Sunday, February 08, 2009
A Secret Revealed
Instapundit links to a post on the Atlantic Monthly site and asks:
    WAS THE MELTDOWN CAUSED by Texas Hold 'em?
I can answer in a word: No.

I caused the financial meltdown.

You see, for years I've been taking all the credit card offers I received in the mail and sent the post-paid envelope back with only the terms and the conditions of the offer enclosed. I did this up to 20 times a week when the credit was easy, when I got several offers a day, often from the same promotion but with the picture on my new card-to-be changed from my university to other universities people I know attended.

I thought it might teach them a lesson, perhaps drive the price of new customer acquisition up to the point that it was less worthwhile to carpetbomb the country with the offers. Also, I'm often juvenile.

Little did I know that the cumulative effect not only ate into the cash flow of the organizations in question, but because they borrowed money for short term expenditures, the nominative predicative delta accelerated as the time participular refluxion elapsed. To put it succinctly:


I should have thought of that before the first time I scissored out the little faux customer locator code from the back of one of those envelopes.

Of course, I just made this whole business up out of whole cloth, including vocabulary and formulas. Kind of like the smartest people in the country who still work for the major banking companies and the government offices that service the financial industry, hey? I could have a career in one or the other, except it would be too hard for me to play it "straight" there and not snicker from time to time when I'm building the fables that are modern instruments of policy and banking.

To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."