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Musings from Brian J. Noggle
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Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Memo to Harry Connick, Junior Whistles do not belong in Christmas carols, ever. Your rendition of "Frosty the Snowman" is in violation. Please, just rein it in a little bit, or we'll have to contact Senator John McCain to enact Congressional legislation regulating Christmas Carols to prevent damn kids from destroying the traditional music enjoyed for generations in this great land. Without schnucking whistles. (McCain's got enough time if he has the leisure to tackle steroids in baseball, speaking of which, who doesn't think that there's enough bipartisan, nationwide sport to just freaking amend the constitution to prohibit steroids and blood doping in all sports?) Who Needs the European Hockey Leagues? Apparently not some members of the St. Louis Blues, who are keeping themselves sharp during the NHL lockout by playing on a local recreational league. It's probably doing more to promote the sport than most NHL owners have done, combined, in the last couple of decades. Blame the Americans Apparently, according to several unnamed sources, obese Americans are breaking cruise ships with their weight. Not obese passengers, but obese Americans. I've not seen that many unnamed sources since I read a the recap of a leaked story in the New York Times. Undoubtedly, America is to blame for earwax, belly button lint, and static cling as well. Anointed In 1973, my inlaws lived in Michigan and travelled to Florida on occasion to see my mother-in-law's parents. As they passed through Wisconsin, they boarded a small plane for the final leg of their journey. An icon adored throughout upper Midwest boarded the plane with them: Green Bay Packers legend Bart Starr. As he passed my mother-in-law, already seated and holding her child in her arms, Bart Starr patted my future wife on the shoulder and said, "Pretty baby." Proving that he was a prophet as well, for she turned out more than pretty. Monday, December 06, 2004
Most Dangerous Use of a Comma From the February 2004 issue of The Writer in a column entitled "Writers in good company" by Benjamin Cheever:
Unintended Consequences? Apparently someone in New Hampshire has determined that online sex offender registries are one-stop shopping for his vigilantism: Man defends attacks on sex offenders:
The state of New Hampshire sees Trant differently. He is serving a 10- to 30-year sentence in New Hampshire State Prison after pleading guilty to attempting to murder two convicted sex offenders whose names and addresses he found on an Internet registry posted by the state. This attempted murderer, according to the Boston Globe, is a crusader. A veritable insurgent against the prevailing orthodoxy that these people retain a number of citizens' rights to not getting shot arbitrarily by people with nothing better to do. A rebel against the system that thinks that incarceration, forced hospitalization beyond their sentences, and notoriety, and that capital punishment is too much for the crime. I remember an outcry when a pro-dead-abortion provider Web site listed doctors who terminated pregnancy along with good stalking information for them. I imagine we'll see less uproar over a government-funded registry that provides the same convenience for other Defenders of the Defenseless Children. Sunday, December 05, 2004
Book Review: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie (1964) I inherited this book from my grandmother and grandfather indirectly. So I didn't pay anything for it, and the book is worth more than that. It's a set of lessons and steps to playing well with others. Unlike other self-help tomes, this one's particularly literate. Carnegie draws on Benjamin Franklin, William James, William Shakespeare, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and other learned sources to make his points. He wrote this book originally in 1936, and it would testify to how far we've fallen as a culture if Dr. Phil only quotes luminaries such as Oprah in his books. After all, Carnegie must have expected his audience would know who William James was. At the best of times, this book resembles all self-help books in presenting the philosophy of pragmatism, particularly in dealing with other people. Sometimes it reads like an Elements of Style for courtesy, but at its worst it strikes me as a sort of Becoming Peter Keating. After all, Carnegie would have you win friends and influence people by being pretty yang, by putting other people first and by not contradicting others directly. I've seen too much of this behaviour from used car salesmen and marketing professionals to swallow the hook, but it's convinced me to try to temper my natural surly nature. For example, I try to keep my net Carnegie Karma positive by not saying harshly critical things about people more than I compliment people. However, some days I still net positive through accounting gimmicks, such as telling another driver that his exceptional amorous ability undoubtedly traces to practice with his matriarch, but I'm working on it. The book sold millions of copies in an earlier, more civil age, so perhaps there is something in it. Saturday, December 04, 2004
Extend Your Vocabulary Brainsaver: When you close your eyes and see the game upon which you've spent too much time over the last couple of days. Friday, December 03, 2004
Tis the Season For a holiday special:
In this hour-long radio drama, Santa struggles with the increasing demands of providing gifts for millions of spoiled, ungrateful brats across the world, until a single elf, in the engineering department of his workshop, convinces Santa to go on strike. The special ends with the entropic collapse of the civilization of takers and the spectacle of children trudging across the bitterly cold, dark tundra to offer Santa cash for his services, acknowledging at last that his genius makes the gifts -- and therefore Christmas -- possible. Prior to broadcast, Mutual Broadcast System executives raised objections to the radio play, noting that 56 minutes of the hour-long broadcast went to a philosophical manifesto by the elf and of the four remaining minutes, three went to a love scene between Santa and the cold, practical Mrs. Claus that was rendered into radio through the use of grunts and the shattering of several dozen whiskey tumblers. In later letters, Rand sneeringly described these executives as "anti-life." The Drug is a Brand That's what I make of this capitalization from this story about a drug bust in Wisconsin:
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Seasonal Safety Reminder Bobtails are not bobcat tails. Management cannot be held responsible if you try to affix bells to the latter. Thank you for your cooperation. Wednesday, December 01, 2004
The Unspoken Clue This article about the serial killer in Kansas known as Blind, Torture, Kill, gives numerous details about the killer that he's revealed about himself in new missives:
BTK's communications indicate a lifelong fascination with trains, police said. Among other details provided by police: BTK's father was killed in World War II, and he was raised by his mother, with his grandparents caring for him while she was at work. When he was about 11, his mother began dating a railroad detective. His grandfather played the fiddle and died of lung disease. BTK's communications include accounts of a cousin named Susan who moved to Missouri, and of a woman he knew named Petra who had a younger sister named Tina. Since he's only now opening up to the police after apparently going without killing anyone for 18 years and he's in his middle sixties and he's got a history of lung disease in the family. His final mockery comes as he reveals himself on his deathbed when we cannot punish him. Stick Your Yellow Ribbons Blackfive speaks about ribbon magnets for your car and suggests you put that money somewhere where it will actually help troops. I concur. A Canadian Capitalist The Meatriarchy guy defends Wal-Mart:
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To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
"I will." Heather L. Igert, angelweave.mu.nu "Genuis." Neil Steinberg, Chicago Sun-Times "Some wanker." Kim du Toit, on the Noggle Library. "Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out." Robb Allen, Sharp as a Marble. "I'm weeping openly right now. Thanks for hurting my feelings, pinhead." Bob Rybarcyzk, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Instapundit Protein Wisdom Ace of Spades HQ Wizbang! Outside the Beltway Robert B. Parker Dustbury Damn Interesting Michelle Malkin Radley Balko's The Agitator Exultate Justi The McGehee Zone Signifying Nothing The Jawa Report Master of None Dr. Helen The Anchoress Electric Venom Kim Du Toit Belmont Club Little Green Footballs Overtaken by Events Rocket Jones Boots and Sabers Triticale Ann Althouse The American Mind Ravenwood's Universe Asymmetrical Information Boondoggled VodkaPundit Professor Bainbridge Virginia Postrel Ken Jennings Joanne Jacobs Faster Than The World Dilbert Blog Junkyard Blog In DC Journal IMAO Baldilocks Powerline Q and O Hugh Hewitt Buzz Machine Daniel Drezner Roger Simon American Digest Blackfive The Volokh Conspiracy Cold Fury Captain's Quarters Tim Blair Chequer-Board Emperor Misha Just One Minute Blame Bush Inaniloquent Trey Givens OverLawyered Suburban Blight Another Rovian Conspiracy Angelweave Bad Example Rachel Lucas View from the Porch StL Recruiting a big victory Spector's Hockey Fark /. TechDirt F*****d Company CNet News Joel on Software James Lileks Mark Steyn Bob Rybarczyk Richard Roeper Neil Steinberg John Kass Steven Chapman Drudge Report Ananova Slate Reason's Hit and Run Best of the Web Today National Review's The Corner Tech Central Station Fox News CNN Washington Post Washington Times Chicago Tribune Chicago Sun-Times Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel St. Louis Post-Dispatch San Francisco Chronicle New York Post Shepherd Express Riverfront Times New York Observer ScrappleFace Bob from Accounting The Onion Top Five List David Letterman's Top Ten BBSpot U.S. Constitution Declaration of Independence Snopes.Com (Urban Legends) Dictionary.com Internet Movie Database Complete Works of Shakespeare Marvel Directory Blooberry HTML Reference
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