Thursday, December 04, 2003
 
Donating to the Unattended Kettle

The holidays present a quick and convenient way to donate to charitable causes, particularly the Salvation Army. Outside every retail outlet, it seems, a volunteer has set up shop with a bell and a kettle. I usually pitch the change from my transaction into the kettle (as if you didn't know I use cash!) when I encounter one of these bell ringers. I know it's a little bit, but cumulatively a lot of little bits add up.

However, I don't care to put the money in an unattended kettle. I don't know where the bell ringers go, but I find a lot of kettles that had previously featured the melody of unenthusiastic and sometimes almost-frostbitten bellringing accompanied by a rousing rendition of John Cage's 4'33". I don't know what NLRB regulations dictate for professional bell ringers, or what union benefits they enjoy, but they get a lot of warm-up, cigarette, coffee, and/or lunch breaks.

Now, it's not that I want to be any less a nice guy when this happens, but I don't want to throw change into an unguarded repository. Partly, it's because I don't want it to get stolen. Also, partly it's because I don't want to just be a Pavlovian dog. I refuse to respond to the stimulus of the red kettle unless I hear the bell ringing.

 
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."