Musings from Brian J. Noggle
Monday, October 13, 2003
Our City Is Too Good for the Likes Of You, Citizen
A piece today in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel about the inner ring suburbs of Milwaukee working to improve their neighborhoods by squelching small entrepreneurs: Tapping out liquor licenses: Corner taverns squeezed out as communities work to upgrade images, tax revenue.
A spokesecrat for West Milwaukee speaks ex cathedra about what the monolithic entity wants, says:
- "The times that there are two or three bars on every block is passed," said West Milwaukee Village President Ron Hayward. "West Milwaukee wants to upgrade its image."
- "What they're deciding is what's good for the neighborhood and what's not," said Weinzatl [owner of a building denied a liquor license renewal], 36. "When they didn't have the tax revenue coming in, the Chili's and Chipotle's, we were all good enough for them. Now that they have all these opportunities, they're going to squeeze out the little guy."
And the West Milwaukee citizens who would like to run their own businesses?
- Melody Nordness, 45, a homemaker and homeowner who has lived in the village for 17 years, had hoped to lease Weinzatl's space in her first crack as a small business owner. She wanted to create a corner tavern where neighbors could stop in for a beer while walking their dogs, chat about the village goings-on and just sit for a while, she said.
She had already paid for her license and started fixing up the place when she received a letter July 14 providing her with reasons for a denial.
Among the reasons:
"The Village of West Milwaukee Board has identified the need to change the culture of the community, to encourage redevelopment and reduce the property tax burden on homeowners."
"One of the redevelopment goals identified by the Community Development Authority is to encourage restaurant uses in the village, in lieu of taverns that do not primarily serve food."
While Nordness got her money back, she wanted the license.
"I was very upset for the fact that I have lived here 17 years, and we wanted to keep this bar/tavern a community-type business," Nordness said. "We kept them afloat for 17 years, paying the highest taxes in the state of Wisconsin."
And be grateful that the Government has not taken your land for Its own vision of megastripmalldom. Yet. known for charginh President Clinton for providing police security a visit,
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:03 PM 0 comments
Three Things That The World Has Foisted Upon Me To Make Me Feel Old
- Save buttons. I remember when we actually used those things depicted on the Save button to actually, you know, save information on.
- Rookies who turned into gritty veteran experience. I remember when Jochen Hecht, also known as "Youngun'" Hecht, broke into the NHL. Now he's "a veteran guy that's [sic] tough to lose."
- Damn kid Subway workers who turn to one another when a Wham! song comes on and ask, "Do you know that song?"
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:32 PM 0 comments
Best of the Best?
Ajax could take on this little punk of an ocicat with the sissy name of Tom Tom.
Ajax bears the name of a mighty Greek warrior, who only near the end of his career went nuts. Tom Tom, on the other hand, is named after a little hippie drum. Advantage : AJAX!
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:22 PM 0 comments
Ladies and Gentlemen, I Present the Next Governor of Kentucky
Sonny Landham!
Why fight it? It's inevitable, and apparently it's not a joke site since it's been reported in Kentucky media.
If he wins, I am putting on my tinfoil hat and watching the movie frame-by-frame to see what their ultimate plans are.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:17 PM 0 comments
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Gephardt Proves Stingl's Theorem
Mark Steyn, in the Chicago Sun-Times, says:
- At Thursday's Democratic Presidential debate, Jeff Greenfield asked the candidates why it was that only 34 percent of Americans identified themselves as Democrats -- the lowest number since before the New Deal. ''You're looking at the glass as half-empty, I look at it as half-full,'' said former House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt, demonstrating the command of basic math that has made the federal budget what it is. The Democratic glass isn't half-empty, it's two-thirds empty.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:56 PM 0 comments
Lamentations
Oh, man, now that the Packers choked up a 17 point lead to Kansas City, Cagey's either going to be:
- Insufferable (which I would be were it the other way around), which I cannot stand the thought of, or
- A bigger man than me and not rub my face in the mess that Ahman Green left on the fifty yard line, which I cannot stand the thought of, either.
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery.
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Doom, despair and agony on me.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:35 PM 0 comments
Word to Your Grandmother
As part of his weekendly series, Kim du Toit honors Veronica Lake.
The only movie I have seen with Veronica Lake is The Blue Dahlia (which I never finished watching, so don't tell me if how it ends). She's got the looks and she's got the voice, and she's the complete package. Unlike the sleaze stharlots of today, who run the complete spectrum from vapid to trashy, Veronica Lake's the kind of woman you would enjoy talking to before and after.
Kinda like this sex symbol. Bangs over the eye and everything.
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:23 PM 0 comments
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Buzzword of the Day: Sanity Check
So I am minding my company's business (since I was on the clock, by terms of the employee licensing agreement I signed when I started, any business conducted on company property is company business, so you won't catch me selling on eBay things and adding to the company's revenue stream, werd), when I heard the most blatant buzzword since a couple of jobs ago when I heard a project manager say face time without a smirk on his face. This time, it was a project manager, too, who probably heard the phrase in a project management seminar or took it from a project management magazine, where it was nestled in between the ads for project management software.
This buzzword:
Sanity check
The context: "We'll perform a sanity check." I think he meant evaluate the position of the project vis-à-vis (Author's note: This use of the italicized French term does not represent a "buzzword"; instead, it's pretension. Please note and appreciate the difference. Thank you.) contractual obligations and customer considerations. However, because it's the first time I ever heard of a "sanity check," I can only guess this is what he meant.From whence did this asylum-escapee of a buzzword originate? Never mind, perhaps the bedlam of the information technology field needs buzzwords and common cues from the world of psychology.
You want a sanity check? Here's a schnucking sanity check:
Now, take a look at this, tell me what you see, and I can diagnose your particular sickness. What is it you see in this picture?
- I see a leading enterprise-caliber best-in-class solution for....
- Obviously, you're delusional, and you work in sales or marketing.
I'm not sure; let me call a meeting to discuss with others what I might see.
- Welcome to project management. Worst part is that after the meeting, you'll still be unclear about what you see.
Whoa, that's a cool new technology/specification that's not mature yet! We should tear down the complete infrastructure and rebuild all applications and server components to use this new design
- You're a developer, and heaven help us all, but an influential or lead developer. Here we go again.
I see a series of lines and arcs that I can understand and describe in elaborate detail.
- You're apparently in documentation. Don't bother trying to describe the picture for me. By the time you're three-fourths of the way through your description, one of those lead developers described above will shake up the Etch-a-Sketch and you'll have to start over.
It's a damn mess. A boondoggle. What am I supposed to do with that? There's nothing about that that even resembles a picture. Tell me you're not shipping that out in a frame, for crying out loud.
- Welcome to Quality Assurance. Now please be quiet, we've heard enough from you.
- posted by Brian J. @ 11:05 AM 0 comments
Friday, October 10, 2003
Which Member of the Rat Pack Are You?
Modern Drunkard, in conjunction with Quizilla, leads me to this insight:
You can take the quiz here.
(Link seen on VodkaPundit.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:18 PM 0 comments
Why Stop There?
A grieving family has taken time from their grieving to sue not the drunk driver who paralyzed their daughter, but also the following parties:
- Besides the NFL [and its commissioner Paul Tagliabue], defendants include Lanzaro, the Giants, the New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority, Giants Stadium and Aramark, a company that sells concessions at the stadium.
- Jim Fassel, head coach of the New York Giants, whose inspired leadership that day lead to a Giants' victory that lead to the drunken driver's celebration / lead to a Giants' loss that lead to the drunken driver easing the immortal pain of being a Giants fan with alcohol.
- The manufacturer of the drunken driver's truck, which did not conduct a sobriety test before allowing him to start the vehicle.
- The state of New Jersey, for laying a strip of asphalt upon which the drunken driver could drive drunkenly.
- The Catholic Church, for canonizing Augustine of Hippo, Nicholas of Myra, Saint Luke, Saint Barbara, Saint Medard of Noyon, Saint Adrian, and assorted others who were considered patron saints of beer and legitimized brewed grain consumption.
- Budweiser, the King of Beers, for not keeping its subjects in line.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:02 PM 0 comments
High Drinks Not Yet a Felony
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch (literally, after the train has left the station), we have this tale of intoxicated airline woe:
- Amelia Hernandez said she slipped some rum onto a New York-to-Dallas flight just to "calm her nerves." But by the Midwest, she was singing and swearing and scaring the flight crew into an unscheduled landing at St. Louis just to boot her off.
She capped the day May 5 by thumping a Lambert Field police officer in the head and kicking a window out of a squad car.
- Hernandez pleaded guilty in U.S. District Court to a misdemeanor charge of drinking liquor in flight that was not served by a crew member, which many people might not realize is a crime.
But to offer a some advice, I offer the following list of things which you might not realize are also against the law regarding air travel:
- It is against the law to bring your own peanuts onto any domestic or international flight.
- It is against the law to mentally undress your flight attendant.
- It is against the law to cross the center white line; this is reckless flying.
- It is against the law to request lots of money and parachutes and then jump out of the plane over the Pacific Northwest.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:39 PM 0 comments
Jim Stingl on Math
Jim Stingl of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel (literally, the Wisconsinite who defends diaries) offers this lead:
- Fifty percent of American students are terrible at math. The remaining one-third are merely bad.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:43 PM 0 comments
Thursday, October 09, 2003
The Very Name a Punchline
Orrin Hatch.
Sounds kinda like a crime of a sexual nature for which you would go to prison for many years in a number of states.
Sorry, Unca Orrin, but I kinda like that part of the Constitution. Makes it one generation harder for the Islamacists to get elected to the presidency.
And by the second generation, the damn kids are peircing things and rebelling against their parents. Or else we wouldn't see the honor slaughter going on in England, wot?
(Link seen on Fark. They're the subversive influence, not me.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:42 PM 0 comments
Why Does Bush Want Foreign Troops in Iraq?
So President Bush has gone a-crawling to the United Nations, and he's gone a-begging to Turkey and Europe and Japan for money and troops to help stabilize Iraq and to help rotate out some of our troops and give them a chance to rest.
Why, oh why, would he want a rested and ready military force that's not currently committed to patrolling the streets of a nation in the process of regentrification and recivilization?
Because he's chicken, or trying to win an election, or maybe because he wants to be ready for the next target? What a bunch of second-rate hawks. Maybe I am a neoneoconservative. Or just read too much Machiavelli and Sun Tzu in my formative years.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:40 PM 0 comments
Some Missouri Legislators Find Checks and Balances Too Confining
Our saga so far:
- Missouri Legislative Branch passes concealed carry law.
- Missouri Executive Branch vetoes concealed carry law.
- Missouri Legislative Branch overcomes veto by getting 2/3 majority. Barely, as Carol Daniel pointed out.
That's right. They opposed the legislation, but they couldn't vote it down. Then they couldn't prevent its veto from being overridden. So now that their part in the grand scheme that is the American system of government is over, do they lose graciously to the will of the legislative majority? Of course not, they do an end-run around the system and do their part to help unbalance the system so that we have a totalitarian judgeocracy.
Face it, it would be easier to spot if they got together with members of the executive branch to subvert the republican form of government and have a Strong Leader issue fiats and maybe even dissolve that useless legislature anyway. Instead, these legislators want to overturn in the courts something they couldn't stop in the legislature by any possible method.
I wouldn't be so bothered if some citizens group or even HCI or its brethren filed the suit. But that the legislators, who probably would tell us how sad they are that The Children don't understand civics and the working of the government, are doing it twists my leash most of all.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:27 PM 0 comments
And Speaking of That Executive Branch (I)
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch also reports that Police are confused and fearful over new gun law.
Hypothetically speaking:
- Suppose St. Louis police stop a car late at night in a high-crime neighborhood for a traffic violation. Suppose there's a 21-year-old in the vehicle, along with three 20-year-olds. And suppose officers find four guns on the floor.
"What do the police do?" asked Mike Stelzer, an associate city counselor assigned to the St. Louis Police Department who offered the scenario.
- He knows what the cops would do today: Confiscate the weapons, arrest the occupants and figure it was a blow struck for public safety.
- "This is scary stuff," said Stelzer. "A police officer's job is hard enough without something like this. Can we seize those guns? Can we arrest anybody in the car? We don't have the answers yet."
- Police Chief Joe Mokwa worries about those kinds of details, and the larger question of whether the new law allowing the carrying of concealed weapons - and the automobile provision in particular - will erode progress made into cutting violence on city streets.
The whole gun thing wearies me. I guess that's what our agitators, litiguous legislators, and our guardians, our "betters," want. I am bored of writing about it now.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:26 PM 0 comments
And Speaking of That Executive Branch (II)
Don't miss Ravenwood's coverage of police who won't enforce the new law, which means they won't process concealed carry applicaitons.
That's such a novel trick.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:26 PM 0 comments
PSA from Frankie J.
Frank J. has this reminder for liberals:
- There are more conservative than liberals in America. There always have been, and there always will be. And we have guns and you don't. If you want a street fight, it will be very short. This is important for you liberals to know, because we conservatives could easily slaughter you all if we wanted, but, instead, out of the kindness of our hearts, we let you live and tolerate your shrill dissent. You guys need to be more thankful of that.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:03 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Potemkin Security Through Cameras
Surveillance cameras are getting to be all the rage for security-conscious people. Innumerable school districts and whatnot think it's a good way to preserve security on campus. For more information see this article in the Christian Science Monitor or this recent NewsMax story. Suddenly, manna from the heavens, or at least state and federal governments, needs spending, and if the schools don't buy the shiny new cameras, someone else will get to do something!, meaning spend that money.
But cameras don't offer any security for killing rampages, particularly suicidal killing rampages. A camera will deter someone from tagging a wall because the the little vandal knows that if his image is captured, he'll get a punishment he doesn't want. But a freaking kiddie commando coming into school already knows what he's going to get. Dead. Cameras won't deter him.
Will the cameras help authorities stop crimes in progress? Uh, NO. Perhaps if they did America would have far fewer pretty pictures of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold in Columbine High School.
No, cameras offer no preventative measures for the serious crimes that their proponents use to sell us the little red light. A couple trained teachers with pistols, a couple of armed police per school full time, these things can prevent, not just offer compelling evidence for the lawsuits that come after.
So when Gut Rumbler linked to a story about our friends at Boing! building cameras right into the airplanes so that officials on the ground could monitor them at all times. Sounded like a Potemkinly good idea to me at first. Of course, it's not going to prevent hijackings. The pissed-off passengers who've seen that particular inflight movie before might prevent the hijacking, a couple of armed marshalls, perhaps an armed pilot barricaded behind a reinforced door, these might prevent hijackings. But cameras? Not hardly.
Ah, but then I realized it's not to prevent hijackings, you poor expendable air travellers ("F-16?" "BINGO!").
So it's only going to cost the passengers, crew, and bad guys, as well as a brand new Boing! airplane and Boing! air to air missile that will need replacing. As long as it is not a not anti-gun (add the negatives, carry the one...) solution requiring personal action for personal and public safety, I guess the bureaucratocracy will go for it.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:03 PM 0 comments
Dead or Alive, You're Coming With Me
So I can keep ahead of the curve on those bar bets! Dead-Or-Alive.org keeps track of which obscure stars are alive and which are dead.
Doesn't list Gil Gerard, though, so it's kinda incomplete. Man, I had forgotten all about Sidekicks!
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:51 PM 0 comments
C&M
Over at Tech Central Station (what, it's not on my blog roll? Look again!), Arnold Kling identifies discoursive argument types and classifies two:
- Type C arguments are about the consequences of policies. Type M arguments are about the alleged motives of individuals who advocate policies.
The good old fashioned argument from authority. It used to be that to wield this particular logical fallacy, you had to say something was true because someone reputable said it was true. Of course, because many of the people who use the new version are also against authority, they've perverted this standby. It's no longer true because a particular authority says it, it's now untrue because someone said it.
Look on the bright side, though. The ad homenim never goes out of style.
(Link seen on InstaPundit.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:35 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Google Search Tip
If you're searching for yourself on Google, remember to enclose your name in quotation marks to make it a phrase search. The results you get will be more relevant, which means that I am really posting about you. For example:
Brian Nogglewill return a boatload of pages which could includeBrianSmith playing football against his high school's nemesisNoggle. Werd, check it: Brian Moquist and Nathan Noggle (no relation) went to Baylor; Brian P. McCarthy and Roy Harris Noggle are AIA members in Arizona; and Brian Harvey wrote an article in which he quoted J. C. Noggle. All of these results are worthless, and could be winnowed from the search.
"Brian Noggle", on the other hand, narrows the search to people named Brian Noggle, but I've never, I swear, played on a Thursday Night League, participated in a cowboy jamboree, or attended high school this century. But if you Googled"Brian Noggle", you'd get all of these things as well as my Web tracks.
"Brian J. Noggle", on the other hand, poses a direct hit, as people from way back who've Googled me have undoubtedly discovered. I do write this blog, I did write white papers for MetaMatrix, wrote a skit for a theatre company I used to work with, got published in this magazine, and tried to convince myself and others that role-playing games offered good research potential for writers.
Samus Aran naked.- posted by Brian J. @ 9:24 PM 0 comments
Age / Novel Check
Man, much like the chatrooms of AOL of yore (and maybe present day, but it's been years since I've gone trolling for some conversation, closing in on a decade, werd), maybe those of us in the unprofessional echelon of the blogomockracy should intitute an age/novel check, wherein each person announces his or her age and whether he or she's working on a novel. What, with Venemous Kate, Frank J., and let's face it, if not now, then sometime Michael Williams all crowding the field, it's obvious that all the cool people are doing it.
Brian J: a/n check
Brian J: 31/y
Brian J: its done but those agents are tough nutz to crack, werd- posted by Brian J. @ 8:45 PM 0 comments
A Science Experiment
James Lileks in New York:
- The waitress just delivered the bill.
I almost want to stand up and say “do you all know how drunk you all could get for $24 in a Wisconsin tavern? We’re talking seven beers and a personal Tombstone with everything, and change left over for pinball!
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:19 AM 0 comments
Monday, October 06, 2003
Dichotomy
A reader e-mail over at Andrew Sullivan's hits the screw right on the head:
- Let's face it - intelligence is the new morality. For the left there are no long-term historical precidents to cite or follow. They are all rooted in a misogynic and racist western culture. There is no transcendent truth because that demeans the individual and takes away individual liberty. By what standard then do you judge an individual and determine their worthiness? Not by character ... not by integrity ... but by how bright they are. This intelligence of course is demonstrated by embracing the tenets of the left. Personal morality, sound legal judgement and basics such as keeping one's word do not have be followed as long as one is bright enough to to see the world from a left perspective. All other failings are excusable.
My closest friends from the time period were fellows I met at work, which was way the heck off campus. These guys don't have college degrees, but they're good guys. And although I don't talk to anyone from Marquette's Writing-Intensive English Department, I still talk to Tulsa and Moose every couple of days and see them when I am in town.
And man, was the romantic outlook bleak. I thought I could choose between a woman who could satisfy my intellect as well as my loins, and a woman moral enough to keep that satisfaction to one set of loins. Of course, you have a good theory and bam, you find the exception. Not that I am complaining.
So there you have it. It can be a bleak world for the isolated intelligent-but-moral twenty-something, or at least it was back in the 1990s. I cannot speak to whether it's improved, or whether any twenty-somethings are intelligent-but-moral in the 21st century, but if you're out there, you're not alone, and intelligence/morality is not a dichotomy from which you have to choose one.
Unless I am mistaking the word dichotomy for something else and it really means two colors. But certainly one of you would have said something before letting me go on this long about it.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:29 PM 0 comments
Whitney Gould on Marquette University's New Development
The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's architecture critic weighs in on the the new buildings that Marquette's putting up. A ho-hum, tinkling endorsement.
I walked through campus late this summer and was taken aback by the new buildings sprouting almost overnight. The campus has changed a lot in the nine years since I was masticated from its undergraduate program, and so much has changed. New buildings everywhere. Exciting, but somehow disappointing as the past continues to steal the present from me and flaunts it from the other side of the street. Neener neener, says the past.
Of course, as you all know, Milwaukee can do no wrong in my eyes, and Marquette's new development fits right into the continuing revitalization. I took some photos to illustrate it when I was on vacation, and as soon as I get them scanned, I'll share some with you. Until then, read Whitney Gould every week. Werd.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:36 PM 0 comments
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Another Day, Another Myers Brigg
My dear wife tried another Myers Brigg personality test, and at her prompting, I took it too, only to discover:
| ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 6% of the total population. |
Undoubtedly, tomorrow my percentages will differ with my mood. However, I am always thinking and judging, regardless of where the information comes from and regardless of whether I share it with you all or not.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:31 PM 0 comments
Another Schwarzenegger Perfidy
Exultate Justi has the scoop on more of Schwarzenegger's devious nature:
- Arnold's position on the morality of kitten-punching is not on record, leading some at The LA Times to speculate that the candidate may indeed have something to hide.
Actually, it's not as easy as it sounds. Those kittens are awfully low to the ground, so it's hard to get in a good punch with your body behind it, pivoting on a foot and following through. I am surprised no entrepreneurs on the Internet have come up with harnesses where you can make kitten speed bags. Bwappata bwappata bwappata meow!
Cripes, Cagey, I hope you enjoyed that image. I am sleeping in the guest room tonight on account of it.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:43 PM 0 comments
Disqualification for Public Office
There's a lesson to be learned from the short parade of women making accusations against Arnold Schwarzenegger and the solemn judgment cast upon it by Gray Davis, who claims that some of the contact is in fact, criminal and anyone who would vote for Arnold Schwarzengovernor is voting for a potential (in case you missed it, I will bold, italicize, and CAPITALIZE) CRIMINAL. Also, by parade, I mean couple of people walking single file, so a passerby might confuse this parade of aggrieved and traumatized women with a normal bunch walking to lunch. But I digress.
The lesson to learn is that touching the breast of a female who doesn't want her breast touched is criminal and a man who does such is not morally qualified to lead. To put it more succinctly:
- Getting thrown out at second base should bar you from public office.
So that leaves the following people eligible for office:
- Heterosexual women.
- Ricky Martin (or other sexy from a young age celebrities) to whom the women have probably never said no.
- Guys too dorky to ever consider sex as feasible.
- Gay men, particularly gay men who were never in the closet in high school and didn't date girls in confusion or as a cover.
- Catholic priests or other religious or ascetics who have taken, and held, a vow of chastity.
- Extremely cautious guys who insist upon consent forms signed in front of witnesses and insist upon videotaping the proceedings for evidence. A lot of my dates went fine until that point, let me tell you.
- Guys who held out resolutely until marriage. I'm not sure we could elect a full Senate from this group.
- Guys who only frequent prostitutes.
And as a rhetorical loaded question smear, I present:
- which of these categories does Gray Davis fit into?
- posted by Brian J. @ 12:17 PM 0 comments
What About Us, Bruno?
By now, everyone's mentioned the story of Bruce Willis performing in Iraq for the troops. But what about the rest of us, Mr. Willis?
I realize one guy banging pots with wooden spoons does not a clamor make, but it's been sixteen years since The Return of Bruno. I love that album.
Time for the Another Return of Bruno, I say. Loudly, over the clang clang clang.
- posted by Brian J. @ 11:42 AM 0 comments
Saturday, October 04, 2003
It Is Written That In The End Times...
that in the fountain of light in the desert of the lands beyond the sea that a great white tiger shall attack its master and yea, verily, open him like a seventh seal at an all-you-can-eat seal buffet.
Get well soon, Mr. Horn, and reconsider that retirement.
And no, honey, we don't have room for any more stray maneaters.
(Link seen on Fark.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 11:12 AM 0 comments
Friday, October 03, 2003
Sorry I Didn't Clear This Up in Time
My apologies to whomever searched for
what is the difference between hasta luego and hasta la vista? and clicked through to find my review of Flappers 2 Rappers by Tom Dalzell.Briefly, hasta luego directly translates into "Until then," which is a casual farewell.
Hasta la vista, bebe directly translates into "Until the vision (or viewing)," which is a casual farewell. What is "the vision," you might ask? The Rapture? Don't ask me, Professor Michaels was too busy trying to knock the schwa out of our mouths and to make us understand that idiomatic expressions do not directly translate to explain the origin of Spanish idiom.
So there you have it. Both mean "Catch you later." Except one's "Take it easy" and the other is "Peace, out."
Hope that clears it up for you.
- posted by Brian J. @ 11:10 PM 0 comments
The E-Mails Were Right
I have increased the size of my unit by 4 inches!!!!
Well, I have finally replaced the 15" monitor with a honking 19" flat screen model. I'd promised myself one once I finished my novel, but it's taken me a year to get around to it.
Not to channel Ravenwood or anything, but man, I remember when our color televisions grew to 19".
And our mothers wouldn't let us sit this close to them, much less for 10+ hours a day.
Ha, ma! Joke's on you, huh?
Oh, sorry, ma'am, you looked like my mother until I got within six inches of you.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:40 PM 0 comments
Wait Till I Bring The Heat Gun Into The Office
A link via Instapundit leads me to this story. Although it's about the fallilbility of voting machines, the author thinks the voting machines should be subject to the same sort of scrutiny as electronic slot machines:
- One such outside auditor is Gaming Laboratories International (GLI). To certify a new device, or even a software upgrade, vendors send GLI all of the source code, all of the tools needed to build the code, maybe a development computer, and even an in-circuit emulator if that's how you debugged your code. Expensive? You bet. Accurate? It sure seems to be.
GLI tears the design apart, digs into the guts, finds back doors impossible to isolate via testing and ensures the customer will lose by exactly the amount specified. Tests check both functionality and threat resistance. Technicians zap every square inch of the gaming machine with a 27 KV prod - because cheaters often try to rip off the devices using ESD to confuse the electronics. GLI jimmies the coin box, and generally simulates all of the attacks observed by those hidden cameras in the casino's roof. That's regression testing of a whole new order.
Regardless, while my resume travels in the mail, I am inspired to bring in a heat gun to work tomorrow to see how the application works when I am flipping bits.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:57 PM 0 comments
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Buy That Man a Guinness
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that Anheuser-Busch has decided not to contribute to Missouri Governor B. Holden's re-election campaign because he vetoed the concealed carry bill. The legislature, of course, overrode that veto, but seems that August A. Busch III is a sportsman and a citizen concerned with his personal security and he's in a punishing mood. Anheuser-Busch as a whole supports candidates like it sponsors sports teams, that is, it gives money to all of them. Except, now, B. Holden.
Title this lesson Beer Baron with Bling Bling Likes Bang Bang, Bye Bye Billy if you like.
Let it be said that I was so pleased with the story that I almost bought a sixer of Budweiser tonight to reward Anheuser-Busch for its stand, until I realized that I cannot drink it and that the other attendees of El Guapo's mixer-sixer party this weekend would beat the bud out of me if I contributed an Anheuser-Busch product while drinking their ten-dollar-a-six-pack contributions. Skull Splitter, anyone? Not me, thanks!
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:46 PM 0 comments
Nationalize the Groceries!
The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports on the hardships caused by the closings of Kohl's Food stores (not affiliated with the expanding Kohl's Department stores, and neither of which are affiliated with Senator Herbert Kohl, but it's a long story):
-
Fifteen years ago, Mary Brown sought out a senior housing apartment in a neighborhood where she could shop, offering stores she could reach by walking.
That option disappeared in August when South Milwaukee, a community of 21,000, lost its only major grocery store - the Kohl's Food Store on S. Chicago Ave.
It's bad enough that the closing, one of 23 Kohl's supermarkets that were shut down, now means a trek to another city - Cudahy's Pick 'n Save or Potter's Piggly Wiggly in Oak Creek - to fulfill a basic need for food. [Emphasis mine]
The obvious answer is Foodicare, a new program designed to keep everyone well stocked, or at least give them the ability to fulfill their basic human need without crossing municipal borders and paying sales taxes somewhere else.
I may sound a little snarky, but I empathize, I really do. I mean, to get the really cool exotic beers, I cannot go the Casinport Schnucks. As a matter of fact, I have to go all the way to Creve Couer, to the Dierberg's, a drive of ten minutes!
Once Foodicare becomes law, and I have given up work since taxation levels will have reached such heights that I will have to pay money out of my own pocket to hold down a job, there will be booze within walking distance, and I'll never have to be sober again! Which will qualify my to serve in government, or at least to write violinic pieces in the paper about grocery stores closing and the hardship that presents the glitzing customers.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:24 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Geek Introspection
Suburban Blight has led me to some introspection:
Which OS are You?
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:12 PM 0 comments
International Politics, Simplified
Michael Williams provides a course on international affairs: International Affairs for Geeks 098: Neutral Good in a Lawful Evil World.
I am looking forward to the expansion of the curriculum to include economics (Platinum versus Gold versus Electrum: Inflexible Exchange Rates and You) and foreign languages (Bree Yark is Goblin for Surrender).
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:35 PM 0 comments
Remember, They're Men of the People
Not that I want to harbor grudges, but remember that Bill Clinton and Al Gore are champions of the working man and the middle class as opposed to the Republicans.
Bill "I never had a nickel until I left the White House." Clinton, who obviously thinks that the $250,000 annual salary accruing while he lived, traveled, and ate free for eight years is a living wage.
Al "I think I will spend $70 million on a cable network" Gore.
Hell, you don't even feel my upper middle class pain, much less the pain of my friends still working for $10 an hour in their thirties. So go smeg off, you class armchair generals.
(Gore post seen on Drudge.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:10 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
And Two Minutes for Charging
A tragic accident occurred in Atlanta. A promising young hockey player, just a year or so removed from Rookie of the Year and scoring a bucket of goals in the All Star Game, runs his Ferrari into a wall at 80 mph. It's not as tragic as it could have been; he's only got a broken jaw, but his passenger is in critical condition with a fractured skull. They're lucky to be alive, and with any luck they'll remain so.
But here come the prosecutors....
- Atlanta Thrashers star Dany Heatley was charged Tuesday with reckless driving for veering off a road and slamming his sportscar into a wall at about 80 mph -- a crash that left him with a broken jaw and teammate Dan Snyder critically injured with a skull fracture.
Heatley was also charged with serious injury by vehicle, a felony, and three other misdemeanors -- driving too fast for conditions, driving on the wrong side of the road and striking a fixed object, according to the police.
Striking a fixed object?
Once again, the legislators in their attempts to do something! about crime have given prosecutors bolts of felonies and swatches of misdemeanors to properly accessorize every ill event. Instead of double jeopardy, we have a larger charge accompanied by an exploded view of its component parts. Common sense would indicate that reckless driving comprises driving too fast, leaving your lane, changing lanes without use of the directional signal, and then striking a fixed object, or maybe just narrowly avoiding a fixed object which is a undoubtedly a lesser charge. But before the myopic eyes of the law, these are all crimes in and of themselves.Kind of like when an estranged husband shoots his wife and gets murder one, using a gun in the commission of a murder, using bullets in the commission of a felony, disturbing the peace, and failure to pay future child support. Slap enough coats of felony on anything, and it will look guilty.
So in addition to having to live with the emotional consequences of his actions, Heatley's now eligible for a Gordie Howe length career in the penal hockey league. Prosecutors will say that these tough laws will make kids think twice about believing they're immortal and driving fast. Because kids have already discounted their own deaths and the crippled and crushed bodies of their friends and have have dismissed the deterent within those threats; a couple years in jail? That's real to the young.
Criminey, the first person to run for office with the stated goal of eliminating three quarters of our redundant and superfluous laws earns my indentured servitude. I am getting tired of having my personal attorney preceding me everywhere and identifying each and every infraction I might commit and running the complex multiplication necessary to determine my total sentence if I jaywalk and cross outside a designated crosswalk at the same time while walking an unlicensed bike.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:37 PM 0 comments
Monday, September 29, 2003
A Toast
To the Chicago Bears, for keeping up your end of a noble tradition and losing gracefully to the Packers.
You guys played your guts out. Unfortunately, you didn't have many with which to start.
Sorry, Pejman, but it was foreordained.
- posted by Brian J. @ 11:28 PM 0 comments
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Die Hard
John McClane says:
- If you catch him, just give me four seconds with Saddam Hussein.
(Speaking of John McClane, what could he do on a Deathstar? A question only a geek would speculate.)
(Also speaking of John McClane, Die Hard IV? Oh, baby!)
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:02 PM 0 comments
Book Review: Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
No, I have nothing better to do than to read Russian short novels, which run about 150 pages of translated, well, Russian writing. And I don't just mean the Russian language.
Notes from the Underground starts out with a 20-30 page commentary on the nature of man, at least as perceived by a Russian narrator, or more to the point, a Dostoyevsky narrator. John Galt's speech, it ain't. This particular narrator breaks down the fourth wall, so to speak, and addresses the reader of his notes directly and patiently builds a case that madness really is the only possible way to defend free will. For if scientists can eventually describe the means by which each man and woman will act in his or her own preceived self-interest in each situation, the outcome is always predetermined by the individual, the perceptions, and the situation. So madness would be the only random number generator (my words, not Underground Man's and not Dostoyevsky's nor his translator's).
I can see how this appeals to college students. On the other hand, I am no longer a college student, so I have little time to sit around saying, "Whoa." Nor am I driven any longer to explain the use of the first part of the novel as a means of discrediting the double-effect narrator who then goes on to rationalize his particular Soren-Loves-Regina, Soren-Spurns-Regina (that's Kierkegaard, you damn kids!) episode. Fortunately, though, I don't have to write those sorts of papers any more, and I don't have to feel guilty for wishing there was just one double homicide with a missing witness that the hero, a down-on-his-luck former police officer turned security guard (with Kirk Guard, maybe) must track down. But I would settle for some narration for crying out loud. Maybe a plot, Fyod?
Part 2, the second movement of the novel, takes us into an example of the narrator's boorishness. As if the first half of the novel didn't. The second part has other characters, to whom the narrator can act as a boor, and then the narrator ends up in bed with a prostitute he might love, but to whom he must be a boor and then whom he ultimately rejects so he can pursue his scholarly life, which seems to be perfecting the art of boorishness. Personally, I only made it through the thing because I'd read Crime and Punishment previously, so I wasn't sure whether this guy would snap and kill his former classmates, his man, or the prostitute. Maybe two of them at once, and then the cobbler on the corner would see it and flee to a retreat on the Caspian Sea..... Never mind.
With this book, I think Dostoyevsky's making fun of academics, but the ultimate irony is that only academics read this mockery of academics.
I spent over a week trudging through this short novel. I've gotten the satisfaction of having read something normal suburban types in middle America don't read, so I flout the stereotype laid upon us by academics. I wouldn't recommend it as a read for everyone, though, unless you want to severely put off your friendly informal book club by recommending it and then cribbing some of the lines from this piece (think it over, El Rojo).
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:53 PM 0 comments
Any Man Who Quotes P.J. O'Rourke Is a Wise Man
Robert Prather quotes P.J. O'Rourke. One more reason to visit Insults Unpunished.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:04 PM 0 comments
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Eminent Domain Abuse on 60 Minutes
Reason magazine's Hit and Run reports that the television news magazine 60 Minutes is going to run a piece about eminent domain abuse.
Reason also ran a story called " Wrecking Property Rights: How cities use eminent domain to seize property for private developers".
As some of you know, eminent domain abuse is one of the particular pet peeves of mine. So go read these pieces and arm yourselves for when your municipality comes for your house for a strip mall.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:30 PM 0 comments
Maintaining Proper Tequila Quality Assurance
Tightly Wound / Big Arm Woman discusses the United States / Mexico trade dispute over tequila, and she correctly describes tequila:
- It is designed to be drunk as quickly as possible, and to have its taste completely obscured by combinations of salt and lime. Tequila is anti-freeze with a twist.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:57 PM 0 comments
Heather's Conversion Progresses
I suckered my beautiful wife into going to Borders today so I could acquire a copy of Virginia Postrel's The Substance of Style (and hey, look, it's right next to Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone, I'll take one of those, too!).
Where what to my wondering-if-I-can-snag-another-book-before-Heather-finds-me eyes appear, but Heather (which meant I could not snag another book that I needed to put on my to-read shelves until 2012 or thereabout). And she's carrying Laura Ingraham's Shut Up and Sing.
"You've got a book by Laura Ingraham!" I said.
"Who's she?" Heather asked. I could not explain to her that we conservatarian men have a special Hot Conservative Chick Sense that tingles to identify attractive women who think right. I mean, sure, sometimes we get false positives (like Ann Coulter--someone feed that woman, I think she's going mad from hunger), but for the most part, we're dead on.
Or maybe I heard her Ingraham's radio show once.
Still, Heather bought a conservative screed on her own!
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:06 PM 0 comments
I Link To Wesley Crusher
Wil Wheaton tells a beer joke.
(Link also seen on Fark.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:26 PM 0 comments
Now You Know, But Do You Understand?
This is Devon answers a burning question:
WHY IS GUINNESS BLACK YET THE BUBBLES THAT SETTLE ON TOP, WHICH ARE MADE OF THE SAME STUFF, ARE WHITE?
Underneath the scientific terminology, essentially the answer is because Guinness is so yummy.
(Link seen on Fark.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:02 AM 0 comments
Friday, September 26, 2003
More Corporate Tax Breaks to Help Ease Those Pesky Budget Surpluses
Some group called the Multistate Tax Commission has issued a report saying that Internet Service Providers should shed some of their tax burden. Hey, I'm all for lower taxes, but I'm a little worried when they start given little perks to some industries, because then the next one wants one, and suddenly my sales tax is at 20% and my property taxes are about 10% annually. Flat tax the corporations on their profits, but let's not have our governments play favorites.
More troubling, though, is this from the mouths of the aristocracy:
- "State and local governments understand that consumers need to get Internet access," Tennessee Revenue Commissioner Loren Chumley said in a telephone news conference announcing the study. "The bill that was passed goes far beyond that. It has the potential to wipe out all telecommunications-related tax levies." [Emphasis mine.]
Let no Child be without Broadband!
Rubbish! Now get back to work.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:26 PM 0 comments
Spherewide Short Story Symposium
Go read some short fiction. It's good for you.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:18 PM 0 comments
Even More Signs You're Getting Old
If you're a newspaper columnist like Neil Steinberg, you muse on how long you have been married, had children, and have lived in the suburbs.
If you're a newspaper columnist's fan, you think, has it been three years already since he moved out of Chicago?
I need to start measuring my life in more meaningful units. Like meaningful relationships between characters in Friends. Oops, too late.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:10 PM 0 comments
Old School Geeks Rejoice
Dr. Who is really coming back this time.
You damn Matrix-loving, Zelda-playing (instead of Dungeons and Dragons on the kitchen table as the geek gods intended) kids don't even know what I am talking about. Go write your Java, your .Net, and play command line guru on Linux, and leave the heavy duty geekin' to your betters.
Colin Baker rox. I'll lick any man who says Tom Baker was better.
(Link seen on Samizdata, whose location in Britain has saved them from a lickin'.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:58 PM 0 comments
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Anarchy is Hiring
Halfway down the page, we've got this important bulletin:
-
Police seek public help in stabbing, robbery
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:48 PM 0 comments
Andrew Sullivan Is A Bigger Man Than I
This morning, he excerpts some blather from Harper's magazine.
Thanks for taking one for the team, Andrew, and performing vital reconnaissance into what Lewey Lapnut's found to print this month. Everyone knows I don't have the stomach for it any more.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:11 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Detroit Was Last Night
Want to get away?
Sorry, recycling old Southwest Airlines commercials for you. Really, it couldn't happen to a nicer psychotic North American than Alanis Morrisette, who's apparently reduced to playing the Andean circuit these days.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:16 PM 0 comments
The Noggle Library
I indicated in a previous post, one of the next things we'll need for Honormoor's replacement (that's the name of the Noggle manor, donchaknow?) is a library. Why, you ask? Let's take a look.
| Brian's Main Library These three bookcases are double-stacked with hardbacks and trade paperbacks. I'll be honest, though, the bookcase on the right contains the unread portion of my library. Unfortunately, it contains a lot of scholarly work, like Jean-Paul Sartre, Simon De Beaviour, Jane Austen, John Steinbeck, and other assorted literary figures (as well as Tolkien, sorry) and a pile of nonfiction. Whenever I get a new genre piece, I tend to read it before these masterworks, which would explain why some of these things have gone unread for a decade. But I am working on it. The left bookcase contains what used to be my altar for the authors Robert B. Parker and Ayn Rand, but the space crunch has led me to start double stacking before even them. Also, please note that these are my books, not Heather's. I consider each book I have read a trophy, so I get agitated whenever she puts a book on my shelves and dilutes my pride. |
| Brian's Reference Library These two bookshelves have my reference library, which includes books on computers, electronics, home repair, and writing. The bookshelves are in my office, which wouldn't seem to make sense--until you realize that's where I go to hide when there's any work to be done. |
| Brian's Nightstand I've started these books, but haven't finished them, yet. Watch for a book review of that book on the origins of the English civil war coming soon, though. Is that a book by Victor David Hanson under the complete works of Shakespeare? Yes. And I'll probably finish it before the Shakespeare, too. Expect the reviews by 2010. |
| Our Mass-Market Paperbacks Here's the closest Heather's and my books come to conmingling. The shelf on the right is mass market paperbacks I have read, and the one on the left is Heather's. Of course, this is the total except for the two or three boxes we've not opened since we moved into Honormoor three years ago. One more reason for a library: we're running out of room for bookshelves in our existing domicile. |
| Heather's Hardbacks Heather's got her own collection of hardbacks, but she's only got a single bookshelf. I attribute this to the fact that her boyfriend/fiance was not kind enough to give her a new set of bookshelves for Christmas each year of their relationship. Hey, check out the rare quadraped Jawa without the cloak. Obviously, this cohabitant of the household could never count as a cat in the Casinoport accounting. |
| Heather's Kitchen Stash Heather has a bookshelf in the kitchen dedicated to:
|
| The Piano Atop the piano, Heather stores a number of:
|
So there you have it. Our motley collection of bookshelves aren't as cool as built-in shelves like Mr. or Mrs. du Toit got, but they ain't too shabby.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:10 PM 0 comments
Noggle's Spurious Law IX
All right, kids, you want to know how you tell the sign of a good company when you're interviewing? Forget what any of the books tell you about how to judge a company during a job interview. Of course, it's easy for me to say, since I have never read a book about job interviews, but if I had, this wouldn't be a spurious law, would it?
To gauge what a company's employees think of it and the environment there, ask, no demand that one of the interview platoon take you to see the cafeteria or kitchenette or the little alcove where they have the coffeemaker. Of course, if they don't have a coffeepot, leave right away (unless you're Heather, of course).
The best places I have ever worked, at least in a white collar fashion, had clean breakrooms. Best job I ever had, the breakroom was spotless, but that's because my duty was to clean it, werd. But six dollars an hour doesn't support
Coffee stains or dirty dishes on the counter can indicate a number of things, all of which are bad news for you, the new guy (or gal):
- The saps working here are jacked up all the time and are too busy to wipe up after themselves. That means the company has too few resources for what it does, and you better not have any plans on Saturday.
- The employees here delegate the cleaning up after themselves to, or worse yet assume it will be done by, underlings, ultimately the poor schmuck with only a community college degree who works afternoons to wipe out the bathrooms. If he's busy, buddy (or buddiette), guess who's going to be cleaning up after himself (herself) after he (she) brings the coffee to the important people? So, how long have you been here?
Of course, it could mean they've read this entry and are attempting to subvert NogSub Law IX, but the odds are definitely with the former.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:54 PM 0 comments
When is A not A?
I have received mail about my post yesterday about the high school sophomores in St. Peters who got busted for do-it-yourself porn. As of this posting, three boys have been charged with felonies; the girls, of course, get none.
Let me point out, hopefully more succinctly, the absurdity of the charges. Follow me here:
- Child porn laws touted as necessary protections for The Children who are not Smart Enough Or Responsible Enough (SEORE) to make their own decisions regarding sex and posing for photography therein. Never mind that The Children in this case are fifteen years old, three years short of the sudden burst from the maturity gland which will make them eligible to pose naked for anything they want.
- Although these "children" cannot make their own reasoned decisions about posing naked and being photographed, the law will now prosecute them as though they are smart enough and responsible enough to make their own decisions regarding sex and posing for photography therein.
!SEORE = SEOREDo you have that moebius strip of logic firmly grasped yet? They are being prosecuted as adults for doing something from which they are being being protected from doing something they cannot decide to do because they're not adults.
It's all a part of the ride on the official United States
Consider:
- At 14 years old, if you shoot a person, you're tried as an adult
- At 18 years old, if you get shot, you're statistically "A Child" for those who collect statistics to promote gun control.
- Before you're 16 years old, you can get a job and start paying your taxes to support The Greatest Generation and the Baby Boomers in their pursuit of pharmaceutical immortality.
- However, you have to wait until you're 18 years old to enter contracts.
- At 16 years old, you're responsible enough to get a driver's license and should know enough not to pile a bunch of your friends into your dad's car, and go roaring around the streets until you collide with a retired schoolteacher on her way from the grocery and kill her and her nephew.
- Glass of wine at dinner? Not for 5 more years, you irresponsible welp.
- At 18 years old, you're responsible enough to handle explosives and automatic weapons.
- However, concealed weapons will have to wait if you're from Missouri until the Eddie Eagle Epihany hits you on your 23rd birthday and you can then safely carry concealed weapons.
Also, vote for me.
Thank you.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:37 PM 0 comments
Brutal Murder in Florida
The Onion has the exclusive: Idaville Detective 'Encyclopedia' Brown Found Dead in Library Dumpster.
- "The bitter irony is that Brown would have easily cracked a case like this one," Kimball-Brown said. "I just can't help but wonder: WHAT DID ENCYCLOPEDIA KNOW THAT WOULD HAVE HELPED HIM SOLVE HIS OWN MURDER?"
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:56 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
A Nice Place To Keep Sodas
While perusing America's Second Freedom, I've often encountered an ad from Browning touting its gun safes. How does it do so? By presenting the testimonial of Inmate #8390027, a.k.a. "Sledge": "When I get out, I'm getting a Browning safe."
Text of the ad indicates:
-
Sledge is currently serving a seven to 15-year [sic] sentence for his fifth conviction for breaking and entering an occupied dwelling (he has plea bargained away over 20 other "B & Es" and admits that he has done more than he could count in his 13-year criminal career). In a letter to Browning written from his cell, Sledge freely admits, "My partner and I broke into hundreds of houses, many with so-called gun safes, and after we tried to get into a Browning gun safe, it was the last thing we ever wanted to see."
In his letter, Sledge cites a previous advertisement for Browning gun safes under the headline, "The Competition Hates Our Guts." He responds, "Now that I see what goes into your safe, I see why I could never open one. The competition isn't the only one who hates your guts!" Sledge can't stay locked away forever. Isn't it nice to know your valuables can?
"WHEN I GET OUT, I'M GETTING A BROWNING SAFE."
Class, discuss the reasons that Mr. Sledge would own a gun safe. Would it be:- A safe place in which he, a convicted felon, could store weapons that he possessed illegally since he is prohibited from owning guns.
- A good way to practice breaking into Browning gun safes.
- A cool, dry place to store sodas.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:39 PM 0 comments
Protecting The Children from, Well, The Children
In a story certain to not shock anyone with the faintest memory of being young and hormonal and not suffering from the slightest repressed-guilt-turned-into-outrage, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports:
-
A group of 15-year-olds from a St. Peters high school who made a video showing two girls kissing and a naked girl being touched by two boys are facing child pornography charges.
So they're doing what curious and, let's face it, unconstrained (whether by parents or morals) digital kids do, which is namely a little I'll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours, with the optional "see-like-a-blind-person" rule in effect.
- Three have been referrred to juvenile court on charges of promoting child pornography, furnishing pornographic materials to a minor and promoting a sexual performance by a child. The other four are still underinvestigation and may be charged, police say.
"They did the act, they knew what they were doing, and they knew it was wrong," said St. Peters Sgt. David Kuppler. "You can't film a 15-year-old child nude no matter what age you are. It's the same standard we would hold an adult to, it's just the juvenile justice standard."
The kids all need a good swatting, without the cameras rolling, thank you. A good talking to, and a maybe bit of "Hold on for three years and you'll be a Vivid superstar, but from here out, you're wearing burlap." But jail time (reform school time, I mean, not as bad as jail except it is)?
It's a continuing shame that parents cannot discipline and their children and hence cannot trust other parents to discipline or train their own children. As part of this abdictation, the only alternative lazy or immoral parents can turn to is the heavy hand of Government, whose spanking hand is numb and unfeeling from overuse and whom the punishment is not hurting as much as it is hurting us.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:56 PM 0 comments
More Signs You're Getting Old
Here's a list of more signs you're getting old.
I have to wonder the real age of the person who wrote this, though, because it seems hollow, as though it was compiled by a damn kid writing for us old people. Some points:
- Your computer's ready-mode was a black screen with a single curser.
There's still just a single curser sitting at my computer. Me. Actually, my first computer's ready screen was blue and grey. Viva la Commodore!
- And you thought it [the Pong arcade game] had the most advanced graphics imaginable.
Look here, boy, Pong did have the most advanced graphics.
- AOL was just another start-up online service that could easily have lost out to rivals called Compuserve and
Prodigy.
Son, back in the day, we had Quantum Link, Delphi, and bulletin boards. AOL is a 1990s late bloomer.
- A 1-gig hard drive seemed as big as a warehouse. (Today, most are 40-times that.)
Back in the day, the Lt. Kernal 1 Meg hard drive cost $1000, werd. I never had one.
- Even though there are plenty of LPs in antiques stores, you still have 400 in your attic, because deep down,
you still think the format will come back.
Dude, you cannot sell records for any decent money. Last time I tried to sell an LP or 45 was in the early 1990s, and the used music shop wouldn't take them off my hands. So they're up there because they're worth more for the memories than the money. And who knows, one of these days we might find a working record player again, and when we do, it's gonna be a party!. Albeit a party where one has to pause the beer-drinking every couple of minutes to change or flip the record.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:28 PM 0 comments
Paranoia Shidoshi Recommends
Go read this post at Samizdata: A law-abiding person has nothing to hide?
- I was just thinking up a few scenarios in answer to the assertion that "a law abiding person has nothing to fear from ID cards, in-car tracking systems or surveillance cameras". These are some wholly or mostly law-abiding persons who do have something to fear:
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:20 PM 0 comments
Monday, September 22, 2003
Aren't They Cute?
Mrs. du Toit has put up a picture of she and Mr. du Toit's "children."
Sweet. Perhaps I'll have to interrupt my too-frequent, too-boring book reviewing schedule to put up a couple of photos of my double-stacked bookshelves for you all to ooh and ah over.
Three things the next house must have:
- A library
- A bar / video game room
- A weight room
Update: For means of comparison.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:53 PM 0 comments
The Kangaroo Has A Master Plan At Work
The wise Tim Blair says:
- Kangaroos are friendly. Not like wombats; a wombat will leave you for dead every time.
However, we here at RooWatch Central have covered this ground already. Beware the kangaroos.
Obviously, this Lulu character is up to something. Now Lulu is being lauded by Australians. Suddenly, she starts amassing wealth and then uses her popularity as a springboard for replacing John Howard, and suddenly, it's just like On The Beach (well, in that it's the end of the world, and it's set in Australia).
Someone better take care of Lulu before she gets access to Australia's nuclear arsenal or the Collingwood Magpies is all I am saying. Once she has the Bomb or a standing army, there will be no stopping her.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:31 PM 0 comments
A Politician or a Leader?
John Kass of the Chicago Tribune knows the difference (but he'll only share it with you if you register, which you should):
- So the best thing the president could have done, politically, would have been to leave it all to the United Nations, to walk away while loudly declaring victory. That would have been the shrewd move.
Show the Chicago Tribune Web servers what a musingtrickle feels like!
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:11 PM 0 comments
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Dr. Guapo and Dr. Noggle to Emergency, Please
Drudge links to a story wherein Germany faces its breweries getting sold to multinationals who promise to retain the good German name even if they water down the contents to bolster multinational profit.
Hey, I am from Milwaukee. I know how that feels.
The article also says that German beer consumption is declining. Emergency, El Guapo! We must redouble our efforts to support the industry! Only Harfestivus can save them now!
Although I must admit I find most German beers to salty for my taste. I will, however, continue to prop up American, Irish, British, and Canadian brewers to the best of my ability.
You have my word on that.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:48 PM 0 comments
I Feel Pretty. And Mysterious.
Suburban Blight has led me to some introspection, where I learn that not only am I beautiful in my strength, I am also:
Hecate
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
I notice a trend developing here.
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:34 PM 0 comments
Thank You for the Head's Up
Alert reader "Martin Simmons" (I assume he's a reader, since I got this message in my Hotmail box which I make available for you, gentle readers) sends me this warning:
From : "Martin Simmons"
To : stlbrianj@hotmail.com
Subject : Stlbrian j - Porn found on YOUR computer!
Date : Sun, 21 Sep 2003 03:43:36
MIME-Version: 1.0
Received: from ([67.167.16.201]) by mc5-f10.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.5600); Sun, 21 Sep 2003 03:38:39 -0700
X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jEmAVs0XODqK3fTx/8P7QHe
X-Message-Info: ALYqAGt3oIELxgQxtYO3XDTcnoQ7gxpN1lk7V
X-Message-Info: lcOMLY2qAGOtx3wIEXLgQ5tcYa3DTnQ5gzpl1A5
Message-Id: <20030921433636.hD5lb9HMWuZjMe@>
Return-Path: gpdqzcl@canada.com
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 21 Sep 2003 10:38:39.0772 (UTC) FILETIME=[852CADC0:01C3802C]
zvEach web site you SEE is STORED ON YOUR COMPUTER!pgsgt
mchkvCleaning Cache or History DOES NOT stop snooping!snx
syjxsPROTECT YOUR PC - DO IT INSTANTLYpcnbj
Also, please note that I don't want to get rid of the porn on my computer. It's taken me a long time to collect what I have, and it's schnucking hard to find good hot girl-dressed-as-a-clown-on-cypress photos anyway. Who knows when I would get a chance to replace them?
- posted by Brian J. @ 12:38 PM 0 comments
Saturday, September 20, 2003
Splurging Glurge
MSNBC is running a story entitled "What $87 Billion Buys: Instead of a war in Iraq, here’s what America could be getting for its money". In this remarkable (as I am remarking on't, werd) piece (of something), the author puts together a list of bullet points that describe things the government could do with $87 billion dollars instead of spending it rebuilding Iraq. In between lists, he inserts some snarky quotes by grabby people who haven't quite gotten their hands full of your money on their pet projects yet.
Basically, Jonathan Darman, author of this Web Exclusive! says the United States Government could, and should, take that $87 billion dollars and:
- Hire millions more bureaucrats which would then need $87 billion dollars plus cost of living adjustments every
year from this day forward, or
- Pour millions into the budgets of petty bureaucracies, who know they have to spend the money if they want to get
it next year, which again means $87 billion dollars a year plus 8- or 10-percent annual increases forever.
(Link seen on Little Green Footballs.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 5:33 PM 0 comments
It's Called Synergy
Win-win-win!
- posted by Brian J. @ 4:44 PM 0 comments
Friday, September 19, 2003
Book Review: Britain's Kings and Queens: 63 Reigns in 1100 Years
by Sir George Bellew, K.C.V.O.
Well, friends, I have stooped to a new low, lower than the previous new low and probably not quite as low as what I shall attain tomorrow, but nevertheless, I am going to review a schnucking pamphlet for you today. The title of the pamphlet is Britain's Kings and Queens: 63 Reigns in 1100 Years by Sir George Bellew, K.C.V.O. It's a pamphlet because it's 32 pages long, and I snuck it into my reading as a nonfiction entry while I slog through Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky in an omnibus paperback that includes two other short-but-tedious Russian novels (although they beat the regular-sized-but-tedious Russian novels). So pity me whatever affliction I have that drives me to read Dostoyevsky without an impending final, and just hear what I have to say about the short book I did read.
The edition I read, in its unknown softcover binding, was published in 1968, 15 years after Queen Elizabeth II ascended the throne, but the whole thing's an explication of the line of royalty in Britain, who they were, and why Liz II was going to be a great ruler.
All right, I shouldn't go dumping royalty in the harbor with the tea, but the tone of the book is adulatory. It seeks to connect Elizabeth II with her ancestors and to shine a light on, or perhaps reflect the monarch's own light, upon the history that legitimized the monarch.
After a brief forward, the book goes into brief capsules of monarchs starting with Egbert and on through the Saxon kings, William the Conqueror, the Tudors, the Stuarts, and on and on. Each monarch gets a couple of paragraphs, more if they're remembered fondly.
They have to be brief. After all, only the even pages contain the biographies. The odd pages contain asides, photographs of Elizabeth II's coronation, royal portraits, and other sundry trivia. You've heard the expression The Crown Jewels, haven't you? Well, I know all four pieces of the regalia because they're listed on page 7. I won't mention them here because it will ruin the impact when I suddenly uncork that bit of trivia in a conversation.
So it's not a bad little treatise. For its size, it makes a handy reference guide for those who might someday write something about a monarch. Hey, Shakespeare wrote his body of plays with a similar, albeit more fleshed out, history. So if you can nab one of those two dollar copies on an auction site, it might be worth it for you.
It'll be more than worth it if you can correct me at some future date about the order of English monarchs or the dates of their reigns.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:21 PM 0 comments
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Fad? It's a Life Style!
This evening, I proved my contemporary nature to impress my wife by participating in a faddish flash mob.
Tonight, at 5:24 pm, I joined a group of strangers whom I have never met before, and we came together on Interstate 270 just north of Dougherty Ferry Road in St. Louis County, and together we stopped our cars for no reason and sat there listening to the radio.
After two minutes of immobility, for no reason whatsoever, we started driving again.
I am hep, dig?
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:26 PM 0 comments
First One's Kinda Bad, But The Rest Taste Better
Electric Venom's got a post on caffeinated sausages in Germany. To sum up:
- But "How does it taste?" you ask?
Dude, it keeps you awake longer so you can have more beer. Does it matter how it tastes?
Tonight I am drinking Peroni, whose very literature reminds us that it's beer made by American ally. Werd. And you know, after a couple, they don't taste too bad.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:19 PM 0 comments
Gratuitous Linking Is Not Working
Undoubtedly, some of you have noticed how I have often linked, often gratuitously, to Instapundit in my posts. For no apparent reason, some posts include the www.instapundit.com URL in them.
I admit I was trying to use you, dear reader, in my own foolish drive for recognition, or at least a perfunctory glance from Professor Reynolds. You see, I hoped you might see that link and click it, which would put my own URL briefly in the referrer logs at Instapundit.
If enough you visited that site, perhaps He would see my URL in the referrer logs and would pop by. Maybe He would link to me, or maybe The Professor and I would become fast friends. Maybe He would let me drive his Mazda, and I would let him play Arkanoid.
But my ruse has become transparent to you, discriminating reader, for the frequency of links to Instapundit are almost as frequent as links to Amazon, Internet Movie Database, and my beautiful wife. I won't bother you any more with the gratuitous links to Instapundit anymore, because I know you'll see through them, and I don't want to lose any more of your respect.
Besides, I realize that those of you who frequent blogs have already read Instapundit before you show up here.
However, I hope you will forgive me if I link to something The Professor says, perhaps excerpted and followed by a simple "Heh." or "Indeed." Please understand this is not gratuitous linking or even pale imitating, but rather homage and fair use.
Thank you.
Were I not so discouraged, I would try to follow some of Wizbang's advice for triggering an Instalanche. But I am too discouraged.
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:51 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Thank You, There In The Middle Row
Hey, thanks for the link, Jared of Strategic Intelligence, a clearinghouse for his conservative Christian viewpoint, some significant silliness, and serious discussions of a militarily strategic nature.
Are you higher in the blogosystem than me? If you are, I don't know if I want to talk to you. I'm pretty petty, you know.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:37 PM 0 comments
Another Chapter of QA Wars: Episode IV: Uh, No Hope
With an ominous chunk!, the code freeze slowly began to creep forward.
You can see the first chapter here.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:10 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Short Storium, er, Storia
Michael Williams at Master of None announces the first ever Spherewide Short Story Symposium (with an exclamation point, no less).
I have submitted my entry, "To a Good Home".
Man, I hope I win some of those exciting cash prizes.
- posted by Brian J. @ 6:16 PM 0 comments
Monday, September 15, 2003
Companies Debate No Gun Policies in St. Louis
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch is so excited that it's left a puddle on the floor as it reports that:
- "No Firearms" signs at many workplaces and businesses open to the public may be the first outward indication that Missouri has joined the states that allow residents to carry concealed weapons.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:53 PM 0 comments
I Just Cannot Read Harper's Any More
Okay, I am done trying. I have had it at last with Harper's magazine, and the remainder of my subscription is going straight from the mailbox to the recycle bin.
I tried so very hard to read the August 2003 issue while I was at the gym the other night, but I couldn't get more than a few paragraphs into anything, and I didn't try hard, frankly.
Here's what I read:
- In the "Letters" section, Iain Murray writes a letter to respond to a snarky piece in a previous Harper's which I have never read and never will, now. Apparently, the author of the piece savaged the fact that the Competitive Enterprise Institute impugned the science of the National Assessment on Climate Change, using properly-crafted insinuations and ad homenims. Iain's letter points out that the National Assessment is widely debunked by real scientists. Since the author of the piece gets a chance to get in the final snark, Bryant Urstadt responds to a scientific rebuttal with....Manhattan ad homenims and insinuations.
- Lewis Lapham, in his monthly column "Notebook", titles his rant "Yankee Doodle Dandy" and it begins:
- During the eight months prior to the invasion of Iraq, the American news media were content to believe
the government's fairy tale about its reasons for sending the tanks eastward into Eden. The Bush
Administration's buncombe artists could tell any story they pleased about Western civilization being held
for ransom by Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, and even when the plot lines were shown to
depend upon suborned testimony and counterfeit intelligence, the media vouched for the wisdom of Oz. Why
not? What was to be gained by casting doubts? The fairy tale sold newspapers, boosted television ratings,
curried favor at the White House and the FCC, drummed up invitations from the Pentagon to attend the
military costume party in the Persian Gulf.
You want a lie? Here's one, Lewey: "I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." You see, the speaker is uttering something he absolutely knows is true because he has first, uh, hand knowledge of the reality. And he says the opposite. For his own benefit mind you, and thanks to shills around the world, he got benefits from the lie. I know you looked down upon the Arkansas governor, too, Lewey, because I could stomach your weary tone then. But others of your rarefied Manhattan ilk did.
A little sex of which you have firstglandhand knowledge is a little different from the decision to go to war. The decision, and the expression of that decision, is based on facts, assumptions, interpretations, intelligence, and guesses which might be true and gambles made on worst case scenarios. To say that George W. Bush lied, or made a myth or fairy tale, is to belittle the complicated nature of the decision and to say that George W. Bush had first hand knowledge that everything he said was absolutely, irreputably untrue. That's a hard case to prove unless you're omniscient. Oh, wait, some of these pinheads think they are.
Also, Lapham, I hold you ultimately accountable for that condescension bomb called Nickel and Dimed: On Not Getting By in America. Cripes, I opened that thing and it blew its classist pitytoric all over, and I am still scraping Ehrenreich off the walls. Thank goodness I bought it in softcover, or the crapnel might have been the end of me.
- Harper's Index always contains a few gems that make a point out of a contextless statistic. For example:
- Percentage of South Carolinians prosecuted under the state's "anti-lynching" law since 1998 who are black
: 63
- Finally, to the Readings section, a kind of Snobber's Digest. First outtake, I mean piece, is entitled "The New
Censorship" and it's by Curtis White, an excerpt from his forthgoing book The Middle Mind : Why Americans Don't Think for Themselves. I'm already inspired thrilled and that's just the intro. First paragraph:
- Americans are not much in the habit of poking at the dominant realities of our lives. We're delicate. We're used to deferring, though we like to think of ourselves as rebels. What parents, teachers, presidents, and Dan Rather say is usually good enough for us. Even if it is demonstrably false, we submit out of habit and fright over what not submitting might require of us. We sacrifice our lives out of feeling that there is some sort of comfort in deferring.
I've been a Harper's subscriber for more than ten years, regularly remitting a portion of my sub-sustenance wage salary to get a slick and remain educated, but no more. I have a couple months of the magazine piled up, and they're all going out. I have other, more relevant magazines, like FHM to read.
I've got seven months left on the subscription I had paid up for three or four years in advance, and that's it. I'm done until such time as Lapham's gone and the magazine returns to a more even-handed set of viewpoints.
I'm sure Harper's won't miss me. Enough cosmo coastal sycophants will continue to buy the magazine to learn what to think, what vodkas to drink, and that Xandria and the Blowfish catalog both offer creative merchandise for consenting adults. A Midwestern conservative isn't its target audience anyway, or else they would cover tractor pulls and corn futures more frequently, or whatever stereotypes they've developed for everyone west of New Jersey.
So be it. An amicable parting. Except for the screaming and the throwing of the dirty laundry on the front lawn.
- posted by Brian J. @ 10:41 PM 0 comments
I Feel Pretty. And Powerful.
Meatriarchy once again leads me to some introspection, wherein I discover:
You are the Figher Femme
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:59 PM 0 comments
Sunday, September 14, 2003
What Particular Mess Would We Be In?
Time quotes "Mad" Albright:
- Frankly, if there was a President Gore, we wouldn't be in this particular mess.
(Link seen on Drudge.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:35 PM 0 comments
The Meatriarch Carves Up Another
The Meatriarchy, a new member on my blog roll, carves up Naomi Klein, who thinks "Free Trade Is War."
Haven't these people read Orwell before they come up with their titles?
And which is worse: If they have not, or if they have?
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:25 PM 0 comments
Hans Has Slaughtered The Tusken Raiders
Cue the Wagnerian music and get ready for the jump cut, but Hans has slain his tribe of Tusken Raiders on his way to the Dark Side. Allow me to translate for those of you who are not geeks: A developer who's into Java and, worse than Linux, Macs, has something nice to say about Microsoft, or at least something not fervid about open source:
-
Novices require simplicity. Microsoft has to dumb down its tools for the novice developer, but the Java community often seems to feel no such compulsion. I'm watching some coworkers struggle to become fluent in Struts. They are rightfully offended by how often they have to learn some little workaround rather than the obvious approach simply working.
I've come to realize that with many open source projects, any problem that has a reasonable workaround tends not to get addressed. Just as Microsoft often fails to fix behavioral defects before devoting resources to new features, the bazaar tends to permit usage defects since it's more rewarding to add new functionality. Can't we find a happy medium?
So come to Microsoft, Hans. Uncle Bill wants to include everyone. Even people who used to have blue hair. Uncle Bill forgives. Uncle Bill loves.
Click Trust Microsoft and let Bob show you the path to simple development and simple user interfaces.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:18 PM 0 comments
Where Am I In The Ecosystem?
Everyone's always talking about Truth Laid Bear's blog ecosystem which ranks blogs by their popularities. Where am I, you ask?
#1581 currently, thanks.
Lower than Instapundit.
Lower than Musings from Domenico Bettinelli.
Lower than both BRIAN's Culture Blog and BRIAN's Education Blog.
Lower even than RatBastard.org.
Only people I am not lower than are people who have started their blogs in the last fifteen minutes, werd. I ain't gonna link to them because that would put them above me.
Ay, me. Whatever will I do?
I think I will post some more.
- posted by Brian J. @ 9:13 PM 0 comments
The Shidoshi of Paranoia Speaks
So my beautiful wife has bought a shredder so that she can get rid of old, possibly sensitive documents from her files. So she's running credit card statements, bank statements, and other good stuff the bad men want through the shredder before disposing of them.
Unfortunately, it's becoming fairly easy to reconstruct shredded documents, even ones cut into tiny little pieces (see Church Street Technology for visual cues). Essentially, the bad men (or the government) can scan the shredded documents and then put super computers, like the latest "e-mail only" machine at Best Buy (if not now, then in the next year or so, werd) onto assembling them like puzzle pieces until the little ink smudges make glyphs which then make words or numbers or credit card numbers or evidence that yes, once you did accidentally have a copy of 2600 in the house (but it all was a mistake, sir, I thought it was a magazine about my favorite game console).
Your Shidoshi of Paranoia knows of only one way to truly, effectively, and cheaply dispose of your sensitive documents:
Ingestion.
The human body can process, and pass, your documents in an unreadable form, whether by human eye or machine. You can consume several pages of documents a day, enough to easily accommodate the day's receipts. Processing your document elimination in this way is economic and ultimately the only way you can be sure no one will even want to examine your sensitive information.You ask, "But Shidoshi, how does one eat these documents?"
I am a master in the realm of document salad. Look at this beauty.
 |
Ingredients, you ask? Bank statement, laterally torn and then shredded. Credit card bill, ripped into pieces. Note to self, minced. I usually drizzle this with balsamic vinegarette, if you consider 1/2 a cup a "drizzle." Also, don't forget to pile on the salt. Goes well with a bottle of Les Bourgeois Riverboat Red wine, particularly if you have had most of the bottle before you start on the salad. |
| And on a personal note, it's during file-cleaning season that I am glad that we have Your Shidoshi has spoken. Pay mind. |  |
- posted by Brian J. @ 8:40 PM 0 comments
Improved Hockey Nicknames, Cheap
In today's St. Louis Post-Dispatch, columnist Dan O'Neill, who once deservedly got raked over the coals (deservedly so) for getting several St. Louis Blues players' names wrong when he covered them (probably while intoxicated), pens a laundry list of hockey nicknames and calls it a column.
I have to admit, I've always thought most hockey nicknames were kinda boring. Jamal "Jammer" Mayers? Tyson "Nasher" Nash? Tony "Twister" Twist? Come on, where's the creativity, the poetry?
So ever since I have been a Blues fan, I've applied my own nicknames to the players, from afar, of course, since some of those gentlemen are bigger than I am. So hear they are, for your enjoyment:
| Last year's crew: | ||
| Player | Nickname | Reason |
| Eric Boguniecki | Bug-on-the-windshield | He's a little guy, and sometimes when he throws a check on a bigger player, he looks like one. |
| Petr Cajanek | Bionic | Rhymes, almost, with Cajanek. |
| Dallas Drake | Ducky | A drake's a male duck. Must I draw a picture? |
| Reed Low | Beaver | He has a prominent overbite. Don't tell him I said so. |
| Steve Martins | Harvard | He went there. |
| Jamal Mayers | Gunboat | Tough and fast. |
| Scott Mellanby | Hawk | Mellanby, especially when he's got his helmet on, looks like the guy from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. |
| Keith Tkachuk | Ka-Ching! | He makes a lot of money. |
| Barret Jackman | Bert | Heavy brows, high forehead, who else could it be? |
| Alexander Khavonov | Never | Never Khavanov. Come on, it sounds cool. |
| Chris Pronger | Cap'n Happy | Grant Fuhr started it. |
| Bryce Salvador | Kermit | He looks kinda like Kermit the Frog. |
| Brent Johnson | Big | Roman Turek was "Large." |
| Old friends: | ||
| Scott Young | Walleye | Television cameras often caught him gasping and with an eye on the jumbotron, making him look like a fish. |
| Scott Pellerin | Droopy | He looks kinda droopy, even when he smiles. |
| Tyson Nash | Pinball | His playing style was to crash from one opponent to the next. |
| Michal Handzus | The Zusinator | The guy was a machine, and he never smiled. |
| Lubos Bartecko | The Wolf | Lubos is kinda like lupus, which.... ah, screw it, it's too scholarly to explain. |
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:45 PM 0 comments
Europeans Blame America For Spam
Of course, America is responsible for spam e-mails, European weenies say.
Next, the European Union will also announce its discovery that the United States is also responsible for a host of other ailments, such as impotence, receding gum lines, those times when the moon swallows the mother Sun, the existence of spiders, and using satelite beams to make the neighbor's dog bark all night.
(Link seen on TechDirt.)
- posted by Brian J. @ 7:42 AM 0 comments
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"Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out."
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