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Musings from Brian J. Noggle
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Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Again, With Feeling Pop-Up Mocker updated. Come on, guys, sometimes the posts are kinda amusing, ainna? Book Review: Love and Marriage by Bill Cosby (1989) As some of you remember, I reviewed Bill Cosby's Time Flies in February. I liked it, so I have invested in other books by Bill Cosby, including this one, for which I paid $2.95 at Downtown Books in Milwaukee. I'll give the customary ding to the pop-psych introduction by Alvin F. Poussaint, M.D. Again, this is like throwing a Dr. Phil introduction onto a collection of Andy Rooney pieces, or perhaps Dr. Laura in front of a Chris Rock book. Come on, the difference between the styles jars the reader, and to be honest, if I wanted to read a self-helpish treatise on love and marriage, I would buy a book with pictures, diagrams, and innovations I could not even imagine when I was a fevered twenty-year-old. I mean, it's like getting served a bowl of brussel sprouts in Baskin Robbins before you can have any ice cream. Sure, I wolfed it down, spitting some into my napkin to conceal it, and then I rushed into the main course of dessert. This book contains two parts. Part one deals with Cos's youthful forays into love, which entails everything you expect: Lust, pounding hearts, sweet agony, heartbreak, loss, and all of the above by age twelve. Cosby captures the adolescent and early adult experiences of the opposite sex and the attempts to find a mate--which they did in the old days; now, I think kids just attempt to mate. So this first section really represents the strength of the book, and the stories are told with Cosby's easy style. Good reading. Unfortunately, the second part, Marriage, deals differently with his relationship with the woman who finally bagged the struggling stand-up comic who would only decades later evolve into the biggest sitcom star in the business. Perhaps he's mining his marriage with a sitcom eye for humor, but the second half of the book really focuses on the nitpicking, and the little recurrent tense spots, and the stupid fights that occur in many marriages. As a sitcom veteran, Cosby also recognizes that the husband must be made into the often inept and impotent victim, and that's how he paints himself. Henpecked. It's hardly a flattering or inspiring vision of a marriage that's lasted twenty-five years (as his did by 1989), and Cosby longs for an evolution to a state like his parents' marriage of fifty years. Ye gods, he's projecting another 25 years of hard belittlement. Granted, Cosby hits on the benefits of marriage and at the end alludes to the joys of shared memories, but he disservices the day-to-day, which includes as many (or more, preferably) bright spots as nitterings. Still, it's an okay read if you're a fan of light comic essays in Cos's style, worthy of a library checkout or a cheap purchase. We Three Kings Donald Sensing finds a new variation on the Nigerian scam: American soldiers need help absconding with Saddam's loot. Do You Feel Lucky, Victim? A 911 transcript between dispatch and the caller: The following is a partial transcript of that call. Items in bold appear to be the voice of the 911 dispatcher. 911 Office, Tammy. Tammy, my ex-husband's here with a gun. He's in here. He's got a gun. He's going to kill them, hurry. He's got my kids, quick. What's his name? Parker Elliott. (Quick, shallow breathing) 2005 Forrest Ridge Trail, Culleoka. We've got a male subject in the house with a weapon. He just told my kids he's going to kill them if I'm on the phone. He's going to kill me. I don't need you to hang up. Has he been drinking? He's going to kill me. They're in the hallway with him, and I'm hiding in the closet. (First shot is heard) I'm hiding in the closet. I'm coming out 'cause he'd not going to hurt my kids. The kids are with him. Can they get out? I want to make sure he doesn't shoot my kids. The kids are with him. They're deterring him. Please, please, he's going to kill them. Has he been drinking? He's got to be. How long has he been out of the residence? (Labored, quick breathing) The kids are telling him I'm not here. He said if I'm here, he'll kill them. He just shot the gun. He hasn't seen you yet? He's coming. He just shot the gun again. Please! Please! What kind of a gun is it? A handgun. He's going to the front door. (Dispatcher to other emergency personnel) He's inside the house, shooting. He had two children and an ex-wife. Oh, he hit one of them! Stay in the closet. He doesn't know you're in the closet? He can see the phone cord coming in. Oh! He hit one of them. (Gunshots. Sound of girl screaming in the background) They've got the gun. I think my kids have got my gun. I can't believe I forgot to get it. I think one of my children has the weapon. He's shot five times. I'm hiding in the closet, and my kids are out there with him. How old are the kids? 15 and 18. (Gunshots and screaming) He shot five more. Is that all of them? Ma'am, I don't know what kind of gun he has. He hasn't shot them yet. My kids are still OK. (Labored breathing) (Kids screaming) He's going to kill me. (Screaming) He's coming to the closet! He's coming to the closet! He's coming to the closet! (Kids screaming, shrieking) He's at the closet. He's going to shoot me. Help me! He's here. He's gonna hit me with the gun. (Children screaming in the background) Calm down. He's still shooting at the kids! Help me! (Whimpering) Be calm! They're getting there. They're coming. He's beating on the doors. (Loud banging) He's still shooting. Parker, don't! Parker, no! Please, no! He's going to beat a hole in the door. Ma'am, calm down. What's your name? Please! Freda! Freda! (Yell heard from man in background) Please, don't hurt my kids! Don't hurt my babies! Parker, no! Where are they? I don't know. (Screaming) Parker, please! Don't! (Screams, screams, screams) (Gunshots) Don't hurt my babies!! (Shrieks) (Screams) Freda, what's going on? Freda? (Gunshots, gunshots) Hello? This is E-Com 720. We just heard two gunshots inside the residence. We heard a woman screaming. Now we've got dead silence. 10-4. (Link seen on Hobbs Online.) Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Book Review: The Complete Geek (An Owner's Manual) by Johnny Deep (1997) I can't believe I I bought this book at Downtown Books in Milwaukee for a couple of dollars, and I took a flier on it because I was in the throes of bibliophilic bacchanal, where another two dollars here and another two dollars there, and suddenly there's no room in the trunk of the Eclipse for luggage. So I paid $2.95 for this, over ten times its value. For starters, it's printed in some comic sans serif font that looks funny informally, is bearable in short doses on the Web, and annoys the hell out of someone trying to read 200 pages of a computerized impersonation of barely-legible handwriting. Also, its cartoons and cartoonish drawings by a slumming Bruce Tinsley (Mallard Fillmore) are derivative, ultimately limited by the material itself which is centered around the fictitious online journal of "Bill G." who writes a computer friend who's supposed to go out into the Internet to find who the best geek is. Or something. I'm not to clear on what's supposed to tie this collection together. I mean, there are sections where Bill Clinton is learning from Dale Carnegeek about how to influence geeks, and a section about how to date geeks, and throughout the book asks the reader to tabulate his or her geek quotient through a series of questions. So each chapter revolves around a macro-question and its component subquestions, which appear at the top of each page or so, and meanwhile the chapter is some banter or running storyline about Dilbart (a cartoon cross between Dilbert and Bart, for no particular reason) or Bill G. interacting with his computer bot friend, or the computer bot exploring the Internet cloud. When it comes right down to it, there's nothing funny in the book. Not a single chuckle, no matter what state of inebriation I was in while reading it. I am sure it was hipper, edgier, and more timely in 1997, when the publisher could make a buck on anything with Internet in the title, or geek. Here's an alternate viewpoint. Do the Math Techdirt links to a story that says:
Ebert in Love Spiderman 2 review:
Honesty is the Best [Withdrawal] Policy Hillary Clinton says:
“Well, it’s a philosophical difference,” she sniffed. She had pegged me as a form of life last seen clilcking the leash off a dog at Abu Ghraib. “I think the money should have gone straight to those people instead of trickling down.” Those last two words were said with an edge. “But then I wouldn’t have hired them,” I said. “I wouldn’t have new steps. And they wouldn’t have done anything to get the money.” “Well, what did you do?” she snapped. “What do you mean?” “Why should the government have given you the money in the first place?” “They didn’t give it to me. They just took less of my money.” That was the last straw. Now she was angry. And the truth came out: “Well, why is it your money? I think it should be their money.” Upon hearing the quote, my beautiful wife said, "Geez, Hillary, why don't you just move to China?" And my response: "Because, honey, she wouldn't rule China." To Coin a Phrase Vendchinko: When you come to a vending machine and see that a bag of chips or a pastry has hung up on the coils (called the bonus vendable) and has not fallen to the retrieval bin, and you decide to buy a product stocked above that bonus vendable (this product is known as the vendable in play, or vip) in hopes that the falling of the vip will knock the bonus vendable item down, too, effectively giving you two items for the price of one. People use different strategies when playing vendchinko; some people try to buy the next item in the bonus vendable's slot, which yields them two of the same item. This strategy can backfire, however, if the items are loaded incorrectly so that the bonus vendable falls, but the vip hangs up the same way the bonus vendable had been stuck, effectively giving the player only one item for the money and creating a new bonus vendable. When selecting a vip above the bonus vendable, experienced vendchinko players account for the density of the vip's contents, the packaging of the vip and the bonus vendable, the rotation of the vending coil, and the Coriolis force to maximize their chances of winning at Vendchinko. So that's why I stand there for so long in front of the vending machines. Monday, June 28, 2004
What a Difference a Decade Makes Admit it. When you watched The Adventures of Ford Fairlane in 1990, you thought a computer with three CD drives was ostentatious. But fourteen years later, you wish you could have a super tower with 30 CD drives just so you could have a DVD player, a CD-RW, a DVD burner, and enough CD ROMs to contain all the copyright-protected games you play regularly without requiring you to reach under the desk every couple of hours to fumble for the little eject button. Or maybe it's just me. Waste Some Time Today How well do you know Spider-Man? I am at 80%. I missed questions 3, 10, and 11, but I want you to know I read the whole series about Kane and the Scarlet Spider courtesy of my brother, whose collection of comic books, gaming books, and fantasy novels I accepted in bulk as Christmas gifts for 1995-1998 since he didn't want to ship them to Kanoehe Bay, Hawaii, his next base. He Cannot Be Serious For a man of discriminating taste, Neil Steinberg sure can say some awfully st00pid things:
Someone tell me he's joking. I Blame Peer-To-Peer Music Sharing Summer concerts are failing to attract crowds -- Lollapalooza is the latest victim of the trend:
"Price has got to matter," he said. "Ticket prices are elevated to where they are not a frivolous expense." But industry insiders say it's not simply high ticket prices and a bad economy that caused ticket sales to drop, but a variety of larger issues, ranging from the lack of exciting attractions to a growing reluctance to patronize the suburban amphitheaters (called "sheds" in the business) where most of the summer tours play. Sunday, June 27, 2004
Book Review: What Liberal Media by Eric Alterman (2003): Day One Well, my friends, this book review represents a departure from those which have come before it. I ordered a copy of Eric Alterman's What Liberal Media? The Truth about Bias and the News in paperback and have decided to test the new paint job in our bedroom by reading a flingable book in it. This book fits that bill already. So, in lieu of sticking a number of Post-It Notes (tm) in it and then writing a couple of paragraphs when the heat of the reading is cool, I thought I might let you in on my thought processes as I read the book. So, day one: Objections:
Pages read: 6.5 Chapters: Prefaces and Acknowledgements, Introduction (part of) Saturday, June 26, 2004
Book Review: Billy and the Boingers Bootleg by Berke Breathed (1987) Full Disclosure: I remember trying to enter the contest for the Billy and the Boingers songs back in the middle 80s. I don't remember if I actually completed the entry or not, but I do remember I did not win. So if you must, dismiss this review as sour grapes. This is not the first copy of this book I have read; I cannot remember if I borrowed it from one of the rangers listed in a previous post (Thanks, Noodles) when it was new, but I bought it at a garage sale in years past along with my other recent funnies pages reads (The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, Tales Too Ticklish to Tell) and I've read it now, with those same books. This book actually immediately precedes Tales Too Ticklish To Tell, in that it introduces the Boinger storyline carried over into the later volume and introduces the basselope and Lola Granola characters. What I said about the later book which I reviewed earlier remains true: It's dated material. Still, I think this one is marginally better than the other. Since it deals less with the 1988 political season, it can focus on more universal themes, such as Tipper Gore leading a crusade to ramrod morality into rock music. Man, how things have changed, huh? But I digress. Because storylines involve Steve Dallas looking for a change from his lawyer work and Opus feeling his biological clock ticking--which leads him to his search for his soulmate (the aforementioned Miss Granola), Breathed gets to examine the human condition instead of the current political climate. Face it, the human condition will remain mostly the same, regardless of the calendar date, which is why we're reading Shakespeare four hundred years after he wrote his plays, or at least we're watching movies on cable wherein Denzel Washington and Keanu Reeves play them, but why Berke Breathed is struggling against obscurity and why Garfield--mocked as a comic strip in the second comic strip in this book--is now a major motion picture featuring the voice of Bill Murray. Book Review: The Private Eye in Hammett and Chandler by Robert B. Parker (1984) Well, finally I have saved enough money up from my, er, prudence with purchasing one dollar books to save up for a copy of The Private Eye in Hammett and Chandler by Robert B. Parker. He stripped some of the academic verbiage from the dissertation he wrote for his PhD and published it as a limited edition via Lord John's Press in the early eighties. How limited? This printing was limited to 300; I think the more exclusive run was under 100, so there are fewer than 400 copies of this book in print. And I got one. Nyah, nyah. Here are some pix: ![]() ![]() ![]() Click any photo for super size I've read all of Parker's fiction, some of his profiles, and some of his nonfiction, but this represents the greatest divergance from his normal style I've seen. He stilted its prose to impress some review board, or whatever group determines whether a master becomes a doctor, so I realize I, consumer, am not the target audience. Still, it's more stilted than most nonfiction I read for fun, Make Room for TV notwithstanding. To summarize, Parker takes us on a six chapter, 63 page exploration of the hard-boiled detective character embraced by Dash and Raymond, exploring how they fit into the literary canon of American heroes. The first two chapters run through obligatory quotations from other critics and academics, which rather drags but undoubtedly proved that Parker did his research. Then, Parker explores earlier manifestations of the American hero archetype that led to hard-boiled private eyes: the frontiersman, demonstrated in James Fenimore Cooper's Leatherstocking tales and Daniel Boone's legendary biography. Parker doesn't build a revolutionary case, nor does he really reveal any blinding insight into the scholarship of the hard-boiled detective--although my reading is certainly limited, but I have read some (American Tough, and so on). The biggest insight is not in the text itself, but in its relationship to how Parker would craft the Spenser novels. Using this document, one can see an earlier step in Parker's thought processes than The Godwulf Manuscript. For example, he notes that neither the Continental Op nor Philip Marlowe could really describe the code of honor to which they adhere. Spenser and Hawk, in Parker's novels, don't suffer, at great length, from this flaw. So it's an interesting read if you strive to emulate Parker's success by imitation and ceaseless devotion, or if you like Spenser, I guess. Although there are no We'd be fools not to, there is one Wouldn't it be pretty to think so?--proving that this really is Parker, with the throwaway allusions that characterize not only his novels, his screenplays, but also, apparently, his most serious nonfiction. Thankfully. P.S. Class, why is it that two of the vendors selling this on Amazon.com are both selling the exact same copy, # 245, of this numbered limited edition? Never mind, class; I am cynical enough to guess. Shaming the du Toits--Again! Well, since Kim du Toit called me a wanker for showing our library before, I just want to take this opportunity to show you, gentle readers, how we in the Noggle family are escalating the books race. Here's a current view of my personal library: ![]() Click for super size Note that it now encompasses four bookshelves instead of three. The furthest to the left comprises the 400+ volumes I have yet to read (double-stacked, natch) and the two in the middle, mostly doublestacked too, represent already read stuff. The bookshelf to the right contains my Robert B. Parker collection and my Ayn Rand collection. If you supersized it, you would see it easily. Rearranging our bedroom has made room for two more bookshelves, which we will purchase soon enough. I won't spread out my "to-read" shelves because their contents are daunting enough in one double-stacked bookshelf (with some titles crammed atop the double-stacking, too). No word yet on how the Steinbergs of Chicago will react to this escalation--however, it should be noted that Neil and his family will probably have to clean their suburban house to throw a party to show off his library. By Popular Request My beautiful wife had never heard of X-Entertainment, which is Generation X, not Rated X, and she wanted me to give her the link. Here it is: http://www.x-entertainment.com/. One of These Is Not Like The Others From a CNN review of the movie White Chicks:
To include it in a list of comedy movies denigrates what Griffith did and the sacrifices he made to experience the south as a black man--ultimately, his treatments to darken his skin might have contributed to his death later. Ah, the beauty of blogging: I can focus on a throw-away line with an intense lens to show its flaws. It's just a throwaway line, but much of what people retain from reviews and other articles are the throwaway lines, which often Gestalt into an incomplete and inaccurate picture. I Am With You In Spirit Summerfest opens in Milwaukee. High temperature on Thursday in Milwaukee: 61 degrees. Dance on a picnic table, poorly, to one Surf Boys, Streetlife, Rockerfellas, or Booze Brothers song for me, brothers. Love Letter to Illinois Governor Roddy Blag Personal note to Aaron, of Free Will Blog: Ha, ha! Your governor sucks worse than my governor! Friday, June 25, 2004
Buzz Machine Breakdown Jeff Jarvis characterizes tax cuts:
But then again, Jarvis is not a constitutional scholar or a political scientist. He's a happening-man-about-the-country. Of course, I am not any of the above; however, I am a tax payer, or rather, I am someone from whom taxes are taken in my bimonthly pay check. More Headline Abuse Headline: Schwarzenegger Wants Strays Killed Faster:
Instead, there would be a three-day requirement for strays. Other animals, including birds, hamsters, potbellied pigs, rabbits, snakes and turtles, could be killed immediately. I would guess that if the three-day requirement replaces the six-day requirement that all shelters in the state of California will immediately set the red digital countdown clocks on their puppy doomsday machines to 72:00:00. Instead, those counties running animal shelters flush with cash will continue their current policies, and those counties whose governments need to choose between hospitals and an extra three days of keeping an ill-tempered, underfed chow-rottie mix in a six by four cage except for brief exercise periods where it snaps at the shelter volunteer but doesn't--thankfully--draw blood. But Brian, the counties don't have to make those sorts of choices! You're more right than you should be, opposing viewpoint; governments will make both choices whenever possible and will flout a tax increase or ballot initiative to pay for it. But damn it, those tax dollars are the difference between canned asparagus and fresh asparagus, the difference between the pork and the steak, in some people's diets. So you want to save the animals, you eat lesser food and donate the difference to keep Sapp, that chow-rottie mix, in his chain link for three more days, but don't make me do it with you, and don't you fail to do so without your precious government mandate. UPDATE: Michael Williams gets it. Who Calls Him a Critic? Joe Williams, of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, wrecks his brain on Farenheit 9/11:
Before most Americans get a chance to judge the film for themselves, they will be overwhelmed by counterspin and noisy attacks against Michael Moore, the director of this openly partisan document. But the smart-alecky fellow, who has often offended his own supporters by wielding his camera like a squirt gun, has his own ammunition ready. Everybody's a critic, except for Joe Williams. Naughty Headline of the Day Economy slows to a 3.9 percent pace in first quarter:
An unfortunate, but probably meditated, mischaracterization. Each quarter, the same amount of gain in absolute dollars represents a smaller growth in the relative percentage measurement because each quarter, the whole gets bigger. So an addition of 3 to a total of 100 is 3% growth in the first quarter, but an addition of 3 in the second quarter (where the total is 103), the economy "slows" to 2.9%, the second seal is broken, and apparently the only way to prevent the end of the world is to elect John Kerry, who will Robin Hood money from the rich and corporations to increase the economy! Or maybe I am reading too much into it. A Novel Idea Hey, Oprahzenry, E.J. Dionne mentions Barack Obama, the guy running for Senate who didn't ask Seven of Nine to have sex in public (that we know of), and Dionne thinks this guy could be president. Swell. Here's Dionne's ringing endorsement summary:
Personal note to Illinois voters: Please vote for Obama, elect him to the Senate, and make it near impossible for him to become president. Thursday, June 24, 2004
The Truth--REVEALED As I was at the gym tonight, staring in fascination at these things they call "music videos" which display on screens throughout the gym during time I should have been doing this thing they call "working out," an "accidental" juxtaposition led me to an insight more startling than the insight that those little stickers which say "Keep away when machine is in use" might prevent pinching-to-the-point-of-near-amputation. Where was I? Oh, yeah, the insight: Celine Dion is the result of a partially-successful French-Canadian attempt to clone Cher. Come on, deep in the bowels of the Canadian health system, you know they looked southward sometime in 1968 and said, "What is best of American culture?" and, since there's French in French-Canadian, they looked to the most, um, flamboyant of music coupled with the most dowdy spouse (which is undoubtedly how Quebec thinks of the other provinces). So they sent their crack secret agents to get a mouth swab from Cher, to ensure her beat goes on, so to speak. Unfortunately, their cloning technology was limited due to budget constraints and bureaucratic infighting. So the clone, "Celine" (French for Cher), was of smaller stature, and due to limitations in the maintenance budget, underfed. Also, due to the unfortunate accident of her French Canadianosity, she speaks French. But look how it all adds up. She marries her "manager," which is to say the lead scientist in the secret project that produced her. Come on, this explains why someone that the French Canadians would consider marginally hot (especially since the basis of comparison would be Alanis Morissette) would marry someone over forty years her senior and would bear his genetically-enhanced children (undoubtedly, clones of David Bowie and Iggy Pop). Just ask the Canadian prime minister about it if you get the chance. He'll deny everything, of course, and that will be all the proof you need. Headline Inferences Irish outlaw Muslim second wives. What can we infer from this headline?
Book Review: Tales Too Ticklish to Tell by Berke Breathed (1988) Unfortunately, I read this book immediately upon the heels of The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, and this volume suffers by comparison. It's been sixteen years since this book came out, and it's already not much more than a time capsule into the last two years of Reagan's presidency. Whereas Calvin and Hobbes touched on broader human themes that sometimes touched on daily topics, but Bloom County's storylines are completely wed to the period in which they were written. I mean, who remembers the Jim and Tammy Faye enough to find a penguin's take on them amusing? The cover of the book depicts George (H.W., as he would later be known) Bush with Opus on his lap; it refers to the photo of Gary Hart with Donna Rice on his lap that spoiled his bid for the Democratic nomination in 1988. See how the topics fade to irrelevance and obscurity? Bloom County, like Calvin and Hobbes, became iconic in that Opus was on everything in the late 1980s; apparel, plush toys, lunchboxes. However, unlike Calvin and Hobbes, which is fresh and funny twenty years later and probably will for a number of years yet, Bloom County's as relevant and contemporary as Snuffy Smith. Unlike Watterson, who quit while he was popular (like Gary Larsen) to avoid a strip depicting Calvin in his little red wagon flying over a pool with a shark in it, Breathed has continued trying to breathed life into these characters through Bloom County and then Outland and now Opus whenever a Republican president needed a public lambasting by a penguin. (Read James Lileks on Opus last week.) Blast from the Past James Lileks, as a Minnesotan, is an honorary homie. Today, he mentions Green Goddess salad dressing. That's one of those telling details of the upper Midwest. You don't think about it for a number of years, and then suddenly you remember salads drenched in cucumber ichor. Green Goddess is not quite the phenomenon here in Missouri as in Wisconsin. Hence, I haven't seen it for decades. I assume you could buy it in the grocery store, but amid the ranks of other dressings and smiling visages of Paul Newman, I've not seen it. Of course, I don't use salad dressing, so I wander down that aisle typically with my eyes ahead, counting aisles until the beer aisle. But during my boyhood in Wisconsin, every family gathering proffered Green Goddess. Right next to the cannibal sandwiches. Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Depends What the Meaning of "Break It Off" Is Drudge links to a Yahoo! photo of Bill Clinton with the headline CLINTON SPORTS MYSTERY BRACELET.... Mystery? Come on, we're on the Internet. We know what the bracelets mean. John Kass is the Best Columnist in Chicago There, I have said it. Read his column today, entitled Terrorists take us to the real ring of hell (worth the registration required). Real meat:
Avoiding won't make us safer here, either. It actually may do us all a disservice, since it allows us to keep an emotional distance. The flat of the killing knives is only an inch or two wide. It is much shorter than the distance between today and Sept. 11, 2001. We've achieved separation from each, and that is dangerous. Monday, June 21, 2004
Joke of the Day UN slams US over spending Iraq funds. It goes like this:
In an interim report, obtained by the Financial Times, KPMG says the Development Fund for Iraq, which is managed by the US-led Coalition Provisional Authority and channels oil revenue into reconstruction projects, is "open to fraudulent acts". Sorry, it's hard to type with the tears from the laughter in my eyes. That Matt Drudge, who told me this one, is a stitch, ainna? Somebody Save Me Our wonderful realtors Jim and Gale Beardsley provided us with a complimentary subscription to Home by Design. I like to browse through each issue, but the Editor's Letter in the latest issue made me cringe. First sentence:
Is That All? For months, people watching the Illinois Senate race have wondered what was sealed in Jack Ryan's divorce papers. Opponents sniffed at the locked documents and speculated that they contained something dark and evil, such as the mark of the beast on Jack Ryan's, um, well, something, anyway. Now, the papers are a-coming out, and they contain some dudshells:
The ``Boston Public'' and ``Star Trek: Voyager'' actress said she angered Ryan by refusing. She did acknowledge infidelity on her part, which she said took place after their marriage was irretrievably broken. Is that it? Perhaps I am just a product of Generation X, who grew up with Kevin Smith films and with vampire movies mainstreaming the S&M club into tomorrow's kitsch. I'm not shocked, and I'm not sure how his particular pecadillos would impact his governing ability. He's not violated any law, and as far as I know, he would not want to have sex with her in the Senate (although it would certainly boost CSPAN ratings). Heck, it just might be the crossover appeal needed to get Democrats to vote for him. (Link seen on Drudge.) Perspective Sure, it won't make you feel superior to your workplace like Dilbert does, but Mrs. du Toit offers some reminders about what it means to be a worker bee. The working world: like it, or vote Democrat. Dearth You know, on weekends and, well, weekdays, I don't catch much television coverage of the news and I dodge radio coverage when I can. That must explain why I haven't heard the stories covering declining gas prices. You know, the video that depicts the jubilant American street dancing under the gas station canopy, with gushing men and women on the street thanking government inappropriately for the partially-free market working and explaining that since gas prices have fallen thirty cents, they can afford to feed their children (expensive preprocessed food) and can once again afford to commute ninety minutes to work. Because undoubtedly the media covered the what comes down portion of the cycle with the same alack!rity that they covered the what goes up story. I just must have missed it. That's Just Precious Instapundit links to an AP story about John Kerry's campaignreceiving a bothersome campaign contribution:
But the ad dished up with the story is amusing: ![]() Click for full size Click to send your own questionable campaign contribution. Saturday, June 19, 2004
Book Review: The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson (1990) I bought this book at a garage sale some time ago to sell on eBay. It didn't sell, so I read it. The hardback edition came out in 1990, 14 years ago. You want to feel old? Calvin would be in his early 20s today. No doubt he'd have given up Hobbes by now, unless he were a developer or a cartoonist and he kept Hobbes around to decorate his workspace. I like Calvin and Hobbes, the cartoon. I liked this collection. Calvin and Hobbes were pretty popular in their day (Watterson, the cartoonist, discontinued the strip in the 1990s). Actually, they became so culturally iconic that even today, ten years later, you can go into an auto parts store and by unlicensed and unofficial decals depicting Calvin urinating on an automotive logo of your choice (Ford seems rather popular). Have you noticed that the last of the iconic cartoons, Dilbert, stems from the 1980s. Remember the 1980s, when iconic cartoons abounded? You couldn't help but bump into The Far Side, Bloom County, Garfield, or Calvin and Hobbes apparel or pop-cultural references. Heck, even Cathy was touted as some zeitgeist for single women. Can you think of any cartoon created in the last decade that has captured that wide of an appeal? I couldn't. I guess it's the same thing television suffers; the fragmentation of the audience. Or perhaps it's the decline of the newspaper. Or maybe they just don't make them like they used to. So what about Calvin and Hobbes made it successful? I reckon the use of an imaginative six-year-old gave Watterson the opportunity to take on very adult themes and to make them simple. When cutting through the normal nuance and adult-thinking, Calvin could mutter a throw-away punchline that would clarify an issue the way no six hundred word editorial column or two hundred page political book could. Watterson also built in great latitude when he made Calvin an imaginitive six-year-old; his incarnations as Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Calvinosaurus keep the material fresh and interesting for the reader, and they probably kept the cartoon fresh for the artist. By all means, enjoy the book if you're a Calvin and Hobbes fan. If you've never read them, you damn kid, check it out. The material's not dated and will last a couple of decades. By 2060, though, it will be as accessible as Andy Capp or Snuffy Smith. Guest Blogger Introduction To keep up with all the cool blogs, I am going to have a guest blogger fill in for those days when I can't think of anything snarky-but-ultimately-forgettable to say. I mean, when I am too busy with a real life to blog. Ladies, well, okay, Heather and her mom, and gentlemen, which is to say El Guapo, Cagey, Darbo, and that one dude from BellSouth.net, here is your new guest blogger, Ajax: ![]() Click for super size Expect a lot of hard-hitting posts regarding the infrequency of Fancy Feast, the immaturity of those mean birds who tauntingly flit around outside the window but don't dare come in the house, and the inadequacies of the other cats. Saturday Morning Musings As it's the beginning of the first weekend of a vacation, and a warm, clear summer day, a young man's thoughts and stirrings within his heart naturally awaken his yearning to embrace his most sacred love: beer. Cripes, I am sleeping on the couch tonight for that intro, I know. So think upon these things, friends:
Lose/Lose Hey, everyone's a loser in this story:
Nixon said the two supermarket chains had agreed to stop the practice and pay $110,000 each in penalties to the state.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Where Was I? Who Was I? Via A Small Victory, we have this interesting little meandering down memory lane. Where where you when:
Based on a True Story I told my beautiful wife that The Terminal was based on a true story. Here's the Snopes account of Merhan Karimi Nasseri, resident of France's Charles de Gaulle airport. Marquette Doesn't Try to Panhandle From Me It's true, but I don't get pleas for money from the university from which I graduated. Why is that? Because I think stories like this represent the mindset of most universities, whose staffs only want development (more money) at the expense of tradition and respect?
Max and Jackie Kennedy had front row seats in Allen Fieldhouse from the day it opened in 1955. Jackie kept the tickets even after Max died last year. "The hardest thing I had to do was walk in that field house without him," she said. But the school told Jackie, 74, that if she doesn't donate $58,500, the seats will be sold to someone else. Kansas isn't entirely heartless. They offered her another set of seats. Near the top row. "But it's not like we're tossing her out of the place," said an associate athletic director, Jim Marchiony. Kennedy is outraged. "I'm not sitting anywhere else," she said. "I think it's blackmail. It's just unbelievable to me that this is happening." Of course, fans who have to sit in bad seats have a different take. "We have probably some of the worst seats in the house," said Janis Holiwell, of Topeka. "We've been making donations every year, and they're not small donations. ... I know they've sat there a long time. But we pay the same amount of money and we sit in very poor seats." Mizzou wouldn't treat such loyal fans so shabbily. Why, all Mizzou is charging is a one-time donation of $25,000 for up to eight seats and an annual donation of $5,000 a seat. Oh, you also have to buy a season ticket. That's about $816. Hockey Nugget Just say no Hasek:
Not that the NHL matters. Talking hockey is as meaningful as talking about the weather until the lockout ends, or St. Louis gets a WHA team. Whichever comes first. Thursday, June 17, 2004
Tis the Season for Polling I just spent fifteen minutes answering my first political telephone poll of the season. I explained that I didn't have any bad things to say about Jay Nixon, the Missouri Attorney General, but I would probably vote for the other guy anyway. When asked the best thing I could say about him, I said He's not Eliot Spitzer. Second nicest thing would have been He's not Peggy Lotsalager of Wisconsin. What, with that ringing endorsementand the realization that B. Holden is no Rod Bladjavovich or Jim Doyle, I've got a new slogan for the state of Missouri: Our elected officials don't suck as bad as yours. BraveNet World Funny, Frank Herbert, J.R.R. Tolkien, and R.A. Salvatore don't suffer from the literary persecution John Norman does. Here's section 8d of BraveNet's terms of service:
of any sort. This includes, but is not limited to, such things as nudity, any site, page, image or service requiring any adult verification service, anything that users to be 18 or older to view or join or access, and any text, image or likeness suggesting sexual and/or inappropriate and/or illegal acts of any sort. Without limiting the foregoing, you may not use the Products and Services to store, use, contain or display pornography, adult novelties, adult toys, XXX material, escort services, Gorean, bondage, BDSM, bigotry, racism, hatred, profanity, or any material which may be insulting to another person(s) or entity; Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Veteran's Day in June If you can have Christmas in July, you can damn sure have Veteran's Day in June. Since Cori Dauber has commented on the fact that many journalists do not know anyone in the military, I want to specifically thank those close to me who have served, including:
Gentlemen (and Mom), thank you. You've proven your commitment to this country in a way I have not, you have protected my freedom to be a chickenhawk today. Yeah, I am bragging about knowing them and bask in their reflected glory, but you would, too. Transitional Equivalence Hooray for this bit of moral equivalence:
The man, a naturalized citizen from Pakistan, was secretly taken into custody in April. He is being held at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Lower Manhattan and is said to be cooperating offering investigators significant information about Al Qaeda's plans. He is being held as a material witness and his family is now under federal protection. The man has told investigators that Al Qaeda is planning more attacks in the United States. He has also revealed a scheme to smuggle terrorists across the Mexican border. The suspect's assertions were part of the intelligence that led to recent warnings about a summer threat from Al Qaeda. Another man being held today is kidnapped American Paul Johnson. Rage, rage against the dying of the schnucking moral insight that would tell ABC News or its affiliate's writers that these things are not the same, and Paul Johnson is not another man being held in the same way as a material witness. Link seen on Hugh Hewitt, who doesn't comment on this blatant idiocy.) Meanwhile, Somewhere Else, Police Join Firefight and Firemen Watch Conflagration What should we make of this headline from CNN? Jenna Bush Agents Join Fistfight. Pic: ![]() (Click for full size.) Article text:
That's some damn deep, invasive bias that prevents a journalist from writing facts and where every single news story predigested interpretation. Just open up your maws, little cheepies, and mama CNN will regurgitate its truth down your gullet for your own good. Social Engineering Sampler
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Yea, Verily, Open Another Seal For Brian J. Noggle agrees with Eugene Kane of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, who saith:
I don't have any solutions to stop cruising, but there are plenty of answers for what to do about young people vandalizing homes, assaulting gas station employees and stealing merchandise. Arrest them and charge them accordingly. Because that kind of behavior is a crime; it's not cruising. Even though we all want to get more sleep and less nuisance, it's important to remember there's a difference. Of course, that's easy for me to say now because advocating changing this particular law is not yet a crime--although the concept is not inconceivable. Book Review: Double Play by Robert B. Parker (2004) My beautiful wife bought this book for me because she knows that I am a high acolyte of Parker. It's definitely a Parker book, even if the main character morphs into a Jesse Stone knock off. Set in the 1940s, it tells the story of a survivor from Guadalcanal who comes home to a wife who's left him and a life that's left him behind. He doesn't care about anyone or anything, which makes him a good enforcer for the mob and later, a bodyguard. He gets a new lease on life when he's hired to protect Jackie Robinson in his first season of play for the Brooklyn Dodgers. So you've got the standard elements of Parker: Tough guy former military/boxer. Love interest who's bad for him. Mob gunsels who adhere to The Code. Tough black guy with whom one can explore race relationships. The book blends elements of Love and Glory, the Jesse Stone novels, and Ray Chandler's Philip Marlowe novels (not so much Poodle Springs or Perchance to Dream). It's interesting to enjoy a little of the color of the 1940s, and it's a heck of a lot better than the last baseball-themed crime fiction story I read. As a matter of fact, I was rather enjoying it in the beginning, when the main character was becoming a throwback to the old school hard-boiled characters, but like I said, it veers too easily into regular, comfortable Parker territory at the end. Still, I shall buy the last of the three new Parker books this year and the three next year because Robert B. Parker and his Spenser novels raised me, and I am indentured to him. I accept the service, gladly. Other views: Boston Globe, whose link I found courtesy of Bullets and Beer. You Want a Metaphor? You Can't Handle a Metaphor! In her defense, the former commanding officer at Abu Ghraib says:
Mounting Evidence for Scott Peterson's Guilt In the trial yesterday, officers presented testimony to how they knew Scott Peterson was the one. According to ABCNews.com, the evidence is pretty conclusive:
Each tidbit is irrefutable, and when combined into a compelling narrative, we can see that Scott Peterson is guilty. Who needs evidence? Let's burn him! Monday, June 14, 2004
Book Review: Codgerspace by Alan Dean Foster (1992) This novel certainly doesn't represent the best of Alan Dean Foster's work, but it's an amusing book that hearkens back to the earlier days of science fiction, back when quick, short adventures in Del Ray editions shared a wild story. When an automated plant that produces AI components becomes accidentally interested in finding higher intelligence than man, it begins building its quest into toasters, lawn care equipment, and other common tools it provides. Meanwhile, on Earth, which has become a park retirement community for residents of the outer worlds, five codgers of the title find an ancient ship of vast proportions which proves that a higher power exists. But what kind of higher power, and what should the oldsters do now that they're in orbit with the armadas of the different human confederations showing up? Like the last Foster novel I read, this one represents a short story run long. That's part of the charm of this type of book, but unfortunately, Foster doesn't weave the disparate plotlines together well, and some portions of the book run on too long to make the necessary word count for a novel. I think Foster might have found himself bogged down in the writing of the novel; I can even see the point where he followed Raymond Chandler's advice and had a man walk through the door with a gun. Still, you have to admire a novel that combines a universe-altering cheese sandwich, writing advice from Raymond Chandler, and a hint at the Lovecraft mythos? The book was worth the price, $2.95 at Downtown Books in Milwaukee. Confession: Gentle readers, given the range and the depth of the titles published with the Alan Dean Foster, particularly his penchant for novelizing movies (hey, I liked Outland!), I had the subtle doubt creep into my mind that Alan Dean Foster might actually be a name owned by a publishing house under which numerous people wrote over the period of the last three decades. Apparently, that is not so. In-Utero-Americans I thought I had mocked this story already, but I have not. What's to mock? What's not to mock about it? A fetus is an American citizen simply for gestating in this country:
Senior U.S. District Judge Scott O. Wright ordered that Myrna Dick, 29, of Raymore, Mo., who is accused of falsely claiming American citizenship, be allowed to remain in the United States for now and told prosecutors and the defense to prepare for a possible trial. "Isn't that child an American citizen?" he asked, according to the Kansas City Star. "If this child is an American citizen, we can't send his mother back until he is born." Moorematician Truly, he has a dizzying intellect. Michael Moore's complaining about a possible R rating for his latest mockumentary. You know, no one under 17 admitted without a guardian.
"If they are old enough to be recruited and capable of being in combat and risking their lives, they certainly deserve the right to see what is going on in Iraq." More Good Will from September 11 Squandered International Red Cross bleats:
Kim du Toit Fails Test to Ascend to 9th Dan In a post, we see how Kim du Toit fails his test to attain the 9th Dan of Paranoia:
Doubt even this post, my students. Sunday, June 13, 2004
Galls as Big As Church Bells Ladies and gentlemen, our first-ever female recipient of the Galls as Big as Church Bells award goes to Suburban Blight's Kelley, who broke an arm while on vacation in Hawaii and flew home to Atlanta, Georgia, untreated because she did not want to miss her flight. She's more man than I am. I hope there was plenty of liquor available on those flights. Saturday, June 12, 2004
I've Been Working Here Too Long I found myself thinking of the dashboard in my truck as the interface. I need IT Intervention. So-Called Watch From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, in a story entitled Slay, Blunt butt heads over early voting plan:
This link was sent to me by reader John F. Donigan, who seems to lament the fact that officials from the city of St. Louis want election day to last two weeks, and might have a law to stand on. Donigan writes:
*sigh* Those Without Sin Seen at Quarries, Loading Their Pickup Trucks Man, talk about a bad year. Now Rush Limbaugh's getting a divorce from the lovely Marta. Drug addiction, a jerk-smearer potential prosecution, and a divorce. The only way it could get worse if Marta reveals that Limbaugh cheated on her. With the pool boy. In exchange for drugs. (Link seen on Drudge.) Friday, June 11, 2004
One of These Does Not Belong With the Other A story I saw on Drudge: Researchers Exposed to Anthrax:
Officials with the Children's Hospital Oakland Research Institute said none of the researchers has shown symptoms of infection since the first exposure about two weeks ago, but each is being treated with precautionary antibiotics. The researchers believed they were working with syringes full of a dead version of anthrax, hospital spokeswoman Bev Mikalonis said. Instead, they were shipped live anthrax by a lab of the Southern Research Institute in the Frederick, Md., Mikalonis said. Sounds Like An Old Joke So an old joke tells us about the child who kills his parents and begs the court for mercy because he's an orphan, but one woman in Virginia is apparently using it as a defense strategy:
But paying the ultimate penalty, says Teresa Lewis, is too much -- especially considering the men who actually did the deed will live out their lives behind bars. "I don't think it's fair for the triggermen to get life, and I got the death penalty," she said, speaking by phone through a glass partition at the Fluvanna Correctional Center for Women. Lewis pleaded guilty last year to arranging the slayings of her husband and stepson to collect a $250,000 insurance policy.
No laughs, of course, for the absolute pathology involved in saying she shouldn't die because she has something to live for, apparently unlike her husband and stepson. Do You Bleed Pink? Former hockey great Mario Lemieux tells Pittsburgh that if they don't buy his socialist self a hockey arena, he might have to sell the Penguins. Because unemployed steelworkers should provide his millionaireness with benefits to his business. He claims he has three offers, but I would think he's bluffing, or he's counting bar talk. NHL Hockey is not exactly a sellers market these days. If the Shoe Is on the Other Foot, Wear It Zudos to Joe Williams of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch who demonstrates through his review of The Chronicles of Riddick that he truly has dizzying intellect:
His college professors must be awfully damn proud of him. Thursday, June 10, 2004
It's Already Too Late Belatedly, Michael Williams learns a devastating drawback to blogging:
Still Lamenting the Obsolescence of My #9 Jersey A hockey tidbit. Jeff Gordon, in today's Tip Sheet in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, writes:
Shotgun! I'm calling it officially! In November, my vote will cancel out Bruce Springsteen's in the presidential election! I called it! You'll have to find your own celebrity to thwart. Oh, I know how it works. I can't cancel it out because he'll vote in New Jersey and I'll vote in Missouri, and we'll vote for different electoral college members. But still, symbolically, he's all mine. Youthful Ingenuity Suicidal Youths Turn to Hanging Instead of Guns!
In the last decade, suffocation -- notably hanging -- has overtaken firearms as the most common way for adolescents to kill themselves, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports. (Link seen on Drudge.) It's a Knick-Knack, Paddywhack Now that some research has indicated that dogs understand language, up to 200 words, how long will it be before they can vote in California? Just wondering. Warm Spittle for the Freshly-Turned Earth The St. Louis Post-Dispatch's Sylvester Brown, Jr., says:
This guy has a full time position as a newspaper columnist. I'd blame Reagan for that, but unlike Sylvester Brown, Jr., I listen to my elders (excepting newspaper columnists) , and I wouldn't mean it. Intel CEO Cries, "More Socialism, Please!" At least, that's what I hear when a CEO of a profitable company wants the Federal Government to fund his R & D. So let me get this straight....space travel, which only will be profitable in the long term, should be open to private capital and research, but chip and computer design, which yield profits now, should be funded by Mississippi citizens who live in tar papered hovels, or Montana citizens in kerosene-heated mobile homes? Suck it up, pinko. Your duty to increase your shareholders' wealth and your own bonuses does not come at the expense of the U.S. Taxpayer. Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Instapundit Favors Increasing Social Security Benefits! He's written a column for Tech Central Station about why governments don't fund research dedicated to increasing longevity. You have to read between the lines, but Professor Reynolds is actually advocating an increase in Social Security benefits! Because heaven knows that the age of funding has not kept moving upward at the same pace as longevity, even the natural way. So if you add two or three decades (or centuries) at the end of life, Social Security will be dished out at a maximum of something like seventy-five, meaning the codgers willdraw it for half a millenia. Is that what he really wants? On a serious side, though, if the government funds the research, it will have to provide the resulting cure to everyone in the population. Our electorate would, unfortunately, expect nothing less than immortality funded by tax money. Couple that with disparate availability of the drug (and I do assume it will be a drug) between developed nations and underdeveloped nations with a large birthrate and less love of life than we have, and suddenly you have the makings of World War V or World War VI or World Wars V-IX. Werd. Adhering to the Highest Standards in the State The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports about the difficulty Milwaukee County Sheriff David A. Clarke, Jr., has in firing a deputy:
Clarke is attempting to build a perjury case against Deputy Victor Erato III, whose dismissal was overturned by the county's Personnel Review Board. On the other hand, why does the Personnel Review Board and so many other oppose standards of behavior for law enforcement officials? Do they want to have authorities that citizens can easily disrespect? Steinberg Begs for Public Delinking In his column today for the Chicago Sun-Times, Neil Steinberg begs for a public delinking from Musings from Brian J. Noggle:
I would publicly renounce Steinberg and delink him, tossing his endorsement of my genuis into the Chicago River from the Wacker Street bridge in full view of the Chicago Sun-Times building, but no one would notice, except perhaps a cop who would fine me for polluting. How would he know? Sympathy for the Devil I kinda feel a certain pity and outrage on the behalf of Courtney Love on her charges:
I guess the answer is, "Yes, if the prosecutor wants to intimidate you into pleading to a lesser charge." Tuesday, June 08, 2004
One More Reason to Not Like Java It's an unstable, immature language for desktop applications, and people die from it. (Link seen on Fark.) F.U.N.M. Hugh Hewitt has the story of a visit by Toby Keith and Ted Nugent to a base in Iraq as part of a USO tour. Thank you, gentlemen; you're proxies for us stateside, showing our appreciation for what our soldiers are doing. Overheard Ever overheard a conversation when two people whom you don't really like gossiped about you? That's what I think of when I read this piece in Slate: Swingers: A guide to the swing states: Missouri.
Texas brags that it's a "whole other country," but Missouri proudly declares that it is the whole country. Talk to a Missourian about the state's politics for more than a few minutes, and the words "microcosm" or "representativeness" are likely to surface. I got chips like dandruff, brother, and coastal commentators brush them off rather glibly. Is it just me, or is Slate becoming as unreadable as Salon these days? I admit freely, at the possible expense of the mounds of junk mail the Republican Party sends me, that I read Salon daily in the late 1990s. I found its writing edgy, hip, and concerned with culture, the arts, and affording me a different perspective. Heck's pecs, I even bought stock in Salon, for crying out loud--stock I hold to this day because I would spend more on broker's fees to sell it than I would get for it. But somewhere a little before it started requiring commercials, it became a one bongo drummer, thumping an uncompelling political beat. Slate's about one bad day from losing my daily traffic, too. Cosmo types psychoanalyzing the quaint states that comprise the majority of the union and desecrating the dead rather repel me. And Slate hasn't yet dissed Wisconsin yet. Something Special in the Air Aaron, of Free Will Blog, casts a critical eye and two rhetorical fists of iron upon the airline industry:
There are only two possibilities here: They are either incompetent, or the demand for the massive infrastructure they're trying to float simply isn't there. In either case, they suck at doing business, as demonstrated by last year's debacle, asking workers to take a 15% paycut to avoid bankruptcy, while simultaneously increasing their own bonuses to run away with more tax money in their pockets. Look at the Pretty Birds Hey, I am from Milwaukee. I know all about the flying rat problem upon which Whitney Gould reports in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel: Aggressive and messy, gulls are the new urban menace:
The birds are protected by federal law, but when they reach nuisance levels, their eggs can be removed with permission of state and federal wildlife officials. In extreme cases, such as Manitowoc's, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service has given local officials permission to shoot limited numbers of gulls. Andy Paulios, a state Department of Natural Resources wildlife manager, said the best approach is for communities to monitor gull numbers, recognize that the birds are here to stay and then work for a consensus on where they can be tolerated and where they cannot.
Monday, June 07, 2004
Hockey Heaven
Another Head to Head Matchup Sure, we've pitted Tommy Lee Jones against Michael Ironside to see who's the tougher, and we've matched Ani DiFranco against Pink to see who's the grittier authentic singer, but now we've got a monumental battle of epic proportions: Who's the tougher vampire slaying hottie? versus Anita "The Vampire Executioner" Blake Full disclosure: I read the Anita Blake books in the mid nineties and had a crush on Anita Blake, who would be a perfect woman except for her undead fetish. I've only seen the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer and haven't seen much of the television series. Because face it, Buffy's an also-ran. Sunday, June 06, 2004
Book Review: Schott's Original Miscellany by Ben Schott (2002) I bought this book as part of my "5 for $5.00" annual rejoining of the Quality Paperback club, which means that after shipping and handling, I only paid $16 total. And it's hardcover, not paperback. But that's enough about the pricing. The book reminds me of The Book of Lists with a little less verve. Schott has collected numerous lists of trivia and has compiled them. No chapters. No themes. Just a hard dose of trivia for some of us to mainline before the shaking starts and our withdrawal begins. Still, I remember a couple of things from the book and I'll spring them at odd times or to ensure that the North Side Mind Flayers trivia night team emerges victorious. So do I recommend it? If you can get it cheap, or if you can borrow it, or if you're into this sort of thing. It's not a compelling read, but it is something you can pick up during commercial breaks when watching sports on television and can put down again when the action resumes without losing your place. Saturday, June 05, 2004
Poor Form, Peter Kudos to the non-geek marketing types who composed the marketing letter for The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, wherein the first lines are:
The Viking Orbiter and the Mars Rover have brought us one step closer. I suspect the person who wrote the copy just didn't know. Friday, June 04, 2004
Another Radio Voice Kelley, who does the Suburban Blight blog, has been posting audio clips. When the Blog Radio Revolution occurs, listen for her daily show. Read The F'n Manual Note to "international" news organization CNN: Before you open your vacuous mouths and list Bill Clinton as a potential vice-president, why don't you read the manual, which quite clearly states:
The electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and of all persons voted for as Vice-President, and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate;--The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted;--the person having the greatest number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by states, the representation from each state having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in the case of the death or other constitutional disability of the President. The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.
Section 1. No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once. But this article shall not apply to any person holding the office of President when this article was proposed by the Congress, and shall not prevent any person who may be holding the office of President, or acting as President, during the term within which this article becomes operative from holding the office of President or acting as President during the remainder of such term. Section 2. This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several states within seven years from the date of its submission to the states by the Congress. Trust Him, He Measured It Via Fark we get news of a Colorado man who's having a "property dispute" with the government. His solution is a bit of, um, civil disobedience involving an bulldozed he armored and some ordnance. What type of ordnance, you ask?
Is it time to ban government "property disputes"? Bulldozers? No, but it must be time to ban fifty calibre weapons. Book Review: Skylar in Yankeeland by Gregory McDonald (1997) How could I pass any novel by the author who created Fletch when the library's offering donated (not library copy) hardbacks for a quarter? I couldn't! So even though this particular novel only hit my shelves recently, it enjoys the LIFO processing that the most compelling, and quickest-looking, reads enjoy. Let's face it. Brian's book shelves don't enjoy proper rotation, which explains why The Sound and the Fury and its companions in a big Barnes and Noble Faulkner four-pack are enjoying the beginning of their second decade of dust-gathering, but this book flew off. This book is a sequel to a book called Skylar, which I have not read. This book makes some reference to the earlier book, but it's not required. The plot, basically: Skylar, a country boy from Tennessee, comes to Boston for to go to a prestigious music school on a scholarship. Before he gets that far, he stays a couple nights with his wealthy relations. Sort of like if I lived with the Kerrys, maybe. But I digress. He's a bird in the water, so to speak (ah, what one does to avoid clichés!) since he exudes native simplicity. Underneath it, though, he's pretty sharp. So the book riffs on this disparity between how it's done in The South and in Yankeeland. The book is billed as a crime novel, but there's little, incidental crime in it. Much of the pleasure in the book comes in the character interplay. Let's see, we've got five million dollars' worth of jewelry missing, and Skylar's thirteen-year-old cousin is strongly suspected of murdering her junior high rival. We've got Skylar's older cousin's fiancé hitting on the strapping country lad and then dreaming rape sequences when he doesn't respond. We've got rich relations on the brink of fiscal disaster. As Skylar appears, these things happen around him, and he gets to be the straight man and observer ot the mysteries' resolutions. Granted, the characters are somewhat stereotypical. If this were Steinbeck or Morrison, undoubtedly I would use the word "archetype" instead. Still, it was a quick and amusing read, and well worth at least twice as much as I paid for it. It's particularly amusing if you are more non-coastal in nature and aren't one of the bad archetypes lightly mocked by the good archetypes. A good, quick read. Galling as Big As Church Bells Here's a new twist on the Nigerian scam, playing to the Christian (which is a code word in many places, undoubtedly, for "rube") audience: From: Pastor Mrs VICTORIA ANII almost responded just to get the letter of authority. I wonder how much that cost? Galls As Big As Church Bells A GaBaCB award to Staff Sgt. Robert D. Whisenant, who recently became eligible for two purple heart medals in two weeks in Iraq. What does he think of it?
(Link seen on One Hand Clapping.) Thursday, June 03, 2004
Sullied Andrew Sullivan psychoanalyzes voters in the middle of the country:
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Defending Wal-Mart In today's St. Louis Post-Dispatch, David Nicklaus defends Wal-Mart. Good to see someone with a proper capitalist attitude writing on the business page. Sample:
Yet that's the claim of the National Trust for Historic Preservation, which last week listed Vermont among the nation's 11 most endangered historic places. The threat, the National Trust's news release said, is "an invasion of behemoth stores that could destroy much of what makes Vermont Vermont." Preservationists should stick to saving historic buildings and neighborhoods from the bulldozer and wrecking ball. When they try to keep one company out of an entire state, they're really fomenting class warfare. Solving the Cruising Problem The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports on a new initiative to curb cruisers: advertisements on the back of city buses which are meant to be seen by people driving in cars. That's the kind of innovative thinking that would put abstinence-education information on condom wrappers, which someone somewhere surely thinks the government is not funding enough. But speaking of cruising, a resident intones:
McNeely said the cruising he sees goes far beyond high school kids heading up and down Highway 100 on a Saturday night. "You have the loud, loud music going. People getting in and out of cars. People riding down the street hanging out of the sunroofs, hanging out the windows," McNeely said. And it's often lewd, he said, with cruisers stopping to urinate in yards, and young women flashing their breasts from passing cars. "It's likely they'll be topless as well as bottomless with a thong on," McNeely said. Enterprise-Calibre Winds of Change has the best description of the enterprise-caliber, best-in-breed, all-in-one billion dollar software solutions Pah! I Got Nothin'! When I read this post at protein wisdom, I wanted to break into song:
Looking back at the commas gone by like so many speakers' fees In ninety-one I was sophomore in English 101 I don't know what my point is now, I'm just running on Running on - running on sentence Running on - running fine Running on - running outta thoughts But I'm writing more lines Gotta fluff what can when you're paid for each word Trying not to cut your check by up to two thirds By twenty-nine, I was pundit one and I called the Web my own I don't know when those clause ran into the clause I'm on Running on - running on sentence Running on - running fine Running on - running outta thoughts But I'm writing more lines Everything I know, everything I type People keep on reading my low tripe I don't know about anything but me I can go all night, that'll be all write If I can get me a book deal before I leave Looking out at the words rushing out of my keys I don't know how to tell you all just how badly this verb feels I look around for editors I used to turn to shut me up Looking into their cubes I see them running too Running on - running on sentence Running on - running fine Running on - running outta thoughts But I'm writing more lines Buddy you really stet me You know the way I wrote was fine I'd love to stop it now but I'm writing more lines You know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find running outta thoughts but I'm writing more lines Tuesday, June 01, 2004
My New Money-Making Scheme So I saw this sign along the side of the road, and I knew it was my ticket to wealth:
I may have an English degree, but I know my math. $25 - $500 = -$475. Since that's a fine of -$475, that must mean the government will have to pay me $475, or give me a tax credit or something, each time I litter! I can't wait to get started. Looky Here, Lewey Lap Another Harper's fan joins me in thinking Harper's isn't worth the paper it's printed on. KMOX Contributes to National Security Kudos to KMOX radio for an on the scene report of a possible sighting of a potential person of alleged Middle Eastern complection today. I think it was Kevin Killeen, reporting live from Illinois, who filed this report, transcribed from memory and appropriately snarked-up:
<highway> and <highway> where several acres' of petroleum storage facilities sit unguarded behind a chain link fence. This morning, witnesses saw an SUV parkerd by the side of the road taking pictures. Inside the SUV, a dark-complected man with dark hair and a woman sped off at a suspiciously high rate of speed when approached. Authorities are investigating.:: snort :: |
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
"I will." Heather L. Igert, angelweave.mu.nu "Genuis." Neil Steinberg, Chicago Sun-Times "Some wanker." Kim du Toit, on the Noggle Library. "Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out." Robb Allen, Sharp as a Marble. "I'm weeping openly right now. Thanks for hurting my feelings, pinhead." Bob Rybarcyzk, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Instapundit Protein Wisdom Ace of Spades HQ Wizbang! Outside the Beltway Robert B. Parker Dustbury Damn Interesting Michelle Malkin Radley Balko's The Agitator Exultate Justi The McGehee Zone Signifying Nothing The Jawa Report Master of None Dr. Helen The Anchoress Electric Venom Kim Du Toit Belmont Club Little Green Footballs Overtaken by Events Rocket Jones Boots and Sabers Triticale Ann Althouse The American Mind Ravenwood's Universe Asymmetrical Information Boondoggled VodkaPundit Professor Bainbridge Virginia Postrel Ken Jennings Joanne Jacobs Faster Than The World Dilbert Blog Junkyard Blog In DC Journal IMAO Baldilocks Powerline Q and O Hugh Hewitt Buzz Machine Daniel Drezner Roger Simon American Digest Blackfive The Volokh Conspiracy Cold Fury Captain's Quarters Tim Blair Chequer-Board Emperor Misha Just One Minute Blame Bush Inaniloquent Trey Givens OverLawyered Suburban Blight Another Rovian Conspiracy Angelweave Bad Example Rachel Lucas View from the Porch StL Recruiting a big victory Spector's Hockey Fark /. TechDirt F*****d Company CNet News Joel on Software James Lileks Mark Steyn Bob Rybarczyk Richard Roeper Neil Steinberg John Kass Steven Chapman Drudge Report Ananova Slate Reason's Hit and Run Best of the Web Today National Review's The Corner Tech Central Station Fox News CNN Washington Post Washington Times Chicago Tribune Chicago Sun-Times Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel St. Louis Post-Dispatch San Francisco Chronicle New York Post Shepherd Express Riverfront Times New York Observer ScrappleFace Bob from Accounting The Onion Top Five List David Letterman's Top Ten BBSpot U.S. Constitution Declaration of Independence Snopes.Com (Urban Legends) Dictionary.com Internet Movie Database Complete Works of Shakespeare Marvel Directory Blooberry HTML Reference
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