Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Message from Interstate 70 Westbound, 5 pm.
You know what really pushes my buttons in traffic? The single thing that turns me from mild-mannered, but mildly-sadistic-QA-person into a seething hulk of inhuman anger?

A bumper sticker that says Stop Road Rage.

I mean, not only does that particular driver think that he's got an inside track into the psychology of the human condition, but also he thinks that you're a weak-minded soul upon whom his Jedi mind trick of a bumper sticker will have some influence after he's cut you off, zip zip, while on the phone so he could move one car ahead in the jam to the exit and prompting your extreme braking with a methamped trucker on the road for 9:58 and wanting to make Forrestel in the next two minutes before his rig shuts off on your tail, the Mack's lights so bright in your rearview mirror that you're tanning, now burning.

No, the Stop Road Rage bumper sticker works reverse psychology and actually boosts road rage. It's only slightly more annoying than the Prevent Child Abuse license plates profferred by the state of Missouri with the colorful handprints-in-green-paint-on-a-white-wall motif that indicates another damn mess made by the kid that you'll have to clean up that deserves a spanking or too, all the while with Missouri not offering an opposing viewpoint with the inspirational message of Corporal Punishment Builds Good Republicans and a colorful belt logo.

But, ah, we're off the brakes and moving now past the friendly Motorist Assist truck behind the Corolla on the jack. Never mind, life is good.

I always laugh a bit when I see the "Stop Road Rage" sign on Kingshighway. As if someone with road rage (me) would read that sign and think, "Hmm...I've never thought about it that way."

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