three DVDs containing 20 James Bond Films, and look how they're marketing it: ![]() You're forgetting one thing, Goldraker: It cannot be the entire James Bond collection without Never Say Never Again! But you don't own that movie, do you, and it's a stain on your ego to this day! I'd also advise against your henchmen visiting Web sites while on the clock. They might find them to be exceptional time wasters, and we don't want them to get the short haircut for disobedience, do we? I Feel Pretty At The Patriette's counsel, I looked inward, and discovered who I truly am: ![]() -Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend. What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Book Review: Paths to Otherwhere by James P. Hogan (1996) So when I was last in Milwaukee, trolling for cheap sci fi to sate my genrelust, I came across a couple of James P. Hogan books: the previously reviewed The Multiplex Man, priced at $5.95, and a softbound Paths to Otherwhere, priced at $2.95. I took them both, obviously, and it was only when I got back to my hotel room and was choosing which to read first that I noticed Paths to Otherwhere had a blank back cover. And the title page said something about the new blockbuster, Paths to Otherwhere, coming out in 1996. Holy carp! I thought to myself. I paid $3 for a James P. Hogan advanced copy! That's almost as big of a deal as the time I found a May 1984 issue of Gallery there after pawing through Hustler, Penthouse, Playboy, Oui, and Swinging Japanese Schoolgirls for an hour, blushing the whole time undoubtedly (but undeterredly). So this particular edition was a bargain, but what about the content? This particular novel takes place in a slightly darker shade of the present, once again where the government and the military nefarious oppressors of common man. Within this dark future-present, a group of scientists discover a way to send their consciousnesses into counterparts in alternate universes. The military wants to use the technology to get an edge over its rivals as the final war for the West is coming. The scientists, on the other hand, want to explore for the mere love of science. The scientists strike upon a distant universe where WWI ended peaceably in 1916 and it truly was a war to end all wars. As a result, the world is a libertarian paradise with Virginia Posterel-approved aesthetics. But the Powers-That-Be-With-Guns in their universe want to prevent the scientists from escaping to that Otherwhere. Hey, it's a decent sci-fi bit. It's not Inherit the Earth, but it's okay. The early portions of the book set the foreshadowing for a more climactic and higher-stakes ending than the book offered. At 405 pages, the book's a bit overlong, too, but it's readable, and its musings on the possibility of alternate universes and mirror images of people will ensure that my story "Extra Life at $1,000,000"--previously written, I assure you--appears to be a pale copy of this original. Curse you, James P. Hogan! Recommend it? Sure, especially if you can find a low price version of it somewhere. It's no longer in print, so eBay and other auction sites, as well as garage sales, might offer it to you cheaply. Worth $2.95 for the collector's item I got anyway. Rybarczyk on Football I quote from his column today:
But when Arlen Harris misses yet another blitz pickup and Marc Bulger gets hit so hard you expect him to wind up looking like the cat at the end of an "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon, you want to have your dog soil Arlen's lawn, because you know every loss in football is huge. Folksy Saying of the Day Use it whenever you're asked to do something preposterous. I just made it up, but I am releasing it to the public, without licensing. Call it open-source silliness, if you will. Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Tapple the Bongo Slowly Ravenwood has a post which features an incredulous exchange between Paula "Zipppppppp" Zahn and Tucker Carlson wherein they discuss why people under thirty don't think the Iraq invasion and occupation are a bad thing. Carlson zooms in with this insight:
Pardon me while I shake the doughnuts off of my cluebat. Note to big thoughtless media players out there: Vietnam is not an apt or immediate metaphor for anyone under forty. I was born in 1972, and I was 3 when Saigon fell. I don't remember any of it. Someone who's forty today will have some preteen memories of it, but thirty year olds were born in 1973 and don't remember the Miracle on Ice, either. You might as well compare the Iraq invasion to the Crimean War. Your average thirty year old has the same immediate access to each. In a book. So just hitch your trousers a little higher, show us some more of those sexxxy black socks under your sandals, and go back to your regular poor Boomer behavior of worrying that you'll have a single, non-Federally funded financial responsibility between the end of your career and the end of your retirement. Thank you. That is all. Artist Capitalist Talons Come Out Meanwhile, in Milwaukee, a new theatre venue opening up is causing problems. Because those same proponents who want the citygoers to "support the arts" by giving graciously to their particular theatre are suddenly threatened by the competition that a new theatre will bring. Hey, I got an idea. How about tickets that cost ten to thirty dollars, huh? Make a play a comparable value to a movie (not to mention far cheaper than a sporting event, and certainly a better value than a Brewer's game). How about you just put out a better product more cheaply than the other guy and then win, huh? I guess lowering prices would (sniff!) let the proles in, but don't forget those very same common men stood at the base of the Globe stage and saw Shakespeare in the original Middle English and they got the jokes without the footnotes, werd. Why Return the Money in the Wallet? Headline in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: Criticism of Inner Belt project angers Olivette! Anything but that! What's the beef? Les Sterman, the executive director of the East-West Gateway Coordinating Council and professional funding teat-sucker, said that the federal government really doesn't need to spend $24 million dollars on an interchange where I-170 meets Olive because it doesn't have as much traffic as previously predicted. This, of course, upset the professional funding teat-suckers in Olivette, where the $24 million dollar interchange would have been added.
While Gerstein acknowledges Sterman has no financial stake in whether the interchange is built, he insists Sterman should not be using his position to evaluate the merits of the interchange, which is a topic of local debate. Show me a community that would let the pork return to its source and I'll show you Olivette, who is not one. Sunday, November 09, 2003
A Dean Voter in the Making Trey Givens recommended counseling, wherein I learned I am: ![]() Redneck Bear Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Well, I do drive a pick-em-up truck. Paranoia Shidoshi Say: Wreck Your Own Credit Finally, the credit reporting agencies are putting your credit information directly into the hands of third world workers unbound by United States laws. That's efficiency in identity theft. Your paranoia shidoshi recommends you open as many credit cards as you can in the next three weeks, max them out, buy a new Porsche, get a mortgage, and have a ball. Remember Brewster's Millions. Whatever you can consume, creditors cannot seize. So buy a couple cases of good wine, some exceptional chocolate, charter a jet, and fly a couple dozen friends to the Bunny Ranch. But don't pay the bills! You see, once you've reached a point that no one will give you change much less a credit card, no one will give someone who steals your identity a credit card, either! Sometimes, the easy answers elude us, but that's why I am the shidoshi, and you are the student. There is liberation in the limitation of paying cash. Paranormal Columnists Read Reagan's Mind Although this column by Leonard "The" Pitts, Jr., deserves a full fusking, I'll only fusk the chewy bits:
I mean, I had no intention of watching CBS' Ronald Reagan miniseries. But given the furor raised by the Republican party and assorted conservative pundits over what they perceive as a hatchet job on the former president, I don't see how I can afford to miss it. This week, CBS gave in to the pressure and announced that it had pulled The Reagans from its November schedule. The movie has instead been shipped off to the Showtime cable network, which is expected to run it next year. The Republican faithful are counting that as only a partial victory. They're pleased the show won't be run on a major broadcast network. They'd prefer it not be run at all. Mind you, they haven't actually seen the movie. Their antipathy is based on a number of other factors, including the fact that Reagan is portrayed by James Brolin, husband of the über-liberal herself, Barbra Streisand. Then there are the script excerpts published by The New York Times, particularly one that portrays Reagan as lacking in compassion for gay people dying from a then-new disease called AIDS. Yet as everyone knows, the Reagan administration stood silent on the sidelines in the early years of that plague. Reagan may never have said the words the script reportedly puts into his mouth -- ''They that live in sin shall die in sin'' -- but the sentiment was certainly there. That's an unalterable element of his legacy.
Words of Encouragement Brought to you by Harvey of Bad Money:
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Meanwhile, Back In Eden A peaceful, frolicking lion in the Dickerson Park Zoo in Springfield, Missouri, kills the female lion that shared its cage. It's the circle of life, it's the wheel of fortune, and the lioness landed on Bankrupt. These are the animals to whose level some in our society would like to return. Friday, November 07, 2003
PSA from MfBJ Apparently I am the #10 Google hit for heroin warning signs. Why would anyone think that?
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Litany Looks like there's a whole book on poor governance that pillages American citizens. FoxNews.com has a story from the author of Mugged By The State: Outrageous Government Assaults On Ordinary People And Their Property ( christmasList.add(book)).Read it and weep. Clinton Says Appease North Korea....make our children pay for our perfidy. Thanks, bud. Go back to private life now, and keep your bad ideas--which didn't work so well when you implemented them--to yourself. (Link seen on Drudge.) Hope for Skinny People Everywhere Scientists on way to developing obesity pill (Link seen on Drudge.) Proud to Fly American Apparently, there's some feel-good story circulating that tells of how ordinary people supported soldiers on leave by giving up their seats on flights out of BWI to the traveling soldiers. Hmm. Here's the story, according to Snopes:
I hope that you will spare me a few minutes of your time to tell you about something that I saw on Monday, October 27. I had been attending a conference in Annapolis and was coming home on Sunday. As you may recall, Los Angeles International Airport was closed on Sunday, October 26, because of the fires that affected air traffic control. Accordingly, my flight, and many others, were canceled and I wound up spending a night in Baltimore. My story begins the next day. When I went to check in at the United counter Monday morning I saw a lot of soldiers home from Iraq. Most were very young and all had on their desert camouflage uniforms. This was as change from earlier, when they had to buy civilian clothes in Kuwait to fly home. It was a visible reminder that we are in a war. It probably was pretty close to what train terminals were like in World War II. Many people were stopping the troops to talk to them, asking them questions in the Starbucks line or just saying "Welcome Home." In addition to all the flights that had been canceled on Sunday, the weather was terrible in Baltimore and the flights were backed up. So, there were a lot of unhappy people in the terminal trying to get home, but nobody that I saw gave the soldiers a bad time. By the afternoon, one plane to Denver had been delayed several hours. United personnel kept asking for volunteers to give up their seats and take another flight. They weren't getting many takers. Finally, a United spokeswoman got on the PA and said this, "Folks. As you can see, there are a lot of soldiers in the waiting area. They only have 14 days of leave and we're trying to get them where they need to go without spending any more time in an airport then they have to. We sold them all tickets, knowing we would oversell the flight. If we can, we want to get them all on this flight. We want all the soldiers to know that we respect what you're doing, we are here for you and we love you." At that, the entire terminal of cranky, tired, travel-weary people, a cross-section of America, broke into sustained and heart-felt applause. The soldiers looked surprised and very modest. Most of them just looked at their boots. Many of us were wiping away tears. And, yes, people lined up to take the later flight and all the soldiers went to Denver on that flight. That little moment made me proud to be an American, and also told me why we will win this war. If you want to send my little story on to your friends and family, feel free. This is not some urban legend. I was there, I was part of it, I saw it happen.
We, a failing corporation in a failing industry now offer some shoddy customer service; as we, said failing corporation, have overbooked the flight to maximize our corporate revenue at the expense of the convenience of our customers, now ask you to give up your tickets to our customers because we American citizens all want to support our troops, right? What a cynical, manipulative bunch of hooey. I Feel Pretty Tiny Little Librarian has led me to the following realization: ![]() You are the Girl Next Door. You're the sweet one. The quiet one. The one that he doesn't realize he's got until you're gone. What Type Of Retro Gal Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Wednesday, November 05, 2003
All Your Rights Are Belong to the State More property rights hijinks. This time, a man who refused to remove junk from his yard is sentenced to a year in prison. He's completely framing it as a property rights issue, and whereas I dispute the aesthetic appeal of the man's "cause," I have to agree. Trying to force him to remove his unsightly possessions from his property--and then seizing them and selling them at auction-- violates his right to own junk. I mean, raw materials for his art. I really snicker at the judge, though, who said at the sentencing:
"What you've done, sir, in my judgment, has torn at the moral fiber of the community, of the state." Stephenson held up 21 letters from neighbors, complaining about Davis. "You have caused them psychological damage," the judge said. Who Is That Again In his column entitled Tiffany Trips Up: CBS's problems are bigger than "Reagan.", John Fund quotes some member of Congress to flying buttress his argument against CBS, specifically the ill-conceived The Real Beverly Hillbillies:
Come on, as a conservative, you're supposed to bury this seizure, not to quote him as a relevant thinker. Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Re-Elect This Fellow, Stat! In Arizona, a county rented some space for a court, and when it couldn't come to an agreement with the land owner for a lease, it opened up a can of eminent domain and took it over.
Most important right, and it's only in the Constitution indirectly. That oversight will cost us and our children. Makes Perfect Sense This explains why Heather's sultry babe and I am an unshaven slob barricading himself in his office. It's those And Trevor Linden Is Henry Cameron This week, a reader asks John Buccigross:
I never thought I would read a hockey piece with a reference to Howard Roark. If you were to cast the Fountainhead of the late '40s with contemporary actors, whom would you choose? What current hockey player would you have to play Mr. Roark?
Hair the color of an orange rind is so hard to come by, and it's awfully hard to see hair color under the helmets, wot? Monday, November 03, 2003
Which Dictator Am I? Funny you should ask. Kevin at WizBangBlog led me to this self-discovery:
Want To Get Away? Although this guy doesn't care much for winter, I have to tell you, I would trade what he's got for what I have. Eighty degrees in November. I have the windows open and the ceiling fan on. Cripes! It's November, the I don't even have weight in the back of the pickup truck (sans stars-n-bars, Howie). What's the point? It will just get wet when it rains for Christmas. What's a Wisconsinite to do? Momma and Pappa Bear Were Depressed Okay, it's not a quizilla thing, but while I was hanging around on MSN, checking Bill Gates's sofa for hundred thousand dollar bills that might have fallen out of his pockets or from the books in which he uses them as bookmarks, I came across an important headline: Are you among the 19 million depressed? I just had to know! Come along with me, then, as I take the test.
Who Needs John Galt? Whereas a cat named John Galt led me to my soulmate, other Objectivists out there won't be so lucky. Fortunately, there's now a dating service for Ayn Rand fans. (Link seen on VodkaPundit.) Who Will Teach Them Right From Wrong? Here's a sordid story. In New Mexico, a twelve year old (misnomered in the story as a teen) puts some change in the school soda machine and gets two sodas. Woo! He's a hero to his fellow students. When a teacher sees him, teacher says stop that. Student continues. Teacher disciplines student with two days of in-school, whatever that means. And suddenly Rio Rancho, which has nothing to do in the long autumn evenings until cable television reaches their hamlet, talks and talks about this. Here's the school district's story:
But witness poor Mason's trauma:
"It makes me feel very sad that I'm going to be thought as a thief later on in my life," Mason Kisner said. "Heck, I might not get in a good college or get a good job because on my permanent record it will say that when I was a kid, I stole." That someone probably won't be Mason's father, who's too eager to jump into the tantrum:
(Link seen on Fark.) Sunday, November 02, 2003
Signs You Have Too Much Time On Your Lap
Book Review: The Dive from Clausen's Pier by Ann Packer (2002) This particular book is the source of Noggle's Spurious Law X: Never buy a fiction book where the author has included an acknowledgements section. Especially if the author thanks the NEA.. Of course, I bought this book through a book club, so I missed would have missed that anyway. I bought this book based on these factors:
If Ann Packer had confronted me with this sort of thing in a writing workshop, I would have given her the business. Of course, that's why I was hated in writing workshops, fellows, and why I stood pat with the B.A. in Writing-Intensive English. This book shows why I am going to stick to the genre stuff, too. The reader will get a pretty good idea of the scope and nature of the book by the nature of the problem, whether a murder or an invasion from the hordes beyond the mountains. With literary fiction, too often the point or plot is lost in the "nice little moments." Kinda like if a Renoir is lost in the Rossian "happy little trees," if you catch my drift. Criminey, you people are going to think I never read anything I like. I admit, I'm on a bad streak here, but I have several hundred tomes on my To Read shelf. Certainly, I'll like something. Equal time: Here are some other reviews of the book, including one from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel that fawn all over the piece and validate the NEA awards. Go read them if you want to know what paid people think of the book. It Takes An NGO Buried in this Washington Post story about the now-canceled program by which Army units could disburse seized Iraqi funds to solve immediate problems, we have this nugget of wisdom from some flack who's never worked an honest day in his life:
Perhaps the appropriately named Nutt is a fan of such Top-From-The-Outside solutions that have been so effective in, well, in NGO theory. But those who fix the potholes do more for the people of the country than those who Fix The Country. An Englishman Weighs In Kim du Toit has posted a letter from an Englishman who's becoming an American and wants to buy his first gun. Here's a note to Ozaukee County Sheriff Maury Straub, who is doesn't know anyone who's ever had to protect his or her life with deadly force: Violent crime in the UK is about 4 times higher than in the US. The conclusion I have come to is that's because of guns (I really, really, kept an open mind about the good/bad things about guns). In the adult years I was in England, (18 to 27, a total of 9 years):The writer of this letter never had to protect himself with a gun either because it wasn't an option. Hopefully, soon, in Wisconsin and Missouri it will be. Saturday, November 01, 2003
Wisconsin Law Enforcement Officials Speak Here's what Wisconsin's law officials have to say about the concealed carry law winding through that state's legislature:
How many people who were unarmed do you know of who died when someone attacked them? I don't remember Ozaukee County being that safe. Straub's words could quite easily indicate that he doesn't know of any because those people have not had the right to defend themselves outside of their homes. Also, keep in mind deadly force implied that the goblins got killed instead of just winged. Maybe the Ozaukee residents are good at shooting out kneecaps. "It will give people a lot of false securities. Even though people can shoot at a paper target and take a class to learn gun safety, the bad guys are going to assume their victim has a gun and will be more aggressive and more violent," said [Hartford Police Lt. Tom] Horvath, saying he was speaking only for himself and not the department. What's good for Britain is good for us, hey, loot? Of course, maybe if the goblins feared for their own lives, they'd perhaps think of another line of work. Said Cedarburg Police Chief Tom Frank: "My initial reaction is, I'm not in favor of it because of the many situations in which police officers have contact with angry citizens. "In many of those cases, citizens who have been arrested for various offenses have acted in a violent manner toward a police officer," Frank said. "I'm just fearful that with some people now carrying concealed weapons, the violence toward police officers could become a greater problem," he said. Frank has a valid concern. However, he's weighing the safety of a few citizens (the police) against the majority of the citizens. Police would be safer, too, if they kept the general population sedated. Quick, someone legislate manditory downers for all! The Winner Strikes Back I posted last Saturday about the guy who was selling the Beanie Babies for tools and beer. Well, it's turned into a he-said, she-said, wherein he might have been selling counterfeits. The winning bidder has taken action on Trader List which is apparently some sort of Internet enclave of people who buy and sell a lot of meaningless stuff through the Internet. But while perusing this complaint, I couldn't help note:
There is no need to explain my message further because he printed the message, without the "disclaimer" and "counterfeit" eBay rules I had included , and INCLUDED MY ID. He posted also that he had blocked me from bidding. I had also alerted eBay that the auction should be pulled because it was fraught with disclaimers. eBay paid no attention to its own rule and did nothing. I also alerted eBay that he had posted my ID, which is against eBay rules, and again, nothing was done. From the tenor of the listing, I believed the seller to be an angry person, upset by his wife leaving him, but did question that if she was such an avid collector why she would leave behind the rare and valuable beanies. I checked his feedback with over 500 positives and no negatives, his "ME" posting, and later his name and address which checked out. Based on this I bid using my glorybeeto ID. I learned later that two friends asked him questions about the beanies and he did not respond. I did not question him with my bidding ID because I felt, in light of his obvious anger, he would block that ID as well. (Emphasis mine) We all want to be heroes in some sweeping epic, but some people settle for children's books. (Link seen on Best of the Web Today.) A Herd, Not A Pack The most important things to remember about this story about the attorney gunned down outside the courthouse:
Strier, a heavyset man with graying hair and glasses, calmly walked by stunned reporters before an off-duty sheriff's reserve officer tackled him. So keep that in mind, when the media picture the mass of Americans as defenseless sheep, they're projecting. (Link seen on Ravenwood's Universe.) Friday, October 31, 2003
Be Like Kate Like Kate at Electric Venom, I have discovered: You damn kids playing like you know the 80s when the 80s are as near to you as the damn 60s were to me in the 80s. I'm telling you for the last freaking time, Sade and Slade are DIFFERENT. They're not even pronounced the same. Get offa my lawn before I turn the hose on you! Remember the Pretzels Reason's Hit and Run covers the goofball study that says diversity prevents binge drinking, but it also helpfully defines binge drinking:
At Least They're Not the BBC Ananova reports that Sky, an independent network in Britain, has decided to shelve its reality show Find Me a Man, wherein a number of male contestants vied for the affection of a woman who, like Joe Millionaire, was not what she seemed to be. As a matter of fact, it was a pre op transexual. Please play it. It's not that I want to see it, even for the schadenfraülein; instead, I want the pool of idiots who sign on for these shows to dry up. And nothing will do it better than watching men unknowingly kissing another man. Who would sign up thinking, "I could be that guy!" Come to think of it, it probably wouldn't diminsh the pool of attention starved nutbars who sign up for these things anyway. I take it back. Don't show it and inspire one of the diminishing-returns US networks to pick it up, too. Wednesday, October 29, 2003
More On Box Cutters on Planes Addendum to my box cutters post: You know all the box cutters found individually on planes throughout the country? Your paranoia shidoshi has a surprisingly simple explanation. Call it Occam's Boxcutter if you will. Is it terrorists doing dry runs to see what they can successfully smuggle? Is it an underground of students out to humiliate the TSA? Or is it simply honest Americans that suddenly discover that they have put their boxcutters in their pockets and suddenly find themselves committing a felony at 42,000 feet? Believe you me, I would wipe my fingerprints off of it and put it in the seat beside me, too. Halloween Decorating Tips Courtesy Right We Are. Caution: Might not be safe for work. I just said that to make you click the link. You Can Hire 5 Off Shore Developers for the Price Of 1 American Just remember to keep an eye on the extradition treaties, or else you might find your software available for download on the Internet. (Link seen on Fucked Company. I read it every single day, which explains why the first line of John Donnelly's Gold is "Robert Davies tried to log onto FuckedCompany.com, and he could not, and he knew he was fucked." Werd.) The Second Amendment Says Nothing About Toy Arms 9-year-old arrested for waving toy gun. Cop's gun on him. Taken down and cuffed. His mother busted for trying to point out to the cop that it's a toy gun. Sometimes I get the feeling that the cops think they have to shoot the elephant to keep we natives in line. (Link seen on Drudge.) Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Our Guest Paranoia Sensei Speaks Go see what Michele from A Small Victory has to say. I assume she's not kidding, and she knows. Remember, B. Holden Wants Not To Close Loopholes, But To Determine Who Passes Through Them The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, oddly enough, entitles this story "Small firms will pay piper if big companies get tax break". Stop the O'Learying presses, wouldja? So someone has to make up the difference when the state passes out millions of dollars to Ford, Chrysler, Boeing, or any of the other dozen or so companies that employ a couple of thousand people whenever one of those companies rattles its cup among the various states when contemplating whether to move or not? Lord, love a duck, I know I am an English major, but this sort of thing just seems obvious to me. It's about time a journalist catches up. Of course, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch will forget this concern the next time that one of these companies decides it can get a better handout from Kentucky and will run breathless stories about the negotiating and the threats of layoffs, and you, taxpayer, will be forgotten. Quote of the Day From a Tech Central Station article about the rather forward CEO of Ryanair, Mike O'Leary, we have this nugget of wisdom about portfolio allocation:
Monday, October 27, 2003
Putting Their Money Where Their Mouths Are In Milwaukee, a group of aldermen are deferring or turning down salary increases to maintain other public services. Thank you, gentlemen. I used to use that library you're saving. Tap a Vein Give a pint, get a pint. No telling how they would reduce the BAC of the donor blood. (Link seen on Drudge.) Sportswriter Blames Schwarzenegger for California Wildfires Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch writes in his Tipsheet column: LIFT WEIGHTS, RUN FOR OFFICEGordo, Non Sequitur does not play third line center for the Montreal Canadiens. You cannot even blame Schwarzenegger, or say he hasn't done enough to stop the fires because he's not even office yet. I understand you media types, even you sportswriters, want to blame current Republican officeholders for unrelated problems that preceded their terms of office, but come on. Maybe you should go back to your normal job, which is blaming the current state of the Blues on the Brendan Shanahan tampering charge from 1991. Damn that Larry Pleau! How could he? Sunday, October 26, 2003
Hotel Fire Alarms with Instapundit His Glenness relates a story about his recent trip wherein he and his family were in a hotel when the fire alarm sounded. InstaFamily escaped quickly, and the hotel sprinklers quickly doused the fire. At least it was a real fire. Last time I was in Milwaukee, staying in the Hyatt Regency, the fire alarm went off twice. Once on Saturday afternoon, when I was taking my pre-drinking nap and once at 3 am Sunday morning during my post-drinking-pre-driving-home slumber, someone tripped the fire alarm. Your paranoia shidoshi leapt into his trousers, shirt, and shoes quickly and stumbled, quite groggily in the second case, made his way down the narrow concrete steps. If all the hotel's denizens had been trying to make their ways down the stairs at the time, we would have had trouble. The stairs were only two people wide, and I was on the ninth floor. That would have made for some trampling if shidoshi had to sacrifice their lives to preserve his.... Oh, but no. The staircase was empty. All other patrons in the hotel waited in their rooms for the announcement that it was a false alarm. Interesting strategy, guaranteed to only fail once. My students, when that fire alarm rings, buzzes, or beeps, you leave the building. Perhaps Ashton Kutcher, wearing a fireman's helmet, will meet you at on the street to tell you you've been punked. But maybe he won't.. Or, if you'd rather not give up cable until you have to, feel free to make Brian J. Noggle the beneficiary of your traveler's insurance as you go (e-mail me for my SSN, which you'll need for the forms). And do not ask your shidoshi about the "coincidence" that he never accepts employment in an office above the fifth floor, nor look in his lower left drawer and seek explanation for the fifty feet of nylon clothesline you might find. Thank you, that is all. Saturday, October 25, 2003
One More Charge To Use Against Suicide Bombers A county in Florida has made public suicide illegal. It's about time. (Link seen on Fark.) Red versus Blue Missouri The Sophorist posts several maps that indicate which regions in Missouri consistently favor concealed carry and which do not. Rule the cities, rule the country. A Forthright eBay Auction As a recovering amateur eBay seller, I can appreciate this seller's forthright listing: Let me begin by explaining some very important details, this way I do not get 100's of silly emails asking me to photograph the hind end of some stuffed animals. I DO NOT KNOW crap about these things. This belonged to my ex-wife who had about a 1000 of these Beanie Babies and when she moved, this one box of these got left behind, and now I am selling the goofy little things. Whatever money I make from them will be spent at the local Home Depot on tools and other cool stuff. I do not know which of these babies is retired or new, or whatever. I will list them in no particular order. I will tell you what its name is on the tag, if it has a plastic box or something. All these critter have been stored indoors, and are from a non-smoking home. Again, please do not send me emails asking me to photograp this or that. I am starting the auction at $10.00 and at that price I figure you all can take a chance. I understand from a friends wife that people are afraid to get fakes. FAKES? Fake plush toys? I was amazed. I thought people forged money, not childrens toys. Well I can only say, that 99% of these goofy toys were bought with my money, from eiter the local Hallmark Store, or one of the dozen or so Southern Craft/ collectibles stores I had to go to on a weekly basis buying these ridiculos toys years ago. Happy Bidding! Please take these critters from me so I can buy tools.
(Link seen on Pejmanesque.) Friday, October 24, 2003
Thank Guinness Kelley, from Suburban Blight, has led me to the following realization: mysterious. There is something people just can't describe about you, besides that you love head. You are a good one, but can only be handled by a small percentage of the population (unless you're in Ireland). Which Beer are you? brought to you by Quizilla Was there any doubt? Another State With Concealed Carry My home state, Wisconsin, has passed concealed carry legislation. Boots and Sabers has the complete rundown. Good luck, guys. I hope your state constitution says "Guns are good if the legislature says so." Anything else, we're learning in Missouri, means the State Supreme Court gets to make the law of the land. That Sums It Up Nicely The last line of this story, about a principal at a charter school who uses RFID in the student IDs to keep track of the children, really sums it up properly. To address the concerns of the critics who think this might be problematic and invade the privacy of the students, he says:
(Link seen on /..) Michael Kinsley Says, "Because I Said So" In an editorial in the Washington Post, Michael Kinsley's latest piece bears the headline "One Reason Not to Like Bush" and he starts with a lead of:
Finally, after some blah blah blah about Bush being a hypocrite and moral poser and not a very good one at that (undoubtedly, Kinsley would probably intimate, like you and me, wink-wink-nudge-nudge-say-no-more!), Kinsley finishes with:
Is that a good enough reason to dislike him personally? As it stands, I can only summon forth a "Poor form, Peter" and continue to disregard Michael Kinsley as a serious thinker. Is it good enough reason to dislike him personally? But, Mr. Toohey, I don't think of you. Thursday, October 23, 2003
Light Blogging 2-Nite! Sorry, not much posting tonight. I realized I am going nowhere fast, so I decided to slow down and enjoy the scenery on my trip. You Might Be A Blue Stater If Porphyrohenitus provides a litmus test you can use to determine if you're liberal (acidic, I presume) or conservative (basic). I am a Member of the Dreaded NeoCon Cabal. Do we have magic in a cabal, or is that a coven? Darn. At the next cabal committee meeting, I am going to move we reorganize into a NeoConCov. Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Chutzpah, as Defined by Shjon Podein In John Buccigross's column on hockey this week, Shjon Podein, the former Colorado Avalanche and St. Louis Blues winger, defines chutzpah as only a hockey player can:
We get back to the hotel and get mom back in her room. As we're leaving mom's room, my brothers jump me and rip my suit off in the hotel hallway, leaving me with just my boxers, a sombrero and my 4 foot high inflatable tyrannosaurus rex. So I'm wandering the hallways of the hotel trying to find where my room is. We'd been on the road for 15-20 days, it's late, and I can't remember my room number. I stick my room key in a number of doors, hoping to find the right one. All of a sudden, I look up and there is one of Canada's finest security guards. I go, "Hey, what's going on!" The security guard says, 'We've had a complaint that some guy is walking down the hall in his boxers, wearing a sombrero, with a bottle of Bud in one hand and an inflatable dinosaur in the other, making too much noise.' I looked at him and said, "You've got the WRONG GUY, brotha." The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating The TSA strikes again, as in "swing and a miss!" You think they'll go after the harmless woman who brought a knife onto the plane to cut her apple snack? Perhaps it's also against the law to eat an apple that's not provided by flight staff on a plane, too. If not, maybe it should be. (Link seen via Drudge.) Richard Roeper Crosses the Line In his column today for the Chicago Sun-Times, Richard Roeper discusses the marketing creation "metrosexual." He's spot on when he says nobody but people who are selling something to men who want to be "metrosexuals" every really uses the term "metrosexual." However, he goes over the line with his clincher paragraph:
Uh oh. Looks like there might be some awkward conversations at Thanksgiving when I come out of the walk-in closet. Oh, wait, my beautiful wife dresses me, so I guess I am not a metrosexual after all. Tuesday, October 21, 2003
The Perfect Radio Station I cannot praise 88.7 WSIE enough. It is the perfect radio station. I mean, it only interrupts the jazz music to play St. Louis Blues hockey games. One less reason for me to leave Musings Central here. Know The Enemy: The Box Cutter With all the handwringing about Nathaniel Heatwole and his "hide the box cutter" stunt which has left him facing ten years in Federal prison for pointing out the folly that is the TSA and its passenger searches, I think it's time to inject a little perspective into the anti-box cutter hysteria. I understand they were used in the hijackings on September 11, 2001, but it was a different world then. People expected that hijackers wanted to fly to Cuba, or wanted some political hostages released, or some ransom money. People did not know then that doing what a hijacker wanted was certain death, too. Otherwise, no one would be hijacked by someone wielding one of these: ![]() Not exactly a machete, now, is it? This is your garden variety box cutter favored by retail stockers and warehousemen everywhere. Note the less-than-shiny razor blade with almost a whole half inch of cutting surface exposed. This is not a piercing or stabbing weapon, folks. This is a little slasher, and it's got far less than an inch of penetration power. No bad man is going to stick you in the heart or lungs with it, and it's probably not enough to cut through your stomach wall if you've done any extra situps recently or have been eating a lot of fast food. Keep it away from your neck and you should be okay if someone pulls one in a fight. Granted, I'd rather be the guy with a case cutter if one of the two of us in the fight has one, but it's not instant death, and it's not even that intimidating. Even if the bad guy pulls the razor out, he's only exposing 1.5 inches of slashing blade, and it's a hell of a lot harder to hold: ![]() Of course, maybe when the press describes box cutter it means a utility knife. Utility knives come in all shapes and sizes, but they're all designed to have a small, sharp cutting surface but also to be safe for people to handle. As a result, they don't make that effective of a weapon, especially if you're a terrorist with a plane full of resisting people. So we, the people, know that the measures that strip grandmothers of their pinking shears and businessmen of their nail clippers are mostly cosmetic. That the TSA is making a show of security all the while telling us to please be quiet so that the TSA can fool the bad men into thinking the planes are secure. By taking away some of the most effective makeshift weapons available. This effort inconveniences air travellers and probably doesn't even phase the bad men. It also could lead to prosecution of innocent people who make a small mistake. When I was working in retail, the box cutter just became a part of the gear I carry in my jeans pockets. After each work day, I dumped it onto the dresser with my wallet, keys, and change. Every morning, including some upon which I did not work, I picked the gear up and put it into my pockets. If I were to do that today, on a day whereupon I was to catch a plane, don't doubt the TSA would make an example of me. So let this be a series of lessons to you. Our TSA is creating, for its own benefit, an illusion of security by isolating innocuous items and hoping against all hope that the terrorists continue to use things TSA screeners are looking for and that the terrorists are foolish enough to get caught with them. The TSA will ruin countless innocent American (not that Heatwole's innocent, mind you) lives to make its point, which is not worth much. Down the Creek Without a Paddle, Go To Jail! Apparently, going over Niagara Falls without a barrel is illegal, according to this story:
No word from our legal counsel yet whether wearing clown shoes violates Ontario ordinance. Criminalization of Stupid Things? You Don't Say! (II) Tyler Cowan of The Volokh Conspiracy expounds on the overcriminalization of economic conduct. He quotes:
Monday, October 20, 2003
Mad Props to a Homie A fellow from Wisconsin shot a hole-in-one and bowled a 300 game in single day. Fark's got the link and asks, in comments, how he could complete the trifecta. Unironically, the previous story linked on Fark is Ten ways to make hockey better. Add your eleventh (voting enabled). Sometimes the most obvious solutions are the hardest to see. She Wolf or She Male? Which Sub Place Tonight? John Kass of the Chicago Tribune contrasts the current commercials of submarine sandwich chains (registration required). Compare:
"One guy asks, `What? You don't like it? Were you raised by wolves?' "The other guy has a far-away look in his eyes. Then there's a flashback, and he's in business attire, suckling at a grown she-wolf, fighting off other wolf cubs, the only thing is, he's not a wolf. He's a guy, in business attire, suckling on a wolf." We stood there, silently pondering the image, trying to figure out why wolf milk might inspire a guy to buy a sub.
In the commercial, the cross-dresser tells his terrified daughter not to worry, that although he's "been bad," he had the special sandwich. He's absolved himself with a sub. Veterinarian Explains Hunter Pathological Psychology After treating a black Lab for an arrow wound, a veterinarian took a moment to plomb the deep recesses of the dark soul of hunters:
If you're going to say a lot of hunters are murderous skybusters (or ground-level busters), you can just as easily assert that quite a few black Labs exhibit suicidal impulses or innumerable veterinarians are nitwits. However, I cannot comfortably assert spuriously based on personal anecdotes. Our veterinarian is not a nitwit and the most avid hunter I know hasn't yet blasted everything in his way to kingdom come, I'd have to think that spurious assertions only serve to make good newspaper copy, and to be a Jedi mind trick for weak minded Poor Word Choice, Peter The New York Daily News, writing about another suicide at New York University, characterizes the incident thusly:
The incident marked the third reported suicide by an NYU student this fall. |
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
"I will." Heather L. Igert, angelweave.mu.nu "Genuis." Neil Steinberg, Chicago Sun-Times "Some wanker." Kim du Toit, on the Noggle Library. "Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out." Robb Allen, Sharp as a Marble. "I'm weeping openly right now. Thanks for hurting my feelings, pinhead." Bob Rybarcyzk, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Instapundit Protein Wisdom Ace of Spades HQ Wizbang! Outside the Beltway Robert B. Parker Dustbury Damn Interesting Michelle Malkin Radley Balko's The Agitator Exultate Justi The McGehee Zone Signifying Nothing The Jawa Report Master of None Dr. Helen The Anchoress Electric Venom Kim Du Toit Belmont Club Little Green Footballs Overtaken by Events Rocket Jones Boots and Sabers Triticale Ann Althouse The American Mind Ravenwood's Universe Asymmetrical Information Boondoggled VodkaPundit Professor Bainbridge Virginia Postrel Ken Jennings Joanne Jacobs Faster Than The World Dilbert Blog Junkyard Blog In DC Journal IMAO Baldilocks Powerline Q and O Hugh Hewitt Buzz Machine Daniel Drezner Roger Simon American Digest Blackfive The Volokh Conspiracy Cold Fury Captain's Quarters Tim Blair Chequer-Board Emperor Misha Just One Minute Blame Bush Inaniloquent Trey Givens OverLawyered Suburban Blight Another Rovian Conspiracy Angelweave Bad Example Rachel Lucas View from the Porch StL Recruiting a big victory Spector's Hockey Fark /. TechDirt F*****d Company CNet News Joel on Software James Lileks Mark Steyn Bob Rybarczyk Richard Roeper Neil Steinberg John Kass Steven Chapman Drudge Report Ananova Slate Reason's Hit and Run Best of the Web Today National Review's The Corner Tech Central Station Fox News CNN Washington Post Washington Times Chicago Tribune Chicago Sun-Times Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel St. Louis Post-Dispatch San Francisco Chronicle New York Post Shepherd Express Riverfront Times New York Observer ScrappleFace Bob from Accounting The Onion Top Five List David Letterman's Top Ten BBSpot U.S. Constitution Declaration of Independence Snopes.Com (Urban Legends) Dictionary.com Internet Movie Database Complete Works of Shakespeare Marvel Directory Blooberry HTML Reference
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