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Musings from Brian J. Noggle
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Thursday, July 31, 2003
Snopes Gets Props Techdirt links to a story wherein Snopes.com gets props for debunking the 'Bambi Hunt' story. Bravo, Snopes! I have been a fan of Snopes for almost five years (since I worked at my first "sit down in front of a computer" job). I use them as a resource to debunk e-mail forwards that I get and just to keep abreast of the latest foolishness on the Internet. Bravo, David and Barbara Mikkelson! You're better than the World Book, werd. Look for the Snopes.com IPO coming soon to a new-and-improved Internet bubble near you! Layoff Warning Signs MSN has a list of signs you're going to be laid off. While somewhat descriptive, it's obvious that a writer, and a "business" writer, composed this list. You want to know if you're going to be laid off? Let your Paranoia Shidoshi, who has been laid off before (schnuck those schuckers), guide you. You're facing impending layoff if:
As previously enumerated, you can:
Call Wayne LaPierre, Stat I didn't see this in the "Armed Citizen" column of America's First Freedom, but apparently, according to MSN, the actress Gabrielle Union (of Bad Boys II) once exchanged gunfire with a robber/rapist. Is she the NRA? If not, why not? Enabling Illegal Behavior for the Greater Good--Well, No The first time I read Steve Chapman's piece in today's Chicago Tribune, entitled "Eliminating death penalties for drug use" (registration required), I misunderstood its contents. The title, of course, does not refer to state-imposed death penalties. Instead, he's talking about some of the unintended consequences friends of the White Lady suffer. Heroin addicts swap needles and give each other a bunch of neat blood-borne diseases. They overdose, too, in increasing numbers. These aren't death penalties, they're just the unexpected results that can occur when you use the human body in ways not explicitly covered in the documentation. When I first read it, I thought Chapman was talking about whacky enabling behaviors, like hypodermic giveaways, but I should have known better. He's simply talking about making it legal to buy as many hypodermic needles as you want and making the antidote to overdose, a non-addictive and non-enjoyable drug, into an over-the-counter medication. These subsidary things are only illegal because heroin is, and because in the national War on Drugs, some collateral damage is acceptable. So Chapman's comments are really applicable. Read them more carefully at your first glance than I did. A Hatchet is a Valuable Tool in Any Workshop The Professor links to a piece by John Scalzi. Scalzi's critical of workshops for writers, which are more often than not touchy-feely confabs for consumers in the ever-profitable writer-wannabe market. I understand the feeling. On the way to my Writing Intensive English (appropriately enough, acronymed as WINE) degree, I enjoyed many workshop-centric classes and extra-curricular activities. As you can imagine, my style was much like that of Gene Wolfe, the protagonist of the Scalzi posting. Blunt and acerbic, I pointed out flaws in the other writers' work. Hey, if they cannot take it from a peer, I didn't expect they could take it in the cold, cruel world of publishing. Besides, if I broke their hearts and drove them into a Business Administration degree, I was thinning the herd and eliminating potential competition early. Funny, I haven't had much more publishing success than they did anyway. But at least I had fun. Journalist Steals Our Heritage Today's Washington Post has a story about the New Zealish guy who's doing a complete ASCII art remake of Star Wars. Unfortunately, the author makes the astonishing claim:
After all, ASCII art has been around for much longer than AOL. Am I the only one who remembers Color 64 BBSes, with their medium res ASCII animations, and St. Louis's own Dave Hartmann? Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Journalist Overstates Importance of Variant Spelling In a story on FoxNews.com entitled Hip Hop Artists Rewrite Dictionary, Jennifer D'Angelo fawns over variant spellings used by hip-hop and rap artists, such as Nelly ("Hot in Herre"), Mya ("My Love Is Like … Wo"). and Christina Iwannabareall ("Dirrty"). She goes so far as to assert:
So D'Angelo has discovered a trend in song titling that has extended back 50 years at least. Perhaps she should have gotten a government grant of some sort to unearth it. The difference, of course, between then and now is that some people, including some educators, are trying to legitimize these alternate spellings in written communication. In the name of self-expression, of course. However, half of written communication is expressing what you want to express. The other half is conveying that meaning so that the reader can understand. Hence, variations in song titles are okay, because the actual communication is aural; that is, the recipient gets the benefit of a beat you can dance to and inflection. However, in written communication, standard spelling, syntax, and semantics alone convey all meaning, so if you're busy "expressing your individuality" by writing gibberish and higherglyphics, you're losing readers. Sorry to dent your self-esteem. So what're my points?
Phrase Those Questions Carefully The illuminated state of Illinois has clarified, according to a story in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, that:
The law clarifies the issue of consent by spelling out that people can change their mind even while having sex. If someone says "no," the other person must stop or it becomes rape. Remember to phrase the questions as true/false ("True or false: You like that, baby."), short answer ("What did you hear just then that sounded like 'ding-dong'?"), or multiple choice ("The crunch of wheels on gravel was caused by, a) your husband returning home, b) your husband's assistant, Johnny 'Cheeks' Moreso, arriving to pick you up for your shopping trip, c) my frightened-but-strangely-excited imagination, or d) both a and b?").
Defective Shirt Alert! Everyone knows that Frank J.'s Nuke the Moon tee shirts impart extra chutzpah, moxie, and other worthy attributes upon wearers, but sometimes the finely-tuned magic can go disastrously awry. For example, the one that Rachel Lucas got is apparently defective, and dangerously so. Can't you see she's leaning to the left! Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Iraqi Population Brought Into 21st Century The Professor links to an article about the drive of Iraqis to learn English. It's a neat piece, but here's the most telling quote:
Sounds like these people are well on their way to the American form of government already. For whom can he vote to receive the best goodies? Support Trade Paperback Publishers Pejmanesque links to a Washington Post review of Ann Coulter's Treason and Tammy Bruce's THE DEATH OF RIGHT AND WRONG: Exposing the Left's Assault on Our Culture and Values. Anne Applebaum, the reviewer, says:
Bonus question: Ann Coulter has escalated her criminal allegations against liberals from Slander to Treason in just one book. Wouldn't it have been wiser to have different, intermediate level crimes between the two books. Perhaps Arson or Grand Theft Auto or Photographing Missouri Animal Research Facilities. Instead, by going directly to the most capital of crimes, how can Coulter escalate the rhetoric further? Will her next book be called Genocide or Crimes Against Humanity, or has she titled herself into a corner? Ex Post Facto Are Just Words from a Dead Language In Waukesha, Wisconsin, they're throwing the new book at a guy who surreptitiously videotaped girlfriends nude. Well, not nude, since that's art. They were naked. The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports:
One of the State's men says:
"I don't believe that time and place is relevant at all under the law as it existed in November, when the tapes were located and, according to the state's position, found to be in Mr. Avello's possession," he told Binn. Just in case you bump into a judge who disagrees, Mr., uh, Ted, you can always charge Avello with not having a business license. Monday, July 28, 2003
Bullets and Beer I have not yet plugged it here, but Bob Ames is running a great site on Robert B. Parker and his Spenser novels at Bullets and Beer. As I grew up a potential writer, Robert B. Parker offered a shining example on a hill. I described the experience on Bullets and Beer with my essay "Meeting Robert B. Parker." As a result, I have collected the works of Robert B. Parker. Bob's got a list of my covers, but I've got a better listing of my collection. Microsoft BBBOOOOBBBBBB! Sorry. I never saw it, but I remember the nature of Microsoft's failed user-friendly construct, Bob. My darling Heather said that I was the second person to mention Bob to her recently(her formerly blue-haired boss was first). This Seattle Weekly story, which I saw on /., is the third source which confirms the fool thing actually existed. Honestly, honey, Microsoft, back around Windows 95, had this little animated character that showed you everything you wanted to know about your home computer. Think of Clippy running whenever you turned the computer on. Heck's pecs, I had the Little Computer People Discovery Kit on my Commodore 64. Bradley, my little computer person, looked like Bob. In 1987. Paranoia Is Just Another Word For Something Left To Lose More wireless networking hysteria in today's Washington Post. Rule #1: The hackers are always smarter than you are. Rule #2: The hackers will always have more time to try to break your security than you have time putting the security in place. Raises A Constitutional Right In Illinois, anyway, where the Supreme Court has recently abjudicated its members and other statewide judges into a raise when the governor said the state couldn't afford the cost of living adjustments this year. Forget the constitutional crisis that occurs when the state comptroller doesn't dish out the money. Let's think about the wisdom of allowing a bunch of judges to sue non-judges. Where the hell do you find an impartial trial for that? Oh, and lest we overlook it, these sagacious twits have decreed themselves a raise to $162,530 a year because they were barely scraping by at $158,103 a year. Stating the Obvious News flash: "The nation needs to break the chains of our addiction to prison...." Maybe we just need to make going to prison into a felony to deter people from doing it. (Link seen on Drudge.) Sunday, July 27, 2003
One More Reason To Boycott French Wine Mapchic tells a diabolical story about the hijinks that occur in the wine industry, particularly how those dastardly French winemakers operate. Who needs French wine? Not me! Might I recommend, if you absolutely need a wine that sounds foreign (shiraz not withstanding), try the Concha y Toro Frontera Merlot. It's dry. It's red. It's got alcohol. The only thing better than a $4.99 merlot is a lot of $4.99 merlot, and the two often go hand-in-hand! Corollaries to the Axiom In the June 2003 issue of Esquire, Ilene Rosenzweig writes "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" which offers the following sage advice:
I conducted some surreptitious research on this new axiom while trying to impress a beautiful woman last weekend and can offer the following corollaries:
Oh, and one more hint, but this one doesn't earn corollary status: order the couscous. You cannot eat couscous quickly without using a spoon. You've Forgotten A Key Point, My Dear My beautiful wife links to a story about an Oracle manager, an Indian, who used his undue managerial influence to receive monicas from a developer, also an Indian. So of course she sued Oracle. My beautiful wife says:
Lawsuits all around! It's a paradise! Saturday, July 26, 2003
Hijinks Still a Misdemeanor in Las Vegas The St Louis Single Point-of-View is reporting that the whole Bambi-hunting thing, where people could pay $10,000 to hunt naked women in the Nevada desert and then, um, mount the trophies for a Nevada dessert, is admittedly a publicity stunt designed to promote videos depicting men hunting and, um, stuffing their 'kills' without a certified taxedermist present. Publicists would call that guerilla marketing, but those sorts of spoofs and hijinks are no laughing matter in LVNV. But now he's going to get the "Las Vegas is a Family Place" marketing brochure thrown at him. He's being charged with a trumped-up misdemeanor charge because apparently misleading the news media is not yet a felony. The story says:
What is everything in the mayor's power? Fortunately, it's not much:
Jack Blade, American Poet
Friday, July 25, 2003
Sitting Up With Mother Jones My dear readers, I have hit for the monomyth cycle for you this time. I heard the call to adventure, that is, to read a left-leaning magazine to try to empathize with and understand the arguments of others. I crossed the first threshold when I bought such a magazine when I was in the belly of the whale at the bobomart where my beautiful wife buys her uberhealthy snacks and where I once bought an organic beer that tasted like barley soup. So I was initiated when I met with woman as the temptress, in this case Mother Jones (although I must admit I am not quite into the whole crone fetish). So I have returned, by the magickal flight of the magazine looping through the air as I tossed it in disgust, to bring knowledge, or at least a lot of words, about the experience. The cover story, "Goodbye, New World Order", retells the story of how the unilateralist cowboys in the Bush administration have wrecked the great edifices of the New World Order. You know, of course, what I say. I sing, "Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road". The New World Order can start picking through its own rubble for loose change to afford its bloated needs. Got enough to retire your population with full pay at age fifty and develop the third world (now promoted to the second world with the collapse of the original "Second World") to a state of state largesse wherein the formerly-impoverished can also retire at fifty, too? No? Well, maybe you can find enough for a burrito instead. Then, we hear about the weepy circumstances in Tuvalu in a story called " All the Disappearing Islands". It seems that this idyllic paradise features no arable land, offers jobs in fishing and gathering coconuts, and has a per capita income of $1,100, is threatened by (one supposes) George W. Bush (remember, he determines the fate of every living being on the planet). There's no crime in Tuvalu (apparently, there's no market for hot coconuts), and the people live close to nature (that is, at about sustenance level). It's paradise to certain political thinkers. Of course, the piece is more of a dirge than a stirring reveille. The piece harps that global warming is gonna keep happening, regardless of what we do, and humanity's going to die out from our own wretchedness. So I won't opt for a subscription to Mother Jones in case that happens before the subscription would lapse. The photo essay "Too Beautiful For Death" describes Kashmir, the Indian province upon which Pakistan wants to get its mitts. The pictures are beautiful, of course, as the region must surely be. The text by Suketu Mehta wrings its hands suitably about how this area could lead to the single most devastating war to ever occur, and soon. It's hard to miss the significance of the numbers of millions or hundreds of millions who could die in such an event. As if that's not bad enough, the article's final pièce de résistance:
In the story "Keeper of the Fire", a writer wraps its forelimbs around the leg of an anti-capitalist crusader who's out to raise labor costs required to manufacture the cheap goods we enjoy in this country without realizing that this successful crusade will drive investment from the underdeveloped regions benefitting, belatedly, from the Industrial Revolution and will make products we take for granted impossible to afford. After all, if a low-seniority union laborer who earns $20 an hour plus benefits spends two hours making your blue jeans, they're not going to cost $20 at Kohl's any more. By the second paragraph, before anyone sensible could grab a break stick to pull the swooning writer from the profilee's trousers, the writer gushed this about the dreamboat liberal:
About this time, I am just flipping through to find the back cover. Hurrying past the reviews, and BAM! There it is! An ad for www.banpoundseizure.org. It says:
(cute dog picture) Some states still allow or require the release or sale of healthy, adoptable dogs and cats from shelters and pounds to research labs or schools where they likely will be killed. Oh, I do understand that animal whack job organizations want every shelter to be a no kill shelter, which means public animal control become infinitely growing housing projects and welfood programs for the good of a sub-sentient species. However, it's just not feasible. Don't say it is. Don't. You nutbar. And then I finally made it to the end of the magazine, not much dumber than when I started. Some of this stuff is so a priori wrong that I cannot understand it. To whom are they talking? People who don't like Indian elephants or puppies dying or don't want impoverished people earning money, I guess, and unfortunately this American nation has too many who hold those soundbite views without deeper understanding. Thursday, July 24, 2003
The New Traditional I heard on the radio today a commercial for the newest and bestest Lasik eye surgery techniques, which explained that whatever new gimcrackatron they've devised certainly beats the traditional Lasik methods. Undoubtedly, Dr. McCoy would agree that those old, traditional means of Lasik surgery (such as those deployed against Virginia Postrel) were medieval butchers and that they were only one step above using leeches to suck that astigmatism right out of the eyeball. Pardon me, but my family doesn't have a generations-long tradition for opening the front of the eyeball like a can of french-cut green beans and firing a computer-guided thing-we-used-to-call-a-"laser" against the retina until it scorched enough of the cones and rods to make things better, as though it was a military expedition to win over the hearts and minds of my optic nerve with napalm. Oh, yeah, and then they close it back up, and it either works or you're blind, oops. Pardon me, but I have done too much QA with computers to trust them with anything like the impressionist-themed remainder of my vision, thankyouverymuch. Sure, I realize that the chances of failure are slim, but I buy lottery tickets with slimmer odds. So my traditional Lasik surgery technique is mocking the very prospect. And as a conservative, remember, I demonstrate:
Steve Chapman on Liberia Steve Chapman, of the Chicago Tribune, asserts (registration required) that intervention in Liberia would be a pointless waste of American time, money, and lives. He's right. Sorry. I meant to say, "Indeed." Todd Aiken Responds El Guapo, an actual card-carrying Libertarian, has recently taken to writing to our shared Congressional representative Todd Akin to express his views as a constituent. El Guapo apparently e-mailed Representative Akin about his views on medicinal marijuana. Rep. Akin replied:
I am not sympathetic with the movement to legalize marijuana for medical use. The active intoxicant in marijuana, THC, is already available by prescription in pill form. I am not aware of any convincing evidence that raw marijuana provides any notable advantage over this legal pill. On the other hand, I am certain that marijuana is a gateway drug for millions of teenagers. While not every marijuana smoker moves on to harder drugs, virtually everyone who abuses cocaine and heroine begins by smoking pot. I am hesitant to support any legislative initiative which might jeopardize the lives of youths, and undermine the efforts of conscientious parents, by legitimizing marijuana use in the eyes of the public. No one doubts that the legalization of medical marijuana use is the first step toward legalizing its "recreational" use; advocates of drug legalization openly admit this. To me, this first step constitutes an unwise gamble: risking the lives and health of teenagers to achieve a small-scale and dubious medical benefit. Please do not hesitate to contact me again with any thoughts or concerns. I wonder, though, if the answer was canned. After all, someone I know once wrote, with pen and paper and stamp, to Def Dicky Gep, her congressional representative, to protest that the government had made AVSCOM, a military command and her place of employment, into a smoke-free environment. She smokes. So she wrote her Congressman. Someone in the Congressman's office scanned her letter, found the word AVSCOM, stamped the canned response letter with the Congressman's signature, and stuffed it into an envelope. The constituent received a nice letter addressing her concerns about the impending closure of the command to save the federal budget. Def Dicky Gep was against it, believe him.So that, too, was a principled, well-reasoned response. Hollywood Scientists Discover Cure for Sapphism Hollywood scientists today have announced that they have found a cure for sapphism. Sapphism is an affliction known to, well, afflict innumerable sorority sisters, cheerleaders, housewives, and female prison inmates as well as other members of society, as studies (well, visits to the local non-chain video store) have shown. The cinemackly-proven treatment for this affliction: the Ben Affleck character. In the first trial, Chasing Amy, Ben Affleck's "character," a comic book illustrator of a singular facial expression, cures Joey Lauren-Adams' character of rampant and visible Sapphism. Although this first trial was promising, Hollywood scientists were cautious, not yet proclaiming their discovery. However, in a second trial, Gigili, the Ben Affleck character, a person of undoubtedly immobile visage, cures the Jennifer Lopez character, inducing her to seduce a male with such come-hither lines as "It's turkey time. Come on, gobble gobble." (as reported by researcher Dr. Drudge.) In double-blind studies, the Ben Affleck character was not found to cause harm to straight males (the Good Will Hunting study) or females not afflicted with Sapphism (the Bounce trial, among others). Scientists are encouraged by these findings and hope to submit the Ben Affleck character for FDA approval. Competeing scientists, afraid of being locked out of a Ben Affleck character patent, have begun studying similar compounds such as the Bruce Affleck character or the AFLAC duck character in hopes of producing a similar affect. Early tests of these generic alternatives, however, are not promising. Wednesday, July 23, 2003
The Father of Pragmatism Charles Sanders Peirce is one of the smartest guys you never heard of. He lived in the 19th century, studied a bunch of sciences, and pretty much founded the particularly American philosophical movement called Pragmatism. Granted, if you have heard of it, you've heard about what later thinkers like William James and John Dewey did to a perfectly good philosophy. For example, I just re-read "The Fixation of Belief" which describes scientific inquiry as an epistemology that beats out mysticism and insanity. If you've got time, I'd recommend you read the whole thing. It's written clearly, without the cant used by contemporary academics to defend their tenure in esoteric philosophical journals. This essay appeared in Popular Science magazine back when scientific thought was popular. Maybe I'll do a longer post sometime about how Peirce's thought meshes well with Objectivist and Existentialist strains in my own thought. If you, gentle readers, could stomach it.
christmasList.add(book );Tuesday, July 22, 2003
On July 21, 2003, BurningEye Became Self-Aware Hey, my second blog spawn is now online: Adam's Burning Eye. Everyone stop by and snicker. With him, not at him. The Difference Between Republicans, Democrats I urge all of you except my family members to read this piece of humor. I shall unveil it live, using puppetry, to you family members at the family reunion this weekend, so do not spoil the surprise. (As seen on Right We Are.) Michael Jackson Speaks Sense? Drudge links to a story about Michael Jackson opposing jail for music swappers. I'd like to see more artists come out with this sensible position if and when they realize that prison inmates will spend their money on chocolate and cigarettes instead of $20 CDs with three good songs and eight filler tunes. Monday, July 21, 2003
Point / Counterpoint: Foreign Intervention Iraq: Damned if you do. Liberia: Damned if you don't. Bush = Hitler? No, Bush = GOD. He kills people by acting, he kills people by not acting. This man apparently determines the fate of every person on the planet (and a couple cosmonauts on the International Space Station). Maybe I ought to start sending burnt offerings to Mark Racicot and the Republican National Committee. Ending the Felony Rampage You loyal readers have noticed I often spit upon proposals to create new felony crimes or bump existing infractions up into felonies (come on, jaywalking causes over $1000 damage to public safety?). Well, some other digitaluminaries are weighing in on this very subject, including Professor Reynolds and Robert Prather (Not Richard Prather, sorry Shell Scott fans). Now, if each of us could convince one of our senators that this is a good idea, we're a little under 6% of the way to reform! Well, not quite 6 percent, but closer than we are now. Sunday, July 20, 2003
Paranoia Would Have Paid Off Techdirt is linking to a story about a guy who installed keylogger software on Kinko's computers in Manhattan for years. He grabbed many, many sets of usernames and passwords and accounts before being caught. How did he get caught? A guy who used a remote access program called GoToMyPC to log into his home personal computer from Kinko's. Several days later, as this poor sap was sitting at his home PC, he was startled to see the mouse cursor moving on its own and looking through his computer, and then the computer made a new bank account with the mark's info, much to the mark's surprise. The mark logged into his home PC from Kinko's! Class, how many security rules has this mark broken? Is "Iris" a Love Song? Some people seem to think that the Goo Goo Dolls' song "Iris" is a love song. Personally, I think it's begging for a restraining order. Hell, I creeped out women with mere sonnets describing their beauty, much less anything with the lines of
Ever be And I don’t want to go home right now
I just want you to know who I am Book Report: We Can't Go Home Again by Clarence E. Walker Since I read a lot and nothing good seems to come of it, I've decided to do a bit of brief book reviewing for you, my five Internet readers. I shall incorporate some puppetry for the sixth person who cannot read but logs in for the soothing blue tones. I have just completed We Can't Go Home Again: An Argument about Afrocentrism by Clarence E. Walker, a professor at University of California at Davis. It's a highly academic book, as the 31 pages (out of 164) are end notes, and it's split into only two chapters: "If Everybody was King, Who Built the Pyramids: Afrocentrism and Black American History" (83 pages) and "'All God's Dangers Ain't a White Man' or 'Not All Knowledge Is Power'" (50 pages). Personally, this limitation (only two chapters) rather makes it difficult to read, since the organization of the material in the macrochapters is not readily apparent (by the subdivision). Instead, we have super-sized chapters ill-suited for consumption by a McDonald's audience. The first chapter, "If Everybody was King, Who Built the Pyramids: Afrocentrism and Black American History", is the pure science of the book. Walker examines certain tenets of Afrocentric thought, such as Egypt (Kemet) as the primary source for most intellectual thought in the ancient world (which the white men of Greece and Rome ripped off) and that Egypt was even a "black" culture. Instead, Walker identifies Afrocentrism as a therapeutic movement that bears little relationship to actual history. Walker also explores how black African-Americans (not redundant) in the United States diverged from Africans by the nature of their passage to this hemisphere and their bondage. I didn't trace the quotes nor research from his endnotes, so I cannot comment on the thoughts and arguments to which he is responding, but his historical points and interpretation make sense in themselves. However, when we get to "'All God's Dangers Ain't a White Man' or 'Not All Knowledge Is Power'", Walker fails to signal for the left turn he makes. Just because Afrocentrism is wrong doesn't mean that affirmative action should be eliminated, I think he means. He begins the second paragraph of the second chapter (page 85, remember):
Racism and affirmative action, the practice this book defends, represent a statist intrusion into thought and practice in one form or another. Free market, on the other hand, represents a rational system of commerce wherein the best value wins. In a free market of ideas, individual performance should prove a better value than racism or affirmative action. Hence, "free market racism" is a paradox, a contradiction, and a big fat hanging straw man that Walker cracks with a full swing. I was greatly disappointed with the practical application of repudiating Afrocentrism. Quit following a foolish, bankrupt, therapeutic ideology and start supporting affirmative action. Well, the professor does teach at the University of California at Davis. What did I expect? Saturday, July 19, 2003
Clean Your Plate Or No Television Tonight! My darling wife has discovered that people get fat from cleaning the plates put down in front of them in restaurants. Pardon my french fry-induced coronary, but come on. Parents throughout the country made their little boomers clean their plates, and the boomers tried to enforce this dictum on Generation X. So when restaurants started putting pounds of high-margin plate fillers in front of paying customers to make the customers feel like they were getting four RBIs' in their Grand Slams, the customers would have made their parents proud. And they got four bags, all right, sagging upon their bods. People have been conditioned to eat what's in front of them, but hey! You're Pavlovian pooches. Stop drooling when you hear the dinner bell, and push it away. You can still have your after-dinner Guinness. The waitress won't think less of you than she does already, you hard-to-please pinhead at table 42. How about you only cook half the box of Taquitos, muchacho, or put half of them into the refrigerator for tomorrow. You'll still get all that good yummy Xanthan, Guar, and Carob Bean Gums and annatto colorant, but because you spread it over two servings, you'll get a better chance to savor them. I understand thinking about what you're eating doesn't burn as many calories as just indiscriminately shoveling crap into your gaping maw, but sometimes it works better. Friday, July 18, 2003
Deciphering Brian J. If you ever wanted to fully understand what I am saying, you need to visit this guide to Wisconsin slang. This page also affirms the existence of cannibal sandwiches, a staple of my diet when growing up. More Erring on the Side of Caution Best of the Web links to a story about a boy and his dog. This particular boy is the governor of Connecticut, and his dog leaped from his car and was on the lamb, or on the man, for several hours before the law caught up with it.
Happy Chappaquiddick Day It's the 35th anniversary of Chappaquiddick. Remember to send your wishes to Senator Kennedy. Thursday, July 17, 2003
Erring on the Side of Caution The headline says "Body in lake was chained to weight". The lead paragraph says:
Democrat Lawmakers Underestimate Consequences of Music Swapping Drudge links to a story about the new bill in Congress that will hang music swappers with a jail term for swapping tunes online. It's hard to argue with their math:
And our lawmakers have uncovered, in a series of hearings, the real consequences of file swapping:
So it is important to obscure the true impact of music swapping, which is it has limited economic impact on a small industry with these "reasons." If this bill fails on its own, remember you can attach it as an amendment to the next Congress Supports Mothers bill. Because what fool congressperson would vote against Mom? Wednesday, July 16, 2003
As If They Would Have Given Us One Of Those Boxes Honey, I see you've linked to a CNN Story about how hometown cable television maven Charter Communications has introduced a sooper cable box that plays DVDs and MP3s. Soon, cable boxes will also play video games, vacuum our entertainment rooms, and from then it goes down hill into drinking all our Guinness Draught and tying up the phone line all night. You lament that we gave up cable before this became available. Honey, we were existing customers. They wouldn't have given us this box without charging us extra anyway. I was listening to Weber and Dolan this morning and they were going on about the business practices of cable companies. Bob Dolan went off on that cable companies have packages that are less expensive than their basic packages and that the customer has to specifically request that package; sales people will never bring it up on their own. Cable companies, and many of their counterparts in high tech services, want to squeeze you for as much as you can when you sign up, and if you're an existing customer, you get nothing until you complain or cancel. Anecdotally, it's why AOL customers get cheap rates only when they try to cancel. Or why all of our equipment said AT&T for years after Charter took over AT&T's territory here in Casinoport, Missouri, and why the menus were all in middle English and the transmission was in pre-Arabic numerals ( who cares, which lead to snow in our reception).Of course, were we to come crawling back (I mean, try to get the best deal as consumers), they'd throw us all sorts of bones. Want a cheaper rate for 6 months? Want a new box? Maybe some clear reception worthy of the nomer "digital"? Part of our rebellion in ending the cable tyranny was our response to this sort of business plan which takes advantage of loyal customers and just milks them like old Holsteins already in the barn. Sure, we rebelled against the fact that suddenly our cable bill was double our electricity bill for much less use, but we also rebelled against the Business Plan wherein the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Customers who pay their bills for years without fail should get the latest and greatest automatically to reward their loyalties, but that's not the contemporary way, and we, in our own small way, tried to assure that this erroneous contemporary way of doing business is overthrown. Did you think we only gave up our cable content, and hence our television, to save money? Where's your crusading spirit? Author Admits He's (Or She's) Too Old No, not me. This piece takes X-Treme marketing to task for its ALL CAPS HYPE THAT STAID PRODUCTS ARE NOW EXTREME!!!!! Obviously, the author of this piece is too old to get it. Get out of the way, fogey, and just give Gen AA (the 1-3 year olds) your credit card. (As seen on The Weigh In.) I Don't Want To Hear It Japanese inventors are going to sell a device that translates cat meows into words, based upon the pitch, timbre, tambre, and who knows what else. Great. This technological innovation nearly matches the inclusion of the big, hairy string on their backs that you can pull to hear them make a noise. As a cat owner myself, I can honestly say I don't care what they mean when they meow. I imagine it's usually the same pitiful meowing about their own quest for permahomeostasis and the shortcomings of the current stimuli in their environment. Kind of like talking to me during core business hours. Besides, the cat doesn't give a schnuck about what I am saying at any given time, so I afford it the same courtesy. (There, that should be enough cover so that my esteemed spouse would never expect it for Christmas.) Lileks on Beer-making James Lileks making your own beer:
I know a couple of people, including the revered El Guapo, who make their own beers. I love you guys like brothers, but I'd like to point out two things about the process:
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
When Black Bears Attack! Apparently, a black bear has gone on a rampage in Colorado and has attacked several campers. Although the knee-jerk response would be to import some giant kangaroos, which naturally prey upon black bears, this is not a good idea. Translation=Interpretation Translation is as much "art" as science, and the obra regurgitated into the second language is subject to the translator's idiom and biases. I once saw a 1974 translation of a Pablo Neruda sonnet that turned no se hace nada con muerte as "I ain't got no truck with death," I kid you not. Who translated that, Shaft? So it's with great skepticism and cynicism that I note the CNN story telling about a congressional flack translating the Constitution to dumb it down for students. Especially a congressional staffer who says of the Constitution (about its length) "it's an itty-bitty thing." For example, look at the foreshadowing of the fun to be had when "translators" tell us what the Second Amendment means in common language. This guy's translation includes "citizens have the right to own firearms." The contentions have begun already. I fear one of these translations will supplant the existing document. Hey, how about instead of translating the Constitution for children and the functionally illiterate populace, how about we expect people learn enough to read it in its original form? If I Had A Million Dollars (Or 73) Pardon Mr. du Toit for exploding with rage when a Missouri couple who recently won half of a $261 million dollar Powerball jackpot said they were going to spend the money getting a tractor with brakes and buying a new refrigerator. Whereas Mr. du Toit raged, I understand. Whereas I understand the urge to splurge, I understand it's the shortest distance between old money and shining shoes (see also Janite Lee, et al) is philanthropy, big houses, and essentially eating the seed corn. Hey, I read The Millionaire Next Door. I know the secret to attaining wealth, and keeping it, is not spending it all. Want to know what I would do with $73 million dollars in my fellow citizens' gambling losses?
Part of the beauty of that windfall would be the freedom from worry, and although the tempation to spend more than the interest would beckon, I'd want the peace of mind knowing that I have the steady income AND a pile of money in the bank. I understand the goal is to run out of money as close to the end of my retirement as possible, but this pile of money would ensure that my wife and I would receive the best health care in our near-retirement-end years, up to and maybe including transplanting our brains into cloned and flash-grown facsimiles of our 25 year old bodies for another several decades of not dipping into the principal. That's the hypothesis, and I hope to get the opportunity to test it. Monday, July 14, 2003
California State Government Unfriendly to Business? Ya think? A column in the San Francisco Chronicle seems to indicate that California's state government abuse of business as merely sources for revenue and for social progress and not, you know, capitalism, is driving businesses to move elsewhere. <fanfare>Epiphany!</fanfare> Why do I suspect, though, that the publication of this column merely represents the equivalent of a revelation at a cocktail party that is followed by a brief moment of silence before the regular drone of conversation (regulation and taxation) begins again? On July 11, 2003, RooNet Became Self-Aware, Briefly According to this story. which I originally saw on Drudge, a person, whose profession apparently is holidaymaker which would seem to indicate he designs and manufactures holidays, slew a giant kangaroo with an axe after it attacked several people. Dang those Australians for taking care of business in a straightforward manner. Here in America, where animal life is more sacred than human life (Thanks, PETA!), we have certain rules for dealing with disenfranchised, oppressed kangaroos. I provide them for your reference, so you level-headed, take-charge Australians (such as Mr. Blair) can better handle the situation in the future:
I'm Not Very Good At This Game I have been playing the early, buggy version of Real Life, and I cannot seem to level up. (As seen on /.) Sunday, July 13, 2003
Yes, But Can They Teach A Straight Guy To Dance? CNN's talking about a new Bravo show called Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in which a team of stylish gay men offer a makeover to a stylistically-challenged straight man (which is almost, but not always, a tautology). Sounds like a good idea to me. But can they teach him to dance? If so, perhaps I should sign up. Galt's Speech, It Ain't Although I might be the last blogger to link to it, Bill Whittle's essay "Trinity" describes the three principles that make America great. It's long, but it's not Galt's Speech long. On July 11, 2003, SkyNet Became Self-Aware In the United Kingdom, an airship with a computerized brain has escaped and taken off into the blue. Sure, its computer is only designed to help the giant balloon avoid obstacles, but that's what it wants us to think! Today's Compare/Contrast Paper Assignment Okay, class, today I want you to write a compare/contrast paper where you describe the similarities and differences between the following statements and value judgments: Spraying the departing White House press secretary with a fire hose: Funny! Throwing a water balloon near Speaker of the House: Felony! And Is A Photo With a Birth Announcement Now a Civil Right? I just can't stop getting riled over this item about the baby with the birth defects and its litiguous parents. As you remember, this baby died from its severe and disfiguring birth defects and its parents began a crusade to force a newspaper to print its picture with the birth announcement. These parents also filed civil rights complaints against the news paper. Civil rights complaints? Getting your picture with your birth announcement is a CIVIL RIGHT now? I imagine they framed this in some sort of discrimination against disabilities legalese. However, the exclusion of the photograph isn't discrimination against the child, who is dead anyway (although its estate and legacy might turn out to be more than my annual salary). It's editorial discretion. Can I file a civil rights claim because I don't get to grace the cover of Esquire or the centerfold of Playboy (those sexist schnucks are discriminating based on my gender!)? I would hope whatever authorities see these complaints dismiss them easily, but common sense is proving harder and harder. Saturday, July 12, 2003
Rage Is Much Easier Than Grief When your child is born with extreme, visible birth defects from which it dies from in five days, people expect you to grieve. I can sympathize. Whereas you might want the child's birth announcement for your scrapbook, that's okay too. However, I also understand when the newspaper might balk at running a photograph of the child, especially a newborn with extreme facial birth defects. In normal circumstances, people might accuse the paper of sensationalism or insensitivity for running a photo like that. I do not have any sympathy, however, for throwing a civil fit because the paper balked. A couple of parents in St. Louis are doing just that. The mother, in between filing civil complaints against the publisher of the Suburban Journals, offered this bit of vocabularial ignorance:
tr.v. dis·fig·ured, dis·fig·ur·ing, dis·fig·ures To mar or spoil the appearance or shape of; deform. However, this mother is subverting grief into "righteous" rage at the indignities afllicted upon her lost child by lashing out. Perhaps something good will then come of the child's short life. Increased "sensitivity" and maybe a little settled-out-of-court jackpot for the Also, kudos to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch for its continuing coverage of this important breaking story and for showing its compassion for the "little people" by elevating trivial slights into crusades while humping the legs of big corporate interests in St. Louis (publicly funded stadiums, anyone?). An earlier story this week described the birth defects and their disfiguring nature. The linked story does not. By Sunday's paper, perhaps you, oh monopolithic dispenser of wisdom, will have forgotten why the Suburban Journal balked at displaying the picture at all. A Gentle Reminder Remember, dear reader, the number 1 hit song from C+C Music Factory was not entitled "Everybody Dance Now" even though that's what "Zelma Davis" shouted several times during the song, between Freedom Williams' rapping. The correct title for this song is "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)". Please remember to request it by its full name the next time you're in a honky tonk. Tidbit: The reason I enclosed Zelma's name in scare quotes is because VH1.com asserts that she merely lip synched vocals performed by others. Talk about a thing that makes you go hmmmm. Reader Survey Response for Speakeasy Magazine As some of you know, I fancy myself a "Writer" who dabbles in fiction but also keeps his or her, sorry, Proper Writer Ettiquette sneaking in, MY eyes on more literary fiction, just in case I write a short story in which no crimes occur, no swords are swung, and nobody disappears into a quantum universe. Market research, don't cha know? So anyways, I picked up a copy of Speakeasy, a writers' musing kind of magazine which contains a bunch of personal essays typically grouped around a theme by professorial writers. I liked it well enough to subscribe, so now I get this magazine delivered every week. Of course, since I was once voted by the Marquette University English Deparment staff as the Most Likely Not To Return To the University (I think I was the only one in the program, and certainly I seem to hold that distinction), I'm not a typical subscriber. In fact, I work for a living. Well, I write software documentation, and it's true you can put an analogy on the SAT that says Work:Technical Writing::Play: and make the correct answer b.) Napping. I spend 40 hours a week, 49 weeks a year, turning the great Corporate Millstone. Oh, and I vote Republican. So I'm not exactly a typical Speakeasy subscriber. So I was ever so pleased to read my May/June 2003 "Speak Out! Voicing Dissent: A Special Section On Writing and Politics" issue. Not only does it amuse me to read the prognostications and pre-emptive outrage for the coming war with Iraq that these sorts of magazines provide (read any Harper's from the winter and spring for fun), but it included the Speakeasy Reader Survey. I have such a blast shattering stereotypes of typical readership that I had to respond:
All right, it's not the Political Compass quiz, but it's something, and I don't doubt I fit into the minority of subscribers who voted for Bush for president and will do so again. I've subscribed to slicks every since I was a lonely conservative voice in Writing Intensive English program at college, when I spent twenty bucks on Harper's instead of, well, textbooks. I hope that my answers to surveys like these remind the editors that a variety of viewpoints consume their material, and to remember that pick-up driving people in the reddest part of the red states can be thoughtful, inquisitive, and appreciative of good prose. But it's too easy for me to think that if the magazines do notice the low numbers who responded atypically don't matter, or were merely shining them on. Friday, July 11, 2003
Checks and Balances and Who Needs a Constitution Anyway? Nevada Supreme Court overrules Nevada Constitution. (Pointer from InstaPundit.) The End. Thursday, July 10, 2003
Support the Biking Wife As some of you know, my beautiful wife has a bike now, a biking team of which she is a part, and an urge to ride 150 miles in two days to benefit the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. I urge you to visit her personal MS 150 page and sponsor her for a couple of dollars. The more you all sponsor her, the less we have to dip into beer money to meet her goal. Thank you, that is all. Bang The Dustbin Lid Slowly Bono, one of the idle and bored rich, is looking forward to a campaign of civil disobedience until all national debt in the world is forgiven. Well, all national debt for the selected countries who have trouble paying their bills now. Bono has not announced his plans for the period when welfare states in Europe and the rest of the Western world bankrupt themselves from coddling the impoverished everywhere, but he is expected to unveil a double standard whereby those nations should be held accountable for their debts. Fun With Statistics Meanwhile, back in the Chicago Tribune, Steve Chapman comments (registration required) on President Bush's trip to Africa and wonders whether we're helping or hindering Africa's case with monetary aid. Good question. Unfortunately, he includes this interesting factoid:
Send an Unsolicited E-Mail, Go To Jail! CNN reports on the latest Congressional Zero-Intolergence law, which will throw spammers in jail for up to two years for a non-violent offense. That's right. Send an unsolicited e-mail to someone, go to JAIL! I'll have to watch my step when it's time to send out next year's Atari Party invitations. The story says:
"We believe criminal sanctions will make a big difference in Virginia," Virginia Attorney General Jerry Kilgore told the House subcommittee on crime.
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
My Kind of Month According to the Onion today:
WOODLAND HILLS, CA—Shape, the women's fitness magazine, has officially declared July "Let Yourself Go" Month. "You've toned those abs and burned the flab in time for bikini season... Now it's time for a meatball sandwich," wrote Shape editor-in-chief Barbara Harris in her 'From The Editor' column. "Come on, live a little. Don't be a tight-ass with a tight ass. Eat, lounge, and slouch your way to a happier, more satisfied you." Features in the issue include "Girth Equals Mirth: Six Sure-Fire Techniques For Broadening That Belly," "Wrinkles: The More You Have, The More You've Lived," and "Reduce Unwanted Stress By Not Giving A Fuck." Drugs Destroy Individuals; the Drug War Destroys Neighborhoods An op-ed piece in the Washington Post, written by a former police officer, argues that as long as drugs are prohibited, neighborhoods will be torn up and will occasionally riot against police. He's right, of course, but we're a long way from any repeals at this point, I fear. Tuesday, July 08, 2003
Big Bucks, Big Bucks, No Whammies, STOP! It's true, honey. In 1984, a guy playing the television game show Press Your Luck won over $100,000 in an hour by memorizing where the Whammies displayed on the game board. If you don't believe your esteemed spouse, check out the Snopes page that tells the whole story. IO Error Best of the Web Today links to a press release announcing a study by the Cato Institute. The report's entitled Economic Freedom of the World: 2003 Annual Report, and the press release summarizes the report with the headline Report: Wealthiest Nations Have Freest Economies. I think this title doesn't capture the causal link between the two. Instead, perhaps it should say Freest Economies Create Wealthiest Nations. But I am no economist, I am just a dude who takes the meaning and order of words seriously. Maybe They Have Heard About the Benefits Package Drudge links to a story in USA Today headlined Report: Feds lacks bioterror experts. The lead goes something like this:
On the other hand, it doesn't seem to mention the interest the government lavishes upon persons that it hires in this capacity. Maybe they need a new hiring campaign slogan, such as, "Work on Bioterrorism for us, and we'll take care of you." Dang That Warmonger Bush! CNN reports: Last ship in Mars-bound armada begins risky trip. Couldn't that warmonger keep his ambitions planetary? No! Instead, he and the martial NASA send an armada, literally a fleet of warships, to Mars to conquer another undefended desert! For certainly, the CNN headline writer was conscious of the ramifications of the word he, she, or it chose, right? Federal Government-Enforced True Competition Zone The Federal Trade Commission, an appointed and not elected body, has determined that individual states do not have the right to pass laws regulating commerce within their borders when it comes to the Internet. In a move my newly-Federalist friend El Guapo might approve, the FTC would lift bans on Internet wine purchases. Some states think it's too easy for minors to get liquor off the Internet, so they want to prohibit Internet vendors from selling wine to consumers in those states via the Internet. The FTC, however, has found another way to abuse the powers granted under the ill-conceived interstate commerce clause of the United States Constitution. Instead of letting the individual states handle moral issues (alcohol consumption) and logistical issues (keeping wine out of minors), Uncle Sam must be listening to the last lobbying dollars from vino dot coms.
It's oh so wrong in oh so many ways, I will leave it at that before I start foaming Les Bourheois Jeunette Rouge at the mouth and stain the keyboard. More Synergy from Jewel As I noted in a previous post, Jewel's new album let me down. However, the Ad Report Card column at Slate has recognized that she's a marketing boon even as she decries marketing. Wanted For My Collection I have an Arkanoid, I have a Heavy Barrel, I have a Thunderblade, and I even have a Trivia Whiz IV, but I do not yet have a Blogger. But I want one! (Tim Blair pointed me to it.) Obsessive Compulsive Behavior Saves Marriage, $29.95 New technology offers bountiful rewards as Arkon TL 129 His 'n Her Motion Activated Toilet Night Light will automatically glow red if the toilet seat is up or green if the toilet seat is down, preventing those middle-of-the-night accidents that have caused many marriages to fail or combust in a blaze of murder/suicide glory. However, before this product became available, our marriage was guaranteed safe from this hazard by obsessive compulsive behavior. You see, we always put the toilet lid down in our bathroom to prevent a flush from spraying germs in festive patterns across the fixtures and paraphernalia in the bathroom and to establish a certain procedure for toilet usage. You always lift the lid and/or toilet seat and then replace it/them when you're finished. By resetting the Toilet User Interface to a common starting point, we assure that it's in a known state each time we want to use it. Our marriage is safe, and we're not out $30 plus shipping and handling. Perhaps I should patent the business process of obsessive compulsive behaviors and then make a mint from people who cannot help doing them! Sounds like a better retirement strategy than how my 401k plans have done the last few quarters. Monday, July 07, 2003
Coastal Marketing Types Can't Be Wrong! Looky here, according to iWon, network executives have realized that current television speaks mostly to the cosmopolitanly-inbred coastal types, that there are people with televisions in the hinterlands of America, and that The America Channel will attract Joe Working Man. They say:
"We think that Middle America has fantastic stories to tell, and we're going to go out there and get them," said Doron Gorshein, chairman and chief executive officer of The America Channel. The channel, to be formally announced Monday, is aimed at filling a void created by television's tendency to focus on life in New York and Los Angeles, Gorshein said. Sorry, bud, you have no road cred. Someone Start a James Lileks Beer Fund, Stat! In today's The Bleat, James Lileks admits:
Quick, someone set up a beer fund to help keep Mr. Lileks in the choicest of beers, and hurry, before he becomes emaciated. Sunday, July 06, 2003
Call Central Casting, NOW! I know we had thought that in the movie of our lives, Lolita Davidovich would be perfect to play Heather, but after some persuasive arguments inadvertently provided by Kim du Toit, I heartily agree we should go with Angie Everhart. By the way, Everhart, pistols or no pistols, rates A Good Deal Of That And Some Cheese Popcorn. I, of course, could only be portrayed by Paul Bettany. Who would be you? Heather's Innocence Exposed So my beautiful wife Heather picked up a copy of The Healthy Planet: Your Source for Environmental, Health [sic] & Natural Living News as we were leaving her weekend hangout The Touring Cyclist. After a couple of minutes perusing its contents, my sweet light, unversed in the grim ways of politics and whack jobs, exclaims that the writers and editors of this publication are quite to the left of political center! Isn't she cute? Of course, she then challenged me why I stereotyped people who eat healthy and care about the animals as left wing whack jobs and people who eat meat and potatoes, sometimes at all three meals, as right wing whack jobs. I didn't really have a logical answer; most of my stereotyping relies on ancedotal evidence and statistical inference. Aren't I cute? Erica Jong, Grown Up At Last? Professor Reynolds links to this story by Erica Jong wherein Ms. Jong dispenses some advice for married people and their sex lives. Unlike her books, this article seems to present the idea of preserving a marriage. I guess I shouldn't be so quick to generalize. I've only read How to Save Your Own Life (the sequel to Fear of Flying), and since I was not a neurotic, repressed adultress-waiting-to-happen, I didn't feel empowered by it. Saturday, July 05, 2003
Real or Memorex? Over at the Volokh Conspiracy, conspirator Randy Barnett has an interesting musing on young tribute bands. He wonders, who really reflects the true nature of the songs: tribute bands who are the same age as the band they cover when that band was popular, or the Band, which by now contains replacement members and old men? Friday, July 04, 2003
Forget Freddy Versus Jason If you want to get me into a movie theater to see a match between two tough guys, let's see: Vs. Tommy Lee Jones (Under Siege, The Fugitive, Men in Black) Independence Day Round-Up Good morning, and happy Independence Day to you all. I won't say Happy Fourth of July because it's not the date stamp that's important today, it's that it's the day upon which our forefathers declared independence from a monarchy. Some other bloggers have written some well thought-out tributes to the nation, so I'll link to them in lieu of writing my own.
Thursday, July 03, 2003
Stephen King Rules The New York Post proves once again about how Stephen King is a good guy. Apparently, he bought out a show of 28 Days Later and gave the tickets to other people who wanted to see it. Lileks mentions the story in a Bleat. TechDirt Saw It Too A poster over at TechDirt also noticed that Business 2.0 is heck-bent upon losing Web readership (which I noted yesterday). Wednesday, July 02, 2003
Attention, Generation X Worktime Slackers Hey, for those of you struggling through the last day at work (Thursday) before the long holiday (Independence Day) weekend, don't forget to squander some time at ClassicGaming.com. Personally, I am reading up on the Metroid database so I can communicate effectively with my esteemed spouse who has been communing with Samus Aran on her Super Nintendo recently. By "reading up," boss, I want to clarify I meant "reading up last night, not during core work hours." Ask a Stupid Question Business 2.0 (who has helpfully decided sometime today to put much of its content behind a subscription, thanks, guys) has a brief (briefer now with everything but the lead hidden away, thanks, guys) piece on trick interview questions. The article, and the lead (which you can yet see) describes them as "sadistic" and "puzzling" attempts to see how the interviewee fares with "sadistic" and "tricky" and potentially "unanswerable" questions, because obviously that's the nature of the corporate environment. As a service to my readers, I have put together this handy list of answers you can use in case the sadistic HR nutbar whips this out (the technical interview guys would never entertain such a fad, right?): Question: Why are manhole covers round?
Bonus alternate answer: To use the mystical powers of the pyramid to preserve the soda's tooth-dissolving power.
Bonus alternate answer: "I wouldn't."
Bonus alternate answer: 1,472 American tennis balls (2,447.62 New Zealand tennis balls). Answer right away, and let the interviewer prove differently. We Gave Up On Cable Too Early I dropped off our digital cable box on Monday (and then dropped off, reluctantly, the remote Monday afternoon) after my beautiful wife and I determined the cost of "content" piped to a television most likely turned off exceeded our complete monthly electricity bill. We decided we could do without television and digital commercialless music. We might have thought too soon. We made that rash decision before Rascall Flatts decided they would put nudity in their next video and before Country Music Television (CMT) decided they would play it. If only I had known you could see naked people on cable television! Having the ability to see the human form--well, okay, the female form-- on cable television any time I want is worth $1100 a year! (Thanks to Fark for the pointer.) Tuesday, July 01, 2003
More Moderation! Same Low Price!
As soon as Kraft announced its plans to help fight obesity by cutting its portion sizes, I immediately knew the fat it was trying to cut was on its bottom line.I'm not alone; as soon as I got to work and started streaming Weber and Dolan, Jay Weber lit into it. Other sources throughout the day, including blogs and radio personalities, quickly identified the move as designed to improve fiscal fitness more than physical fitness. Altruism? Not from Altria. Instead of truly promoting the Aristotlean diet, moderation in all things--well, except in moderation, Kraft merely wants to spin and soak its for-profit maneuver in the "you attitude" that business writing professors everywhere encourage undergrads. Now, it's in a bind. Because everyone has seen through the gesture, Kraft might just have to lower prices for smaller portions (but the same size box!), or face a consumer revolt, unless we as consumers forg--- Hey, look! A shiny object! Where's the Problem? I think Democrat House Representative Jerry Kleczka, of Milwaukee, was trying to lash out against those tax-cutting Republicans in Congress when he kleczkavetched to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:
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To say Noggle, one first must be able to say the "Nah."
"I will." Heather L. Igert, angelweave.mu.nu "Genuis." Neil Steinberg, Chicago Sun-Times "Some wanker." Kim du Toit, on the Noggle Library. "Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out." Robb Allen, Sharp as a Marble. "I'm weeping openly right now. Thanks for hurting my feelings, pinhead." Bob Rybarcyzk, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Instapundit Protein Wisdom Ace of Spades HQ Wizbang! Outside the Beltway Robert B. Parker Dustbury Damn Interesting Michelle Malkin Radley Balko's The Agitator Exultate Justi The McGehee Zone Signifying Nothing The Jawa Report Master of None Dr. Helen The Anchoress Electric Venom Kim Du Toit Belmont Club Little Green Footballs Overtaken by Events Rocket Jones Boots and Sabers Triticale Ann Althouse The American Mind Ravenwood's Universe Asymmetrical Information Boondoggled VodkaPundit Professor Bainbridge Virginia Postrel Ken Jennings Joanne Jacobs Faster Than The World Dilbert Blog Junkyard Blog In DC Journal IMAO Baldilocks Powerline Q and O Hugh Hewitt Buzz Machine Daniel Drezner Roger Simon American Digest Blackfive The Volokh Conspiracy Cold Fury Captain's Quarters Tim Blair Chequer-Board Emperor Misha Just One Minute Blame Bush Inaniloquent Trey Givens OverLawyered Suburban Blight Another Rovian Conspiracy Angelweave Bad Example Rachel Lucas View from the Porch StL Recruiting a big victory Spector's Hockey Fark /. TechDirt F*****d Company CNet News Joel on Software James Lileks Mark Steyn Bob Rybarczyk Richard Roeper Neil Steinberg John Kass Steven Chapman Drudge Report Ananova Slate Reason's Hit and Run Best of the Web Today National Review's The Corner Tech Central Station Fox News CNN Washington Post Washington Times Chicago Tribune Chicago Sun-Times Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel St. Louis Post-Dispatch San Francisco Chronicle New York Post Shepherd Express Riverfront Times New York Observer ScrappleFace Bob from Accounting The Onion Top Five List David Letterman's Top Ten BBSpot U.S. Constitution Declaration of Independence Snopes.Com (Urban Legends) Dictionary.com Internet Movie Database Complete Works of Shakespeare Marvel Directory Blooberry HTML Reference
Visualize World Hegemony
Cog in the Machine
Tao Sharks
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