Thursday, July 22, 2004
 
Stealing Documents In Socks: A Primer

The story continues to unfold about former National Security Advisor Sandy Berger stealing classified documents from secure locations. Apparently, Mr. Berger was seen to inadvertently place classified material into his socks to accidentally remove them from the premises. Although it provides an interesting detail to titter about, the documents in socks concept might not be easy for users to visualize.

Our crack staff at MfBJN provides this simple guide into how you, too, can steal documents in your socks. Eyewitnesses here at MfBJN have seen this technique used successfully in the field by adolescents who absconded with enough copies of High Society magazine to make them walk like little tin men, so it's proven effective.

  1. Take your garden variety secret document:

    Step 1: Get a secret document.

  2. Take your garden variety politico leg, clad in nice socks, slacks, and black shoes:

    Step 2: Pick a leg.

  3. Hike up the trousers. Note the extra long sock and no sock suspenders:

    Step 3: Show some leg.

  4. Slide the sock down:

    Step 4: Show a little more leg.

  5. Roll the document around the leg:

    Step 5: Hide some leg.

  6. Pull the sock up:

    Step 6: Secure the secret document with the sock.

  7. Drop trou, so to speak:

    Step 7: Lower the pants leg.

  8. Stand up:

    Step 8: Get a secret document.
Document? What document?

So you can see, there is room for semantic disagreement that some of Sandy's defenders have seized. Is it in his socks? No, no, it's in his trousers!

Of course, this technique rules out any accidency inherent in the action because this is a well-crafted criminal strategy. Berger comes from a long, proud tradition of juveniles who can go into a convenience store with a dollar and come out with 2 bottles of soda, 3 packs of gum, 2 comic books, 1 sports magazine, and change.


- posted by Brian J. @ 7:44 AM
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