Musings from Brian J. Noggle
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
 
Google Search Tip

If you're searching for yourself on Google, remember to enclose your name in quotation marks to make it a phrase search. The results you get will be more relevant, which means that I am really posting about you. For example: Just a thought for you fellows in the printed media who are Googling yourselves to see what people on the Web are saying about you. You know I mean you, Samus Aran naked.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:24 PM   0 comments
 
Age / Novel Check

Man, much like the chatrooms of AOL of yore (and maybe present day, but it's been years since I've gone trolling for some conversation, closing in on a decade, werd), maybe those of us in the unprofessional echelon of the blogomockracy should intitute an age/novel check, wherein each person announces his or her age and whether he or she's working on a novel. What, with Venemous Kate, Frank J., and let's face it, if not now, then sometime Michael Williams all crowding the field, it's obvious that all the cool people are doing it.

Brian J: a/n check
Brian J: 31/y
Brian J: its done but those agents are tough nutz to crack, werd

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:45 PM   0 comments
 
A Science Experiment

James Lileks in New York:
    The waitress just delivered the bill.

    I almost want to stand up and say “do you all know how drunk you all could get for $24 in a Wisconsin tavern? We’re talking seven beers and a personal Tombstone with everything, and change left over for pinball!
Well, not exactly; usually I've had more or less money. But next time I am in La Crosse or Fountain City, Lileks, maybe we can conduct a scientific experiment.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:19 AM   0 comments
Monday, October 06, 2003
 
Dichotomy

A reader e-mail over at Andrew Sullivan's hits the screw right on the head:
    Let's face it - intelligence is the new morality. For the left there are no long-term historical precidents to cite or follow. They are all rooted in a misogynic and racist western culture. There is no transcendent truth because that demeans the individual and takes away individual liberty. By what standard then do you judge an individual and determine their worthiness? Not by character ... not by integrity ... but by how bright they are. This intelligence of course is demonstrated by embracing the tenets of the left. Personal morality, sound legal judgement and basics such as keeping one's word do not have be followed as long as one is bright enough to to see the world from a left perspective. All other failings are excusable.
Werd, brah. When I was in college, I saw a false dichotomy between intelligence and morality. Most of the bright people I new in college were immoral, or worse, moral relativists. Their intelligence provided them with any number of intellectual hedonistic excuses for whatever whim they wanted to worship at the moment. I liked them well enough, but I couldn't really trust them, for whenever the wind within their wants blew a different direction, I knew they would betray me and think it was the right thing to do. Well, all right, except for maybe Doctor Who, who could have been my alternate universe twin, but who knows what changes those quantum fluctuations wrought?

My closest friends from the time period were fellows I met at work, which was way the heck off campus. These guys don't have college degrees, but they're good guys. And although I don't talk to anyone from Marquette's Writing-Intensive English Department, I still talk to Tulsa and Moose every couple of days and see them when I am in town.

And man, was the romantic outlook bleak. I thought I could choose between a woman who could satisfy my intellect as well as my loins, and a woman moral enough to keep that satisfaction to one set of loins. Of course, you have a good theory and bam, you find the exception. Not that I am complaining.

So there you have it. It can be a bleak world for the isolated intelligent-but-moral twenty-something, or at least it was back in the 1990s. I cannot speak to whether it's improved, or whether any twenty-somethings are intelligent-but-moral in the 21st century, but if you're out there, you're not alone, and intelligence/morality is not a dichotomy from which you have to choose one.

Unless I am mistaking the word dichotomy for something else and it really means two colors. But certainly one of you would have said something before letting me go on this long about it.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:29 PM   0 comments
 
Whitney Gould on Marquette University's New Development

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's architecture critic weighs in on the the new buildings that Marquette's putting up. A ho-hum, tinkling endorsement.

I walked through campus late this summer and was taken aback by the new buildings sprouting almost overnight. The campus has changed a lot in the nine years since I was masticated from its undergraduate program, and so much has changed. New buildings everywhere. Exciting, but somehow disappointing as the past continues to steal the present from me and flaunts it from the other side of the street. Neener neener, says the past.

Of course, as you all know, Milwaukee can do no wrong in my eyes, and Marquette's new development fits right into the continuing revitalization. I took some photos to illustrate it when I was on vacation, and as soon as I get them scanned, I'll share some with you. Until then, read Whitney Gould every week. Werd.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:36 PM   0 comments
Sunday, October 05, 2003
 
Another Day, Another Myers Brigg

My dear wife tried another Myers Brigg personality test, and at her prompting, I took it too, only to discover:

ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 6% of the total population.
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test


Well, it's more decisive than the one I took when I started dating this hot conservative chick destined for the bicycle. That test said I was **TJ, the stars meaning I scored even on the first two indicators.

Undoubtedly, tomorrow my percentages will differ with my mood. However, I am always thinking and judging, regardless of where the information comes from and regardless of whether I share it with you all or not.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:31 PM   0 comments
 
Another Schwarzenegger Perfidy

Exultate Justi has the scoop on more of Schwarzenegger's devious nature:
    Arnold's position on the morality of kitten-punching is not on record, leading some at The LA Times to speculate that the candidate may indeed have something to hide.
Kitten-punching!

Actually, it's not as easy as it sounds. Those kittens are awfully low to the ground, so it's hard to get in a good punch with your body behind it, pivoting on a foot and following through. I am surprised no entrepreneurs on the Internet have come up with harnesses where you can make kitten speed bags. Bwappata bwappata bwappata meow!

Cripes, Cagey, I hope you enjoyed that image. I am sleeping in the guest room tonight on account of it.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:43 PM   0 comments
 
Disqualification for Public Office

There's a lesson to be learned from the short parade of women making accusations against Arnold Schwarzenegger and the solemn judgment cast upon it by Gray Davis, who claims that some of the contact is in fact, criminal and anyone who would vote for Arnold Schwarzengovernor is voting for a potential (in case you missed it, I will bold, italicize, and CAPITALIZE) CRIMINAL. Also, by parade, I mean couple of people walking single file, so a passerby might confuse this parade of aggrieved and traumatized women with a normal bunch walking to lunch. But I digress.

The lesson to learn is that touching the breast of a female who doesn't want her breast touched is criminal and a man who does such is not morally qualified to lead. To put it more succinctly:
    Getting thrown out at second base should bar you from public office.
That's right. Every guy who's kissed a girl in high school and then thought, "Hey, we've been dating a week and a half, maybe I can touch her sweater...." is now a man beast incapable of leading. Because let's face it, in our youth, we men have often tried to encourage persons of the opposite sex into sexual congress with varying styles of unspoken subtle nudging or overt, "Nice shoes, want to, er, fornicate?" and with varying degrees of success, which sometimes ended in unsuccess when male hand met female flesh and the female said no.

So that leaves the following people eligible for office:
  • Heterosexual women.
  • Ricky Martin (or other sexy from a young age celebrities) to whom the women have probably never said no.
  • Guys too dorky to ever consider sex as feasible.
  • Gay men, particularly gay men who were never in the closet in high school and didn't date girls in confusion or as a cover.
  • Catholic priests or other religious or ascetics who have taken, and held, a vow of chastity.
  • Extremely cautious guys who insist upon consent forms signed in front of witnesses and insist upon videotaping the proceedings for evidence. A lot of my dates went fine until that point, let me tell you.
  • Guys who held out resolutely until marriage. I'm not sure we could elect a full Senate from this group.
  • Guys who only frequent prostitutes.
That's a wider list of possible rulers than I thought when I first started compiling the list, and you know, I think you could draw a whole class of Platonic rulers out of there.

And as a rhetorical loaded question smear, I present:
    which of these categories does Gray Davis fit into?
I am going to use that as a clip if I ever get interviewed for a job as a professional journalist.

- posted by Brian J. @ 12:17 PM   0 comments
 
What About Us, Bruno?

By now, everyone's mentioned the story of Bruce Willis performing in Iraq for the troops. But what about the rest of us, Mr. Willis?

I realize one guy banging pots with wooden spoons does not a clamor make, but it's been sixteen years since The Return of Bruno. I love that album.

Time for the Another Return of Bruno, I say. Loudly, over the clang clang clang.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:42 AM   0 comments
Saturday, October 04, 2003
 
It Is Written That In The End Times...

that in the fountain of light in the desert of the lands beyond the sea that a great white tiger shall attack its master and yea, verily, open him like a seventh seal at an all-you-can-eat seal buffet.

Get well soon, Mr. Horn, and reconsider that retirement.

And no, honey, we don't have room for any more stray maneaters.

(Link seen on Fark.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:12 AM   0 comments
Friday, October 03, 2003
 
Sorry I Didn't Clear This Up in Time

My apologies to whomever searched for what is the difference between hasta luego and hasta la vista? and clicked through to find my review of Flappers 2 Rappers by Tom Dalzell.

Briefly, hasta luego directly translates into "Until then," which is a casual farewell.

Hasta la vista, bebe directly translates into "Until the vision (or viewing)," which is a casual farewell. What is "the vision," you might ask? The Rapture? Don't ask me, Professor Michaels was too busy trying to knock the schwa out of our mouths and to make us understand that idiomatic expressions do not directly translate to explain the origin of Spanish idiom.

So there you have it. Both mean "Catch you later." Except one's "Take it easy" and the other is "Peace, out."

Hope that clears it up for you.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:10 PM   0 comments
 
The E-Mails Were Right

I have increased the size of my unit by 4 inches!!!!

Well, I have finally replaced the 15" monitor with a honking 19" flat screen model. I'd promised myself one once I finished my novel, but it's taken me a year to get around to it.

Not to channel Ravenwood or anything, but man, I remember when our color televisions grew to 19".

And our mothers wouldn't let us sit this close to them, much less for 10+ hours a day.

Ha, ma! Joke's on you, huh?
Oh, sorry, ma'am, you looked like my mother until I got within six inches of you.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:40 PM   0 comments
 
Wait Till I Bring The Heat Gun Into The Office

A link via Instapundit leads me to this story. Although it's about the fallilbility of voting machines, the author thinks the voting machines should be subject to the same sort of scrutiny as electronic slot machines:
    One such outside auditor is Gaming Laboratories International (GLI). To certify a new device, or even a software upgrade, vendors send GLI all of the source code, all of the tools needed to build the code, maybe a development computer, and even an in-circuit emulator if that's how you debugged your code. Expensive? You bet. Accurate? It sure seems to be.

    GLI tears the design apart, digs into the guts, finds back doors impossible to isolate via testing and ensures the customer will lose by exactly the amount specified. Tests check both functionality and threat resistance. Technicians zap every square inch of the gaming machine with a 27 KV prod - because cheaters often try to rip off the devices using ESD to confuse the electronics. GLI jimmies the coin box, and generally simulates all of the attacks observed by those hidden cameras in the casino's roof. That's regression testing of a whole new order.
That's the right way to conduct your quality assurance testing. I wonder if GLI is hiring? I figure the logical progression for my career is to cause actual physical damage. Maybe UL needs a thug.

Regardless, while my resume travels in the mail, I am inspired to bring in a heat gun to work tomorrow to see how the application works when I am flipping bits.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:57 PM   0 comments
Thursday, October 02, 2003
 
Buy That Man a Guinness

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that Anheuser-Busch has decided not to contribute to Missouri Governor B. Holden's re-election campaign because he vetoed the concealed carry bill. The legislature, of course, overrode that veto, but seems that August A. Busch III is a sportsman and a citizen concerned with his personal security and he's in a punishing mood. Anheuser-Busch as a whole supports candidates like it sponsors sports teams, that is, it gives money to all of them. Except, now, B. Holden.

Title this lesson Beer Baron with Bling Bling Likes Bang Bang, Bye Bye Billy if you like.

Let it be said that I was so pleased with the story that I almost bought a sixer of Budweiser tonight to reward Anheuser-Busch for its stand, until I realized that I cannot drink it and that the other attendees of El Guapo's mixer-sixer party this weekend would beat the bud out of me if I contributed an Anheuser-Busch product while drinking their ten-dollar-a-six-pack contributions. Skull Splitter, anyone? Not me, thanks!

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:46 PM   0 comments
 
Nationalize the Groceries!

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports on the hardships caused by the closings of Kohl's Food stores (not affiliated with the expanding Kohl's Department stores, and neither of which are affiliated with Senator Herbert Kohl, but it's a long story):
    Fifteen years ago, Mary Brown sought out a senior housing apartment in a neighborhood where she could shop, offering stores she could reach by walking.

    That option disappeared in August when South Milwaukee, a community of 21,000, lost its only major grocery store - the Kohl's Food Store on S. Chicago Ave.

    It's bad enough that the closing, one of 23 Kohl's supermarkets that were shut down, now means a trek to another city - Cudahy's Pick 'n Save or Potter's Piggly Wiggly in Oak Creek - to fulfill a basic need for food. [Emphasis mine]
Insert klaxon sound here. So closing this grocery, which could not make money, has left seniors without the means to fulfill a basic human need, soon to be a basic human right, that is, a grocery store within two blocks of your home, whether it can survive as an ongoing concern or not.

The obvious answer is Foodicare, a new program designed to keep everyone well stocked, or at least give them the ability to fulfill their basic human need without crossing municipal borders and paying sales taxes somewhere else.

I may sound a little snarky, but I empathize, I really do. I mean, to get the really cool exotic beers, I cannot go the Casinport Schnucks. As a matter of fact, I have to go all the way to Creve Couer, to the Dierberg's, a drive of ten minutes!

Once Foodicare becomes law, and I have given up work since taxation levels will have reached such heights that I will have to pay money out of my own pocket to hold down a job, there will be booze within walking distance, and I'll never have to be sober again! Which will qualify my to serve in government, or at least to write violinic pieces in the paper about grocery stores closing and the hardship that presents the glitzing customers.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:24 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
 
Geek Introspection

Suburban Blight has led me to some introspection:

You are Red Hat Linux. You're tops among your peers, but still get no respect from them. It's all right with you. You have your sights set higher.
Which OS are You?

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:12 PM   0 comments
 
International Politics, Simplified

Michael Williams provides a course on international affairs: International Affairs for Geeks 098: Neutral Good in a Lawful Evil World.

I am looking forward to the expansion of the curriculum to include economics (Platinum versus Gold versus Electrum: Inflexible Exchange Rates and You) and foreign languages (Bree Yark is Goblin for Surrender).

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:35 PM   0 comments
 
Remember, They're Men of the People

Not that I want to harbor grudges, but remember that Bill Clinton and Al Gore are champions of the working man and the middle class as opposed to the Republicans.

Bill "I never had a nickel until I left the White House." Clinton, who obviously thinks that the $250,000 annual salary accruing while he lived, traveled, and ate free for eight years is a living wage.

Al "I think I will spend $70 million on a cable network" Gore.

Hell, you don't even feel my upper middle class pain, much less the pain of my friends still working for $10 an hour in their thirties. So go smeg off, you class armchair generals.

(Gore post seen on Drudge.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:10 PM   0 comments
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."