Sunday, March 14, 2004
 
A Plausible Solution for Social Security

Friends, Roamers, and Countrypersons, I have stumbled upon the solution to save Social Security. No new taxes. No benefit reductions for United State seniors. A solution so simple, so elegant, that we'll have wondered why we haven't thought of it before.

Expel Florida from the United States of America.

Florida has a large number of people who undoubtedly draw Social Security benefits. If only we would throw them out of the U.S., placing armed troops at the Alabama and Georgia borders if needed, we could reduce the number of benefit collectors to workers paying into the system. The anachronistic New Deal payout could go on indefinitely, or at least until such time as we nation of Double Income, No Kids start retiring.

Sorry to Frank J., you'll have to shoot your way out.

Also, a personal note to the silver-and-bald gentlemen at the Palm Beach Gardens Gold's Gym who were lifting multiples of their body weights on the smith machine: Gentlemen, you needn't fear: I shall supplement your income with monthly checks, mailed direct, if you'll promise not to beat the snot out of me when the U.S. State Department gives you a Thugs-Fly-Free visa.

Granted, throwing Florida out has some drawbacks. For instance, the boat people trying to reach South Carolina from West Palm Beach. We'd free up the resources that normally guard the long penninsula coastline, though, so we'd be all right on that. As an added bonus, no more addled people who foul up the election process. Aside from regular voters, that is.

Don't thank me now, and don't expect the media to run with this idea unless I can put some anti-Bush spin on it. Wait, I got it....One Less Bush In United States Government! Perfection! I have nothing more to say.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:16 PM
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