Sunday, September 02, 2007
Beckham Tries To Make It Look Like Hockey
Perhaps David Beckham is building interest in Soccer in America the old-fashioned way: He's making it look dangerous:
    So much for David Beckham's debut season in America. It's all but over now that the 32-year-old English midfielder is out six weeks with a sprained right knee, to go along with his famously injured left ankle.
Wow, he plays like one game and comes out of it with an injury? Here, I thought soccer was a sissy sport, just a bunch of Europeans in shorts slapping at each other and maybe making dour and superior faces at the other team. Apparently not. Beckham hurt his knee in tackle:
    The 32-year-old midfielder sprained his medial collateral ligament in a tackle during the Galaxy's loss to Mexican team Pachuca on Wednesday night. He was expected to be out about six weeks while he rehabilitates behind the scenes.
Maybe I'm mixing my European hooligan sports up. Is soccer the one where they have the one where they give a football-like ball to one guy, and then everyone jumps on him and starts gouging him and whatnot? In that case, I am with Bernie Miklasz: Damn the fiscal responsibility, build a whole new complex in the middle of nowhere, funded with tax dollars, for a soccer team that will fold in a couple months. Because all the soccer teams in St. Louis that have failed in the last decade or so (the Steamers, the Storm, the Ambush, the Steamers again) made one critical mistake: they played their games in population centers, where both fans who wanted to go could easily come to see a game. A publicly-funded soccer stadium deep in Illinois, at the very edges of the St. Louis "Metropolitan" area (which covers pretty much from Indianapolis to Columbia, Missouri, according to boards that want to extend their unelected taxing power over the same). Hell, Bernie, if you build it, they will come. Both St. Louis soccer fans. Me, I'll watch the eye-gouging highlights on the television's promotions for its highlights program when they interrupt a hockey game.

Wait, this just in: Apparently, tackling in soccer is just stealing the ball from another European in shorts who's making dour and superior faces. Jeez, Beckham. Stealing a ball in soccer? How dangerous is that, unless you're using a handgun to do it? Given that you're British, I don't think you know what those two words--hand and gun--mean together.

Rub some dirt on it, Becks.

To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."