Musings from Brian J. Noggle
Friday, October 31, 2003
 
Be Like Kate

Like Kate at Electric Venom, I have discovered:



You damn kids playing like you know the 80s when the 80s are as near to you as the damn 60s were to me in the 80s. I'm telling you for the last freaking time, Sade and Slade are DIFFERENT. They're not even pronounced the same. Get offa my lawn before I turn the hose on you!

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:51 PM   0 comments
 
Remember the Pretzels

Reason's Hit and Run covers the goofball study that says diversity prevents binge drinking, but it also helpfully defines binge drinking:
    BTW, binge drinking is defined as more than 5 drinks in succession for guys and 4 for gals.
So remember, two pretzels, judiciously applied during consumption of your twelve pack, will prevent you from being a "binge drinker."

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:03 PM   0 comments
 
Christine, Call The Meatriarchy Guy

He has a capital idea for you:

The Girls of Afghanistan


- posted by Brian J. @ 7:53 PM   0 comments
 
At Least They're Not the BBC

Ananova reports that Sky, an independent network in Britain, has decided to shelve its reality show Find Me a Man, wherein a number of male contestants vied for the affection of a woman who, like Joe Millionaire, was not what she seemed to be. As a matter of fact, it was a pre op transexual.

Please play it. It's not that I want to see it, even for the schadenfraülein; instead, I want the pool of idiots who sign on for these shows to dry up. And nothing will do it better than watching men unknowingly kissing another man. Who would sign up thinking, "I could be that guy!"

Come to think of it, it probably wouldn't diminsh the pool of attention starved nutbars who sign up for these things anyway. I take it back. Don't show it and inspire one of the diminishing-returns US networks to pick it up, too.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:45 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
 
More On Box Cutters on Planes

Addendum to my box cutters post: You know all the box cutters found individually on planes throughout the country? Your paranoia shidoshi has a surprisingly simple explanation. Call it Occam's Boxcutter if you will. Is it terrorists doing dry runs to see what they can successfully smuggle? Is it an underground of students out to humiliate the TSA?

Or is it simply honest Americans that suddenly discover that they have put their boxcutters in their pockets and suddenly find themselves committing a felony at 42,000 feet?

Believe you me, I would wipe my fingerprints off of it and put it in the seat beside me, too.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:51 PM   0 comments
 
Halloween Decorating Tips

Courtesy Right We Are. Caution: Might not be safe for work.

I just said that to make you click the link.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:24 PM   0 comments
 
You Can Hire 5 Off Shore Developers for the Price Of 1 American

Just remember to keep an eye on the extradition treaties, or else you might find your software available for download on the Internet.

(Link seen on Fucked Company. I read it every single day, which explains why the first line of John Donnelly's Gold is "Robert Davies tried to log onto FuckedCompany.com, and he could not, and he knew he was fucked." Werd.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:46 PM   0 comments
 
The Second Amendment Says Nothing About Toy Arms

9-year-old arrested for waving toy gun. Cop's gun on him. Taken down and cuffed. His mother busted for trying to point out to the cop that it's a toy gun.

Sometimes I get the feeling that the cops think they have to shoot the elephant to keep we natives in line.

(Link seen on Drudge.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 3:14 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
 
Our Guest Paranoia Sensei Speaks

Go see what Michele from A Small Victory has to say.

I assume she's not kidding, and she knows.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:35 PM   0 comments
 
Remember, B. Holden Wants Not To Close Loopholes, But To Determine Who Passes Through Them

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, oddly enough, entitles this story "Small firms will pay piper if big companies get tax break".

Stop the O'Learying presses, wouldja? So someone has to make up the difference when the state passes out millions of dollars to Ford, Chrysler, Boeing, or any of the other dozen or so companies that employ a couple of thousand people whenever one of those companies rattles its cup among the various states when contemplating whether to move or not?

Lord, love a duck, I know I am an English major, but this sort of thing just seems obvious to me. It's about time a journalist catches up.

Of course, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch will forget this concern the next time that one of these companies decides it can get a better handout from Kentucky and will run breathless stories about the negotiating and the threats of layoffs, and you, taxpayer, will be forgotten.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:19 PM   0 comments
 
Quote of the Day

From a Tech Central Station article about the rather forward CEO of Ryanair, Mike O'Leary, we have this nugget of wisdom about portfolio allocation:
    I don't want to get stuck like those dot com f----ing goons that lost everything because they failed to realize their paper wealth.
Diversify from those options, kiddies. Not that I'll have that trouble, of course, since I've put all my money in liquor, canned goods, can openers, and firearms. That's all the portfolio diversification you need.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:02 PM   0 comments
Monday, October 27, 2003
 
Putting Their Money Where Their Mouths Are

In Milwaukee, a group of aldermen are deferring or turning down salary increases to maintain other public services.

Thank you, gentlemen. I used to use that library you're saving.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:55 PM   0 comments
 
Tap a Vein

Give a pint, get a pint.

No telling how they would reduce the BAC of the donor blood.

(Link seen on Drudge.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:50 PM   0 comments
 
Sportswriter Blames Schwarzenegger for California Wildfires

Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch writes in his Tipsheet column:
LIFT WEIGHTS, RUN FOR OFFICE

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger got a warm reception when he presented medals at the 39th annual Mr. Olympia contest. He's huge with the flex-and-pose crowd.

"Finally, I feel at home again," he told a crowd of 6,000 in Las Vegas. "This is a terrific sport, and if it wouldn't have been for bodybuilding, I wouldn't have any of this. It's a great foundation."

Added Mr. Olympia founder Joe Weider, "Finally it's beginning to dawn on the world that bodybuilders are smart. They develop determination. They don't give up. They don't lose. If they ever apply that to any profession . . . they can be a great success."

Meanwhile, back in California, the southern half of the state was ablaze with brush fires.
Gordo, Non Sequitur does not play third line center for the Montreal Canadiens. You cannot even blame Schwarzenegger, or say he hasn't done enough to stop the fires because he's not even office yet.

I understand you media types, even you sportswriters, want to blame current Republican officeholders for unrelated problems that preceded their terms of office, but come on. Maybe you should go back to your normal job, which is blaming the current state of the Blues on the Brendan Shanahan tampering charge from 1991. Damn that Larry Pleau! How could he?

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:44 PM   0 comments
Sunday, October 26, 2003
 
Hotel Fire Alarms with Instapundit

His Glenness relates a story about his recent trip wherein he and his family were in a hotel when the fire alarm sounded. InstaFamily escaped quickly, and the hotel sprinklers quickly doused the fire.

At least it was a real fire.

Last time I was in Milwaukee, staying in the Hyatt Regency, the fire alarm went off twice. Once on Saturday afternoon, when I was taking my pre-drinking nap and once at 3 am Sunday morning during my post-drinking-pre-driving-home slumber, someone tripped the fire alarm. Your paranoia shidoshi leapt into his trousers, shirt, and shoes quickly and stumbled, quite groggily in the second case, made his way down the narrow concrete steps.

If all the hotel's denizens had been trying to make their ways down the stairs at the time, we would have had trouble. The stairs were only two people wide, and I was on the ninth floor. That would have made for some trampling if shidoshi had to sacrifice their lives to preserve his....

Oh, but no. The staircase was empty. All other patrons in the hotel waited in their rooms for the announcement that it was a false alarm.

Interesting strategy, guaranteed to only fail once.

My students, when that fire alarm rings, buzzes, or beeps, you leave the building. Perhaps Ashton Kutcher, wearing a fireman's helmet, will meet you at on the street to tell you you've been punked. But maybe he won't..

Or, if you'd rather not give up cable until you have to, feel free to make Brian J. Noggle the beneficiary of your traveler's insurance as you go (e-mail me for my SSN, which you'll need for the forms).

And do not ask your shidoshi about the "coincidence" that he never accepts employment in an office above the fifth floor, nor look in his lower left drawer and seek explanation for the fifty feet of nylon clothesline you might find.

Thank you, that is all.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:46 PM   0 comments
Saturday, October 25, 2003
 
One More Charge To Use Against Suicide Bombers

A county in Florida has made public suicide illegal.

It's about time.

(Link seen on Fark.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:53 AM   0 comments
 
Red versus Blue Missouri

The Sophorist posts several maps that indicate which regions in Missouri consistently favor concealed carry and which do not.

Rule the cities, rule the country.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:56 AM   0 comments
 
A Forthright eBay Auction

As a recovering amateur eBay seller, I can appreciate this seller's forthright listing:

    Let me begin by explaining some very important details, this way I do not get 100's of silly emails asking me to photograph the hind end of some stuffed animals. I DO NOT KNOW crap about these things. This belonged to my ex-wife who had about a 1000 of these Beanie Babies and when she moved, this one box of these got left behind, and now I am selling the goofy little things. Whatever money I make from them will be spent at the local Home Depot on tools and other cool stuff. I do not know which of these babies is retired or new, or whatever. I will list them in no particular order. I will tell you what its name is on the tag, if it has a plastic box or something. All these critter have been stored indoors, and are from a non-smoking home. Again, please do not send me emails asking me to photograp this or that. I am starting the auction at $10.00 and at that price I figure you all can take a chance. I understand from a friends wife that people are afraid to get fakes. FAKES? Fake plush toys? I was amazed. I thought people forged money, not childrens toys. Well I can only say, that 99% of these goofy toys were bought with my money, from eiter the local Hallmark Store, or one of the dozen or so Southern Craft/ collectibles stores I had to go to on a weekly basis buying these ridiculos toys years ago. Happy Bidding! Please take these critters from me so I can buy tools.

    Final Notice and Disclaimer: I know nothing about these stuffed Beanie Babies. I offer no proof of anything. It is a stuffed animal, get over it! I don't think my ex-wife was in the Black Market Beanie Trade..but then again, I didn't know she was having an affair either! Thus no gauruntees! All have theior little Heart Shaped tags on their ears.

    Ants - Armidillo
    Almond - Bear
    Knuckles - Pig
    Humphrey - Camel
    Tiptoe - Rat (I must have picked this one) Pig - Zodiac Pic (huh?)
    Chipper- Chipmunk or Squirrel (Not Sure)
    Neon - Sea Horse or Sea Serpent
    Goatee- Goat
    Prickles - Hedge Hog
    Steg - Dinosaur (Stegasaurus I guess)
    Manny - Mannatee
    Paul - Walrus (Hey I get that joke..koo-koo-ka-choo)
    Rabbit- Rabbit (Zodiac Critter)
    Sheets - Ghost
    Rainbow - Lizard (cameleon?)
    Batty- Bat
    Peanut - Elephant (comes in a plastic see-thru box)
    Britannia - Bear with British Flag
    Germania - Bear with German Flag
    Eucalyptus - Koala Bear
    Web - Spider (I must have picked all the ugly ones!)
    Beak - Kiwi Bird?
    Scaly - Komodo Dragon or other lizard..not sure!
    Mystic - Unicorn
    Nuts - Squirrel
    (Not Pictured) Mickey Mouse in Hockey Uniform

    ALL OF THEM HAVE THEIR LITTLE HEARTS TAG ON THE EARS!

    On Sep-19-03 at 12:47:48 PDT, seller added the following information:

    A very kind Ebayer wrote me an email and said the following:

    The valuable beanies here are Steg (dinosaur), Humphrey(camel), web (spider) and peanut (elephant). They are worth considerably more if they have the red heart hang tags and if the tags are in good shape - no creases or tears. If you wouldn't mind giving me more info on those. Also, if you added more info to the auction I'm sure you could get more $$ for your tools!

    To answer her question: I looked and to the best of my looking at them all. None of the ones she mentioned have any torn tags or creased tags. In fact NONE of the little critters have messed up tags. People have been telling me these critters are worth alot of money. I know nothing about them, and told you everything you need to know up in the description. I make no claims on value, and to be honest. I am amazed anyine pays more then a dollar a piece for these things. What happened to collecting STAMPS? Pay what you want for them! IT ALL GOES TO HOMEDEPOT !!!!!! and BEER!

    On Sep-21-03 at 12:21:32 PDT, seller added the following information:

    Okay all you people with nothing better to do! ENOUGH WITH THE EMAILS! I thought I was clear with all that. Here is an Email that I just got from some lady who felt she will try to save my sould or something! Read Below:

    Very clever listing; however it is very likely you have some fakes (counterfeits) among the listing and I suggest you pull them from the auctions until you have them authenticated. Humphrey the camel is an example. It is a requirement of eBay as well as unde the provisions of the U.S. Criminal Cpode that a seller know the authenticity of a trademarked item s/he is selling. Also, an authenticated rare beanie will bring lots of money on the auctions. I'll let you know the others that are likely fakes, and further it is very unlikely your ex would have left behind these rare ones. If she had 1000 beanies, she knew what she had and their value. To sell counterfeits of a trademarked item wold make you a common criminal. Are you being honest? If so, cancel the auction, relist the common beanies, and send the rest for authentication. It would be well worth it financially and would make you honest. Taisha

    WELL TAISHA! I don't CARE! I told everyone in the begining everything I know and don't know about these STUPID animals! I ahve an idea for all people that are so worried about this.....DON't BID! I dont care! I am so upset that this clown of a woman figured out my SUPER PLAN TO SCAM MILLIONS FROM THE UNKNOWING BEANIE WORLD! I FIGURED I WOULD RETIRE FROM THIS RUSE! What a dolt she is! I have blocked her from my bidder list, that way she can cry about it. Some people are UNREAL! GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winning bid was $860. Better than I ever did, even any single auction in the great Playboy Job of 2000.

(Link seen on Pejmanesque.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:17 AM   0 comments
Friday, October 24, 2003
 
Thank Guinness

Kelley, from Suburban Blight, has led me to the following realization:

Guinness. My goodness my guinness. You are dark and
mysterious. There is something people just
can't describe about you, besides that you love
head. You are a good one, but can only be
handled by a small percentage of the population
(unless you're in Ireland).

Which Beer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Was there any doubt?

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:59 PM   0 comments
 
Another State With Concealed Carry

My home state, Wisconsin, has passed concealed carry legislation. Boots and Sabers has the complete rundown.

Good luck, guys. I hope your state constitution says "Guns are good if the legislature says so." Anything else, we're learning in Missouri, means the State Supreme Court gets to make the law of the land.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:37 PM   0 comments
 
A New Blog Argument Style Is Born

Anger Management gives to you:

The Fusking.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:18 PM   0 comments
 
That Sums It Up Nicely

The last line of this story, about a principal at a charter school who uses RFID in the student IDs to keep track of the children, really sums it up properly. To address the concerns of the critics who think this might be problematic and invade the privacy of the students, he says:
    "It's as private as anything else can be when your information is stored on a server," he said.
Anyone here who would accept that as a valid answer, please send me an e-mail with the reasons why that's okay. Be sure to add your social security number and mother's maiden name for validation purposes. Thank you.

(Link seen on /..)

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:13 PM   0 comments
 
Michael Kinsley Says, "Because I Said So"

In an editorial in the Washington Post, Michael Kinsley's latest piece bears the headline "One Reason Not to Like Bush" and he starts with a lead of:
    Conservatives wonder why so many liberals don't just disagree with President Bush's policies, but seem to dislike him personally. The story of stem cell research may help to explain.
He offer some blah blah blah about Bush opposing fetus stem cell research and how Bush pretends to think it's immoral, but:
    None of this matters if you believe that a microscopic embryo is a human being with the same human rights as you and me. George W. Bush claims to believe that, and you have to believe something like that to justify your opposition to stem cell research. But Bush cannot possibly believe that embryos are full human beings, or he would surely oppose modern fertility procedures that create and destroy many embryos for each baby they bring into the world. Bush does not oppose modern fertility treatments. He even praised them in his anti-stem cell speech.
Got that? Kinsley starts putting beliefs into Bush's head to make his point. Lookie der, lookie der, Bush cannot adhere to his principles because he has not specifically addressed this particular permutation! HYPOCRITE!

Finally, after some blah blah blah about Bush being a hypocrite and moral poser and not a very good one at that (undoubtedly, Kinsley would probably intimate, like you and me, wink-wink-nudge-nudge-say-no-more!), Kinsley finishes with:
    This is not a policy disagreement. Or rather, it is not only a policy disagreement. If the president is not a complete moron -- and he probably is not -- he is a hardened cynic, staging moral anguish he does not feel, pandering to people he cannot possibly agree with and sacrificing the future of many American citizens for short-term political advantage.

    Is that a good enough reason to dislike him personally?
Actually, if I were falling for the straw man Kinsley's hung in effigy, I might still think it was a policy disagreement if I left out every impure motive he so applied so dilligently to the policy discussion.

As it stands, I can only summon forth a "Poor form, Peter" and continue to disregard Michael Kinsley as a serious thinker. Is it good enough reason to dislike him personally? But, Mr. Toohey, I don't think of you.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:49 PM   0 comments
Thursday, October 23, 2003
 
Light Blogging 2-Nite!

Sorry, not much posting tonight.

I realized I am going nowhere fast, so I decided to slow down and enjoy the scenery on my trip.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:18 PM   0 comments
 
You Might Be A Blue Stater If

Porphyrohenitus provides a litmus test you can use to determine if you're liberal (acidic, I presume) or conservative (basic).

I am a Member of the Dreaded NeoCon Cabal. Do we have magic in a cabal, or is that a coven?

Darn. At the next cabal committee meeting, I am going to move we reorganize into a NeoConCov.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:16 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
 
Chutzpah, as Defined by Shjon Podein

In John Buccigross's column on hockey this week, Shjon Podein, the former Colorado Avalanche and St. Louis Blues winger, defines chutzpah as only a hockey player can:
    "So, I'm in my rookie year in Edmonton and it's my birthday. We had just come home from one of our infamous 15-20 day road trips and my family is there to celebrate. So, the family and I go out to have some dinner and drinks. We're just relaxing when one of my brothers gives me a four-foot high, inflatable tyrannosaurus rex for a birthday present. My other brother gives me a sombrero.

    We get back to the hotel and get mom back in her room. As we're leaving mom's room, my brothers jump me and rip my suit off in the hotel hallway, leaving me with just my boxers, a sombrero and my 4 foot high inflatable tyrannosaurus rex.

    So I'm wandering the hallways of the hotel trying to find where my room is. We'd been on the road for 15-20 days, it's late, and I can't remember my room number. I stick my room key in a number of doors, hoping to find the right one. All of a sudden, I look up and there is one of Canada's finest security guards.

    I go, "Hey, what's going on!"

    The security guard says, 'We've had a complaint that some guy is walking down the hall in his boxers, wearing a sombrero, with a bottle of Bud in one hand and an inflatable dinosaur in the other, making too much noise.'

    I looked at him and said, "You've got the WRONG GUY, brotha."

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:42 PM   0 comments
 
The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating

The TSA strikes again, as in "swing and a miss!"

You think they'll go after the harmless woman who brought a knife onto the plane to cut her apple snack? Perhaps it's also against the law to eat an apple that's not provided by flight staff on a plane, too. If not, maybe it should be.

(Link seen via Drudge.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:37 PM   0 comments
 
Richard Roeper Crosses the Line

In his column today for the Chicago Sun-Times, Richard Roeper discusses the marketing creation "metrosexual." He's spot on when he says nobody but people who are selling something to men who want to be "metrosexuals" every really uses the term "metrosexual."

However, he goes over the line with his clincher paragraph:
    Uh, I don't think so. And after I finish my Guinness tonight, moisturize and then read a few pages of The Devil Wears Prada before I watch "SportsCenter," I'll sleep well, knowing this whole metrosexual thing is just media-fueled nonsense. Hell, I don't think I even know any metrosexuals.
Dammit, were I in Chicago, I might feel the need to defend my manliness by having a slap fight with him or downing a Budweiser just to prove I could. As it were, I shall finish my Guinness, read a chapter of The Dive from Clausen's Pier, and ....

Uh oh.

Looks like there might be some awkward conversations at Thanksgiving when I come out of the walk-in closet.

Oh, wait, my beautiful wife dresses me, so I guess I am not a metrosexual after all.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:28 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
 
The Perfect Radio Station

I cannot praise 88.7 WSIE enough. It is the perfect radio station.

I mean, it only interrupts the jazz music to play St. Louis Blues hockey games.

One less reason for me to leave Musings Central here.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:34 PM   0 comments
 
Know The Enemy: The Box Cutter

With all the handwringing about Nathaniel Heatwole and his "hide the box cutter" stunt which has left him facing ten years in Federal prison for pointing out the folly that is the TSA and its passenger searches, I think it's time to inject a little perspective into the anti-box cutter hysteria. I understand they were used in the hijackings on September 11, 2001, but it was a different world then. People expected that hijackers wanted to fly to Cuba, or wanted some political hostages released, or some ransom money. People did not know then that doing what a hijacker wanted was certain death, too.

Otherwise, no one would be hijacked by someone wielding one of these:

A box cutter compared to a 6" ruler.


Not exactly a machete, now, is it? This is your garden variety box cutter favored by retail stockers and warehousemen everywhere. Note the less-than-shiny razor blade with almost a whole half inch of cutting surface exposed. This is not a piercing or stabbing weapon, folks. This is a little slasher, and it's got far less than an inch of penetration power. No bad man is going to stick you in the heart or lungs with it, and it's probably not enough to cut through your stomach wall if you've done any extra situps recently or have been eating a lot of fast food. Keep it away from your neck and you should be okay if someone pulls one in a fight. Granted, I'd rather be the guy with a case cutter if one of the two of us in the fight has one, but it's not instant death, and it's not even that intimidating.

Even if the bad guy pulls the razor out, he's only exposing 1.5 inches of slashing blade, and it's a hell of a lot harder to hold:

A box cutter disassembled, with razor out.


Of course, maybe when the press describes box cutter it means a utility knife. Utility knives come in all shapes and sizes, but they're all designed to have a small, sharp cutting surface but also to be safe for people to handle. As a result, they don't make that effective of a weapon, especially if you're a terrorist with a plane full of resisting people.

So we, the people, know that the measures that strip grandmothers of their pinking shears and businessmen of their nail clippers are mostly cosmetic. That the TSA is making a show of security all the while telling us to please be quiet so that the TSA can fool the bad men into thinking the planes are secure. By taking away some of the most effective makeshift weapons available. This effort inconveniences air travellers and probably doesn't even phase the bad men. It also could lead to prosecution of innocent people who make a small mistake.

When I was working in retail, the box cutter just became a part of the gear I carry in my jeans pockets. After each work day, I dumped it onto the dresser with my wallet, keys, and change. Every morning, including some upon which I did not work, I picked the gear up and put it into my pockets. If I were to do that today, on a day whereupon I was to catch a plane, don't doubt the TSA would make an example of me.

So let this be a series of lessons to you. Our TSA is creating, for its own benefit, an illusion of security by isolating innocuous items and hoping against all hope that the terrorists continue to use things TSA screeners are looking for and that the terrorists are foolish enough to get caught with them. The TSA will ruin countless innocent American (not that Heatwole's innocent, mind you) lives to make its point, which is not worth much.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:23 PM   0 comments
 
Down the Creek Without a Paddle, Go To Jail!

Apparently, going over Niagara Falls without a barrel is illegal, according to this story:
    It was a stunt -- not a suicide attempt -- that sent a Michigan man over the brink of Niagara Falls yesterday. That's according to Canadian police, who say they will charge 40-year-old Kirk Jones of Canton, Michigan with illegally performing a stunt.
I'm not sure which stunts are legal in Canada, but just in case, it's probably a good idea to not leap through any flaming hoops when visiting our nothern neighbor.

No word from our legal counsel yet whether wearing clown shoes violates Ontario ordinance.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:32 PM   0 comments
 
Criminalization of Stupid Things? You Don't Say! (II)

Tyler Cowan of The Volokh Conspiracy expounds on the overcriminalization of economic conduct.

He quotes:
    "Estimates of the current size of the body of federal criminal law vary. It has been reported that the Congressional Research Service cannot even count the current number of federal crimes. The American Bar Association reported in 1998 that there were in excess of 3,300 separate criminal offenses. More than 40 percent of these laws have been enacted in just the past 30 years, as part of the growth of the regulatory state. And these laws are scattered in over 50 titles of the United States Code, encompassing roughly 27,000 pages. Worse yet, the statutory code sections often incorporate, by reference, the provisions and sanctions of administrative regulations promulgated by various regulatory agencies under congressional authorization. Estimates of how many such regulations exist are even less well settled, but the ABA thinks there are "[n]early 10,000.""
Makes it hard to keep them all straight in your head, doesn't it?

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:37 PM   0 comments
Monday, October 20, 2003
 
Mad Props to a Homie

A fellow from Wisconsin shot a hole-in-one and bowled a 300 game in single day.

Fark's got the link and asks, in comments, how he could complete the trifecta. Unironically, the previous story linked on Fark is Ten ways to make hockey better. Add your eleventh (voting enabled).

Sometimes the most obvious solutions are the hardest to see.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:22 PM   0 comments
 
She Wolf or She Male? Which Sub Place Tonight?

John Kass of the Chicago Tribune contrasts the current commercials of submarine sandwich chains (registration required).

Compare:
    The commercial starts off with two guys holding toasted subs.

    "One guy asks, `What? You don't like it? Were you raised by wolves?'

    "The other guy has a far-away look in his eyes. Then there's a flashback, and he's in business attire, suckling at a grown she-wolf, fighting off other wolf cubs, the only thing is, he's not a wolf. He's a guy, in business attire, suckling on a wolf."

    We stood there, silently pondering the image, trying to figure out why wolf milk might inspire a guy to buy a sub.
Contrast:
    This one involves a tense fellow who dresses in a cheerleader outfit, and swishes his pompoms in the middle of his driveway, with the neighbors watching, including the neighbor with the video camera.

    In the commercial, the cross-dresser tells his terrified daughter not to worry, that although he's "been bad," he had the special sandwich. He's absolved himself with a sub.
Makes me want to order pizza, too.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:13 PM   0 comments
 
Veterinarian Explains Hunter Pathological Psychology

After treating a black Lab for an arrow wound, a veterinarian took a moment to plomb the deep recesses of the dark soul of hunters:
    A lot of hunters take the hunt as seriously as a religion, and anything that gets in their way is going to get blasted to kingdom come," Jones said. "Of course the dog probably ran around in this woods all year round. The hunters were probably there illegally."
Spurious assertions made to split hunters from the mainstream, where they yet remain in the suburbanifying northern Jefferson County region of Missouri? Back off, man, he's a scientist armed with a D.V.M. degree, so he can explain the lizard-brain-mentality which undoubtedly comes from an excess of blood and not enough phlegm in some sects of the population.

If you're going to say a lot of hunters are murderous skybusters (or ground-level busters), you can just as easily assert that quite a few black Labs exhibit suicidal impulses or innumerable veterinarians are nitwits. However, I cannot comfortably assert spuriously based on personal anecdotes. Our veterinarian is not a nitwit and the most avid hunter I know hasn't yet blasted everything in his way to kingdom come, I'd have to think that spurious assertions only serve to make good newspaper copy, and to be a Jedi mind trick for weak minded legislators fools.

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:47 PM   0 comments
 
Poor Word Choice, Peter

The New York Daily News, writing about another suicide at New York University, characterizes the incident thusly:
    A 19-year-old New York University student plunged from a friend's sixth-floor window in Manhattan last night in an apparent suicide, cops said.

    The incident marked the third reported suicide by an NYU student this fall.
Ouch. Might I recommend you share my pretentious reference to this season as autumn to avert these situations?

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:35 PM   0 comments
Saturday, October 18, 2003
 
Query

Do they call it broadband because you can download porn faster?

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:41 PM   0 comments
 
Outted by the Friday Five!

Acidman drinks Budweiser!

I can understand the boxed wine because of the convenience of stacking. Whenever I get a pallet full delivered, I can dolly it in and stack it to the ceiling in my laundry room wine cellar. But Budweiser in the refrigerator?

Maybe it's left over from a party or something. I mean, I know the malternative six pack that materializes at our parties tends to last longer than its grain alternatives, but I'm no Marc Antony. I won't drink the stale of horses even if Clydesdales produce a hearty, robust flavor.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:51 PM   0 comments
 
Nick Gillespie's First Time

Nick's first time took place when he was fourteen and one a cold basement floor. Me, when I was nineteen, in the dark room in the basement I called The Cave, on a bed beneath Christmas lights set to flash on and off.

The first time I read The Stranger, of course.

Nick's got short review and reflection on American Existentialism, springing off of a tome calledExistential America (christmasWishList.add(book);). Might be worth a browse. Much of my Existentialist reading has come from surveys, werd, except for the primary stuff like The Stranger, The Plague, Nausea, Existentialism and Human Emotions, and about twenty pages of Being and Nothingness.

So where was I? Oh, yes, L'Etranger, which I read when I was looking for Existenialist stuff. Man, that was a philosophy for me. All the books were thin! So I took two. The Stranger and The Outsider. After I polished off The Stranger, I started The Outsider and suddenly, I understood the circular meaninglessness of everyday existence. Deja vu with disappointment. The Outsider had the same first page as The Stranger! What an artistic statement! Or perhaps it was just that the British translation had a different title. It's something I have speculated on in many coffeeshops.

Regardless, if you haven't read it, I recommend it. Especially for those of you who want to impress your book clubs by selecting a philosophical novel, but a short philosophical novel.

- posted by Brian J. @ 4:49 PM   0 comments
 
A Candidate for the Future

Draft Wesley.

(Link seen on Boots and Sabers.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 3:55 PM   0 comments
 
Albright Now, Baby, She's Albright Now

Like her boss, "Mad" Albright is campaigning against attacking Bush for his foreign policy. Because I give her point of view these days the same credibility I would give an Internet Troll, I am going to give her remarks the corrective treatment favored by Frank J. and my beautiful wife by rewriting "cleaning up" her remarks:
    US President George W. Bush's foreign policy "is what we should have been doing in the Clinton adminstration all along."

    "America is much stronger than a multilateral system, they better be on the our side, work with us. Or else it's America versus the others."

    She said that UN chief Kofi Annan, who has come out against a US draft resolution on Iraq currently before the UN Security Council, was the "best secretary general since the creation, for what that's worth" of the world body.
All right, that's getting dull. What could she have said to characterize herself and her peers properly?
    "It's not difficult to be in France and criticise my government. But I'm doing so because I think I am a Dixie Chick because in the Clinton administration, we had the depth and breadth of pop stars."

    On Iraq, Albright said "I fear that there really is chaos there. We don't know what's going to happen. One or two Americans a day are killed. We should have sent our soldiers on costly-but-safe excursions that outlasted their exit date by a decade or more, like Bosnia."

    Even if ridding Iraq of its "terrible" leader had its merits, Albright added: "I don't understand why the war happened now. I would have liked to see us concentrate on Afghanistan because this Karzai guy is a mad tyrant and needs to be overthrown."
I have to do these things, you understand, to keep this vein in my forehead to keep from throbbing painfully.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:04 AM   0 comments
 
Remember Crocodile Dundee?

Ron Simpson does:
    "That is not a real gun," Simpson told the robber. "This is a real gun," he said, pulling a .25-caliber derringer from his front-right jeans pocket.
(Link seen on TheHighAndAlmightyPundit.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:48 AM   0 comments
Friday, October 17, 2003
 
Your #1 Source for Recreational Cocaine Lasik Information

Thank you, someone, for discovering that Musings from Brian J. Noggle is the #1 source for recreational cocaine lasik on the Internet!

I am sorry I cannot provide the answers you seek until you provide a bit more information.

Are you a person who uses cocaine "recreationally" and you want to know whether a little blow will affect your vision surgery, or a surgeon who wants to know if you're really better at your job when you're feeling schnucking GREAT, man?

Thank you.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:16 PM   0 comments
 
It's the Strategy, Stupid

Yesterday's Opinion Journal feature story claimed that Democrats were in trouble because the economy was turning around, which means their operatives wouldn't have the spoon with which to stir economic discontent in time for next year's elections.

Man, it must put a burden on Democrats and their backers. Whatever could they do to make the economy look bad?

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:34 PM   0 comments
 
Damn Kids

Electronic Gaming Monthly features some damn kids reviewing Pong, Donkey Kong, and other classic games.

Makes you want to throttle the little glitzes, doesn't it?

(Link seen on Fark.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:18 AM   0 comments
Thursday, October 16, 2003
 
Laws of Causality Awry in Middle East

Knight Ridder headline: Killing of 3 in Gaza makes U.S. a target.

Those of us who think linearly, and try to express reality with words, might have phrased it Palestinian Irregulars Target U.S. Civilians, Kill 3 in Gaza, but that implies this act passes for Palestinian military action and that these Palestinians purposefully decided beforehand to attack and kill 3 U.S. civilians, the official storytellers want to describe a different narrative.

In spite of a liberal arts education, I avoid passive voice and write clearly, so I am not qualified to work at Knight Ridder.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:57 PM   0 comments
 
Who Chooses When You Can Choose?

In his Chicago Tribune column today (registration required), Steven Chapman identifies inconsistencies on a woman's right to choose what's right for her body and her life.
    As Planned Parenthood Federation of America president Gloria Feldt puts it, "We stand for the principle that women--in consultation with their families and their physicians--should make their own reproductive and health decisions. Not politicians and not the government."

    But this week, they changed their minds.

    Not about abortion. On that intimate issue of women's physical autonomy, they still believe the government should get out and stay out. But when it comes to breast implants, they think women can't be trusted to decide for themselves. On the former question, they sound like hard-core libertarians. On the latter, they are models of intrusive paternalism.
You get to free will, Citizen, whenever your betters tell you to choose.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:51 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
 
Police Chief Says Press Charges, Get Charged

Certainly you've heard the story about the jubilant Missouri football fan who rushed onto Faurot Field after the Missouri Tigers beat the Nebraska Cornhuskers last Saturday, wherein a Nebraska Cornhusker football player rung his bell. If you haven't, go read the story and watch the video. I'll wait right here for you.

Okay. So read what the police chief has to say. To sum up, via cut and paste:
    COLUMBIA, Mo. -- The man punched by a Nebraska football player after the game at Faurot Field last Saturday could face a first-degree trespassing charge, the University of Missouri-Columbia police chief said.

    "That is part of the investigation," Chief Jack Watring said Wednesday.

    Fans were told by the public-address announcer to not go onto the field after the game.

    Watring said the man who was hit, Matthew Scott of Lee's Summit, Mo., has been told by investigators that he could be charged himself if he presses action against Nebraska place-kick holder Kellen Huston.
Sorry to make you work for a living, Chief. The investigation, huh? You mean popping the video into your videocassette player and enjoying a nice mocha while a loop shows Scott getting punched by a football player, a professional athlete for all intents and purposes.

If the victim decides maybe a one-game suspension and a forced apology is not enough and he wants just recourse through the legal system, you shall punish the victim for bothering you.

Does anyone else here suspect that the following tidbit, buried in the bottom of the story, might be germane to Watring's threat?
    Scott is not a student at the university, Watring said.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:18 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
 
Book Review: When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden by Bill Maher (2002)

Well, I've gotten a new membership in the Quality Paperback book club, so I can get cheap, household wall friendly copies of books that I might disagree with, violently.

First on the list: When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden by Bill Maher. Anyone else remember him with Geena Davis in Sara? No? His agent's undoubtedly relieved.

Something about Maher's political stands as the leading libertarian dished out by HBO bothers me. Some of his stances seem okay, but every time I would watch Politically Incorrect or Real Time with Bill Maher I am yoked into agreement with him just enough that I suffer a physiological response when he expresses something I heartily dispute. So it was good for me to get my hands on this book so I could isolate exactly where we differ.

Fortunately, I didn't pick up a heavy tome. This book is a quick collection of musings coupled with posters designed for the War on Terror. One, Bill Maher is for the War on Terror, is for a strong response, and recognizes it's a clash of civilizations. Not toeing the Libertarian isolationist party line, but that's ok. I don't either. The biggest thrust of this book is that we need to stiffen up, stop pretending to have security in our airports, and act like we're at war. Okay, I dig the whole stop-partying-like-its-1999-already thing.

Maher also hits some of the themes of proper libertarian thought when he wants to legalize drugs, continue with free speech, and that the federak government should focus on its two proper roles, police and defense, but a little less on the policing, thanks.

But Maher jumps the libertarian rails when he invokes Barbie E's Book of Shadows and raises the whole anti-capitalist raise-the-minimum-wage bit. He wants to cut subsidies (yes!) but dispense more foreign aid because we can (not to further our interests, but because it's nice), and by "we" he means with your compulsory tax donation, friend. Hey, he gives 50% of his income seven figure income, you give 25% of your lower five, what's not to like?

Also, amid the rallying cries of "Every citizen a soldier!" and "Vigilence is the eternal price of liberty!" (my interpretations, but his bits are entitled "Make Them Fight All of Us" and "Neighbors Looking Out for Neighbors", I am not stretching it too much), but he's in favor of gun control (he thinks Reagan could have rammed it through immediately after the assassination attempt). Every citizen a vigilent soldier with a cell phone to call the authorities! Hardly the militia that the forefathers envisioned which Maher almost wants.

I'd recommend the book when it gets remaindered. It's got a good crystallization of Maher's thoughts behind his glib comments (the crystals are 1-2 page miniature essays akin to Dennis Miller's rants but not as clever and just a little more earnest). It's also a quick read, being short pieces jammed between the sofa cushions of posters and pages containing quotes from the pieces.

Personally, the book has changed my life. I now remember to turn out the light when I leave a room to stop wasting energy. It's a small part I can play to making the country more energy efficient and lowering my energy bills a small percentage. I'd forgotten its simple importance. I'll be adamant about doing it until I forget again next week.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:09 PM   0 comments
 
It Only Takes Me So Long

So it's only taken me some what, two years, to notice this, but now that I have, it's under there. Every day when I reboot, bam! It's in my face:



Based on NT Technology. Windows NT Technology. Windows New Technology Technology.

Sure, it's not as egregious as PIN Number on an ATM Machine, but come couldn't you buy better with billions of dollars? I'm only fifty an hour, werd.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:39 PM   0 comments
 
Ask the Seasoned Veteran

Last year's rookie sensation Pierre-Marc Bouchard on how long to nap on game day (last item):

90 minutes.

It's always game day here at the Noggle household.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:16 PM   0 comments
 
Masculine-Writing Women and Men Who Adore Them

Virginia Postrel points to the Gender Genie, which parses a long text string of your writing to guess your gender.

My piece: Buzzword of the Day: Sanity Check
The Judgment:
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 574
Male Score: 1068

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!


Heather's piece: John Galt, Vomit, and Sundry Other Bodily Excretions
The Judgment:
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 1746
Male Score: 2005

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!


I think a woman who writes and thinks like a man is sexxxxy!

Also, word to those who would impugn my masculinity by pointing out that my wife has a higher male score than me: note that my differential is greater than hers. I'm sure that's somewhere in the fine print of the Gender Genie, but I am too busy knitting doilies to read that closely.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:01 PM   0 comments
Monday, October 13, 2003
 
Our City Is Too Good for the Likes Of You, Citizen

A piece today in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel about the inner ring suburbs of Milwaukee working to improve their neighborhoods by squelching small entrepreneurs: Tapping out liquor licenses: Corner taverns squeezed out as communities work to upgrade images, tax revenue.

A spokesecrat for West Milwaukee speaks ex cathedra about what the monolithic entity wants, says:
    "The times that there are two or three bars on every block is passed," said West Milwaukee Village President Ron Hayward. "West Milwaukee wants to upgrade its image."
Got that, citizens? West Milwaukee, the organic entity, has determined that the time of small entrepreneurs running their own taverns is over. Instead, it's time for West Milwaukee to look like Springfield, Missouri, and Chesterfield, Missouri, and most of the other suburbs in most other towns. Bring on the Applebees! Wait, sorry, I mean:
    "What they're deciding is what's good for the neighborhood and what's not," said Weinzatl [owner of a building denied a liquor license renewal], 36. "When they didn't have the tax revenue coming in, the Chili's and Chipotle's, we were all good enough for them. Now that they have all these opportunities, they're going to squeeze out the little guy."
Bring on the Chili's! West Milwaukee wants to sacrifice its local character to the gods of suburban sameness to sucker in some traffic from Miller Park attendees who wouldn't walk through the worn wooden doors of a corner tavern with the name of the owner above the door on a discolored Schlitz sign but who would be much happier to pull the jalapeño door handle just like they do once a week out in Sussex.

And the West Milwaukee citizens who would like to run their own businesses?
    Melody Nordness, 45, a homemaker and homeowner who has lived in the village for 17 years, had hoped to lease Weinzatl's space in her first crack as a small business owner. She wanted to create a corner tavern where neighbors could stop in for a beer while walking their dogs, chat about the village goings-on and just sit for a while, she said.

    She had already paid for her license and started fixing up the place when she received a letter July 14 providing her with reasons for a denial.

    Among the reasons:

    "The Village of West Milwaukee Board has identified the need to change the culture of the community, to encourage redevelopment and reduce the property tax burden on homeowners."

    "One of the redevelopment goals identified by the Community Development Authority is to encourage restaurant uses in the village, in lieu of taverns that do not primarily serve food."

    While Nordness got her money back, she wanted the license.

    "I was very upset for the fact that I have lived here 17 years, and we wanted to keep this bar/tavern a community-type business," Nordness said. "We kept them afloat for 17 years, paying the highest taxes in the state of Wisconsin."
Quiet, citizen! You forget your place. You serve the Government's needs, not the other way around. Do you not understand that the Government is adjusting your culture as It sees fit to broaden Its tax base or improve Its image to Itself. Love It or leave It by moving to another community just like this one.

And be grateful that the Government has not taken your land for Its own vision of megastripmalldom. Yet. known for charginh President Clinton for providing police security a visit,

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:03 PM   0 comments
 
Three Things That The World Has Foisted Upon Me To Make Me Feel Old

  • Save buttons. I remember when we actually used those things depicted on the Save button to actually, you know, save information on.

  • Rookies who turned into gritty veteran experience. I remember when Jochen Hecht, also known as "Youngun'" Hecht, broke into the NHL. Now he's "a veteran guy that's [sic] tough to lose."

  • Damn kid Subway workers who turn to one another when a Wham! song comes on and ask, "Do you know that song?"
(Apologies to Ravenwood whom I am channelling.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:32 PM   0 comments
 
Best of the Best?

Ajax could take on this little punk of an ocicat with the sissy name of Tom Tom.

Ajax bears the name of a mighty Greek warrior, who only near the end of his career went nuts. Tom Tom, on the other hand, is named after a little hippie drum. Advantage : AJAX!

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:22 PM   0 comments
 
Ladies and Gentlemen, I Present the Next Governor of Kentucky

Billy, the Native American Commando from Predator
Sonny Landham!

Why fight it? It's inevitable, and apparently it's not a joke site since it's been reported in Kentucky media.

If he wins, I am putting on my tinfoil hat and watching the movie frame-by-frame to see what their ultimate plans are.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:17 PM   0 comments
Sunday, October 12, 2003
 
Gephardt Proves Stingl's Theorem

Mark Steyn, in the Chicago Sun-Times, says:
    At Thursday's Democratic Presidential debate, Jeff Greenfield asked the candidates why it was that only 34 percent of Americans identified themselves as Democrats -- the lowest number since before the New Deal. ''You're looking at the glass as half-empty, I look at it as half-full,'' said former House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt, demonstrating the command of basic math that has made the federal budget what it is. The Democratic glass isn't half-empty, it's two-thirds empty.
Kinda proves Stingl's Theorem, wot?

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:56 PM   0 comments
 
Lamentations



Oh, man, now that the Packers choked up a 17 point lead to Kansas City, Cagey's either going to be:
  • Insufferable (which I would be were it the other way around), which I cannot stand the thought of, or

  • A bigger man than me and not rub my face in the mess that Ahman Green left on the fifty yard line, which I cannot stand the thought of, either.
Doom, despair and agony on me.
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery.
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Doom, despair and agony on me.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:35 PM   0 comments
 
Word to Your Grandmother

As part of his weekendly series, Kim du Toit honors Veronica Lake.

The only movie I have seen with Veronica Lake is The Blue Dahlia (which I never finished watching, so don't tell me if how it ends). She's got the looks and she's got the voice, and she's the complete package. Unlike the sleaze stharlots of today, who run the complete spectrum from vapid to trashy, Veronica Lake's the kind of woman you would enjoy talking to before and after.

Kinda like this sex symbol. Bangs over the eye and everything.

- posted by Brian J. @ 5:23 PM   0 comments
Saturday, October 11, 2003
 
Buzzword of the Day: Sanity Check

So I am minding my company's business (since I was on the clock, by terms of the employee licensing agreement I signed when I started, any business conducted on company property is company business, so you won't catch me selling on eBay things and adding to the company's revenue stream, werd), when I heard the most blatant buzzword since a couple of jobs ago when I heard a project manager say face time without a smirk on his face. This time, it was a project manager, too, who probably heard the phrase in a project management seminar or took it from a project management magazine, where it was nestled in between the ads for project management software.

This buzzword:

Sanity check

The context: "We'll perform a sanity check." I think he meant evaluate the position of the project vis-à-vis (Author's note: This use of the italicized French term does not represent a "buzzword"; instead, it's pretension. Please note and appreciate the difference. Thank you.) contractual obligations and customer considerations. However, because it's the first time I ever heard of a "sanity check," I can only guess this is what he meant.

From whence did this asylum-escapee of a buzzword originate? Never mind, perhaps the bedlam of the information technology field needs buzzwords and common cues from the world of psychology.

You want a sanity check? Here's a schnucking sanity check:



Now, take a look at this, tell me what you see, and I can diagnose your particular sickness. What is it you see in this picture?

    I see a leading enterprise-caliber best-in-class solution for....
      Obviously, you're delusional, and you work in sales or marketing.


    I'm not sure; let me call a meeting to discuss with others what I might see.
      Welcome to project management. Worst part is that after the meeting, you'll still be unclear about what you see.


    Whoa, that's a cool new technology/specification that's not mature yet! We should tear down the complete infrastructure and rebuild all applications and server components to use this new design
      You're a developer, and heaven help us all, but an influential or lead developer. Here we go again.


    I see a series of lines and arcs that I can understand and describe in elaborate detail.
      You're apparently in documentation. Don't bother trying to describe the picture for me. By the time you're three-fourths of the way through your description, one of those lead developers described above will shake up the Etch-a-Sketch and you'll have to start over.


    It's a damn mess. A boondoggle. What am I supposed to do with that? There's nothing about that that even resembles a picture. Tell me you're not shipping that out in a frame, for crying out loud.
      Welcome to Quality Assurance. Now please be quiet, we've heard enough from you.


You know the worst part about "sanity check"? Not only is it a buzzword, but it's an inappropriate buzzword because it assumes there's some sanity to check.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:05 AM   0 comments
Friday, October 10, 2003
 
Which Member of the Rat Pack Are You?

Modern Drunkard, in conjunction with Quizilla, leads me to this insight:



You can take the quiz here.

(Link seen on VodkaPundit.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:18 PM   0 comments
 
Why Stop There?

A grieving family has taken time from their grieving to sue not the drunk driver who paralyzed their daughter, but also the following parties:
    Besides the NFL [and its commissioner Paul Tagliabue], defendants include Lanzaro, the Giants, the New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority, Giants Stadium and Aramark, a company that sells concessions at the stadium.
Seems they missed a few people. I'd like to point out they should also include:
  • Jim Fassel, head coach of the New York Giants, whose inspired leadership that day lead to a Giants' victory that lead to the drunken driver's celebration / lead to a Giants' loss that lead to the drunken driver easing the immortal pain of being a Giants fan with alcohol.

  • The manufacturer of the drunken driver's truck, which did not conduct a sobriety test before allowing him to start the vehicle.

  • The state of New Jersey, for laying a strip of asphalt upon which the drunken driver could drive drunkenly.

  • The Catholic Church, for canonizing Augustine of Hippo, Nicholas of Myra, Saint Luke, Saint Barbara, Saint Medard of Noyon, Saint Adrian, and assorted others who were considered patron saints of beer and legitimized brewed grain consumption.

  • Budweiser, the King of Beers, for not keeping its subjects in line.
(Link seen on Drudge.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:02 PM   0 comments
 
High Drinks Not Yet a Felony

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch (literally, after the train has left the station), we have this tale of intoxicated airline woe:
    Amelia Hernandez said she slipped some rum onto a New York-to-Dallas flight just to "calm her nerves." But by the Midwest, she was singing and swearing and scaring the flight crew into an unscheduled landing at St. Louis just to boot her off.

    She capped the day May 5 by thumping a Lambert Field police officer in the head and kicking a window out of a squad car.
Yes, well, that sounds pretty serious. Fortunately, someone in the government had a heart, and she got a plea bargain:
    Hernandez pleaded guilty in U.S. District Court to a misdemeanor charge of drinking liquor in flight that was not served by a crew member, which many people might not realize is a crime.
With so many laws, it's so easy to miss a few, unless you're a prosecutor.

But to offer a some advice, I offer the following list of things which you might not realize are also against the law regarding air travel:
  • It is against the law to bring your own peanuts onto any domestic or international flight.
  • It is against the law to mentally undress your flight attendant.
  • It is against the law to cross the center white line; this is reckless flying.
  • It is against the law to request lots of money and parachutes and then jump out of the plane over the Pacific Northwest.
Cripes, I was going to try to be funny under the rubric of "If I weren't laughing, I would be crying," but I think I will just weep at the silly micromanaging laws passed by the picadores in the legislatures.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:39 PM   0 comments
 
Jim Stingl on Math

Jim Stingl of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel (literally, the Wisconsinite who defends diaries) offers this lead:
    Fifty percent of American students are terrible at math. The remaining one-third are merely bad.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:43 PM   0 comments
Thursday, October 09, 2003
 
The Very Name a Punchline

Orrin Hatch.

Sounds kinda like a crime of a sexual nature for which you would go to prison for many years in a number of states.

Sorry, Unca Orrin, but I kinda like that part of the Constitution. Makes it one generation harder for the Islamacists to get elected to the presidency.

And by the second generation, the damn kids are peircing things and rebelling against their parents. Or else we wouldn't see the honor slaughter going on in England, wot?

(Link seen on Fark. They're the subversive influence, not me.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:42 PM   0 comments
 
Why Does Bush Want Foreign Troops in Iraq?

So President Bush has gone a-crawling to the United Nations, and he's gone a-begging to Turkey and Europe and Japan for money and troops to help stabilize Iraq and to help rotate out some of our troops and give them a chance to rest.

Why, oh why, would he want a rested and ready military force that's not currently committed to patrolling the streets of a nation in the process of regentrification and recivilization?

Because he's chicken, or trying to win an election, or maybe because he wants to be ready for the next target? What a bunch of second-rate hawks. Maybe I am a neoneoconservative. Or just read too much Machiavelli and Sun Tzu in my formative years.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:40 PM   0 comments
 
Some Missouri Legislators Find Checks and Balances Too Confining

Our saga so far:
  1. Missouri Legislative Branch passes concealed carry law.
  2. Missouri Executive Branch vetoes concealed carry law.
  3. Missouri Legislative Branch overcomes veto by getting 2/3 majority. Barely, as Carol Daniel pointed out.
What's missing from this picture? Ah, yes, the Judicial Branch. Someone had to sue, but what do you know, it's state legislators.

That's right. They opposed the legislation, but they couldn't vote it down. Then they couldn't prevent its veto from being overridden. So now that their part in the grand scheme that is the American system of government is over, do they lose graciously to the will of the legislative majority? Of course not, they do an end-run around the system and do their part to help unbalance the system so that we have a totalitarian judgeocracy.

Face it, it would be easier to spot if they got together with members of the executive branch to subvert the republican form of government and have a Strong Leader issue fiats and maybe even dissolve that useless legislature anyway. Instead, these legislators want to overturn in the courts something they couldn't stop in the legislature by any possible method.

I wouldn't be so bothered if some citizens group or even HCI or its brethren filed the suit. But that the legislators, who probably would tell us how sad they are that The Children don't understand civics and the working of the government, are doing it twists my leash most of all.


- posted by Brian J. @ 7:27 PM   0 comments
 
And Speaking of That Executive Branch (I)

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch also reports that Police are confused and fearful over new gun law.

Hypothetically speaking:
    Suppose St. Louis police stop a car late at night in a high-crime neighborhood for a traffic violation. Suppose there's a 21-year-old in the vehicle, along with three 20-year-olds. And suppose officers find four guns on the floor.

    "What do the police do?" asked Mike Stelzer, an associate city counselor assigned to the St. Louis Police Department who offered the scenario.
I guess they write a ticket, tell the kids to drive safely, and go back to patrolling. I guess that's not the answer they want, or that Mike Stelzer wants.
    He knows what the cops would do today: Confiscate the weapons, arrest the occupants and figure it was a blow struck for public safety.
Well, yes, because that's illegal today, having a gun in the car. Day after tomorrow, it's not illegal. You see, the executive branch enforces the laws. It doesn't make them (although with the all-you-can-charge salad bar on the books now, it can often pick them, can't it?).
    "This is scary stuff," said Stelzer. "A police officer's job is hard enough without something like this. Can we seize those guns? Can we arrest anybody in the car? We don't have the answers yet."
Here's a pointer for you associate counselors, a little tidbit you remember. It might just help you get promoted to full city counselor: Police cannot arrest people for doing legal things. Police cannot just seize lawful property. Police should also avoid discharging their weapons unless their lives are endangered, and should also avoid discharging their clubs unless violently resisted by criminals. Of course, in the city of St. Louis, perhaps these things are not important to city counselors or police.

    Police Chief Joe Mokwa worries about those kinds of details, and the larger question of whether the new law allowing the carrying of concealed weapons - and the automobile provision in particular - will erode progress made into cutting violence on city streets.
:: sigh :: Because once law-abiding citizens are armed, they'll start committing crimes?

The whole gun thing wearies me. I guess that's what our agitators, litiguous legislators, and our guardians, our "betters," want. I am bored of writing about it now.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:26 PM   0 comments
 
And Speaking of That Executive Branch (II)

Don't miss Ravenwood's coverage of police who won't enforce the new law, which means they won't process concealed carry applicaitons.

That's such a novel trick.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:26 PM   0 comments
 
PSA from Frankie J.

Frank J. has this reminder for liberals:
    There are more conservative than liberals in America. There always have been, and there always will be. And we have guns and you don't. If you want a street fight, it will be very short. This is important for you liberals to know, because we conservatives could easily slaughter you all if we wanted, but, instead, out of the kindness of our hearts, we let you live and tolerate your shrill dissent. You guys need to be more thankful of that.
Werd.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:03 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
 
Potemkin Security Through Cameras

Surveillance cameras are getting to be all the rage for security-conscious people. Innumerable school districts and whatnot think it's a good way to preserve security on campus. For more information see this article in the Christian Science Monitor or this recent NewsMax story. Suddenly, manna from the heavens, or at least state and federal governments, needs spending, and if the schools don't buy the shiny new cameras, someone else will get to do something!, meaning spend that money.

But cameras don't offer any security for killing rampages, particularly suicidal killing rampages. A camera will deter someone from tagging a wall because the the little vandal knows that if his image is captured, he'll get a punishment he doesn't want. But a freaking kiddie commando coming into school already knows what he's going to get. Dead. Cameras won't deter him.

Will the cameras help authorities stop crimes in progress? Uh, NO. Perhaps if they did America would have far fewer pretty pictures of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold in Columbine High School.

No, cameras offer no preventative measures for the serious crimes that their proponents use to sell us the little red light. A couple trained teachers with pistols, a couple of armed police per school full time, these things can prevent, not just offer compelling evidence for the lawsuits that come after.

So when Gut Rumbler linked to a story about our friends at Boing! building cameras right into the airplanes so that officials on the ground could monitor them at all times. Sounded like a Potemkinly good idea to me at first. Of course, it's not going to prevent hijackings. The pissed-off passengers who've seen that particular inflight movie before might prevent the hijacking, a couple of armed marshalls, perhaps an armed pilot barricaded behind a reinforced door, these might prevent hijackings. But cameras? Not hardly.

Ah, but then I realized it's not to prevent hijackings, you poor expendable air travellers ("F-16?" "BINGO!").

So it's only going to cost the passengers, crew, and bad guys, as well as a brand new Boing! airplane and Boing! air to air missile that will need replacing. As long as it is not a not anti-gun (add the negatives, carry the one...) solution requiring personal action for personal and public safety, I guess the bureaucratocracy will go for it.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:03 PM   0 comments
 
Dead or Alive, You're Coming With Me

So I can keep ahead of the curve on those bar bets! Dead-Or-Alive.org keeps track of which obscure stars are alive and which are dead.

Doesn't list Gil Gerard, though, so it's kinda incomplete. Man, I had forgotten all about Sidekicks!

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:51 PM   0 comments
 
C&M

Over at Tech Central Station (what, it's not on my blog roll? Look again!), Arnold Kling identifies discoursive argument types and classifies two:
    Type C arguments are about the consequences of policies. Type M arguments are about the alleged motives of individuals who advocate policies.
He then proceeds to cudgel Paul Krugman in particular, but he's cudgeled the nail right on the head.

The good old fashioned argument from authority. It used to be that to wield this particular logical fallacy, you had to say something was true because someone reputable said it was true. Of course, because many of the people who use the new version are also against authority, they've perverted this standby. It's no longer true because a particular authority says it, it's now untrue because someone said it.

Look on the bright side, though. The ad homenim never goes out of style.

(Link seen on InstaPundit.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:35 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
 
Google Search Tip

If you're searching for yourself on Google, remember to enclose your name in quotation marks to make it a phrase search. The results you get will be more relevant, which means that I am really posting about you. For example: Just a thought for you fellows in the printed media who are Googling yourselves to see what people on the Web are saying about you. You know I mean you, Samus Aran naked.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:24 PM   0 comments
 
Age / Novel Check

Man, much like the chatrooms of AOL of yore (and maybe present day, but it's been years since I've gone trolling for some conversation, closing in on a decade, werd), maybe those of us in the unprofessional echelon of the blogomockracy should intitute an age/novel check, wherein each person announces his or her age and whether he or she's working on a novel. What, with Venemous Kate, Frank J., and let's face it, if not now, then sometime Michael Williams all crowding the field, it's obvious that all the cool people are doing it.

Brian J: a/n check
Brian J: 31/y
Brian J: its done but those agents are tough nutz to crack, werd

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:45 PM   0 comments
 
A Science Experiment

James Lileks in New York:
    The waitress just delivered the bill.

    I almost want to stand up and say “do you all know how drunk you all could get for $24 in a Wisconsin tavern? We’re talking seven beers and a personal Tombstone with everything, and change left over for pinball!
Well, not exactly; usually I've had more or less money. But next time I am in La Crosse or Fountain City, Lileks, maybe we can conduct a scientific experiment.

- posted by Brian J. @ 6:19 AM   0 comments
Monday, October 06, 2003
 
Dichotomy

A reader e-mail over at Andrew Sullivan's hits the screw right on the head:
    Let's face it - intelligence is the new morality. For the left there are no long-term historical precidents to cite or follow. They are all rooted in a misogynic and racist western culture. There is no transcendent truth because that demeans the individual and takes away individual liberty. By what standard then do you judge an individual and determine their worthiness? Not by character ... not by integrity ... but by how bright they are. This intelligence of course is demonstrated by embracing the tenets of the left. Personal morality, sound legal judgement and basics such as keeping one's word do not have be followed as long as one is bright enough to to see the world from a left perspective. All other failings are excusable.
Werd, brah. When I was in college, I saw a false dichotomy between intelligence and morality. Most of the bright people I new in college were immoral, or worse, moral relativists. Their intelligence provided them with any number of intellectual hedonistic excuses for whatever whim they wanted to worship at the moment. I liked them well enough, but I couldn't really trust them, for whenever the wind within their wants blew a different direction, I knew they would betray me and think it was the right thing to do. Well, all right, except for maybe Doctor Who, who could have been my alternate universe twin, but who knows what changes those quantum fluctuations wrought?

My closest friends from the time period were fellows I met at work, which was way the heck off campus. These guys don't have college degrees, but they're good guys. And although I don't talk to anyone from Marquette's Writing-Intensive English Department, I still talk to Tulsa and Moose every couple of days and see them when I am in town.

And man, was the romantic outlook bleak. I thought I could choose between a woman who could satisfy my intellect as well as my loins, and a woman moral enough to keep that satisfaction to one set of loins. Of course, you have a good theory and bam, you find the exception. Not that I am complaining.

So there you have it. It can be a bleak world for the isolated intelligent-but-moral twenty-something, or at least it was back in the 1990s. I cannot speak to whether it's improved, or whether any twenty-somethings are intelligent-but-moral in the 21st century, but if you're out there, you're not alone, and intelligence/morality is not a dichotomy from which you have to choose one.

Unless I am mistaking the word dichotomy for something else and it really means two colors. But certainly one of you would have said something before letting me go on this long about it.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:29 PM   0 comments
 
Whitney Gould on Marquette University's New Development

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's architecture critic weighs in on the the new buildings that Marquette's putting up. A ho-hum, tinkling endorsement.

I walked through campus late this summer and was taken aback by the new buildings sprouting almost overnight. The campus has changed a lot in the nine years since I was masticated from its undergraduate program, and so much has changed. New buildings everywhere. Exciting, but somehow disappointing as the past continues to steal the present from me and flaunts it from the other side of the street. Neener neener, says the past.

Of course, as you all know, Milwaukee can do no wrong in my eyes, and Marquette's new development fits right into the continuing revitalization. I took some photos to illustrate it when I was on vacation, and as soon as I get them scanned, I'll share some with you. Until then, read Whitney Gould every week. Werd.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:36 PM   0 comments
Sunday, October 05, 2003
 
Another Day, Another Myers Brigg

My dear wife tried another Myers Brigg personality test, and at her prompting, I took it too, only to discover:

ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 6% of the total population.
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test


Well, it's more decisive than the one I took when I started dating this hot conservative chick destined for the bicycle. That test said I was **TJ, the stars meaning I scored even on the first two indicators.

Undoubtedly, tomorrow my percentages will differ with my mood. However, I am always thinking and judging, regardless of where the information comes from and regardless of whether I share it with you all or not.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:31 PM   0 comments
 
Another Schwarzenegger Perfidy

Exultate Justi has the scoop on more of Schwarzenegger's devious nature:
    Arnold's position on the morality of kitten-punching is not on record, leading some at The LA Times to speculate that the candidate may indeed have something to hide.
Kitten-punching!

Actually, it's not as easy as it sounds. Those kittens are awfully low to the ground, so it's hard to get in a good punch with your body behind it, pivoting on a foot and following through. I am surprised no entrepreneurs on the Internet have come up with harnesses where you can make kitten speed bags. Bwappata bwappata bwappata meow!

Cripes, Cagey, I hope you enjoyed that image. I am sleeping in the guest room tonight on account of it.

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:43 PM   0 comments
 
Disqualification for Public Office

There's a lesson to be learned from the short parade of women making accusations against Arnold Schwarzenegger and the solemn judgment cast upon it by Gray Davis, who claims that some of the contact is in fact, criminal and anyone who would vote for Arnold Schwarzengovernor is voting for a potential (in case you missed it, I will bold, italicize, and CAPITALIZE) CRIMINAL. Also, by parade, I mean couple of people walking single file, so a passerby might confuse this parade of aggrieved and traumatized women with a normal bunch walking to lunch. But I digress.

The lesson to learn is that touching the breast of a female who doesn't want her breast touched is criminal and a man who does such is not morally qualified to lead. To put it more succinctly:
    Getting thrown out at second base should bar you from public office.
That's right. Every guy who's kissed a girl in high school and then thought, "Hey, we've been dating a week and a half, maybe I can touch her sweater...." is now a man beast incapable of leading. Because let's face it, in our youth, we men have often tried to encourage persons of the opposite sex into sexual congress with varying styles of unspoken subtle nudging or overt, "Nice shoes, want to, er, fornicate?" and with varying degrees of success, which sometimes ended in unsuccess when male hand met female flesh and the female said no.

So that leaves the following people eligible for office:
  • Heterosexual women.
  • Ricky Martin (or other sexy from a young age celebrities) to whom the women have probably never said no.
  • Guys too dorky to ever consider sex as feasible.
  • Gay men, particularly gay men who were never in the closet in high school and didn't date girls in confusion or as a cover.
  • Catholic priests or other religious or ascetics who have taken, and held, a vow of chastity.
  • Extremely cautious guys who insist upon consent forms signed in front of witnesses and insist upon videotaping the proceedings for evidence. A lot of my dates went fine until that point, let me tell you.
  • Guys who held out resolutely until marriage. I'm not sure we could elect a full Senate from this group.
  • Guys who only frequent prostitutes.
That's a wider list of possible rulers than I thought when I first started compiling the list, and you know, I think you could draw a whole class of Platonic rulers out of there.

And as a rhetorical loaded question smear, I present:
    which of these categories does Gray Davis fit into?
I am going to use that as a clip if I ever get interviewed for a job as a professional journalist.

- posted by Brian J. @ 12:17 PM   0 comments
 
What About Us, Bruno?

By now, everyone's mentioned the story of Bruce Willis performing in Iraq for the troops. But what about the rest of us, Mr. Willis?

I realize one guy banging pots with wooden spoons does not a clamor make, but it's been sixteen years since The Return of Bruno. I love that album.

Time for the Another Return of Bruno, I say. Loudly, over the clang clang clang.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:42 AM   0 comments
Saturday, October 04, 2003
 
It Is Written That In The End Times...

that in the fountain of light in the desert of the lands beyond the sea that a great white tiger shall attack its master and yea, verily, open him like a seventh seal at an all-you-can-eat seal buffet.

Get well soon, Mr. Horn, and reconsider that retirement.

And no, honey, we don't have room for any more stray maneaters.

(Link seen on Fark.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:12 AM   0 comments
Friday, October 03, 2003
 
Sorry I Didn't Clear This Up in Time

My apologies to whomever searched for what is the difference between hasta luego and hasta la vista? and clicked through to find my review of Flappers 2 Rappers by Tom Dalzell.

Briefly, hasta luego directly translates into "Until then," which is a casual farewell.

Hasta la vista, bebe directly translates into "Until the vision (or viewing)," which is a casual farewell. What is "the vision," you might ask? The Rapture? Don't ask me, Professor Michaels was too busy trying to knock the schwa out of our mouths and to make us understand that idiomatic expressions do not directly translate to explain the origin of Spanish idiom.

So there you have it. Both mean "Catch you later." Except one's "Take it easy" and the other is "Peace, out."

Hope that clears it up for you.

- posted by Brian J. @ 11:10 PM   0 comments
 
The E-Mails Were Right

I have increased the size of my unit by 4 inches!!!!

Well, I have finally replaced the 15" monitor with a honking 19" flat screen model. I'd promised myself one once I finished my novel, but it's taken me a year to get around to it.

Not to channel Ravenwood or anything, but man, I remember when our color televisions grew to 19".

And our mothers wouldn't let us sit this close to them, much less for 10+ hours a day.

Ha, ma! Joke's on you, huh?
Oh, sorry, ma'am, you looked like my mother until I got within six inches of you.

- posted by Brian J. @ 10:40 PM   0 comments
 
Wait Till I Bring The Heat Gun Into The Office

A link via Instapundit leads me to this story. Although it's about the fallilbility of voting machines, the author thinks the voting machines should be subject to the same sort of scrutiny as electronic slot machines:
    One such outside auditor is Gaming Laboratories International (GLI). To certify a new device, or even a software upgrade, vendors send GLI all of the source code, all of the tools needed to build the code, maybe a development computer, and even an in-circuit emulator if that's how you debugged your code. Expensive? You bet. Accurate? It sure seems to be.

    GLI tears the design apart, digs into the guts, finds back doors impossible to isolate via testing and ensures the customer will lose by exactly the amount specified. Tests check both functionality and threat resistance. Technicians zap every square inch of the gaming machine with a 27 KV prod - because cheaters often try to rip off the devices using ESD to confuse the electronics. GLI jimmies the coin box, and generally simulates all of the attacks observed by those hidden cameras in the casino's roof. That's regression testing of a whole new order.
That's the right way to conduct your quality assurance testing. I wonder if GLI is hiring? I figure the logical progression for my career is to cause actual physical damage. Maybe UL needs a thug.

Regardless, while my resume travels in the mail, I am inspired to bring in a heat gun to work tomorrow to see how the application works when I am flipping bits.

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:57 PM   0 comments
Thursday, October 02, 2003
 
Buy That Man a Guinness

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that Anheuser-Busch has decided not to contribute to Missouri Governor B. Holden's re-election campaign because he vetoed the concealed carry bill. The legislature, of course, overrode that veto, but seems that August A. Busch III is a sportsman and a citizen concerned with his personal security and he's in a punishing mood. Anheuser-Busch as a whole supports candidates like it sponsors sports teams, that is, it gives money to all of them. Except, now, B. Holden.

Title this lesson Beer Baron with Bling Bling Likes Bang Bang, Bye Bye Billy if you like.

Let it be said that I was so pleased with the story that I almost bought a sixer of Budweiser tonight to reward Anheuser-Busch for its stand, until I realized that I cannot drink it and that the other attendees of El Guapo's mixer-sixer party this weekend would beat the bud out of me if I contributed an Anheuser-Busch product while drinking their ten-dollar-a-six-pack contributions. Skull Splitter, anyone? Not me, thanks!

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:46 PM   0 comments
 
Nationalize the Groceries!

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports on the hardships caused by the closings of Kohl's Food stores (not affiliated with the expanding Kohl's Department stores, and neither of which are affiliated with Senator Herbert Kohl, but it's a long story):
    Fifteen years ago, Mary Brown sought out a senior housing apartment in a neighborhood where she could shop, offering stores she could reach by walking.

    That option disappeared in August when South Milwaukee, a community of 21,000, lost its only major grocery store - the Kohl's Food Store on S. Chicago Ave.

    It's bad enough that the closing, one of 23 Kohl's supermarkets that were shut down, now means a trek to another city - Cudahy's Pick 'n Save or Potter's Piggly Wiggly in Oak Creek - to fulfill a basic need for food. [Emphasis mine]
Insert klaxon sound here. So closing this grocery, which could not make money, has left seniors without the means to fulfill a basic human need, soon to be a basic human right, that is, a grocery store within two blocks of your home, whether it can survive as an ongoing concern or not.

The obvious answer is Foodicare, a new program designed to keep everyone well stocked, or at least give them the ability to fulfill their basic human need without crossing municipal borders and paying sales taxes somewhere else.

I may sound a little snarky, but I empathize, I really do. I mean, to get the really cool exotic beers, I cannot go the Casinport Schnucks. As a matter of fact, I have to go all the way to Creve Couer, to the Dierberg's, a drive of ten minutes!

Once Foodicare becomes law, and I have given up work since taxation levels will have reached such heights that I will have to pay money out of my own pocket to hold down a job, there will be booze within walking distance, and I'll never have to be sober again! Which will qualify my to serve in government, or at least to write violinic pieces in the paper about grocery stores closing and the hardship that presents the glitzing customers.

- posted by Brian J. @ 9:24 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
 
Geek Introspection

Suburban Blight has led me to some introspection:

You are Red Hat Linux. You're tops among your peers, but still get no respect from them. It's all right with you. You have your sights set higher.
Which OS are You?

- posted by Brian J. @ 8:12 PM   0 comments
 
International Politics, Simplified

Michael Williams provides a course on international affairs: International Affairs for Geeks 098: Neutral Good in a Lawful Evil World.

I am looking forward to the expansion of the curriculum to include economics (Platinum versus Gold versus Electrum: Inflexible Exchange Rates and You) and foreign languages (Bree Yark is Goblin for Surrender).

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:35 PM   0 comments
 
Remember, They're Men of the People

Not that I want to harbor grudges, but remember that Bill Clinton and Al Gore are champions of the working man and the middle class as opposed to the Republicans.

Bill "I never had a nickel until I left the White House." Clinton, who obviously thinks that the $250,000 annual salary accruing while he lived, traveled, and ate free for eight years is a living wage.

Al "I think I will spend $70 million on a cable network" Gore.

Hell, you don't even feel my upper middle class pain, much less the pain of my friends still working for $10 an hour in their thirties. So go smeg off, you class armchair generals.

(Gore post seen on Drudge.)

- posted by Brian J. @ 7:10 PM   0 comments
To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."